Is it wrong to think you're unattractive?

[sloasdaylight]

No, you dont have to do anything at all, but is that the kind of existence you want to live?
If your existence makes little difference to those you aren't looking to bang (meaning your friends, I take it?) I have to ask if your existence makes any difference to you at all? Do you enjoy being alive? Do you enjoy anything at all? (Im asking seriously).
If your existence makes little difference to those you aren't looking to bang then maybe you should work on making a more positive impact in the lives of your friends.

+1

 

[scorpionldr]

No, you dont have to do anything at all, but is that the kind of existence you want to live?
If your existence makes little difference to those you aren't looking to bang (meaning your friends, I take it?) I have to aks if your existence makes any difference to you at all? Do you enjoy being alive? Do you enjoy anything at all? (Im asking seriously).
If your existence makes little difference to those you aren't looking to bang then maybe you should work on making a more positive impact in the lives of your friends.

Acquaintances, more really. Friends do, even if they don't know it.

I enjoy going to school (To some degree). I know for a fact I enjoy being in bands, even if its more frustrating, because it fills a void. I enjoy when I have ideas for art and I have the focus to turn them into real finished works (rare). But I'm just sick of being an ambiguous drifter (literally, the only way I can describe it) who most ppl see as a waste that'll eventually move on to bother someone else.

 

[sloasdaylight]

Acquaintances, more really. Friends do, even if they don't know it.

I enjoy going to school (To some degree). I know for a fact I enjoy being in bands, even if its more frustrating, because it fills a void. I enjoy when I have ideas for art and I have the focus to turn them into real finished works (rare). But I'm just sick of being an ambiguous drifter (literally, the only way I can describe it) who most ppl see as a waste that'll eventually move on to bother someone else.

Well that no one really on an internet board can give you advice about, because that sounds like a deeper psychological issue, but I would say try new things that are a complete 180 from what you think you would enjoy or do normally.

Like I said, staying put isn't gonna be good for you if it's already getting you no where. Gotta make some kind of a change. Ain't nobody gonna change you lest you do.

 

[MatticusMania]

But I'm just sick of being an ambiguous drifter (literally, the only way I can describe it) who most ppl see as a waste that'll eventually move on to bother someone else.

Is that really the way others see you? Or, is it more the way you see yourself, and project your own self-image unto others?
Do you feel as though you lead a purpose driven life? If not, Id recommend finding some purpose.
Ive been that drifter, but I dont think people see me as a waste. Just because you havent found purpose in your life yet doesnt mean that time has run out.

I enjoy going to school (To some degree). I know for a fact I enjoy being in bands, even if its more frustrating, because it fills a void. I enjoy when I have ideas for art and I have the focus to turn them into real finished works (rare).

Keep studying (school just so happens to be a great place to meet women), keep playing in bands. Dont do things just to stay busy and fill a void, spend more time doing the things you do enjoy. Try some new things you think you might enjoy. Organize your artistic ideas and set things in motion. Set up small goals that allow you to carry those ideas out. Just enjoy being you, as much as you can be.

 

[scorpionldr]

Is that really the way others see you? Or, is it more the way you see yourself, and project your own self-image unto others?
Do you feel as though you lead a purpose driven life? If not, Id recommend finding some purpose.
Ive been that drifter, but I dont think people see me as a waste. Just because you havent found purpose in your life yet doesnt mean that time has run out.



Keep studying (school just so happens to be a great place to meet women), keep playing in bands. Dont do things just to stay busy and fill a void, spend more time doing the things you do enjoy. Try some new things you think you might enjoy. Organize your artistic ideas and set things in motion. Set up small goals that allow you to carry those ideas out. Just enjoy being you, as much as you can be.

Honestly I don't know the best way to answer those first two. I think (looking really far back) I started out as just a strange person, and people pointed me out rather than clarifying what they thought was odd. So instead of trying to conform, I purposely got weirder and abstract, because I figured since I wasn't weird in my own eyes (while ppl thought whatever they did) i might as well had just ****ed with their heads more so eventually they'd figure it out and wise up. Clearly backfired and I've just ended up confusing myself.

That's what I remember anyhow. Maybe if I think about more of my grade school years I'll remember more; I blocked a lot of it.

 

[MatticusMania]

Honestly I don't know the best way to answer those first two. I think (looking really far back) I started out as just a strange person, and people pointed me out rather than clarifying what they thought was odd. So instead of trying to conform, I purposely got weirder and abstract, because I figured since I wasn't weird in my own eyes (while ppl thought whatever they did) i might as well had just ****ed with their heads more so eventually they'd figure it out and wise up. Clearly backfired and I've just ended up confusing myself.

That's what I remember anyhow. Maybe if I think about more of my grade school years I'll remember more; I blocked a lot of it.

I was very much like you during most of my early school years, probably up until my junior year of high school.
I was weird, and took a lot of crap for it. But what I didnt do was push people away, which it sounds like you might have done. Rather than alienate everyone, I embraced those who accepted me as the weirdo I am. I only got weirder, but I was fine with it.

The thing is we're not in high school anymore. If you havent learned to accept yourself as is how is anyone else supposed to?
People dont like to be ****ed with, if youre still behaving that way I recommend you stop that childish behavior and treat people with respect and courtesy. It'll take you places.

 

[scorpionldr]

I was very much like you during most of my early school years, probably up until my junior year of high school.
I was weird, and took a lot of crap for it. But what I didnt do was push people away, which it sounds like you might have done. Rather than alienate everyone, I embraced those who accepted me as the weirdo I am. I only got weirder, but I was fine with it.

The thing is we're not in high school anymore. If you havent learned to accept yourself as is how is anyone else supposed to?
People dont like to be ****ed with, if youre still behaving that way I recommend you stop that childish behavior and treat people with respect and courtesy. It'll take you places.

Lol more of this talk on 'self-acceptance'. How can I disown myself if all actions I've taken have moved me to who I am?

I probably used '****ed with' in the wrong context. Where I didn't find myself fitting in or making more friends than I should've I just retreated to the nerdery and gamed/probably checked out more fetish pron than I should've and just generally tried to get through the days reading and indulging in all the obscurities of my soul alone, assuming I'd hear when I was needed. Of course I practiced a lot of bass because I thought talent would override social skills in the end.

So I wasn't confrontational I was just doing my own thing. I guess.

 

[MatticusMania]

How can I disown myself if all actions I've taken have moved me to who I am?

Most people go through life unaware of their actions and then one day they wake up to see that they arent the person they thought they were all along.

Lol more of this talk on 'self-acceptance'.

Now, I could be wrong, but you really dont give off the impression that you like yourself, or who youve become, very much. I dont think Im the only one here who gets that vibe.

 

[aborgman]

But I'm just sick of being an ambiguous drifter

Then stop being one.

 

[scorpionldr]

Most people go through life unaware of their actions and then one day they wake up to see that they arent the person they thought they were all along.



Now, I could be wrong, but you really dont give off the impression that you like yourself, or who youve become, very much. I dont think Im the only one here who gets that vibe.

Yea but I accept going what I've been used to has made me the person I am and if I corrected all the dissatisfactory moments I might become another person I dislike.

Have you ever seen Lars and The Real Girl?

 

[scorpionldr]

Then stop being one.

Easier said than done

 

[aborgman]

Easier said than done

I never said it was easy.

 

[MatticusMania]

Yea but I accept going what I've been used to has made me the person I am and if I corrected all the dissatisfactory moments I might become another person I dislike.

If you dislike the person you are now, what matter is it if you become another type of person you dislike?
You can't go back and change the events that have made you what you are, but you can reflect on them and find a way to see another perspective. That alone will change any person for the better.

Have you ever seen Lars and The Real Girl?

Yeah, i saw it years ago. Funny, my girlfriend wanted to watch it last night. Maybe if I had I would understand the reason you bring it up.

Easier said than done

Everything is easier to say than it is to do.

Words mean little with no action to support them.

If the action is to cease being an ambiguous drifter then first cease being ambiguous. Paint a clear vision of where you want to be in 1, 5, 10 years, and work towards acheiving that.
It won't be an overnight change in character, but almost immediately you'll cease to be a drifter.

 

[scorpionldr]

If you dislike the person you are now, what matter is it if you become another type of person you dislike?
You can't go back and change the events that have made you what you are, but you can reflect on them and find a way to see another perspective. That alone will change any person for the better.



Yeah, i saw it years ago. Funny, my girlfriend wanted to watch it last night. Maybe if I had I would understand the reason you bring it up.



Everything is easier to say than it is to do.

Words mean little with no action to support them.

If the action is to cease being an ambiguous drifter then first cease being ambiguous. Paint a clear vision of where you want to be in 1, 5, 10 years, and work towards acheiving that.
It won't be an overnight change in character, but almost immediately you'll cease to be a drifter.

Yea? I like to tickle sexy asian girls. They aren't fond of that. How do you fix that?

And in a way that makes me Lars

 

[MatticusMania]

Yea? I like to tickle sexy asian girls. They aren't fond of that. How do you fix that?

And in a way that makes me Lars

None of them like to be tickled? I find that surprising, as the Japanese seem quite adept at fetishizing everything.

I bet you could find a sexy asian girl who doesnt mind being tickled, unless its some crazy cutural thing.

Did Lars like tickling asian girls?

 

[scorpionldr]

None of them like to be tickled? I find that surprising, as the Japanese seem quite adept at fetishizing everything.

I bet you could find a sexy asian girl who doesnt mind being tickled, unless its some crazy cutural thing.

Did Lars like tickling asian girls?

Lol well seems like my charm only works on white girls, which is problem UNO. Next is white girls absolutely don't go for it. Lol. Add into the mix I've been on a cold streak for about four years now and I'm pro at celibacy . But yea lol so maybe with the weight loss things will turn around but I seem to notice all ethnic groups veer away lol. It's a hard fetish to live with, I'll only say that

I suspect Lars had a lot more than his story tells. That's all I'm sure of. I mean a sex doll? Abstract

 

[lowendfriend]

I met up with a friend whom I've known since the 2nd grade the other night. As we drank a beer and solved all the world's problems, the topic of women always comes up. When it came to dating, I really didn't. At 5'6", I'm a little vertically challenged and built like a marathon runner. As fate and genetics had their way with me, I'm now half bald. (THANKS! ) Online dating reinforced the idea that my height was a big disadvantage, despite being successful and athletic. It seemed that a 5' woman who wasn't in shape had her sights set on someone 6' and built like a linebacker.

This is generally where people say that it's all about confidence, but I'm fairly confident and driven. When it came to attacting a mate, it wasn't happenin' and it didn't take a rocket surgeon to understand why.

As if dating weren't enough of a challenge, it's a little obvious that my wife isn't attracted to me, either. I suppose that's a different topic for another day.

Without getting too long winded, is it wrong to realize that what the opposet sex want isn't me? I'm not really depressed about it. I don't really feel like getting hair plugs. I work out a ton, which makes me even thinner, albeit more defined.

My friend seemed to think it was odd that I'm aware that I'm unattractive, despite me assuring him that I don't give a poop because they're mostly things I can't change.

I think it's wrong. You would be perfectly attractive to the right person. On-line dating can work and allow you to pre-screen a good number of potential ladies and improve you odds.

If Tom Cruise can play Jack Reacher, you can find a lady.

 

[One Drop]

Lol well seems like my charm only works on white girls, which is problem UNO. Next is white girls absolutely don't go for it. Lol. Add into the mix I've been on a cold streak for about four years now and I'm pro at celibacy . But yea lol so maybe with the weight loss things will turn around but I seem to notice all ethnic groups veer away lol. It's a hard fetish to live with, I'll only say that

I suspect Lars had a lot more than his story tells. That's all I'm sure of. I mean a sex doll? Abstract

I think you assume too much about what others think of you, and read too much into it to the point that you are creating the situations you are describing.

It's part of the the habit of rejecting people before they reject you that you have developed since being you were young, as you described it.

I seriously recommend you looking around for a good psychologist to help you find a way to let your guard down sometimes with people, so you can build up some confidence and develop the parts of you that you have locked away.

I'm afraid you will have a lot of trouble finding someone to love you when you have no love for the person you are. People have evolved over millennia to sense this exact thing and to avoid and shun those with no belief in their own goodness. It's not impossible but you have to want it and you have to be prepared to suffer and be prepared for some painful moments and situations, and run the risk of rejection again.

I wish you good luck, don't live locked up in a box of your own making. You will not become a different person that is worse than you are now, that is just being afraid to change.

 

[scorpionldr]

I think you assume too much about what others think of you, and read too much into it to the point that you are creating the situations you are describing.

It's part of the the habit of rejecting people before they reject you that you have developed since being you were young, as you described it.

I seriously recommend you looking around for a good psychologist to help you find a way to let your guard down sometimes with people, so you can build up some confidence and develop the parts of you that you have locked away.

I'm afraid you will have a lot of trouble finding someone to love you when you have no love for the person you are. People have evolved over millennia to sense this exact thing and to avoid and shun those with no belief in their own goodness. It's not impossible but you have to want it and you have to be prepared to suffer and be prepared for some painful moments and situations, and run the risk of rejection again.

I wish you good luck, don't live locked up in a box of your own making. You will not become a different person that is worse than you are now, that is just being afraid to change.

so you're saying I came up with something that most people wouldn't like because I've used it as a thermometer on gauging people will accept me for it?

It's possible, but while I've been in relationships and kept it going, it didn't go away so I question how true of it it is.

I do a pretty good amount of assuming on others but I don't really think for a lost cause. Just how the nut cracks.

 

[One Drop]

Just going by things you've said yourself, trying not to read more into it. Reread some of your comments, you might see some interesting things you know about yourself but haven't paid attention to.