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Is it wrong to think you're unattractive?

#101
ErebusBass said:
That's BS. Anyone can do it with the right diet and exercise combo.
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You can debate with me as much as you'd like, but I've spent just a little time studying up on athletic training, which I have used to build my athletic training programs. To certain extents, individuals have different fast twitch and slow twitch muscles. Fast twitch muscles tend to be short duration and explosive efforts and the muscle tissue is bulky.

Slow twitch muscle fibers are less intense but long duration, which is why a track runner is built a lot different from a marathon runner. Slow twitch muscle tends to not be very bulky.

I've tried to bulk up with no real luck. At the same time, no weight lifter will ever be able to keep up with me in the hills. I wouldn't say I'm a natural whatsoever, but if I spent the same amount of time weight lifting as I did with long endurance, I wouldn't get a fraction of the results that I get with my current training regimen. I tailor my training so I can maximize my results in certain types of racing. Sure, I could try to improve my weaknesses, but I'm still winning the occasional race under my current strategy.
 
#102
jmattbassplaya said:
Anyone can do it, but it's much easier for some people than for others.
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I'm not sure I buy that anyone can do it.

I'm 6'1", 165lbs.

I was 6'1" and 165lbs - 25 years ago when I started high school.

In the intervening 25 years I've had period where I really attempted to bulk up - high school football and early college.

In high school I lifted 3-4 days a week for bulk. Ate tons of protein and calories in general. Managed to get all the way up to 175lb, not an ounce more.

In college I went through a period of similar, heavy lifting... I never broke 170. I went from bench pressing 200lbs to about 280lbs.. barely gained a pound.
 
#104
spade2you said:
You can debate with me as much as you'd like, but I've spent just a little time studying up on athletic training, which I have used to build my athletic training programs. To certain extents, individuals have different fast twitch and slow twitch muscles. Fast twitch muscles tend to be short duration and explosive efforts and the muscle tissue is bulky.

Slow twitch muscle fibers are less intense but long duration, which is why a track runner is built a lot different from a marathon runner. Slow twitch muscle tends to not be very bulky.

I've tried to bulk up with no real luck. At the same time, no weight lifter will ever be able to keep up with me in the hills. I wouldn't say I'm a natural whatsoever, but if I spent the same amount of time weight lifting as I did with long endurance, I wouldn't get a fraction of the results that I get with my current training regimen. I tailor my training so I can maximize my results in certain types of racing. Sure, I could try to improve my weaknesses, but I'm still winning the occasional race under my current strategy.
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That would be the diet part. You need more protein and more calories to build muscle. You might not get huge, but anyone can bulk up a little if they want to.
 
#106
All this talk about facial hair and bulking up is irrelevant to the real issue here. The issue is that the OP is married and now his wife says she isn't attracted to him. When you're married, how attractive you might be to the female half of the race in general is irrelevant. What matters is your marriage.

At one point the OP's wife DID find him attractive, or presumably she wouldn't have married him. So what's changed? Either something with her, or something with him. If she's changed, he needs to think how, and whether there's any way he can respond to it. If it's him, he needs to ask how he's changed. It might be something as superficial as his hair. If she's that superficial of a person, he has a problem, because you don't often see superficial people turning into deep ones.

Or, it might be there's something he hasn't revealed about his personality, and what's come out over time in how he relates to her, that now alienates her (there are two sides to every story, after all, and we've only heard one).

Whatever it is, what's needed is not an exercise program or facial hair, it's marital counseling. If he or she are unwilling to go there, and fix the real problems, then he needs to ask what other options he has. Seems to me there are three: put up with it, get divorced, or carry on with a loveless marriage, which will probably mean cheating (both him and her).

All this talk about how appealing to women in general he is makes me think that we're leaning toward the cheating option here, which I don't think is the best way to go. Fix the marriage or get out of it.
 
#108
hrodbert696 said:
All this talk about facial hair and bulking up is irrelevant to the real issue here. The issue is that the OP is married and now his wife says she isn't attracted to him. When you're married, how attractive you might be to the female half of the race in general is irrelevant.
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I, to some extent, disagree...

For many women, their man being attractive TO OTHER WOMEN.

There is truth to what Sgt. Rock said -

I'm not saying cheat on her. I'm saying let her see that other women find you attractive. Women are very sexually competitive by nature. They love knowing that "their man" is in demand.
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hrodbert696 said:
At one point the OP's wife DID find him attractive, or presumably she wouldn't have married him.
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While I'd generally agree - I hate to say it, but you're assuming facts not in evidence.

People (sadly) marry people they aren't attracted to all the time.
 
#109
ErebusBass said:
That would be the diet part. You need more protein and more calories to build muscle. You might not get huge, but anyone can bulk up a little if they want to.
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After a few 3,000 calorie bike rides, you quickly learn how to eat.

Keep in mind that endurance training and bulking up are two entirely different things. I'm obviously not an expert at bulking up, but those guys aren't my competition at bike races. In a bunch sprint, fast twitch fibers are more useful and those riders will kick my ass. In the hills, they go bye bye. ;)
 
#110
aborgman said:
I'm not sure I buy that anyone can do it.

I'm 6'1", 165lbs.

I was 6'1" and 165lbs - 25 years ago when I started high school.

In the intervening 25 years I've had period where I really attempted to bulk up - high school football and early college.

In high school I lifted 3-4 days a week for bulk. Ate tons of protein and calories in general. Managed to get all the way up to 175lb, not an ounce more.

In college I went through a period of similar, heavy lifting... I never broke 170. I went from bench pressing 200lbs to about 280lbs.. barely gained a pound.
Click to expand...

Without being there and knowing all the gritty details, I really can't say much to this. It's possible you simply reached your genetic potential, but more than likely you simply weren't doing something right (most likely in regards to your diet). Did you ever do bulking periods? Were you getting at least a gram of protein per lb of body weight you had every single day? Were you focusing more on compound lifts than isolated lifts? Were you getting at least 7-8 hours of sleep every nights? Were you staying hydrated? Were you mixing up your workouts? What did your weekly workout routine look like? etc.... Lots of factors can play into that.

scorpionldr said:
No but I mean the concept that only true progress is made through 'muscle confusion'. What do you make of that?
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I'm not sure how you're defining muscle confusion, but a person definitely can't use the same routine for months on end and continue to see results. Plateauing happens a lot, so it's important to mix things up on at least a monthly/bi-monthly basis.
 
#111
jmattbassplaya said:
Without being there and knowing all the gritty details, I really can't say much to this. It's possible you simply reached your genetic potential, but more than likely you simply weren't doing something right (most likely in regards to your diet). Did you ever do bulking periods?
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In these cases we're basically talking about pure bulking periods - especially the summer lifting prior to football.

jmattbassplaya said:
Were you getting at least a gram of protein per lb of body weight you had every single day?
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I'd say on average it was right around a gram/lb/day.

jmattbassplaya said:
Were you focusing more on compound lifts than isolated lifts?
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Outside of leg curls, leg extensions, and some neck isolation - almost completely compound lifts.

Mostly squats, bench press, rows, military press - then throw in explosive movement plyometrics and stuff like situps/pullups.

jmattbassplaya said:
Were you getting at least 7-8 hours of sleep every nights? Were you staying hydrated? Were you mixing up your workouts? What did your weekly workout routine look like? etc.... Lots of factors can play into that.
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No doubt about that - but I'm pretty sure in my case, it's just my genetics.

I've been between 155-170 pounds continuously since I was 12. I'm now almost 39.
 
#112
DwaynieAD said:
oh the places we could go :hiding:
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Hahahaha!!!! Ya think? :p

MatticusMania said:
Nope. The scent of Axe is the smell of desperation.
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Touche...again, something easily observable at Wal-Mart. ;)

hrodbert696 said:
All this talk about facial hair and bulking up is irrelevant to the real issue here. The issue is that the OP is married and now his wife says she isn't attracted to him. When you're married, how attractive you might be to the female half of the race in general is irrelevant. What matters is your marriage.

At one point the OP's wife DID find him attractive, or presumably she wouldn't have married him. So what's changed? Either something with her, or something with him. If she's changed, he needs to think how, and whether there's any way he can respond to it. If it's him, he needs to ask how he's changed. It might be something as superficial as his hair. If she's that superficial of a person, he has a problem, because you don't often see superficial people turning into deep ones.

Or, it might be there's something he hasn't revealed about his personality, and what's come out over time in how he relates to her, that now alienates her (there are two sides to every story, after all, and we've only heard one).

Whatever it is, what's needed is not an exercise program or facial hair, it's marital counseling. If he or she are unwilling to go there, and fix the real problems, then he needs to ask what other options he has. Seems to me there are three: put up with it, get divorced, or carry on with a loveless marriage, which will probably mean cheating (both him and her).

All this talk about how appealing to women in general he is makes me think that we're leaning toward the cheating option here, which I don't think is the best way to go. Fix the marriage or get out of it.
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Fair point, well made.
 
#113
hrodbert696 said:
Funny, my wife likes Axe. From time to time I get a cheaper deoderant and she'll say, "What did you get that for? Buy some Axe!" Go figure.
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Perhaps she is turned on by desperation? :hiding:


Just kidding, of course. :p

hrodbert696 said:
All this talk about how appealing to women in general he is makes me think that we're leaning toward the cheating option here, which I don't think is the best way to go. Fix the marriage or get out of it.
Click to expand...

Oh, I thought we were going on about him getting ready to pick up the ladies after this divorce. :hiding:

Kidding, again. :p
 
#115
Since you a man of science, how about picking up some shoes with lifts that add couple of inches to your height as part of an experiment?

Giving that everything else being equal (poor interpersonal skills as you've described them), my hypothesis would be that you'll find no difference in the amount of women that will find you "attractive".

Another experiment would be to not get the lifts and change your interpersonal skills to reflect someone who cares about other people's feelings, stop being "blunt and matter of fact", and actually listen to what they're saying instead of always having to say what's on your mind all the time. With those changes, I suspect you would be able to meet lots of woman who find you attractive.

Maybe my science is not exact but you get the picture, right?

Science fact: for eons, billions of short men have met billions of short women over the past eons, otherwise, how would short people exist at all?

According to the 2010 census, there are about 45 million women in the US between the ages of 20 and 40. How many have you met?

Good luck.
 
#118
bluewine said:
Didn't read the whole thread, but how many of you have seen that really hot, cute chic at Wal Mart with her arm around some "goof" that basically looks like a thumb and you're like. " what the heck" ?

Blue
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MatticusMania said:
Ive seen plenty of attractive women with men who I would not define as attractive.
Heck, Ive been that guy even.
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That's been my point - we all aren't as hung up on looks as you seem to think we are. ;)


On the other hand - it's sort of refreshing to see that guys have anxiety about this, too. It makes you seem a little more human and a little less alien species. :p
 

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