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Is it wrong to think you're unattractive?
- Thread starter spade2you
- Start date
Plus One to the above.
Dude, you have put yourself into a mental tail spin.
Your self-esteem is very low and women, and even men too, will sense your lack of self respect and low confidence.
The fact of life is people like to surround themselves with winners and try to seperate themselves from perceived losers. You need to start projecting yourself as a winner, smile a lot, walk tall, project happiness everywhere you go, and try to make all the people you come in contact with feel good about themselves. Also, a little humor along the way never hurts. When you make other people feel good they will be attracted and want to be with you.
Hey, I am far away from being eye candy myself, but the above as worked well for me all my life. It can work for you also.
PS: Who knows. Your wife might even get reattracted to you in the process.
Looks don't matter to me amongst my friends. I like the honest open guy who started this thread more than the cocky mildly insulting one in another one.
Stop caring what people think of your looks and become the best guy you can be as often as you can.
I try but I don't always manage it!
Stop caring what people think of your looks and become the best guy you can be as often as you can.
I try but I don't always manage it!
spade, are you related to woody allen? i could just hear his voice as i read your posts in this thread.
I sound more like a very sarcastic David Spade. Used to really look like him when I had hair. Note to self: looking like David Spade does not make an effective chick magnet. People used to buy me beers and take their picture with me, but nary a ____________ (use your imagination) was thrown my way.
Spade, it isn't about looks, age, money, or anything else...it's about finding the right person who will love you for you, and you do the same.
Some of the happiest people I've seen were physically ugly mofos but they had found the right person for them.
Honestly, I agree that you should give counseling a shot. But, if you don't have kids, I would keep an option for getting out before you are tied for the rest of your life to someone who makes you feel miserable. To me, it sounds like possible psychological abuse, just going on what you posted. Male or female, your spouse should help you feel confident to face the world because you know you have a safe, supportive place to come home to. It doesn't sound like you have that right now. I'm on the tall side, but I know how you feel, ...and if it weren't for my son, I'm pretty sure I'd be gone. Good luck buddy.
Some of the happiest people I've seen were physically ugly mofos but they had found the right person for them.
Honestly, I agree that you should give counseling a shot. But, if you don't have kids, I would keep an option for getting out before you are tied for the rest of your life to someone who makes you feel miserable. To me, it sounds like possible psychological abuse, just going on what you posted. Male or female, your spouse should help you feel confident to face the world because you know you have a safe, supportive place to come home to. It doesn't sound like you have that right now. I'm on the tall side, but I know how you feel, ...and if it weren't for my son, I'm pretty sure I'd be gone. Good luck buddy.
I have a son. In my defense, my wife used to be a heck of a lot nicer and kinder up until right before we got married.
I don't think counseling offers much in our case. Under NO circumstances can my wife admit fault without blame or lose an argument. My FIL is a successful attorney with a successful practice and I can tell that he enabled my wife and MIL to be this way. I am a pharmacist by trade and my wife will generally consult her mom as a primary or second opinion on what I do for a living.
Unrepresented
Something Borderline Offensive
This photo is not the most flattering. It makes me believe you're likely to jump out of Camp Crystal Lake and attack a girl in a canoe.
A long time ago when I was allowed to shave my head.
That said, acknowledging your imperfections is fine, getting hung up on them isn't. Everyone's got imperfections, we just tend to overlook them on other people unless either:
a) they're outside the standard deviation
b) we're emotionally underdeveloped superficial freaks
Everyone has flaws they're insecure about. We have entire industries playing those up for us whether they be skin tone, clothing size, body odor, hair color/texture/amount, teeth position/color, boob size, or the dozen spams a day I get letting me know I can improve the size of my manhood. We can be neurotic about ourselves until we've wasted our lives trying to match the appearance of a smiling model in a catalog, or we can realize that form is not the same as function, and one can function perfectly well in 99.999999% of society even if we suffer from the horrific disability of unsightly back hair.
Every person is not going to ooze with sex appeal. You don't have to be attractive to lots of women, you just need to get the right woman.
I have a son. In my defense, my wife used to be a heck of a lot nicer and kinder up until right before we got married.
I don't think counseling offers much in our case. Under NO circumstances can my wife admit fault without blame or lose an argument. My FIL is a successful attorney with a successful practice and I can tell that he enabled my wife and MIL to be this way. I am a pharmacist by trade and my wife will generally consult her mom as a primary or second opinion on what I do for a living.
With an attorney for a FIL, and you having a child...if you decide to get out you'll probably get burned pretty bad. I'm sure you've thought of that already. Only you will really know if it's worth toughing it out and trying to work through, or if you'd be better off calling it quits before you hate each other. I realize you are just trying to think out loud here, and not basing important life decisions by what anonymous people on the internet say. You have to be pretty sharp to be a pharmacist...you'll figure out what's best for you and your family. Again, good luck.
Confidence, fun and money
you can be whoever you want to be, even if your not and you have some sorta mysterious traits and interest they will really line up.
anyhoo your not ugly if you lack self confidence it shows, then no interest.
if you have to much confidence then your a #### then no interest.
women simple like fun and interesting guys. if your not then pretend to be.
if the hair bothers you, then buy some.
shape your eyebrows a bit and wear clothes you never thought of wearing. Take a female friend shopping and let them pick out your clothes....it works trust me it works.
seriously im nothing special and pretty fat compared to you.
I have girlfriends that find me new girlfriends. Its not that hard to work it.
you can be whoever you want to be, even if your not and you have some sorta mysterious traits and interest they will really line up.
anyhoo your not ugly if you lack self confidence it shows, then no interest.
if you have to much confidence then your a #### then no interest.
women simple like fun and interesting guys. if your not then pretend to be.
if the hair bothers you, then buy some.
shape your eyebrows a bit and wear clothes you never thought of wearing. Take a female friend shopping and let them pick out your clothes....it works trust me it works.
seriously im nothing special and pretty fat compared to you.
I have girlfriends that find me new girlfriends. Its not that hard to work it.
I originally posted something but it didn't really add to the conversation so I decided to delete it.
Let me add even more perspective:
I'm 32. I'm 5'4" and 170lbs. I've been overweight most of my life, and while I can get down to about 150, that's still overweight and I still retain a gut. I'm a pretty hairy dude, especially on my back, and when you ask most women, chest hair is usually ok, back hair isn't. I have Cerebral Palsy and I walk with a cane, though I've used crutches most of my life and thankfully I've been able to "improve" enough to where I could graduate to a cane. Even though I'm a young guy, because of my health I'm unable to work full time, so I've been on SSDI since 2007 and will probably always be on it. I don't have any more than a high school education and have never had a career.
To sum up, I'm basically what most women, when polled anonymously, admit that they don't want in a guy. I'm short, fat, hairy, unable to make a woman feel safe and protect them due to the fact that you can knock me over with a slight breeze, and while I'm not BROKE broke (but only due to the fact that I'm not living alone), I'd never be able to be the sole provider or breadwinner in any relationship.
YET, I've been married. Unfortunately that means I also got divorced, but that ALSO means that I'm now with an extremely loving and supportive woman who was everything that my ex-wife wasn't. Dating was tough for me, and I hate to admit it, but all of it for my entire life has been online because my work/school/social life never let me meet anyone in the real world. I too got glossed over a lot because of my height, and then like I said you throw in my physical and employment situation and all bets are off. But, eventually I did meet a lot of woman at least willing to give me a chance because of the person that I am deep down.
It sounds like you're probably very bitter about your marriage and that is effecting your self image. The thought of dating again if the relationship doesn't work out scares just about everyone. I know that despite what I just told you that has worked out for me, I'm scared to death of ever having to date again. I figure my luck is going to run out at some point. But, it wouldn't. You met your wife didn't you? If the marriage didn't work out, you'd meet someone else. But you can't be bitter about how other people make you feel. You're not unattractive (I'd kill to be 5'6" and 120lbs and as athletic as you), you're musical, you're successful and from what I've seen you seem to have a sense of humor.
All good things.
Let me add even more perspective:
I'm 32. I'm 5'4" and 170lbs. I've been overweight most of my life, and while I can get down to about 150, that's still overweight and I still retain a gut. I'm a pretty hairy dude, especially on my back, and when you ask most women, chest hair is usually ok, back hair isn't. I have Cerebral Palsy and I walk with a cane, though I've used crutches most of my life and thankfully I've been able to "improve" enough to where I could graduate to a cane. Even though I'm a young guy, because of my health I'm unable to work full time, so I've been on SSDI since 2007 and will probably always be on it. I don't have any more than a high school education and have never had a career.
To sum up, I'm basically what most women, when polled anonymously, admit that they don't want in a guy. I'm short, fat, hairy, unable to make a woman feel safe and protect them due to the fact that you can knock me over with a slight breeze, and while I'm not BROKE broke (but only due to the fact that I'm not living alone), I'd never be able to be the sole provider or breadwinner in any relationship.
YET, I've been married. Unfortunately that means I also got divorced, but that ALSO means that I'm now with an extremely loving and supportive woman who was everything that my ex-wife wasn't. Dating was tough for me, and I hate to admit it, but all of it for my entire life has been online because my work/school/social life never let me meet anyone in the real world. I too got glossed over a lot because of my height, and then like I said you throw in my physical and employment situation and all bets are off. But, eventually I did meet a lot of woman at least willing to give me a chance because of the person that I am deep down.
It sounds like you're probably very bitter about your marriage and that is effecting your self image. The thought of dating again if the relationship doesn't work out scares just about everyone. I know that despite what I just told you that has worked out for me, I'm scared to death of ever having to date again. I figure my luck is going to run out at some point. But, it wouldn't. You met your wife didn't you? If the marriage didn't work out, you'd meet someone else. But you can't be bitter about how other people make you feel. You're not unattractive (I'd kill to be 5'6" and 120lbs and as athletic as you), you're musical, you're successful and from what I've seen you seem to have a sense of humor.
All good things.
Nope. Speaking of past dating experiences. If I were ever suddenly single, I'd make no effort to meet anyone as hermitdom is a little more appealing.
Why? If you're dating and it doesn't work out you'll be alone. If you're a' hermit you'll be alone too. The only difference is that at least while you're dating you're meeting new people and EVENTUALLY you will meet someone who will like you for you. If you're a hermit you'll never be anything but and likely will make you old and bitter and that definitely won't make you more attractive.
I think there is nothing wrong with feeling unattractive, but where you are incorrect is with this quoted statement. Taste in looks & personality is subjective, and though you may feel that women dont find you attractive, there are likely women out there who do.
This might sound harsh, and I really dont mean it to, but perhaps its more that your settled for the wrong woman. If you see yourself as being unattractive, and you said yourself that you'd hate to be single again, I could see why you might have stuck with a woman who, ultimately, isnt right for you. With the comments you made about her (not at all disrespectful, but quite honest, it seems) it almost sounds like you might have some resentment over being with her.
+1 This kind of goes along with what I was saying above.
+1
In other words, she was a lot kinder up until she got herself "trapped".
Not to derail, but I laugh every time I see your avatar. Especially in the context of this thread on the topic of attractiveness and sex.
