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Is it wrong to think you're unattractive?

#161
scorpionldr said:
Anything friendly with a pulse. Standards low enough yet?
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I'm trying to think of a way to say this without sounding snotty, because I truly want to help you, but if your outlook on life and people in general in person is anything like the one you portray on this forum, you're probably going to have a hard time finding finding anything friendly.

I don't know how you dress, or how you groom yourself, but keeping up appearances is a big thing. This doesn't mean having a 6 pack or having a jaw so square and sharp you could cut a G-string with it, but it does mean looking like you've given at least half a damn about the way you look. That was something that took me a long ass time to wrap my head around, because I was always like "I don't want a girl if she's only interested in my looks, blah blah blah super deep, stupid, stubborn reasoning". Well turns out that when you look like you don't give a damn how you look, other people will figure you don't give a damn about much of anything at all, and apathy is deathly unattractive.

Also, smile more. If some one looks at you, smile at them, it instantly sets the tone that you're friendly and approachable.
 
#162
MatticusMania said:
Really? Why? Im just as old you and my life is barely starting.
If you feel despair over being almost 30, Id suggest you work on the things in your life that make you feel that way.



Do you own a dog? Live near a dog park? Instant conversation!
Just dont hang around a dog park without having a dog of your own, some might find that creepy.
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The likelyhood of meeting ppl rapidly disappears as ppl around you marry up.

Sure! He's stuck in the yard, don't think the ground is soft enough to walk him yet tho :(
 
#163
sloasdaylight said:
I'm trying to think of a way to say this without sounding snotty, because I truly want to help you, but if your outlook on life and people in general in person is anything like the one you portray on this forum, you're probably going to have a hard time finding finding anything friendly.

I don't know how you dress, or how you groom yourself, but keeping up appearances is a big thing. This doesn't mean having a 6 pack or having a jaw so square and sharp you could cut a G-string with it, but it does mean looking like you've given at least half a damn about the way you look. That was something that took me a long ass time to wrap my head around, because I was always like "I don't want a girl if she's only interested in my looks, blah blah blah super deep, stupid, stubborn reasoning". Well turns out that when you look like you don't give a damn how you look, other people will figure you don't give a damn about much of anything at all, and apathy is deathly unattractive.

Also, smile more. If some one looks at you, smile at them, it instantly sets the tone that you're friendly and approachable.
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I can believe that, no snot detected. I try to upkeep the style. As for behavioral traits.....been trying to keep a chin up but I'm generally good about it
 
#164
scorpionldr said:
......what do you say to some girl working at a store in a mall? I haven't found those words yet.
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Hi. I'm refreshing my social world and updating my wardrobe. I could really use your help finding a {insert article(s) of clothing here} to update my look. I like to do {insert two or three things you really enjoy}. Can you suggest some {repeat article(s) of clothing} that will look great and that I'll be able to wear for a while?

She should now engage and start asking you about your social world in order to help you select clothing. It's likely (although not guaranteed) that she'll comment about fun stuff you mention. When she does, that's a clue that she's a little bit interested. Then you can ask her questions back.

When you make your purchase (and for that much help you do need to buy at least one thing), don't buy everything you wanted. Randomly go back to the store to scope out when she's working and talk to her about the things she helped you pick out. Compliment her taste on the thing you bought. Buy another piece from her recommendations. Then ask her for coffee after she's off work.

And that's what you say to the girl in the mall without getting her fired.
 
#165
scorpionldr said:
The likelyhood of meeting ppl rapidly disappears as ppl around you marry up.
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Thats not true. The potential for meeting new people through those married friends might decrease (married people have single friends, too) but you cant rely only on meeting new people through people that you already know. Thats a very slow way to meet new people. If you go out and meet just one stranger, the possibility to meet new people increses exponentially. New friends will have other friends you have not yet met.
 
#166
MatticusMania said:
Thats not true. The potential for meeting new people through those married friends might decrease (married people have single friends, too) but you cant rely only on meeting new people through people that you already know. Thats a very slow way to meet new people. If you go out and meet just one stranger, the possibility to meet new people increses exponentially. New friends will have other friends you have not yet met.
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I think I'm going to take a friend's similar approach and try brushing up the social skills in a few go go bars
 
#167
MatticusMania said:
Thats not true. The potential for meeting new people through those married friends might decrease (married people have single friends, too) but you cant rely only on meeting new people through people that you already know. Thats a very slow way to meet new people. If you go out and meet just one stranger, the possibility to meet new people increses exponentially. New friends will have other friends you have not yet met.
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Yep.

One of the best things you can do to try and meet new people is to do something completely new to you and outside your comfort zone. For me it was rock climbing. I joined a Rock Climbing gym here in Tampa for a while and I met a lot of new people, some of whom were very interesting. In the end though I decided to stop going there because I didn't wind up liking the majority of the people I met. Though now that I'm at a different place in my life, I may head back in a bit. Point is, I took a risk and changed something. Didn't like the result, so I changed to something new. Can't stay put if staying put isn't working for you. Try finding a hiking group, or a knitting camp, or a farmers market, or something where you can interact with people.

Like Matticus said, even one new friend you meet somewhere outside your existing circle opens you up to a new group that has the potential to be exponentially larger than the one before it.
 
#168
spade2you said:
LOL at 5'6" and ~120lbs, I probably am. I was never opposed to dating a bigger girl, but most weren't too keen on me since more than a few commented that I made them feel bad about their self image.



Strange that I'm so critical of myself.
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I didn't read all the posts in this thread, just scrolled down a bit and saw this one you followed up with. So, FWIW...

I thought of 2 friends of mine right off the bat when you posted this. Both of them are super skinny, and very lanky. They both married absolute bomb shells. The first is a great friend of mine back in college. He married one of the girls that everyone I knew had tried to entice at one point or another, myself included. She toyed with all of us, innocently I might add, until they started dating and were later married. She was kind of thin like the super model type.

The 2nd friend I thought of is even skinnier than the first, and he was balding also. He married one of the sexiest people I've ever seen in my life. Very full figured, not thin or fat, very curvy and voluptuous, etc. A REAL woman as some of the other guys referred to her.

Both of these guys are two of the greatest people you'd ever meet in your life. Honest, loyal, fun-loving, easy going, good spirited, give-you-the-shirt-off-their-back kind of guys. Not an enemy in the world. They love their wives and those woman worship the ground they walk on.

So while I think it's definitely healthy to know you aren't going to wow the chicks with a photograph necessarily (which would be an unhealthy view of yourself), I don't think it's a good idea to think of yourself in terms of how attractive you are or aren't. That kind of thing over time can cause you to withdraw into yourself and that is a bad thing.

My 2 cents.
 
#170
Ziltoid said:
Imo. Scorpion your self esteem seems to be the problem (or part of it), why would girls like you if you don't even like yourself?
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Because I'm "nice" is usually the common answer.

Edit; just FYI I "like" myself but I will make exceptions on parts. I don't think many others wouldn't be unable to understand that concept. For example in early years I got scrutinized for multiple parts of my personality, appearance, mannerisms, etc, in fact much like I get scrutinized over my belief system. So what exactly should make me be as open put there as I am here?
 
#171
scorpionldr said:
Because I'm "nice" is usually the common answer
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#177
scorpionldr said:
I think I'm going to take a friend's similar approach and try brushing up the social skills in a few go go bars
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As long as youre having fun when you go, man!

scorpionldr said:
Because I'm "nice" is usually the common answer.
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Being nice is cool, but we've all seen people who arent nice get girls too.
Being nice and liking yourself, those two traits will take you far in life.

Edit; just FYI I "like" myself but I will make exceptions on parts. I don't think many others wouldn't be unable to understand that concept. For example in early years I got scrutinized for multiple parts of my personality, appearance, mannerisms, etc, in fact much like I get scrutinized over my belief system. So what exactly should make me be as open put there as I am here?
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Because thats the way life is lived. We're all critical of ourselves at times over any variety of things. Dwelling on them will make us unhappy people. If you cant identify something that you dont like about yourself you instantly give yourself the necessary tools to change it.

scorpionldr said:
Food for thought. I'm sure you're uber-awesome compared to me, but give this a shot; if you disappeared, do you think people would notice? I have my answer.
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Im not uber-awesome, Im just comfortable with myself and I like who Ive made myself into.
I know for a fact people would notice if I disappeared. Since I dont see everyone who would care daily it might take a few weeks for everyone to realize, though. I have a large social circle (and theres always room for more).

If you dont think people would notice that youre gone you should work on creating more positive relationships with people.
 
#180
scorpionldr said:
The point is I don't "have" to do anything. The point is this; if you're existence makes little difference to those you aren't looking to bang, what difference would it possibly make on those?
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No, you dont have to do anything at all, but is that the kind of existence you want to live?
If your existence makes little difference to those you aren't looking to bang (meaning your friends, I take it?) I have to ask if your existence makes any difference to you at all? Do you enjoy being alive? Do you enjoy anything at all? (Im asking seriously).
If your existence makes little difference to those you aren't looking to bang then maybe you should work on making a more positive impact in the lives of your friends.
 

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