Interviewing Bassists Stories Pt. 3

[KPJ]

"Don't worry, sir. It's all good." ...

But he was right. I shouldn't worry, because it's all good.

What will be, will be.

Sometimes we need to be reminded of the bigger picture and not let the little tthings bring us down.

 

[Versatek6]

Some of you have read Ghosts and Ballyhoo. You know that I believe in a Planner; I believe that we're part of a system that meshes destiny and free will; and I believe that we're given signs to help us through extremely difficult times.

...

The door behind me opened, and someone came in. I turned around; it was a young man in jeans and a white T-shirt. He was the most physically fit person I've ever seen, with a V-shaped torso, extremely muscular arms and legs, olive skin, spiky black hair, and a totally androgynous face. His face was neither male nor female. He seemed incredibly kind and utterly dangerous, a ferocious warrior held in check. I didn't feel a threat directed at me but rather at anyone who messed with him and those he cared about. He gave off a sense of calm and confidence, as though nothing could possibly anger him. His expression was complex, a faint smile and compassionate dispassion. He was present yet detached.

"I'm really sorry about this," I said. "I can't get this thing to do what I want."

He said, "Don't worry, sir. It's all good." His voice was very strange, neither male nor female. It was also a really bizarre choice of words for the situation. Even so, I felt deep gratitude toward him, all out of proportion to his polite patience. He made me almost want to cry.

After one more try, I gave up and went into the bank. As I passed through the door, the young man went over to the cash machine. Inside the bank, I turned left to go to a teller, and when I looked over at the cash machine again, no more than two seconds later, nobody was there. The young man had vanished.

But he was right. I shouldn't worry, because it's all good.

What will be, will be.

How many of us can say that on Easter Sunday, we were writing about meeting an angel?

Through many dangers, toils and snares
I have already come;
'Tis Grace that brought me safe thus far
and Grace will lead me home.
John Newton (1725-1807)

 

[Arthritic_Tom]

How many of us can say that on Easter Sunday, we were writing about meeting an angel?

Through many dangers, toils and snares
I have already come;
'Tis Grace that brought me safe thus far
and Grace will lead me home.
John Newton (1725-1807)

HOLY YOU-KNOW-WHAT!

You're absolutely right. It was Easter Sunday. It didn't even register until you wrote it.

 

[Arthritic_Tom]

So: The second Web designer has officially failed me, and now I try to find a third, with only days or weeks to go before the publicity campaign begins.

However, I have a plan.

I think I'll be able to turn my two back-to-back catastrophes to my advantage. I think I'll be able to make my Web site go viral.

I may be able to turn my lemons into something like this, which I never forgot. My plan is to create something people will never forget.

 

[miles'tone]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nvgDa6LvJ1w&feature=youtube_gdata_player
Still here, still waiting for Ghosts...

How's it going Tom? Hope you're getting more sense out of people now.

 

[Arthritic_Tom]

Okay, I think I've got it worked out.

I've initiated legal action against the second Web designer, because she was stupid enough to post photos online of all the restaurant meals she ate, gourmet meals she prepared, and various functions she attended during the time she said she was too sick to work. I took screen shots of them all.

A placeholder Website will go up by May 15, which will sell the book but also tell the story of how I got screwed by two Web designers in a row, as well as an editor and various other entities. When the "real" Website is ready, the placeholder Website will be switched to another of my domain names and linked to the main Website.

Daniel Burns Design of Los Angeles will do the real Website:

http://www.dburnsdesign.com/

It's going to be a multimedia art project, not one of those worthless "Hi! Buy my book!" sites that most authors put up.

The publicity campaign will begin June 15. Its success depends entirely on me. All I have to do is be funny, entertaining, and say things that are trending and make people think that my book will change their lives for the better. Piece o' cake.

And now I can reveal that the other shoe I mentioned so long ago was that both of my parents were diagnosed with cancer on the same day, January 16, 2013. Dad had osteosarcoma and Mom has ovarian and lung cancer.

My father immediately lost his mind and surrendered, while my mother decided to fight it. Tim and I spent a month trying to save Dad, but he refused to cooperate, forcing us to make a choice between parents. We had to do battle with Dad several times a day to get him to take his medication, and he wouldn't eat, so after a month we gave up. We put him in hospice, and he died there on February 23.

That was the same day my first "Website" went up. It was entirely empty of content. It took the "Web designer" over a month to basically put up an empty blog for me, for which I was charged $2500, while I was fighting my dying, raving father. I paid it because the contract was cleverly worded. I'd agreed to a blog, after having been assured that it would be a full-fledged Website that only used blog technology.

I then signed a contract with another Web designer, based on a recommendation from a friend. I'd wanted to go with Daniel Burns, but I chose this woman instead. We signed the contract and I paid half the fee, and she then missed every deadline. You'll read all about it on the placeholder Website.

She said a vitamin deficiency prevented her from finishing my Website, but judging by all the meals she ate and prepared and photographed, she's not deficient in anything except ethics and maybe sanity. Anyway, once my real Website is up, I'll have a special box you can click to learn her name.

After missing the deadline by almost a week, she put up a horrible piece of garbage that included a blue ribbon, of the type awarded to prize hogs at county fairs. Why? Because she has no aesthetic taste. She's a poseur-bozo with delusions. Contractually she was required to submit design concepts to me, but she didn't. The site went up on her server on April Fool's Day. The first Website went up the day my father died, and the second showed me to be the April Fool that I am.

I therefore had to postpone the publicity campaign for two months. The first Website is supposed to be finished a month before I begin the campaign, and the second will go up when I feel that the first one has run its course. As I said, it'll tell the tale of my twin screwing, so that ought to sell some books.

While all of this was happening, Tim and I were nursing our mother and trying a little hocus-pocus on her. Twice a day, for a month, we put our hands on her shoulders and tried to send cleansing energy into her. She'd been told that the cancer had spread to her bowel, and she'd need a colostomy bag. When I put my hands on her shoulders, I thought, "You're clean. You're clean. You're clean. You're healthy. You're healthy. You're healthy. You will live. You will live. You will live." My hands got really hot when I did this. Tim's did, too.

Unlike Dad, Mom talked with us every day about her illness and the possibility of her death. She has a very macabre sense of humor, so we talked about what to do with her if she died. Since she'd be hollowed out by the surgery, she asked that we make her into a kayak.

Her surgery was April 2. When they opened her up, they found that the cancer had retreated from her bowel. No colostomy bag was needed. She won't even need chemo. The staff says they've never seen such an elderly patient--she's eighty-five--bounce back so quickly. Tim goes to see her every day and continues laying his hands on her shoulders.

Oh, and we've since found out that the shoulder chakras are the most important in the body. I didn't do any research before I asked Mom if I could put my hands on her shoulders. It just came to me.

But it appears that she'll make it.

I don't know if I'll make it. I haven't shaved since January 16, and I've been swindled out of thousands of dollars. The two new Web designers I've hired--Number Three and Number Four--have a system in which I pay in installments, based on whether or not I like the designs. Since both designs are simplicity itself, and since I did extremely detailed sitemaps for both sites, I'm hopeful that the third and fourth times are charms.

And the experiences of the past few months haven't made me insane with rage again, so there's that.

But I told you freaks I didn't want to write this book because I'd just end up getting screwed, which is what always happens when I write books. I told you!

This time, though, I'm going to capitalize on the screwing. Maybe that'll make the difference. Maybe one of life's lessons is that you're going to get screwed no matter what, so you need to figure out how to turn a merciless reaming into an advantage.

In the future, just so you know: Anyone who recommends someone to me, I'm going to send Tim after you. And anyone who offers to do something for me, if you screw me, I'm going to lure you here to Los Angeles, take you out into the Mojave Desert, and drop you down one of the abandoned silver mines.

But first I'm going to make a kayak out of you.

Mom in 1972. She's a hottie. And me today, just a few minutes ago. I'm a coldie.

 

[miles'tone]

Wow! Crazy that the new found anti-rage mechanisms and realisations that we've all seen you develop so well on here would have their trial run with all of the above (I personally could not think of anything harder to deal with) Jesus! No easy-in-there-while you try and find your keys or something.
Well done for staying on top and I wish your Mum good health.
Sorry if the book has brought you hastle but if it is any consolation, I still can't wait to get my hands on my copy!
Stay strong Tom, all the best.

 

[Arthritic_Tom]

Wow! Crazy that the new found anti-rage mechanisms and realisations that we've all seen you develop so well on here would have their trial run with all of the above (I personally could not think of anything harder to deal with) Jesus! No easy-in-there-while you try and find your keys or something.
Well done for staying on top and I wish your Mum good health.
Sorry if the book has brought you hastle but if it is any consolation, I still can't wait to get my hands on my copy!
Stay strong Tom, all the best.

Thanks very much. Mom's chances are much better than anyone thought. We're cautiously optimistic.

And I'm in too far to stop now. The best way to get back at the people who screwed me is to succeed. I'm rewriting my completed novel as we speak.

 

[ArtechnikA]

Maybe one of life's lessons is that you're going to get screwed no matter what, so you need to figure out how to turn a merciless reaming into an advantage.

I think the purpose of life's lesson is that we're supposed to learn from them. Sometimes it taks a few lessons. Some people never recognize there are lessons.

We share some personality traits and there are some lessons and recurring situations I've had to learn a few times. It's a constant process.

And yes, if we can recover, readjust, and regroup rather than being permanently off-axis and tilting at windmills, it's a positive thing.

In the future, just so you know: Anyone who recommends someone to me, I'm going to send Tim after you. And anyone who offers to do something for me, if you screw me, I'm going to lure you here to Los Angeles, take you out into the Mojave Desert, and drop you down one of the abandoned silver mines.

I wouldn't recommend anyone, but I would recommend a couple of books. The first is mostly to prepare you for the second. 1) Looking Out For Number One and 2) Winning Through Intimidation - both Robert Ringer. This second book is (IMO) the more valuable, and its name was selected to shock a little, because what it is _really_ about is: Not Getting Screwed Over. It identifies the prototypical Screwing Over personality types, their standard modes of operation, and how to recognize and avoid them.

Second, I'd suggest that while the Mojave Desert is quite inhospitable and geographically convenient, your ploy would be much more effective (especially if you are fixated on silver mines...) in the Virginia City area of Storey County, NV, where there are lots of abandoned silver mines, some of them still well-hidden beneath sagebrush and rotting timbers, as many unfortunates discover each year. So you'd have that 'make it look like an accident' thing going in your favor...

I _have_ finished Ghosts and Ballyhoo and I've started reviews at least three separate times. I think I'm just about to where I can get my thoughts on the book together semicoherently for this purpose...

 

[LSquared]

She has a very macabre sense of humor, so we talked about what to do with her if she died. Since she'd be hollowed out by the surgery, she asked that we make her into a kayak.

What a wonderful spirit, thanks for sharing that. I hope she continues to improve.

I _have_ finished Ghosts and Ballyhoo and I've started reviews at least three separate times. I think I'm just about to where I can get my thoughts on the book together semicoherently for this purpose...

Ah, I'm not alone. Perhaps I'm trying too hard, but I seem to be incapable of expressing myself even semi-coherently. Perhaps I should scale back my expectations, and go for "Finished" instead of the perfect review...

 

[Arthritic_Tom]

This second book is (IMO) the more valuable, and its name was selected to shock a little, because what it is _really_ about is: Not Getting Screwed Over. It identifies the prototypical Screwing Over personality types, their standard modes of operation, and how to recognize and avoid them.

Second, I'd suggest that while the Mojave Desert is quite inhospitable and geographically convenient, your ploy would be much more effective (especially if you are fixated on silver mines...) in the Virginia City area of Storey County, NV, where there are lots of abandoned silver mines, some of them still well-hidden beneath sagebrush and rotting timbers, as many unfortunates discover each year. So you'd have that 'make it look like an accident' thing going in your favor...

I'll look into the books. I do have to say, though, that the death of my father combined with the twin screwings have changed me substantially. I find it much easier to press the "FIRE" button now, and I mean that in terms of both terminating relationships and releasing photon torpedoes or whatever. It was a transformative experience dealing with people who have no conscience while simultaneously trying to save both parents and then having to make a Sophie's choice and give up on one.

And the silver-mine idea is to simply make the remains disappear forever. Also, I want to be able to hear the glorious silence of several seconds of free fall before the body hits the floor of the shaft.

Reviewing is an art. Don't worry about it. Just tell your fellow Talkbassists if you think the book is a worthwhile investment or not. That's the important thing.

 

[Arthritic_Tom]

What a wonderful spirit, thanks for sharing that. I hope she continues to improve.

Perhaps I'm trying too hard, but I seem to be incapable of expressing myself even semi-coherently. Perhaps I should scale back my expectations, and go for "Finished" instead of the perfect review...

Mom's pretty unique. If anyone can pull this off, she can. She was a spotter in World War II, sitting at the local high school and reporting aircraft. She missed the Battle of Los Angeles because she was off duty and asleep, and it's always bugged her.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Battle_of_Los_Angeles

Like I said earlier, a full review isn't necessary. I just want someone who's finished the book to tell others if you think it's worth their investment or not.

It's only fair to get others opinions in.

 

[ewe2]

I have read the book. It's been one of the great book moments of my life, and I don't say that lightly. I might put something more considered up on goodreads but I wanted Tom to hear my gut reaction first and for TB'ers benefit. Its clear to me that I share a couple of things with Tom in the emotional/life experience area which is one reason the book hit me hard.

But better reasons are many: a more honest, well-written and educational memoir you'd be hard to find. You might have wondered why many musicians have strange lives outside of their chosen vocation: here's one that can express in sometimes riveting fashion why that can be. Perhaps all artists are looking for authentication in some sense, Wictor is driven by that need, as are many of the musicians he interviewed or interacted with.

Sometimes Wictor has to be brutal to explain himself, sometimes he treads lightly. I was reminded greatly of the memoir written by Mike McCartney which is always kidding around but is similarly written in his own unique voice, with the exception that Wictor doesn't pull many punches, and none about himself. Now I understand why he went for the questions he asked of his interviewees and the inserts of his conversations with Thunes have greater impact backed as they are with Wictors ghosts flitting in and out of his continuum. We all have these ghosts in our lives imaginary songlist, and not all of us are as lucky to realize there are also walls.

Think of it like a cross between a photo album and hard bop jazz. I thought of this while watching Bob Mintzers Mr Fonebone being dismantled by Jaco Pastorius and his unusual group at Montreal 1982.



I linked to the full concert because Mintzer literally starts improvising Mr Fonebone in true hard bop form. Music, like life, has this problem of being linear: you have to start at the start and end at the end. There's no way to state all the cyclic elements in either without some kind of trick of perspective, and it seems to me that's what Wictor does with his memoir and bop does to music, exploding the elements and rearranging them so you can see how they're related. So that's my poetic metaphor for a book that is too big to be encapsulated in a linear fashion. I can't even get to the emotional content of it except to say how grateful I am that someone else has these thoughts and has has made sense of them more coherently than I can. Read it and keep passing the open windows.

 

[Jeff Constantine]

Tom, it's amazing how with all the negative things you have experienced in life, that you are still surrounded my miraculous happenings. I wonder if Newton's law of actions having equal and opposite reactions goes beyond physical and meta-physical to even spiritual.

 

[Arthritic_Tom]

Tom, it's amazing how with all the negative things you have experienced in life, that you are still surrounded my miraculous happenings. I wonder if Newton's law of actions having equal and opposite reactions goes beyond physical and meta-physical to even spiritual.

Personally, I feel that the System is set up to benefit all of us, and the only prerequisite to being able to perceive the patterns is the proper mindset.

When my placeholder Website goes up in a few weeks, you'll see my diagram the "Fate Block," which explains my own view of the meaning of life.

I sent it to a guy I've known ten years, and he freaked out so thoroughly that he told me he'd have to take time off from talking to me.

He said nobody in the history of the human race had ever come up with something so insane. "I've seen such patterns," he wrote. "When I was on mushrooms!"

When I sent it to Scott Thunes, he loved it and said I should make a T-shirt out of it.

It's funny, because the Fate Block is a continuum of totally negative destiny on one side and totally positive destiny on the other. The choices you make in life determine where you end up on the Block.

The reactions to the Fate Block range from that of my friend of ten years--"You're insane and need to be committed!" to that of Scott Thunes--"I love it! You're a genius!" It's another continuum.

As a writer and causal artist, I couldn't ask for better reactions. It's means I'm doing something right. What tells me I'm on the wrong path is indifference.

 

[ArtechnikA]

...the Fate Block is a continuum of totally negative destiny on one side and totally positive destiny on the other. The choices you make in life determine where you end up on the Block.

...and thus not even a little like that Yin/Yang graphic... I kid because I obviously haven't seen your representation - yet...

As a writer and causal artist, I couldn't ask for better reactions. It's means I'm doing something right. What tells me I'm on the wrong path is indifference.

Having read the book, I understand you are a causal artist - and yet - without having seen the picture - I cannot help but wonder if you meant 'casual' here with a transposition... Been an unappreciated editor too long...

Another point you make about art in the book is that it raises more questions than it answers - or should. So once again - you're on the right track !

 

[miles'tone]

Interesting!
Although life does appear to be chaotic and random on the surface, I've always believed that there are definitely signposts in place for those who keep there eyes open.
Bring it on Tom!

 

[Arthritic_Tom]

Having read the book, I understand you are a causal artist - and yet - without having seen the picture - I cannot help but wonder if you meant 'casual' here with a transposition... Been an unappreciated editor too long...

Another point you make about art in the book is that it raises more questions than it answers - or should. So once again - you're on the right track !

Oops! Frigging Meniere's brain fog.

CASUAL artist.

I'd post the Fate Block here, but I want eyes on my Website when it goes up. Rather than a yin-yang, it looks more like a beam at the top of a multi-branched tree.

My aghast friend said that diagramming the meaning of life "smacks of messianism." That cracked me up.

I'd be the worst messiah in the history of the universe. My answer to everything is, "How the hell should I know?" I hate doing public appearances, and I hate being interviewed. I hate reading reviews of my work.

I lost somebody to this guy:

Invalid Link Removed

As a psychologist, he knew all the tricks of the trade. I won't say anything else about him, but I'll just point out that I don't want fans or followers; I want readers. I need to earn your readership by producing material you want to buy.

I don't want groupies. I don't want to start a cult. If I could swing it, I'd have Scott Thunes do all my publicity for me. It's gratifying to get messages from people who like my work, but Talkbass readers are the only ones whose messages will get a response, because we'll all bassists, and you freaks convinced me to do this book. We're all in this together.

But I'm no messiah, except in the sense of serving as an example of how not to live your life.

I can be an anti-messiah.

Call me Aunty, if you want. Aunty Tom.

 

[Arthritic_Tom]

Interesting!
Although life does appear to be chaotic and random on the surface, I've always believed that there are definitely signposts in place for those who keep there eyes open.
Bring it on Tom!

My feelings exactly.

 

[RoadRanger]