• TalkBass has been independent since 1998. Add your voice.
    Create a free account to reply to discussions, view embedded media, and browse with fewer display ads.
    Join free Log in
    Want zero display ads or expanded classifieds tools? Compare plans.

I think I see a pattern - am I crazy?

#81
Latest update:

This picks up where I left off in my last installment. I waited til last evening to respond to him, but not before he sent me a message:

So you're not gonna test me back lol? @12:30pm
Me: Later, @work now

about 6 hours later:

Me: Sorry man, I'm not feelin it

Him: That's cool man

Hours later @ 11pm

Him: So u not wanna play anymore or just not there?

6pm tonight:

Me: I believe I'm done
Him: Why man? What's up with you?
Me: I'm just not feelin' it.
Him: Why? U seem all weird now...why you pissy with me? You said ur not feeling it but you don't wanna play at all now?

6:13
Him: Talk to me man, I thought we were buds lol

6:27
Him: What ur deal, I'm gonna keep texting u til u tex me back. I feel like I'm textin a girl that dumped me

About 10 minutes pass, and he then proceeds to call me, again, and again, and again. So I just want to see what he's capable of, so I let him call and call...7 TIMES IN A ROW!!! Man, talk about crazy childish. I mean, get the hint man, don't make me have to tell you off, that's not my style. I was trying to do this the easy way.

Finally I text him:

Me: Man, please give me a break, I'm tryin to do homework, I'll talk to you later.
Later as in tomorrow.

Him: Why you actin so weird dude?

Me: I really don't feel like going into it right now.

Him: Well just hit me up for a minute, that's all it takes and ill leave you alone, it just really bothers me that ur actin so weird.

Me:Tomorrow please

Him: Quit being a little sissy and call me, obviously you have some kind of problem. I'll leave you alone then.

Me: 1 word, RESPECT. I don't feel like I'm gettin any

Him: You can take a break from school for five minutes and call me, gee whizz

Me: You know it's gonna take longer than 5. Nothing is gonna happen between now and then, I'm just tryin to take care of some work and relax.

End transmission.

Oh, the last straw has been placed in the basket, camel is done! I'm gonna go ahead and get my speaking notes ready for tomorrow when I tell him off so I don't leave anything out. And it's gonna be on my terms, I'm not giving him a chance to even try and defend himself, I mean HE IS ASKING FOR IT!!!

I don't know what kind of fool he takes me for. It was bad enough at first, but now I have applied enough pressure to him to make his true colors come through, and are they ever ugly. I really wanted to keep it clean and not stoop to his level, but I fear it's the only way I'm gonna get him off my back. At this point I will not regret telling him where to go.

How can he honestly not know what the whole problem is? Maybe it has something to do with his snarky remarks, his disingenuous apologies, his inability to take me seriously, his abuse of lol! Good God, is it really that funny? Maybe it has something to do with the unprovoked temper tantrums that make me really question his stability. Or maybe, just maybe, it's the fact that he never paid me for the first and only gig I played with him. Call me a sissy? Oh yeah, that's really gonna mend the bridge. GET A CLUE "BRO!" He is so dang unstable I wonder if he acts like this anytime he doesn't get his way. Man, am I glad that I gave him the cold shoulder. It would be hard to fail more miserably than what he has.

What blows me away is that my drummer is saying I'm being all "tight buttholed" about the thing, and that I should give him another chance. I then asked the drummer if he always kept a spare vial of emergency vaseline in his pocket. Drummer says, "man, he must really think he paid you before, why else would he be trying so hard to hand out the olive branch." I fail to see which olive branch he is referring to, the one where I'm a sissy and need to play by his rules and explain myself for something that is blatantly obvious? The peace offering where he is forcing his way on me by calling 7 TIMES IN A ROW because HE needs closure. I am amazed by how the drummer fails to see that this nutcase's behavior is totally self-serving.

He also thinks that b/c this all occurred over text message that it was getting easliy misconstrued. Huh? If anything, the attitude should be abated. Sure, I can understand a passionate outburst in a conversation, but with texting you have that buffer that should give you time to carefully choose your words. I also love the fact that I have all of his BS on text, no denial, plus whenever I need to reinforce my resolve, I just read some of the choice ones.

Anyway, thanks for listening/reading, and the support. I'm feeling pretty liberated, but I really hope this comes to a close soon, cause I'm wasting way too much time and energy on this rube.

Side note: I am earning my MSA right now, and wanted to go in the TAX direction after earning my CPA, but I'm thinking now that I should perhaps steer toward auditing; hard work, but I'm starting to believe that maybe that is my true calling.
 
#82
jazzmonkey said:
Latest update:

This picks up where I left off in my last installment. I waited til last evening to respond to him, but not before he sent me a message:

So you're not gonna test me back lol? @12:30pm
Me: Later, @work now

about 6 hours later:

Me: Sorry man, I'm not feelin it

Him: That's cool man

Hours later @ 11pm

Him: So u not wanna play anymore or just not there?

6pm tonight:

Me: I believe I'm done
Him: Why man? What's up with you?
Me: I'm just not feelin' it.
Him: Why? U seem all weird now...why you pissy with me? You said ur not feeling it but you don't wanna play at all now?

6:13
Him: Talk to me man, I thought we were buds lol

6:27
Him: What ur deal, I'm gonna keep texting u til u tex me back. I feel like I'm textin a girl that dumped me

About 10 minutes pass, and he then proceeds to call me, again, and again, and again. So I just want to see what he's capable of, so I let him call and call...7 TIMES IN A ROW!!! Man, talk about crazy childish. I mean, get the hint man, don't make me have to tell you off, that's not my style. I was trying to do this the easy way.

Finally I text him:

Me: Man, please give me a break, I'm tryin to do homework, I'll talk to you later.
Later as in tomorrow.

Him: Why you actin so weird dude?

Me: I really don't feel like going into it right now.

Him: Well just hit me up for a minute, that's all it takes and ill leave you alone, it just really bothers me that ur actin so weird.

Me:Tomorrow please

Him: Quit being a little sissy and call me, obviously you have some kind of problem. I'll leave you alone then.

Me: 1 word, RESPECT. I don't feel like I'm gettin any

Him: You can take a break from school for five minutes and call me, gee whizz

Me: You know it's gonna take longer than 5. Nothing is gonna happen between now and then, I'm just tryin to take care of some work and relax.

End transmission.

Oh, the last straw has been placed in the basket, camel is done! I'm gonna go ahead and get my speaking notes ready for tomorrow when I tell him off so I don't leave anything out. And it's gonna be on my terms, I'm not giving him a chance to even try and defend himself, I mean HE IS ASKING FOR IT!!!

I don't know what kind of fool he takes me for. It was bad enough at first, but now I have applied enough pressure to him to make his true colors come through, and are they ever ugly. I really wanted to keep it clean and not stoop to his level, but I fear the only way I'm going to get him off my back, but at this point, I will not regret telling him where to go.

How can he honestly not know what the whole problem is? Maybe it has something to do with his snarky remarks, his disingenuous apologies, his inability to take me seriously, his abuse of lol! Good God, is it really that funny? Maybe it has something to do with the unprovoked temper tantrums that make me really question his stability. Or maybe, just maybe, it's the fact that he never paid me for the first and only gig I played with him. Call me a sissy? Oh yeah, that's really gonna mend the bridge. GET A CLUE "BRO!" He is so dang unstable I wonder if he acts like this anytime someone doesn't do things his way. Man, am I glad that I gave him the cold shoulder.

What blows me away is that my drummer is saying I'm being all "tight buttholed" about the thing, and that I should give him another chance. I then asked the drummer if he always kept a spare vial of emergency vaseline in his pocket. Drummer says, "man, he must really think he paid you before, why else would he be trying so hard to hand out the olive branch." I fail to see which olive branch he is referring to, the one where I'm a sissy and need to play by his rules and explain myself for something that is blatantly obvious? The peace offering where he is forcing his way on me by calling 7 TIMES IN A ROW because HE needs closure. I am amazed by how the drummer fails to see that this nutcase's behavior is totally self-serving.

He also thinks that b/c this all occurred over text message that it was getting easliy misconstrued. Huh? If anything, the attitude should be abated. Sure, I can understand a passionate outburst in a conversation, but with texting you have that buffer that should give you time to carefully choose your words. I also love the fact that I have all of his BS on text, no denial, plus whenever I need to reinforce my resolve, I just read some of the choice ones.

Anyway, thanks for listening/reading, and the support. I'm feeling pretty liberated, but I really hope this comes to a close soon, cause I'm wasting way too much time and energy on this rube.

Side note: I am earning my MSA right now, and wanted to go in the TAX direction after earning my CPA, but I'm thinking now that I should perhaps steer toward auditing; hard work, but I'm starting to believe that maybe that is my true calling.
Click to expand...

For a minute I thought you guys were still in high school. Seems like a lot of unnecessary drama at this point.
 
#83
I think one thing I have learned out of this whole experience is to trust my gut feeling. If I had done it to begin with, I would have been rid of this situation weeks ago.

I got a funny suggestion from a friend, but I would never do this, I am way too afraid of the bad karma I would earn.

Tell him I'll do the gig, then not show up, and block his # from my phone. Sheewwww-weeeeeee! Imagine the tirade!!! :spit: :smug::hiding::D
 
#84
Yeah, that is what I was thinking. I actually think high school is giving him too much credit. I haven't dealt with this type of juvenile behavior since middle school. I'm trying to be short and sweet, but dang, he just won't let up. Believe me, I just want to forget he even knew me. Tomorrow after I leave work he'll be getting a piece of my mind.
 
#86
jazzmonkey said:
I think one thing I have learned out of this whole experience is to trust my gut feeling. If I had done it to begin with, I would have been rid of this situation weeks ago.

I got a funny suggestion from a friend, but I would never do this, I am way too afraid of the bad karma I would earn.

Tell him I'll do the gig, then not show up, and block his # from my phone. Sheewwww-weeeeeee! Imagine the tirade!!! :spit: :smug::hiding::D
Click to expand...

Just take the higher ground and don't be drama queen!
 
#87
I just thought some folks would think that suggestion was amusing, I know I laughed when it was tabled to me.

I tried that, he ain't havin' it. Remember, he was blowin' me up after I told him I was done. He's chompin' at the bit when I just want it to be over.

And besides, he's stressin me out, and typing these posts helps me vent.
 
#89
jazzmonkey said:
Side note: I am earning my MSA right now, and wanted to go in the TAX direction after earning my CPA, but I'm thinking now that I should perhaps steer toward auditing; hard work, but I'm starting to believe that maybe that is my true calling.
Click to expand...

Side note to your side note: IME, I suggest you go into the tax department of the largest CPA firm you can get hired at. Whether you go into audit first or, due to your Master's, get into tax directly and do enough auditing to get your CPA, getting tax experience will set you up later to run your own tax office, if you choose.

Back in the day, it would have been to my benefit to go into tax instead of audit because I moved on after a couple of years, and never got into tax. Audit required too much travel for me.

Also, it's difficult to judge where you want to spend your career if you haven't worked in the field yet. Depending on your clients, your firm or lots of other things, where you start will probably not be where you end up. After auditing, I switched to business accounting software and was a consultant for many years. A friend of mine, who stuck around for 11 years, didn't make partner but went to be hugely more successful in another business! You never know until you try.

Good luck.
 
#90
jazzmonkey said:
Finally I text him:

Me: Man, please give me a break, I'm tryin to do homework, I'll talk to you later.
Later as in tomorrow.

Him: Why you actin so weird dude?

Me: I really don't feel like going into it right now.

Him: Well just hit me up for a minute, that's all it takes and ill leave you alone, it just really bothers me that ur actin so weird.

Me:Tomorrow please

Him: Quit being a little sissy and call me, obviously you have some kind of problem. I'll leave you alone then.

Me: 1 word, RESPECT. I don't feel like I'm gettin any

Him: You can take a break from school for five minutes and call me, gee whizz

Me: You know it's gonna take longer than 5. Nothing is gonna happen between now and then, I'm just tryin to take care of some work and relax.

End transmission.
Click to expand...
wow, there it is in a nutshell. to him, what you say is irrelevant, it's just about doing what he wants you to do, including talking to him when he wants.
jazzmonkey said:
Oh, the last straw has been placed in the basket, camel is done! I'm gonna go ahead and get my speaking notes ready for tomorrow when I tell him off so I don't leave anything out. And it's gonna be on my terms, I'm not giving him a chance to even try and defend himself, I mean HE IS ASKING FOR IT!!!

I don't know what kind of fool he takes me for...[many paragraphs follow]
Click to expand...
the kind of fool who gets spun up and wants to have a big tell-off session to try and get him to see things your way, which he knows he'll be able to interrupt halfway through and twist around until you're agreeing to do what he wants again.

your responses needs to be nothing more than basically, "ha ha, no." no explanations, no conversations, just, "sorry man, can't do it."
 
#91
Jazzmonkey- your last text trail indicates what might be part of the problem. You seem to be dancing around the issue. Instead of playing games and making him text and call and instead of saying that your not "feeling it" be up front - tell him that you don't want to play because he has screwed you on the money. Put it on the table and make him deal with it.

A whole lot of music drama is created by musicians dancing around issues rather than confronting them. It is 100 times easier to be up front and clear than to try to deal with things indirectly.
 
#92
Yeah, I think you're letting him down too easy. At least too easy for him to feel.

So far it looks like you want to continue playing. Fine. If that's the case.
Just tell him that, "this time, I'd like to be paid up front x dollars" if it is a flat fee. If you know how much (+/-) the bar tab cut is, then add it to the fee. You don't need to explain yourself outside of the fact that "I'd like to be paid"
 
#93
I get the vibe that this kinda spiralled out of control, If you two regularly joked around and stuff he might not think calling you a sissy is mean spirited or anything. He really has no idea whats going through your head.

I'd say you are being abit touchy about the whole thing, and should give him another chance as long as your paid up front.

But then again I find it pretty easy to forgive people and not harbour grudges, which can be a good or bad thing depending on the situation.
 
#94
ToadWarrior said:
I'd say you are being abit touchy about the whole thing, and should give him another chance as long as your paid up front.

But then again I find it pretty easy to forgive people and not harbour grudges, which can be a good or bad thing depending on the situation.
Click to expand...
can i borrow $50? i'll pay you back once my brother straightens out.










(he's a hunchback.)
 
#95
Crazyeelboy said:
Jazzmonkey- your last text trail indicates what might be part of the problem. You seem to be dancing around the issue. Instead of playing games and making him text and call and instead of saying that your not "feeling it" be up front - tell him that you don't want to play because he has screwed you on the money. Put it on the table and make him deal with it.

A whole lot of music drama is created by musicians dancing around issues rather than confronting them. It is 100 times easier to be up front and clear than to try to deal with things indirectly.
Click to expand...

Take a position and stand by it.

+1 on letting him know that you need money up front, BEFORE the gig...like the day before...cash in hand...no "checks in the mail" type stuff.

Put it back on him. Let him deal with it.
 
#96
1. Stop texting/emailing about band business. That's high school. CALL.
2. Book your next gig with him.
3. The day of the gig call him and tell him that he needs to pay you the money that he owes you [make sure you get paid before you unload your gear]. Also tell him that you enjoyed playing with them but you need to be paid before he leaves for the night. It's showBUSINESS not showFRIENDS.
 

Latest posts

Top Bottom
Back