in two bands and one might have to go... how?

[runmikeyrun]

Not sure if this should be here or band mgmt--

Anyhow, I joined two bands last year. I'm 36 and at the point where friends and having fun are the priority over fame and fortune that's not going to happen to me anyhow. lol. But anyways... Last year I was single with a child only 50% of the time and I had TONS of free time- bands, motorcycling, no job (just full time in school) I pretty much did whatever I wanted whenever I wanted.

FFWD to now... have gf and her 2 y/o who lives with me and my daughter. I have a job now, and am still in school. It's getting harder and harder to make practice (one night a week/ea, two nights a week total) because I want to be with my family and also my gf works nights so I need to get a babysitter to watch the 2 y/o til 9pm once a week. It seems like we hardly see each other as it is.

I think one of the bands needs to go, but I don't know how not to hurt anyone's feelings. I am the bass/vocalist in both, both are 3 pieces. Band A is playing shows and recording soon, while band B is still kinda writing and preparing for shows/recording. Right now the schedule is just teetering on being manageable, and I'm worried about when band B starts playing shows too, and how I can juggle my schedule and still get enough time with my family.

From a logistical standpoint, band B would be the one to go, but I don't want them to think I dissed them because band A is "better" or whatever. We're all good friends and I think if i talked it over with band B they'd understand, but I dunno.

I can't be the only one who's ever been in this position... any help is appreciated!

EDIT: Just thought of this- maybe band B would be interested in just releasing an album and playing only the occasional show...? The guitarist does have a child on the way and is in another well established band as well... hmmm... he might be open to the idea.

 

[two fingers]

Here's the deal. Just lay it all out for both.

First of all, my problem with both is practicing so much. If you have to practice once a week to maintain, you probably shouldn't be playing in public. If nothing else, you could tell the guys that the practices have to come to a halt, or at least slow WAY down for the foreseeable future. (But bands that practice every week, or even every month, is a hot button issue for me anyway, so don't take me too seriously.)

If that's not your deal, then just lay it all out for them and tell them something has to give. I agree with you that if a band has to go it would be the one that doesn't play out yet.

So, either tell both band A and B that practices don't exist any more, or tell band B you gotta go and STILL tell band A you can't practice once a week. If you were ONLY playing shows (or mainly playing shows) it wouldn't be so demanding. But getting together with a band at least EIGHT TIMES A MONTH BEFORE YOU EVER PLAY A SHOW is nothing short of ridiculous. But, again, I just don't see why bands ever do that to begin with.

(Here's where I throw in the obligatory "IMO" even though everyone should know this is only my opinion and should be taken as such.)

At one point I was in FIVE bands. I had a web site that required a private login just to see my schedule. Bands couldn't book dates without checking my web site first. (No, I'm not that incredible, just that rare around here.) How did I pull it off? NONE of the bands practiced after the first few weeks. If we wanted to add a song, we emailed each other and ran the sucker at sound check. Guess what. It worked! How? Well, we could ALL PLAY OUR INSTRUMENTS. We learned the parts at home and it sounded as though we wrote the dang songs when we played them at sound check.

Give it a shot. You would be AMAZED at how much you really DON'T need to practice with a band (again, assuming you can all play).

 

[SJan3]

You're 36 and can't figure this out? Ditch one band and KEEP YOUR JOB.
P.S. STOP having kids.

 

[themacinator]

I feel your first priority needs to be your kids and your GF. Then your job. Then your band(s).

Once you get that down then you need to decide which band do you enjoy more. Is there one band that communicates better than the other. One band that you do things with the members OTHER than band things.

Frankly the question of "what band is better" or "what band has a better future" is a moot question. Without the items above prioritized and sorted out, there is no future for you in a band.

I was in two and had to decide on one. Married working father of three, etc. For me it was what band made me happiest to be in, play music with, and who's members I enjoyed being around the most.

 

[5 Wire]

You need to ask yourself why you play in the first place. Hobby, want or need?
Obviously your children/family should come first. I have seen players put everything after music and eventually music is all they had.

I also know plenty of players who make it all work because they want to. I'm in an 8 piece band that rehearses once a week. We all have families and day jobs and somehow all 8 of us make it almost every week.

As for practicing - being in 2 original bands I can say that practice is vital. Both did 2 days a week for the first year or so and as a result we are extremely tight.

Only you know what is most important for you. Burning musical bridges is never a good idea and it seems no matter how well you leave a situation there will be resentment. In a perfect world whichever band you choose to leave would understand your reasoning but, we are talking about musicians after all.

 

[jellymax]

tell the band that is not gigging that you
need to finish school. this leaves it open for the future. dont commit to returning unnecessarily

blam