I finally made up my mind about men!

[MakiSupaStar]

Irony = delicious.

That's funny, I always thought it equalled gravy.

 

[disenchant]

You'll either see this as refreshing or jerky. Up to you. But quite honestly, usually when we become defensive about something, we think everyone has no idea what their talking about or are jealous of you. If I were you, I wouldn't take it personally. I'd take it for what it is which are outside parties making an observation on a situation they hardly know anything about. Don't take the observations to heart, but I wouldn't completely write them off.

I can completely tell the difference between those who truly wish well, those who SAY they wish you well because that's socially acceptable, those who are concerned and those who are just sour. It's not quite as easy on a forum where things like facial expression and voice tone are missing, but when you see a person give the same type of post over and over in various threads it's easy to spot their intentions. It's not just me and my thread, but the way they act toward all.

No one who posts here is ever going to get a Stewart Smally Daily Affirmation from everyone. This isn't Happy Love Me Forum. I do find the wide range of opinions to be a fascinating look into Human Nature. TB does a good job of keeping out blatant trolls, but there are some here who are more covert. And those people get my one finger salute.

In the end, most of us would do best if we listened to ourselves instead of others. And trusted ourselves to make the right choices. Most people WILL make the right choice on their own, it's when one follows other's advice too much that one gets into trouble. But it sure is fun to debate! It's a game we all love to play.

 

[Matthew Bryson]

I've found that some folks crave drama and attention. And lots of it.

Ain't that the truth!

 

[Bayou_Brawler]

As I said before, there is a difference between good-natured razzing, a concerned word from a friend and those who have sour intentions.

As for advice, the only thing I've learned as I got older is be careful who you take advice from. If advice is taken from a person who is now successful in whatever they are advising and they say "hey! I'm successful, here's what I did" then it's probably good advice. If the person is saying "hey, don't do what I did" but they are NOT now successful in that area chances are they don't know what they're talking about or else they'd be successful already. Usually they have not pinpointed the REAL reason they failed or they would have corrected it.

Either way, those who want to congratulate do, those who don't won't and it's all done in the name of entertainment anyway. It gives people something to talk about at the dinner table.

I CAN'T WAIT'T FOR A STATUS REPORT IN 3 MONTHS!!!!!

SOMEONE SET A REMINDER ON THEIR CALANDER!!

 

[disenchant]

I CAN'T WAIT'T FOR A STATUS REPORT IN 3 MONTHS!!!!!

SOMEONE SET A REMINDER ON THEIR CALANDER!!

I will keep y'all updated as the Drama Unfolds!

 

[Joe Nerve]

It's always an interesting study in Human Behavior how people react to other people's happiness.

When someone is down, usually people rush to console them. Take a look at the threads on TB where someone has posted some very sad news. We all band together and say "oh, I'm so sorry" etc. And that's wonderful. We all love to console someone who is doing worse than us.

But take a look at when someone posts something happy. Or take a look at when that happens in the media. You'll get some others who are truly happy for them. Usually these are people who are also doing well in life. But you will mostly get others who try to push the other person back down. You'll get outright catty comments. You'll get those comments masked as "I'm trying to help you by telling you to be careful" when in reality they are trying to slow the person down or cut them down. Most people do not take well to hearing about other's happiness when they themselves aren't doing well, or at least as well as they'd like. Or they don't like seeing someone else achieve the dream they have.

Can only speak for myself here. I really had to check my conscience and motives before typing my initial response because I questioned myself on exactly what you're stating above. I haven't interacted much with your posts here, but I've read quite a bit and I am sincere in saying that I think you're an awesome girl. I think you're an articulate, committed, spiritual person who puts it all out there in an inspiring way. I am really happy for you and didn't want to bring any "darkness" to your joy. Only responded as I did because you putting it on a public forum tells me tha on some level you really want to hear it. I mean, you're intelligient enough to see it coming.

What I said is the truth of my own experience and what I've witnessed of countless others. I disagree with what you said about being able to truly know someone instantly and that everyone is predictable if you take the time to ask the right questions. Most people aren't all that in touch with themselves to begin with ( I know they're certain they are ), and I think it's more than incredibly rare for someone to put out who they truly are in the beginning weeks of any courtship. Experience has always been a better teacher to me than any courses or books I read also as I've learned that people can come up with all kinds of very convincing angles and ideas on the way things work - but ain't always necesarily so.

From everything you've said here it sounds as though there's a more than excellent chance that this thing is going to work out wonderfully between the 2 of you. Again, is your past rantings about men that raises the concern. I don't think there's anything at all about being in the clouds about the start of something great. I do think there's danger in making predictions and plans with the certainty you are - after one week.

And just in my defense - I do congratulate people on their successes. I think most people respond more to people struggling because they want to be helpful. Me thinks we're all in this together.

 

[Bayou_Brawler]

see the nerve agrees with me. what more do you need?

SLOW DOWN SISTA!!!!!

 

[Joe Nerve]

see the nerve agrees with me. what more do you need?

SLOW DOWN SISTA!!!!!

Just want to add something since I missed this before:

As for advice, the only thing I've learned as I got older is be careful who you take advice from. If advice is taken from a person who is now successful in whatever they are advising and they say "hey! I'm successful, here's what I did" then it's probably good advice. If the person is saying "hey, don't do what I did" but they are NOT now successful in that area chances are they don't know what they're talking about or else they'd be successful already. Usually they have not pinpointed the REAL reason they failed or they would have corrected it.

My last relationship lasted close to 4 years. I've been with the same girl, Andrea, now for 11 years and we have a pretty neat thing going. Before these 2 relationships I went through many, and felt like each time I learned and grew a little more. While you seem to have a tight grip on many things, your previous threads tell us the relationship thing doesn't seem to be one of them. Your own advice may possibly not be the best on this one. And all I think we're saying here is, "Slo down.... if it's cool it'll be cool. No need to jump the gun on anything." That's the part that I think gets people in trouble.

 

[disenchant]

Can only speak for myself here. I really had to check my conscience and motives before typing my initial response because I questioned myself on exactly what you're stating above. I haven't interacted much with your posts here, but I've read quite a bit and I am sincere in saying that I think you're an awesome girl. I think you're an articulate, committed, spiritual person who puts it all out there in an inspiring way. I am really happy for you and didn't want to bring any "darkness" to your joy. Only responded as I did because you putting it on a public forum tells me tha on some level you really want to hear it. I mean, you're intelligient enough to see it coming.

What I said is the truth of my own experience and what I've witnessed of countless others. I disagree with what you said about being able to truly know someone instantly and that everyone is predictable if you take the time to ask the right questions. Most people aren't all that in touch with themselves to begin with ( I know they're certain they are ), and I think it's more than incredibly rare for someone to put out who they truly are in the beginning weeks of any courtship. Experience has always been a better teacher to me than any courses or books I read also as I've learned that people can come up with all kinds of very convincing angles and ideas on the way things work - but ain't always necesarily so.

From everything you've said here it sounds as though there's a more than excellent chance that this thing is going to work out wonderfully between the 2 of you. Again, is your past rantings about men that raises the concern. I don't think there's anything at all about being in the clouds about the start of something great. I do think there's danger in making predictions and plans with the certainty you are - after one week.

And just in my defense - I do congratulate people on their successes. I think most people respond more to people struggling because they want to be helpful. Me thinks we're all in this together.

Thanks! I never get any sinister vibes from you, there are very few people that I do. Thanks for the encouraging words!

When it comes to figuring out people, you can't look at what they are putting out there because yes, people put on a front. But you can look at what they do, and how they react because no matter how hard they try to hide it, one can't help but react true to who they are.

When I figure someone out I look at their communication patterns. Not just body language, but the type of communication they put out. Do they take a while to answer? How to they respond to the communication I put out? For example, I can say something cheerful and see how they respond. Then I can say something bored and see how they react. Then I can put out something annoyed. People will react the most to the emotional tone that they truly are inside because that is what they have reality with. Also, are their responses "mechanical?" Is there any substance to what they are saying? Some people act like they are cheerful but when you really look at what they are saying, there's no substance. When you know what to look for, it's blatantly obvious. But like anything else, learning to spot the nuances takes practice.

I was pretty positive that 90% of people out there would say I'm moving too fast, and that's pretty much what I got. And the 10% who would say "go you!" would be the ones who have experienced what I am experiencing right now. I probably would have been part of the 90% saying "slow down!" a few weeks ago. But when you know, you know. It's not something that can be explained. Just like you know you love playing bass. When I first picked up the bass I just knew that it was the instrument for me. Some things you just know. I'm glad to have all sorts of solid things to back up what I know like matching goals and same sense of humor. But really, a lot of it lies on the spiritual plane, and that can't really be explained. I'll leave that to the divine.

 

[middy]

No pics, no boyfriend.

 

[soulgeezer]

Just want to add something since I missed this before:

My last relationship lasted close to 4 years. I've been with the same girl, Andrea, now for 11 years and we have a pretty neat thing going. Before these 2 relationships I went through many, and felt like each time I learned and grew a little more. While you seem to have a tight grip on many things, your previous threads tell us the relationship thing doesn't seem to be one of them. Your own advice may possibly not be the best on this one. And all I think we're saying here is, "Slo down.... if it's cool it'll be cool. No need to jump the gun on anything." That's the part that I think gets people in trouble.

It sounds like you have it pretty good. Personally, my wife and I just celebrated our 10th anniversary and we're happier today than we were on the day we were married.

But, that doesn't seem to matter, as dis has decided that we aren't happy, because we call for rational thought and reflection, especially considering her history of spousal abuse and failed relationships.

How do you help someone like that, who chooses to see the world through half-blind eyes? And, who prejudges without foundation or knowledge? And, who assigns motivations in the absence of all evidence for her beliefs?

There is only one person on Earth I have ever wished ill for, and it's not dis. But, she refuses to see what others can't ignore.


EDIT: Oh, yeah -- Also, I'm not tactful. I call 'em like I see 'em. Apparently, this makes me a bad person. Oh, well! What'cha gonna do?

 

[disenchant]

No pics, no boyfriend.

Already posted! Check a couple of pages back

 

[disenchant]

How do you help someone like that, who chooses to see the world through half-blind eyes?

I'm Asian. We all walk around with our eye half-closed!

 

[cheezewiz]

I put the over/under at 5 weeks.

 

[Bayou_Brawler]

I never get any sinister vibes from you, there are very few people that I do.

But you can look at what they do, and how they react because no matter how hard they try to hide it, one can't help but react true to who they are.

exactly. but the point is it takes time to see a person's true collection of reactions.

anyone can hold it together for a few months. you can't judge a person by a group of "reactions" taking place over a few weeks.

"oh wow this guy is so patient..he doesn't freak out when the food is late"

"oh wow this guy is so open and fun he went to the opera with me"

"oh wow this guy is so nice i saw him hold the door for an old lady"

not so fast.....you need to see how he reacts when real stuff goes down.....big stuff....meaningful stuff....will he stand by you through thick or thin??? just because he stood by you during a trivial time like when you lost your purse doesn't mean he will when some bad stuff goes down...

But like anything else, learning to spot the nuances takes practice.

i'm sorry but you can not qualify a persons long term compaitibility and integraty from nuances. you have to see how they act in the long term. you are very nieve if you don't think the male race doesn't have 100s of years of practice in fooling the other sex AND visa a versa.

I was pretty positive that 90% of people out there would say I'm moving too fast, and that's pretty much what I got. And the 10% who would say "go you!" would be the ones who have experienced what I am experiencing right now. I probably would have been part of the 90% saying "slow down!" a few weeks ago.

what percentage of the american population gets divorced?

It's not something that can be explained.

but you are trying to

but i know what you mean. it could work. we're just saying SLOW DOWN SISTA!!!!

 

[Rune Bivrin]

What I get from you guys who say "slow down" is pretty much that your saying "You don't really know this person. You've got to get to know him better first." And in the next sentence you say "You don't really now a person until after a long while. You never know when their true self will show." So what's Dis s'posed to do? When does she really know?
I think we can safely assume that she's got a much clearer view of this guy than any of us buffoons, and so her judgement is that much better than ours. Particularly since she was probably rather wary to begin with, given her history.

I'd like to offer up the story of a friend of mine (OK, it's me, I admit). I met this girl who just grabbed my attention, and started hitting on her. After a while I learned she was in a relationship with another dude, but it was falling apart. I kept myself close (stalking? Noooo!), and after a while she dug me. Later, she got an apartment, and I helped her move. When all the stuff was in place I was too tired to go home (I said), so I bunked. Two days later I changed my address officially.

I still haven't left, and that's 11 years ago. We're now married, and have two children of 9 and 7.

Instincts rule! Go, Dis, go!

 

[mike_v_s]

It sounds like you have it pretty good. Personally, my wife and I just celebrated our 10th anniversary and we're happier today than we were on the day we were married.

But, that doesn't seem to matter, as dis has decided that we aren't happy, because we call for rational thought and reflection, especially considering her history of spousal abuse and failed relationships.

How do you help someone like that, who chooses to see the world through half-blind eyes? And, who prejudges without foundation or knowledge? And, who assigns motivations in the absence of all evidence for her beliefs?

There is only one person on Earth I have ever wished ill for, and it's not dis. But, she refuses to see what others can't ignore.


EDIT: Oh, yeah -- Also, I'm not tactful. I call 'em like I see 'em. Apparently, this makes me a bad person. Oh, well! What'cha gonna do?

I feel for ya. I was there just yesterday.

Mike

 

[louieeadg]

I feel for ya. I was there just yesterday.

Mike

Ahhh...Remember remember, the day before, the day before November!

 

[soulgeezer]

I think we can safely assume that she's got a much clearer view of this guy than any of us buffoons, and so her judgement is that much better than ours. Particularly since she was probably rather wary to begin with, given her history.

Given your second sentence, I think that first sentence is a very dangerous assumption to make.

 

[MakiSupaStar]

pfft. What ever gets you naked and laid is cool with me.