I think it may be time

[StayLow]

Music and being in a band should be fun...period! It's a form of expression and freedom from the BS we face in life. However, if this is your day job, you have a problem. IMHO...music, like a painting, is your interpretation. Otherwise, it becomes a chore and no fun at all. I'm a nurse by day and in a band at night. Thank God for my band.

What’s “fun” is very different for very different people.

For some it’s talking big & goofing off, and that gives a “freedom from the BS we face in life” as you put it.

Many will agree totally, however for many of them freedom from the BS they face in life is doing it right and actually getting something done. Ideally efficiently. It may be freedom from the BS of being the boss at work or in parenting, or freedom from pretending democracy works and that everyone is equal.

 

[Saetia]

Maybe a bit of group therapy is needed, but I am really starting to believe it is time for me to step away from playing and gigging. I have been mostly unhappy with all of it for a while and this past week's practice just kind of solidified it. Tuesdays practice, disagreement with one guitar player because he doesn't want me to play fretless (I don't use it for gigs, but it is so much fun to play). Then Thursdays band practice, I was told by the drummer that this new song (we hadn't even worked out the rhythm) I shouldn't be playing over his drum accents to which the guitar player (BL) told me I was being too notey. The argument ensued and I flat out told them if they wanted me to play 1/4 notes all night long, then I wasn't the bass player for them and I was out. You can imagine how quickly this turned ugly. I am a founding member of both bands. 22 years in one, 7 in the other. But this really has me very disillusioned and at the end. Yes, I went too far, but the lack of total respect to even have a chance to figure out my role in the new song. I was floored. Yes, I welcome any thoughts and criticisms

What ever you feel you have to do. You're a legend around here though... don't forget that.

Much love.

 

[retslock]

Over time we grow. Not always for the better. Not always at the same rate or along the same path. Little differences become apparent and can smoulder and deepen over time. Perhaps you’ve taken a path different to the others. Creative choices are not written in stone. If yours differ to theirs significantly it may be time to move on.

 

[el murdoque]

Tuesdays practice, disagreement with one guitar player because he doesn't want me to play fretless (I don't use it for gigs, but it is so much fun to play).

How does the guitarist dislike you using that bass?
Possible reasons for an outsider to explain that with no info above that one statement of yours:
1. Your intonation is all over the place, throwing him off.
2. You are overusing the options a fretless gives you that a fretted bass does not (sliding in/out every other note, lots of vibrato, big slides)
3. As a kid, he was regularly beat up by a fretless player and dislikes the instrument ever since.

 

[MotorCityMinion]

I sure did. I always tend to over play learning a new song until the actual groove settles and I pull way back. It’s not a new concept in my band. But I take criticism for bass lines usually well. This time just felt personal

This interferes with the other members trying to find their groove.

 

[KevInDaBassment]

22 years in one and 7 years in the other is a PRETTY good run, IMO.

Do you feel like it's just bands, or music in general? If you want to step back and just woodshed or record your own music for a while, I don't see a problem with that. Took a step back like that for about a year, got into some newer Indie music and dug into more writing/recording too. I improved on all fronts and the quality of my songwriting progressed a lot too. When I jumped back into band projects and such, I felt much more inspired and "fresh" for lack of a better word.

If it's just music in general (gigging, writing, recording, etc.) plenty of folks take a break with good results as well. Just like your body benefits from recovery time after training, I feel creativity does as well. Game development is one of my side hobbies and let me tell ya...take breaks or you will get burnout pretty fast. Music is (generally) a far more laid-back endeavor, but it can still happen. Step aside and try something different, you may be surprised how inspired you get when you return. YMMV, hope you can get yourself where you need to be.

 

[turf3]

I haven't played in a band on any kind of regular basis since college. And that was about 35 years ago. So... I may not have enough experience to chime in, but...

I personally don't understand why any band member would tell another member which instrument they should play. It's analogous to you telling the guitarist that you don't want them to play their Les Paul anymore, and to only play their Strat. I just don't get it. Bass is your department. That's why you are there. Guitar is their department and they should focus on it.

Honestly, I don't think you went too far. Nothing wrong with making YOUR expectations and YOUR interests clear. They seem to have no trouble voicing theirs. It works both ways. Or at least it should.

Well, if fretless sounds bad on the tunes, the bandleader is allowed to say so and to request something different.

If playing a million notes and piling substitution upon substitution until none may know the chord sounds bad on the tunes, the bandleader is allowed to say so and to request something different.

Do you think James Brown or Tommy Dorsey or Buddy Rich or Ray Charles or Eddie Van Halen would hear a bass player doing something he didn't think sounded right, and say to himself "Well, he's the bass player so I have to just suck it up and let him play it how he wants to"?

 

[turf3]

A note for OP: Maybe what you need is not to pull the ejector handle for the band where they want you to play fewer notes, less often, and do it on a fretted bass; maybe your best option is to find a parallel environment where you can play more what you're feeling on the fretless.

I play upright bass and saxophone. When I feel the jones for stepping out front, taking lengthy solos, tons of notes, intricate and esoteric phrasing, I do that on my saxophone jobs. The bass is for driving a band with a solid beat, the right notes, and a sound as big as a house.

 

[Indiana Mike]

Without telling my own stories I can relate with the OP.

 

[roccobass]

@retslock
Good post! I was thinking along the same lines.

@iriegnome

I’m fixating on “it’s fun to play fretless”.
How much I don’t know, but it appears you like it more than a lot. Obviously, this group isn’t as keen on it. Maybe they have a point too. You wouldn’t play fretless on Roundabout either.

Maybe you’ve outgrown your situation? Listening to musics lately where the bass is more busy or lyrical? Just been thinking, Hey? Is there more to quarter and whole notes? LOL. If so, you’re on dangerous ground with most rock bands. Maybe jazz would be your speed?

This current disagreement could also be something that’s been brewing for awhile and what just happened brought it to ahead. Sure, have a group meeting, but don’t be depressed if things don’t work out. It’s life. Maybe different pastures are the right direction.

Fear not, and more importantly quit not. Sure, take a few weeks off. Clear your mind. Woodshed. Maybe do some home recording. When you’re ready, look for or start your own group. Are there other musicians you know that might be into what your doing?

Sorry for the long post, but I can relate to your situation. Doing alright, but I moved on. Playing jazz and have both fretless and upright basses. Good luck, but don’t get down unless it’s during a song!

 

[MrLenny1]

22 years and 7 years is a record in my gig book.
My average has been 3 years and then it falls apart for
whatever reason life throws out. Try some diplomacy
if you can.

 

[Loring]

When you're in a two-guitar band, you play fewer notes (I'm assuming these are originals?) and one should start a new song knowing that.

Like Steve Harris?

 

[Artman]

Sounds like time to switch genres. Never too old to study and learn some Jazz. You'll receive a lot more and praise for proper bass playing.

There are some blues and rock musicians who aren't as clueless as the folks you describe. Just not as easy to find.

 

[rtslinger]

If the BL ask you to play less that is what you may need to do that, you mention you tend to over play so,
step back and stick your feelings in your back pocket. If you play less the emptiness will shine through if the song is lacking, but the only way to hear that void is to allow it to happen. When working up a new song I normally will only lock the kick drum and make a recording sometimes that is all a song needs depending on what instrument is driving the song
and who brings about the changes. Good luck with whatever you decided.

 

[mambo4]

I find it odd how often "being told what to play" becomes some one's hill to die on.
It's never been an issue for me, personally. I don't hang my ego on parts I create.
I don't think some parts are beneath me or too simple for me to work with.
My ego goes into trying to make anything groove, no matter who suggested it.

 

[Marko 1]

Like Steve Harris?

Oh, sorry, I didn't know the OP was Steve Effin Harris doing heavy metal...

my bad.

 

[iriegnome]

Well I am no Steve Harris and the parts I pick up on are always varied. Depends on the song. Yep, I do tend to over play at first, usually trying to find my spot in the mix. Band 1 has 3 guitar players, so my parts differ from band 2 as I can play very differently in both. I would like to think that ego/pride isn't a part of it, but maybe it is. More than I think. Not exactly sure.

 

[alex1fly]

I quit my latest band in 2020 after 25 years of being in regular structured musical activities. It's been awesome to explore my own voice and vision without anybody else's expectations.

 

[brstma]

IMO no one should waste too much of their time doing something they're not thoroughly happy with. There's probably something better waiting for you to find it

 

[roccobass]

@iriegnome …^^See above^^