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Is it wrong to think you're unattractive?

Are they not related? Why would you even bother worrying about your looks if you're not the least bit interested in attracting a possible mate? All we're saying is that while looks are a factor (even a huge one in some cases) they aren't what defines a person or their real worth. The OP seemed very insecure about his looks in regards his wife's ability to find him attractive, and we're saying his problem most likely stems from something much deeper than that.

Well said.
 
There are some theorists on this that make the claim that within the first 5-15 seconds a girl knows whether or not she'll want to get with a guy.

As much as I'd like to deny that it is VERY plausible.

Maybe it's behavior exhibited around him that's giving him reason; but to deny looks hold so much influence in such a short amount of time and to propose its all just a matter of approach....MAYBE but I doubt it works much past introductory relations.

IME, if you can get a woman to laugh within the first 20 seconds of meeting them you're golden. Looks definitely help, but getting them laugh is the big thing to worry about. It has worked for me!
 
A lack of good single women? Really? :eyebrow:
How many new women do you meet in the average day?

Correction; how many new women WANT me to meet them in the average day?

And I put myself out there all the time. No takers here.

As for my job (which I anticipate being the next topic), working in a warehouse in an office yields few opportunities to meet; the last thing a warehouse wants is one of its employees in is a harassment suit hence I have no female coworkers.
 
Correction; how many new women WANT me to meet them in the average day?

And I put myself out there all the time. No takers here.

As for my job (which I anticipate being the next topic), working in a warehouse in an office yields few opportunities to meet; the last thing a warehouse wants is one of its employees in is a harassment suit hence I have no female coworkers.

But there are other places to meet women than work. As a rule, I dont get involved with people I work with.
If youre putting yourself out there and not getting any takers perhaps your approach is off.
You state that the women dont want to meet you, thats a good sign your social skills may need some adjustment.
 
A lack of good single women? Really? :eyebrow:
How many new women do you meet in the average day?

To be fair, I actually see his point. Good women tend to already be in a relationship, so it can be hard to find single ones if you're not the kind of guy who can just talk to women without having any problems. And let's be honest, most good women already have a line of suitors waiting to jump in at a moments notice. It can be hard to find good ones if you're not a very outgoing guy.
 
To be fair, I actually see his point. Good women tend to already be in a relationship

I cant agree with that. Yes, lots of good women are already involved, but there are likely just as many who are not. Not every woman jumps into a new relationship at the end of a previous one.

And let's be honest, most good women already have a line of suitors waiting to jump in at a moments notice. It can be hard to find good ones if you're not a very outgoing guy.

Just because a woman has a line of suitors does not mean that she wants anything to do with them dating-wise. That line of suitors is likely full of guys who fell into the "friendzone" trap. A woman is much more inclined to be interested in the new guy who comes along. Ive seen this play out many times with good women. His point, though fair, is a self fulfilling prophecy.
 
But there are other places to meet women than work. As a rule, I dont get involved with people I work with.
If youre putting yourself out there and not getting any takers perhaps your approach is off.
You state that the women dont want to meet you, thats a good sign your social skills may need some adjustment.

......what do you say to some girl working at a store in a mall? I haven't found those words yet. And another was one who like I mentioned had her 'overpopulated' social life.

I'm sure socially I'm not all that well adjusted, I've had problems for multiple years, but similarly, it's like the needle in the haystack by that point where change needs to occur.
 
I cant agree with that. Yes, lots of good women are already involved, but there are likely just as many who are not. Not every woman jumps into a new relationship at the end of a previous one.



Just because a woman has a line of suitors does not mean that she wants anything to do with them dating-wise. That line of suitors is likely full of guys who fell into the "friendzone" trap. A woman is much more inclined to be interested in the new guy who comes along. Ive seen this play out many times with good women. His point, though fair, is a self fulfilling prophecy.

+1
 
......what do you say to some girl working at a store in a mall? I haven't found those words yet. And another was one who like I mentioned had her 'overpopulated' social life.

Its easy enough to strike up conversation with a girl working at the mall, but thats not an appropriate time to get to know a girl and ask her out, shes supposed to be working. Though, when I worked the counter at Burger King, this one girl approached me and started raving about how beautiful my eyes were. I was busy, else Id have struck up conversation.
If a girl has an overcrowded social life, and she sees you as a positive addition to her circle of friends, she'll make time for you.

I'm sure socially I'm not all that well adjusted, I've had problems for multiple years, but similarly, it's like the needle in the haystack by that point where change needs to occur.

It seems like your painting a picture of despair here. Thats not attractive. I dont think that youre beyond adjustment. I know youre going to argue this with me (and I only say this because you have in the past, many times) but a positive outlook goes a long way towards being more sociable.
 
I cant agree with that. Yes, lots of good women are already involved, but there are likely just as many who are not. Not every woman jumps into a new relationship at the end of a previous one.



Just because a woman has a line of suitors does not mean that she wants anything to do with them dating-wise. That line of suitors is likely full of guys who fell into the "friendzone" trap. A woman is much more inclined to be interested in the new guy who comes along. Ive seen this play out many times with good women. His point, though fair, is a self fulfilling prophecy.

I guess we would have to define what a 'good woman' is, but that all would boil down to personal preference. Like I said in regards to myself, I tend to be very picky when it comes to women who I'd be interested in pursuing. As such, my potential dating pool based on my needs/wants in a mate is already a bit small.

Do you remember that thread I either started or somewhat took off topic in regards to the young lady in one of my classes who I was beyond smitten for but could do nothing about because she was already engaged? It's like that. If you know what you want and it doesn't pop up too often then it might very well be hard to find good women (by one's own personal definition) who aren't already taken. Furthermore, if you aren't very outgoing or if you are unfortunately a bit less than easy on the eyes to the opposite sex then you might find yourself having an incredibly difficult time finding someone.

Of course, this is why Maki's philosophy is so appealing. Tap many, tap often, and eventually one might just surprise you enough to make you an honest man :D
 
Its easy enough to strike up conversation with a girl working at the mall, but thats not an appropriate time to get to know a girl and ask her out, shes supposed to be working. Though, when I worked the counter at Burger King, this one girl approached me and started raving about how beautiful my eyes were. I was busy, else Id have struck up conversation.
If a girl has an overcrowded social life, and she sees you as a positive addition to her circle of friends, she'll make time for you.



It seems like your painting a picture of despair here. Thats not attractive. I dont think that youre beyond adjustment. I know youre going to argue this with me (and I only say this because you have in the past, many times) but a positive outlook goes a long way towards being more sociable.

Despair should be a natural reaction to the window of my twenties rapidly closing.
 
Not to split hairs, but it also really depends on your definition of "good woman".

I dont think it does. "Good woman" means something different to everybody, but there isnt a difference between a "good woman" or a "bad woman" in the dating world. Theyre all on equal playing fields. There are lots of bad women out there in the same positions as good women, and they are wanted by plenty of men as well.

Forget the differentiation of good vs bad women, this applies to all women.

Do you remember that thread I either started or somewhat took off topic in regards to the young lady in one of my classes who I was beyond smitten for but could do nothing about because she was already engaged? It's like that.

I dont remember if you said so or not, but did you actually spend time with that girl outside of class? You could just as quickly came to the realization that that girl did not fit what you were looking for after a date or two.

If you know what you want and it doesn't pop up too often then it might very well be hard to find good women (by one's own personal definition) who aren't already taken.

At that point Id say youre overthinking things. If you know what you want, it takes getting to know someone before you can tell if they fit that criteria or not. Otherwise, if youre not giving anyone else a chance, youre being too picky. That doesnt mean shack up with someone who is outside of your criteria, but I might say yure being too rigid.

Furthermore, if you aren't very outgoing or if you are unfortunately a bit less than easy on the eyes to the opposite sex then you might find yourself having an incredibly difficult time finding someone.

Ugly people can be outgoing and sociable as well. Is every social person you know above average in attraction. Your statement flies in the face of every ugly dude with a hot chick out there. Social ability plays far more into it than attractiveness, youve stated such yourself in this thread, I believe.

Of course, this is why Maki's philosophy is so appealing. Tap many, tap often, and eventually one might just surprise you enough to make you an honest man :D

Plain and simple. Give everyone a chance until one sticks. You might find a woman outside of your criteria who is suitable, but was overlooked.
 
Despair should be a natural reaction to the window of my twenties rapidly closing.

Really? Why? Im just as old you and my life is barely starting.
If you feel despair over being almost 30, Id suggest you work on the things in your life that make you feel that way.

Dogs love me way more than people, no shame in that statement.

Do you own a dog? Live near a dog park? Instant conversation!
Just dont hang around a dog park without having a dog of your own, some might find that creepy.