I think it may be time

[iriegnome]

Maybe a bit of group therapy is needed, but I am really starting to believe it is time for me to step away from playing and gigging. I have been mostly unhappy with all of it for a while and this past week's practice just kind of solidified it. Tuesdays practice, disagreement with one guitar player because he doesn't want me to play fretless (I don't use it for gigs, but it is so much fun to play). Then Thursdays band practice, I was told by the drummer that this new song (we hadn't even worked out the rhythm) I shouldn't be playing over his drum accents to which the guitar player (BL) told me I was being too notey. The argument ensued and I flat out told them if they wanted me to play 1/4 notes all night long, then I wasn't the bass player for them and I was out. You can imagine how quickly this turned ugly. I am a founding member of both bands. 22 years in one, 7 in the other. But this really has me very disillusioned and at the end. Yes, I went too far, but the lack of total respect to even have a chance to figure out my role in the new song. I was floored. Yes, I welcome any thoughts and criticisms

 

[turf3]

Did you ever consider that they might be right and you might be wrong?

 

[bholder]

Nothing wrong with doing your own thing for a while if these band settings have worn themselves out for you...

 

[Michedelic]

There’s no alimony involved, so just walk and find other people to play with. Are these bands making any money? This is a reoccurring theme in “band management” threads.

 

[Al Rivera]

No bands last forever! My motto has always been "if your not happy you should quit" music is supposed to be fun(unless its your primary job).

 

[iriegnome]

Did you ever consider that they might be right and you might be wrong?

I sure did. I always tend to over play learning a new song until the actual groove settles and I pull way back. It’s not a new concept in my band. But I take criticism for bass lines usually well. This time just felt personal

 

[ProbablyTooLoud]

I have been mostly unhappy with all of it for a while

My take is your reaction to their feedback has everything to do with this and little do with what they actually said.

 

[Jogobass]

how you feel colors how you interpret things. it acts like a filter. and most are not aware of this. i don't communicate with certain people if I know they are in a bad mood because they will most likely misinterpret it.

Having said that, I find it odd that it doesn't seem to work out for you after having known each other for so long. I would think that you know how they are and they know how you are. Unless something changed in you, or in them. Try to look at it objectively to see what changed.

 

[JRA]

...I am really starting to believe it is time for me to step away from playing and gigging. I have been mostly unhappy with all of it for a while and this past week's practice just kind of solidified it.

i wouldn't give up "playing and gigging" just because a few bandmates weren't supportive of my 'methods'.

isn't this you? --- "Would really love to gig more. Kind of sucks being home on a weekend night"

but if you're looking to quit or pull back: i'd try to do that on friendly, non-passive/aggressive terms if possible...which requires communication! good luck!

 

[Killing Floor]

Sounds like a bar and a pitcher or 2 plus an honest conversation needs to be had. After that much time they know your playing style. Things got heated. If you don’t want it to end call a meeting that isn’t at your rehearsal space.

 

[theduke1]

I agree with you unless certain notes are a hook in the song don’t tell me what to play. I’ve been doing this a long time I won’t make us look bad!
Duke!

 

[mikewalker]

Beatles barely lasted a decade, maybe it's time for a brand new bag?

 

[gln1955]

I have been mostly unhappy with all of it for a while...

This is the real problem, not the trivial incidents you go one to describe. Have you just had your fill of these bands or of playing in bands in general? What has led to this development? If these two bands have run their course, try doing something different. It's also OK to let go of playing totally if it makes you happier.

 

[ebo]

My longest band run was 7 years and it was time to go at that point. Passive aggressive crap drives me crazy. 22 years! Wow. If the kinks haven’t been ironed out in that time I dont know what to tell you. Same stuff shows up in new groups so if what you have is salvageable it may be worthwhile to have “the meeting” that killing floor mentioned, at a neutral location.

 

[bdplaid]

I stopped playing for about 4 years, I thought "that's it." Then I started up again, and was a better player. Maybe you need a break.

And personally, nothing needles me more than the kind of micromanagement where other players tell me what to play. I usually let them talk, then play what I want anyway. Eff em.

 

[LBS-bass]

Nothing lasts forever. Without hearing all of you, I can't say for sure, but sometimes we outgrow our situations while others remain stagnant. If you haven't been happy, it might be time for you to do something different.

Sounds like this band is gigging, and the problems tend to be how you all are getting along in rehearsals. If you know your own method of learning / developing music and they do too, why are they pushing back now? Sounds like maybe they are also bored and looking for things to criticize.

In most of my music life I have always sought out players who are better than I am so that I can learn from them. But I don't learn from being told what to play by them. I learn from being immersed in the experience where I have to force myself to keep up. I can't say if you're being challenged here or not, but maybe it's time to move to a different level with a new group of players.

Good luck!

 

[Pocket Dave]

If the BL has a criticism of my playing, he's right and I should probably practice some acceptance and adjustment.

Whether he's actually right or not.

And if he's not, still my choice whether or not to take it personally.

I have to decide whether I want peace of mind or to be right.

BTW, I mention practicing acceptance because that's what it takes; Without practice, it doesn't come naturally to me.

 

[jerry]

No bands last forever! My motto has always been "if your not happy you should quit" music is supposed to be fun(unless its your primary job).

I see that here a bit, people act like they have to stay in a band that is toxic to them. Its not like a marriage, you can go out and play with as many bands/musicians as possible. Musicianship is like water, it seeks its on level.

 

[Lobster11]

I have been mostly unhappy with all of it for a while....

I suspect the real story is hidden behind this little phrase. The incident you described doesn't sound to me like a band-breaker in itself; it sounds like the proverbial last straw. I suggest forgetting about the latest incident and give some more thought to what exactly is it about "playing and gigging" that you're tired of; then you can figure out what to do next.

 

[Marko 1]

Playing a fretless even though the others don't like it, because it's "fun", sounds less than reasonable.

When you're in a two-guitar band, you play fewer notes (I'm assuming these are originals?) and one should start a new song knowing that.

That said, if adjusting makes it no fun, then it's not for you.