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I think I see a pattern - am I crazy?

jazzmonkey

jazzmonkey

Mar 7, 2010
290
0
48
N.VA
#1
I'll try to make this as brief as I can.

I know a guy who is a phenomenal guitar player, and we've been jamming for a few months now. Well his current band is teetering on the edge of breakup due to internal strife that I'm not entirely familiar with, but he keeps griping on the bass player creating all the drama.

Last month he asks if I can fill in for a few shows, depending on what happens, and I agreed. It has only been one show so far, and it went well.

He handles all the promoting, and handles the cash. Well, he splits without giving me any cash. I got out to my car to find one of his rugs in the back of my car, and I hadn't even loaded all my gear in yet. Plus I had agreed earlier to take one of his friends home that lives near me. There was no way everything was gonna fit, plus the extra body, so I left it there at the bar. They were supposed to play there the next weekend anyway. He never mentioned anything about leaving the rug with me. Well I was little bent out of shape about the whole situation, but I kept my cool and approached it with serenity and patience.

Anyway, the next day the text reads something to the effect of, "sorry bro, I was a little drunk and forgot, I'll get you next time." Well wouldn't you know it, neither one of us remembers the cash then either. Next weekend again, no cash. Next time we talk on the phone, wouldn't you know it, "oh man, I gave you that cash last weekend, I remember specifically 'cause I had it folded in such a specific way...etc, bs, etc." Man I smelled that one coming. Despite this, I kept my cool, fool me once...you know the drill. Plus it was $40, not a fortune, but enough to really aggravate me. Had it been more, I may have had to make a stink. Maybe I did misplace it, I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt, but I have had an Ipod nano for what's going on 4 years now, and somehow I've managed to hang on to it. The whole thing is dubious to say the least.

So here is the pattern. First of all, he conveniently forgot to pay me the night of the show, and I never got paid later b/c of his (pseudo)plausible deniability. Next, he was griping on his bass player over a specific piece of drama b/c he (bass player) wanted to be paid up front for a New Year's show. I think I know why he was insisting on that now. Add to that the fact that he was proposing a show that he and the drummer would get a larger cut for gas money b/c they live like 20 min further out. :eyebrow: Aren't I the one doing the favor here? What about when I have to drive further? At the time, I didn't really address it b/c it wasn't a definite thing.

Am I wrong to be little sore about this whole situation? Am I crazy to think he's just trying to take advantage of me, or see how much he can get away with before I call him out? I have to admit, the more I think about it, the more I want to give him a piece of my mind and tell him to find another chump. What's so ironic is that he talks/laughs about how he doesn't understand why bands always have to have so much drama, like it's never his fault. I believe there is a saying that fits this; those that deny being something are usually the perfect example of that very thing. Something like that. I believe that's some more of that plausible deniability in action, lol.

Sorry for the drama, and thanks for reading.
 
#2
jazzmonkey said:
At the time, I didn't really address it b/c it wasn't a definite thing.

Am I wrong to be little sore about this whole situation?
Click to expand...

No, but you're wrong for whistling and looking the other way while he plays you. You want to avoid drama? Call the BL on shenanigans when he tries to play them. Looking the other way just guarantees more of the same (and worse).
 
#5
You definitely got screwed here. As to playing with him again, it depends on your situation, however, if you do I'd say, "Listen, because of the misunderstanding about the money the last couple of times, I need to be paid upfront. If that doesn't work for you, no problem, but that's the only way I'll be able to play." Then stick to your guns; you don't bring so much as a bass string into the club until you are paid. He'll huff and puff, of course, but in the end you'll get paid and he'll know that he can't walk all over you.
 
#12
Quick recap:

- You took a sub gig for $40?!?!?
- Your private vehicle has been demoted to equipment trailer
- Your private vehicle has been demoted to complementary taxi cab for BL's buddies
- You got screwed out of the aforementioned $40
- You are being primed for taking a pay cut on the next gig because of distance - how do you get paid less than nothing?!?!

Are you crazy? Only because you haven't lost this guy's phone number yet.
 
#13
Sounds like everyone else has a good measure of this guy.

He reminds me of a certain band that we used to play with (who acted as promotors also, and always took the money from the venue, to deal out to the other acts). After 2 shows (one where we got underpaid, one where we didn't get paid at all) all it took was one very formal letter, explaining our position, and our intentions if they did not comply.

Suddenly, instead of ignore our calls, they were all for calling us, and sorting the whole situation out.
 
#15
When I was single, if the next girl I had a date with did nothing but complain about her prior boyfriend, I bailed, because I knew I was next.

If he wants you to play, diplomatically say you gotta be paid for everything up to now, and in advance for the next gig before you show.

If he doesn't come up with the cash, head on down the road and don't look back.
 
#18
Be smart not mad. And, you should always take the high road.

There is always a little risk when you are engaged in the craft. I think you're wise to entertain the idea that your memory might not be perfect. If there is a next time, you wll have a higher and intential focus on the money or other details. I also recommend that you not begin judging fairness with the others, cut your own deal and be good with it (promotes sanity).

You mentioned his drunkeness, but not your own condition. I suggest that alcohol will always create more drama. Might need to accept the drunken gigs as risky.

Lastly, consider your reputation for doing what you say you will do. It's not always fun, but it is always smart.

Remain postive, don't gossip, be professional, and sleep well. Life's too short to get sucked into the pit.
 
#20
SteveHeissner said:
I think we all agree the guy is an a$$hole. So here's a good one - next time he needs a sub tell him you want the money he still owes you BEFORE THE NEXT GIG. Then don't show up for the gig if he doesn't pay you.
Click to expand...

This!

And pay BEFORE the gig if he pays the back money already owed. Of course, be sure how much the gig is paying so he does not short-change you---he will if he can.

When he gripes, tell him you cannot trust him-----------be up front about it. Don't tippy-toe.
 

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