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I'll Bet You Can't Top This

#24
Not trying to top the OP, just contribuiting:

I was playing a wedding at a country club. Lots of nicely dressed people. One Marine, in his 'dress blues', or whatever you call that uniform, was very obviously drunk and dancing with a pretty blonde girl, who was also very drunk.
While on break, I went to the men's room only to see that Marine's legs sticking out from under a bathroom stall, pants down to his ankles, going to town on top of that that blonde girl with her dress hiked up. I was so impressed, I just started to applaud.
 
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#27
rtav said:
Well, idk if this tops that, but...

On the 14th of this month we were the opening band out of three, on at 9:30, off at 10:45. Next band were on and off... then the headlining band took the stage after midnight. We had NO idea who they were - the second band on invited us to open, and we are friends with them, so jumped at the gig.

They were a 4 piece punk band doing the usual sort of schtick (punching each other as they played, arms flailing wildly, guitars out of tune, drummer just spazzing on everything, mohawks, yada yada yada. The whole first song was almost 3 minutes of them shouting FU at the audience). The "vocalist" was a rather portly 20 something, wearing a hat that looked like it was stolen from the Captain of Captain and Teneille, roughly 10 gold-ish chains around his neck, Gallagher striped suspenders (yeah, I know).

He was screaming at the audience while the bassist and guitarist wailed on each other randomly until he fell off the stage (I felt it was the highlight of their set).

I was wrong. In between "songs" the guy offered to perform a sex act for guys in the men's room after their set, adding with a cavalier smile and wink, "They don't call me 3 fingers Mike for nothin!" I thought "THIS is the highlight of the set, and probably the whole reason for their gig."

I was wrong.

As their time was winding down, the "singer" took his shirt off, exposing his 36c's to the crowd. I thought, "THIS is the highlight of the show? Can't be!" I was wrong. AGAIN.

Then came big moment - he took his pants off too. Fortunately, there was a lot of girth hanging down so it made little difference until he bent over and showed his pale young backside (and thong) to the well liquored crowd. I was SOOOO Hoping that THIS was finally the highlight of the night, because there was only one place left to go after that. SWEET JEEBUS PLEASE NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

We couldn't load up fast enough.
Click to expand...

Did he do a good Flea impersonation?

wmhill said:
Ok- I'll try to top it......though it may not be politically correct!
about 7 years ago we are playing a private party- and the host offers us up a quart of Jack Daniels, a favorite of the drummer & myself. That particular night our lead singer decides to help us with it. Bad choice...he's gooner 1/2 way through the 1st set. We tell him to take a hike and we'll cover it without him, so off he goes. When we go on break, my wife goes off to OUR CAR (mini-van) and comes back and says "you gotta go look in the car" - so we do. So there is a long line of vomit leading to the side door. Inside is the singer, naked, with an equally naked midget- getting it on in our van!! Not even a cute midget, but a fat ugly t-rex armed ugo midget! She was just as tall laying down as standing up........ and yes, Caravans doors DO lock. Your move OP ;)
Click to expand...

How long did it take you to sell that van.....
 
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#28
We were playing my second ever "professional" show. I was a teenager. (I played in a band that was made up of local pro players who were all at least twice my age. Somehow I slid in under the radar. :cool:) Anyhoooo..... Playing a small bar in central VA I walked out the side stage door during the set break. The bar tender had told me I had to exit stage left ASAP because I wasn't even old enough to be in that bar. We had an old school bus converted to a bands bus. The back half was for gear. There in the floor was one of our guitar players butt naked with two girls from inside. Coke everywhere on the floor (and I don't mean the soda). The boyfriend of one of the girls happened to glance out while I was walking out and saw what was going on. He ran into the bus and started flinging naked people everywhere. Blood. Sweat. Tears.

Next thing you know he has the girlfriend up against the wall (still naked) yelling in her face. Wanna guess what he was mad about?
He was mad that there was coke out there and she hadn't called him out there to get some. :banghead:

I continued to tell my parents that these were fine upstanding guys who would never let me be exposed to neerdowell types. :thumbsup:
 
#29
friendlybass said:
Anyone else look at an el camino and think that's my dream car?
Click to expand...
Only if it's a '59
1959-1960-chevrolet-el-camino-6.jpg
 
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#31
s0c9 said:
- after the gig was over, we were loading up the truck and some guy comes up the truck ramp, pulls a handgun on us and insists we put everything back on and get the music going. This was not a guy you mess with.. 6'4" tall and about as wide. His brother finally talked him down, but that was pretty hairy.

stuff happens..
Click to expand...

Saw that happen once, but not at a 'private party'.

Reading Festival 1983; Ten Years After had reformed & were doing the rounds. They play their set, get the obligatory one encore (probably Choo Choo Mama) & the crew start breaking down. However, one group decided that wasn't enough, so as bits of drumkit head stage left in the hands of the crew, they re-appear shortly after & get put back by some rather swarthy bearded chaps wearing denim cutoffs emblazoned 'Hells Angels Windsor'. TYA got another two encores.
 
#32
I've got another story. No sex in this one. Back in 77 I was playing music and doing afternoons on WSLR radio in Akron Ohio. At the Crystal Palace, I was sitting at a table with Gene Terry, great guy, bass player and heavy weight bare knuckles boxing champion of N. E. Ohio. Gene is a big guy and had his new girlfriend with him at the table. In walks Mr.Smooth himself, Ricky Lutz, guitar player, singer, and wanna' be ladies man. He joins us at our table. Ricky was drunk and laughing and using a lot of bad language. Gene try's several times to get him to knock it off in front of the lady. Ricky asked him what he was going to do about it? Gene said he would take him outside and kick his azz. Ricky jumps up and punches Gene in the head. No effect! Gene grabs Ricky by the shirt collar and drags him outside. The club clears out to watch the fight. Before it hit the fan, Gene tells Ricky to take his new teeth out!! Everybody starts laughing. Gene says I know you got new false teeth, and how much you paid for em' so take em' out! Ricky turned red in embarrassment and refused to comply. Gene, being Ricky's friend, wouldn't beat him up unless he took his teeth out. I bet they still laugh about it. If you know Gene Terry or Ricky Lutz in Akron, tell them to call James Holley by Golly in Clovis Ca. I'm in the book.
 
#33
rtav said:
Well, idk if this tops that, but...

On the 14th of this month we were the opening band out of three, on at 9:30, off at 10:45. Next band were on and off... then the headlining band took the stage after midnight. We had NO idea who they were - the second band on invited us to open, and we are friends with them, so jumped at the gig.

They were a 4 piece punk band doing the usual sort of schtick (punching each other as they played, arms flailing wildly, guitars out of tune, drummer just spazzing on everything, mohawks, yada yada yada. The whole first song was almost 3 minutes of them shouting FU at the audience). The "vocalist" was a rather portly 20 something, wearing a hat that looked like it was stolen from the Captain of Captain and Teneille, roughly 10 gold-ish chains around his neck, Gallagher striped suspenders (yeah, I know).

He was screaming at the audience while the bassist and guitarist wailed on each other randomly until he fell off the stage (I felt it was the highlight of their set).

I was wrong. In between "songs" the guy offered to perform a sex act for guys in the men's room after their set, adding with a cavalier smile and wink, "They don't call me 3 fingers Mike for nothin!" I thought "THIS is the highlight of the set, and probably the whole reason for their gig."

I was wrong.

As their time was winding down, the "singer" took his shirt off, exposing his 36c's to the crowd. I thought, "THIS is the highlight of the show? Can't be!" I was wrong. AGAIN.

Then came big moment - he took his pants off too. Fortunately, there was a lot of girth hanging down so it made little difference until he bent over and showed his pale young backside (and thong) to the well liquored crowd. I was SOOOO Hoping that THIS was finally the highlight of the night, because there was only one place left to go after that. SWEET JEEBUS PLEASE NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

We couldn't load up fast enough.
Click to expand...
 
#36
wmhill said:
Ok- I'll try to top it......though it may not be politically correct!
about 7 years ago we are playing a private party- and the host offers us up a quart of Jack Daniels, a favorite of the drummer & myself. That particular night our lead singer decides to help us with it. Bad choice...he's gooner 1/2 way through the 1st set. We tell him to take a hike and we'll cover it without him, so off he goes. When we go on break, my wife goes off to OUR CAR (mini-van) and comes back and says "you gotta go look in the car" - so we do. So there is a long line of vomit leading to the side door. Inside is the singer, naked, with an equally naked midget- getting it on in our van!! Not even a cute midget, but a fat ugly t-rex armed ugo midget! She was just as tall laying down as standing up........ and yes, Caravans doors DO lock. Your move OP ;)
Click to expand...
 

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