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Is it wrong to think you're unattractive?
- Thread starter spade2you
- Start date
Seeing as I've dated three girls taller than myself and several more around my exact height, I respectfully disagree. I won't say it isn't a factor, but I wouldn't consider it being #1.
If experience has shown me anything, being able to make them laugh and feel comfortable/secure/appreciated around you is probably numero uno on most women's lists of needs/wants in a guy.
Your thinking is all screwed up with regards to relationships. This is the only advice you need. If your wife doesn't find you attractive and you want to get that back, you need to let her know that you can still catch fish.
I'm not saying cheat on her. I'm saying let her see that other women find you attractive. Women are very sexually competitive by nature. They love knowing that "their man" is in demand. Make that happen and your confidence issue will resolve itself.
I'm not saying cheat on her. I'm saying let her see that other women find you attractive. Women are very sexually competitive by nature. They love knowing that "their man" is in demand. Make that happen and your confidence issue will resolve itself.
I used to have a goatee... it helped. I shaved my head and grew a beard, and now my problem as righted itself!
See.
I make sure my woman knows, daily, that I can have any woman I want (even if its just in my head).
I'm a cyclist, specifically a time trial and climbing specialist. Most endurance type events utilize a lot of slow twitch muscle fiber. Toned as hell, but it generally doesn't build much bulk. Adding bulk simply doesn't generally add much speed and means I have to carry up more weight up hills, which is why most climbers tend to be very thin.
At this point, since I'm not on the market, I'd rather win races than look good. Truthfully, I don't think I have the morphology to bulk up even if I tried.
I met up with a friend whom I've known since the 2nd grade the other night. As we drank a beer and solved all the world's problems, the topic of women always comes up. When it came to dating, I really didn't. At 5'6", I'm a little vertically challenged and built like a marathon runner. As fate and genetics had their way with me, I'm now half bald. (THANKS!) Online dating reinforced the idea that my height was a big disadvantage, despite being successful and athletic. It seemed that a 5' woman who wasn't in shape had her sights set on someone 6' and built like a linebacker.
This is generally where people say that it's all about confidence, but I'm fairly confident and driven. When it came to attacting a mate, it wasn't happenin' and it didn't take a rocket surgeon to understand why.
As if dating weren't enough of a challenge, it's a little obvious that my wife isn't attracted to me, either. I suppose that's a different topic for another day.
Without getting too long winded, is it wrong to realize that what the opposet sex want isn't me? I'm not really depressed about it. I don't really feel like getting hair plugs. I work out a ton, which makes me even thinner, albeit more defined.
My friend seemed to think it was odd that I'm aware that I'm unattractive, despite me assuring him that I don't give a poop because they're mostly things I can't change.
Reality can bite you in the bunyons. Unfortunately it's just how things go. The "strange" thing would be pretending it doesn't matter. I know I'm not great looking, happy looking, or (on the surface) intelligent in appearance. The surprise comes when I actually share in a conversation. But as far as getting a date I stand a better chance going on craigslist than revealing myself on a bigger site or out in the open.
I've always considered myself kind of goofy-looking, but back when I was single, I never had a problem getting dates with attractive women. And I started losing my hair in my late 20s, but even then I could get a woman no problem. When my wife and I started dating, I had taken to keeping what hair I had left very short (think Patrick Stewart). It's all about your attitude, man. The women who are really hung up on the traits that you lack (hair, height) aren't worth having, IMO. If you don't care, it doesn't matter.
EDIT: I'm above average height (5' 11") and my fighting weight (martial arts) was 175.
EDIT: I'm above average height (5' 11") and my fighting weight (martial arts) was 175.
I no longer believe in the corporate/media-driven version of what attractive is, or this pseudo-Grecian ideal to which I must strive to attain. While I have a desire to be healthy, the idea of punishing myself into looking like a men's briefs underwear model, just so I can appeal to the wrong kind of person seems like more than a waste of time.
So while I appreciate health and fitness, for me it goes as far as to be happy and confident with myself, and to exercise and engage in feats of endurance because doing so brings me enjoyment.
A lot of the women I find attractive do not fit into the supposed ideal physique, and there are many other reasons I have been attracted to them, not just a temporary physical appearance.
My personal philosophy, here. What works for you works for you, and I'm glad it does.
So while I appreciate health and fitness, for me it goes as far as to be happy and confident with myself, and to exercise and engage in feats of endurance because doing so brings me enjoyment.
A lot of the women I find attractive do not fit into the supposed ideal physique, and there are many other reasons I have been attracted to them, not just a temporary physical appearance.
My personal philosophy, here. What works for you works for you, and I'm glad it does.
I think with some, but not all, it can be very high on the list. I've also dated a few women who were taller than me. At the same time, I've known a few shorter women who thought I wasn't tall enough for them.
Tat2dHeart
Only two strings away from an attitude problem.
Heh. There are other women here. I'm friends with them. I would not go so far as to suggest that my viewpoint is anywhere near aligned with theirs. I'm the least "typical" woman you'll ever know.
Just ask anyone in TBOT; they'll tell you. I'm far too blunt to be a "normal" woman.There's this that goes along with it, as well. We are women. We have no idea what we want. We absolutely will be angry if we don't get it. Our drug of choice, in most cases, is attention (personally, I prefer basses, electronics, and shoes, but that's a whole other thread). We want a guy to want us. When he does, we don't want him to want us that much. There's a formula for how to keep us interested - Maki explains that part far better than I do.
The looks - meh - if the women you're interested in are so hung up on how much you weigh and how tall you are, you can do better. Be yourself. Be confident. Don't let the desperation stink you up (no amount of Axe in the world can mask desperation). Just do what you do and be happy doing it. If you can do those, you'll start getting attention. When you do - follow where it goes. Sometimes it's just going to be a random date, sometimes you're gonna get a chance to tap it (be safe though), and one of them (maybe more) is not gonna want to go home.....ever.
And last, but not least, when you really get to feeling weird about yourself. Put on normal clothes and go to Wal-Mart (about 2 or 3 AM). Just wander around the store and look at the shoppers. It only takes one or two of those excursions to realize that there is someone for everyone.
Matty, you're adorkable. That's why women love ya.
It is if you're planning to rub that thing on the bottom of my feet to tickle me.
Anyone can do it, but it's much easier for some people than for others.
