Is it wrong to think you're unattractive?

[Kentucky Ryan]

dogs can detect fear and woman cant detect confidence. and its obvious from your post that you have zero. THAT is the problem here. believe it or not, most people dont look like models or actors (even most men actors are around your height). go out there, talk to women and if they arent attracted to you, forget them and go on to the next. you say you dont mind and its not a big deal. but i think if you really thought that you wouldnt have made a thread about it.

 

[basstotheface]

dogs can detect fear and woman cant detect confidence. and its obvious from your post that you have zero. THAT is the problem here. believe it or not, most people dont look like models or actors (even most men actors are around your height). go out there, talk to women and if they arent attracted to you, forget them and go on to the next. you say you dont mind and its not a big deal. but i think if you really thought that you wouldnt have made a thread about it.

What?

 

[spade2you]

I've actually been working at work (imagine that ). Will have to address things later tonight or tomorrow. Don't worry, I'm not lowner'ing ya.

I'd like to confidently assure you that I have confidence. Again, it's funny how perception can change one from confident to an arrogant jerk, depending on one's POV.

I'm not glad to see that I'm the only shorty that has had difficulty. Despite success, confidence, and reasonable good looks when I still had hair, the amount of constant rejection was almost entertaining. I'd like to think I have a good sense of humor. I did well with a few amateur standup open mics. Too bad my mom and wife are NOT impressed. I don't think I've ever made them laugh.

 

[spade2you]

This photo is not the most flattering. It makes me believe you're likely to jump out of Camp Crystal Lake and attack a girl in a canoe.

It took me a while, but I finally got that one. LOL!

With an attorney for a FIL, and you having a child...if you decide to get out you'll probably get burned pretty bad. I'm sure you've thought of that already. Only you will really know if it's worth toughing it out and trying to work through, or if you'd be better off calling it quits before you hate each other. I realize you are just trying to think out loud here, and not basing important life decisions by what anonymous people on the internet say. You have to be pretty sharp to be a pharmacist...you'll figure out what's best for you and your family. Again, good luck.

Yeah, the attourney aspect would certainly mean I'd be put through the ringer.

The interesting thing about me is that I'm fairly intelligent, but generally can't convince some folks that I know my stuff, mostly family and some of my superiors at work.

 

[MatticusMania]

I did well with a few amateur standup open mics. Too bad my mom and wife are NOT impressed. I don't think I've ever made them laugh.

Freud might have something to say on the matter, as well.

 

[jmattbassplaya]

What?

He's simply saying that there are a lot of short actors (and famous musicians) in the world, which is very true.

 

[Unrepresented]

He's simply saying that there are a lot of short actors (and famous musicians) in the world, which is very true.

True. They're easier for the roadies to transport.

 

[Ziltoid]

Not to derail, but I laugh every time I see your avatar. Especially in the context of this thread on the topic of attractiveness and sex.

It's the latest Gucci model, very glam.

 

[Tat2dHeart]

This is a Catch-22. My wife used the same argument in our last discussion about the lack of sex in the relationship.

I've put on a bit of weight around the middle and thought it was fair enough that the sex dried up because she no longer found my physically attractive. So I started working out trying to get back in shape for her, but then her reasoning for the sex drying up was that my efforts to look better made her feel bad about herself.

Be unatractive = I don't find you attractive
Try to be more attractive = You make me feel unatractive, therefore I'm not attracted to you.

You're right, it can be a Catch-22, but it's one that men have hit them, as well, if my male friends are to be believed. Maybe this is why I'm still single? Oh wait - no - I'm still single because I don't want to answer to anyone except myself.

I'm curious if this is a maturity thing or a gender thing. I've never felt this way, if a girl is attractive I don't care what her face looks like when she says something.

A little of both, perhaps. Then again - this is one of the reasons why we have the Vickie Mendoza Diagonal.

 

[Trayster2]

I met up with a friend whom I've known since the 2nd grade the other night. As we drank a beer and solved all the world's problems, the topic of women always comes up. When it came to dating, I really didn't. At 5'6", I'm a little vertically challenged and built like a marathon runner. As fate and genetics had their way with me, I'm now half bald. (THANKS! ) Online dating reinforced the idea that my height was a big disadvantage, despite being successful and athletic. It seemed that a 5' woman who wasn't in shape had her sights set on someone 6' and built like a linebacker. .

I think you're being really rough on yourself. Or maybe you have set your sights on the wrong women, just to be shot down and disappointed? I saw an endless amount of this going on when I was in high school.... guys falling for the "popular cheerleaders" only to be laughed at in their faces. Meanwhile, there was always a girl on the sidelines just waiting.... um wait a minute... that was the movie Some Kind of Wonderful!

 

[blastoff99]

I'm not so sure it's wrong to think you're unattractive if you're unattractive. It's the next step where things go wrong - "Nobody will ever like me because I'm unattractive" or similar.

I'm unattractive. I'm not singularly ugly, just plain, somewhat overweight, and, well, unattractive. There are people who love me in spite of this, or maybe it just isn't a factor to them.

It certainly isn't a factor to me, except that I need to - and am - doing something about the weight for health reasons. Maybe I'm lucky that I've never wanted to do anything that "required" being attractive, such as winning beauty pageants or trying out for the cheerleading squad.

I'm comfortable in my own skin. I think that's the real issue.

 

[spade2you]

spade, you're not a bad looking guy. Quit stressing about your looks. From a woman's POV, we're far less hung up on your looks than you think we are. Make us laugh. Treat us with respect. Listen when we talk. Talk to us about yourself. Be confident. Those are HUGE to us.

In response to your comment above about bigger girls not being keen on you, as a bigger girl, I will tell you that IME, it's not how a guy looks that makes us get all defensive about our self-image, it's what he says and the way he looks at us. If your discussions with them are all about your diet, your exercise, your weight, your looks; you're sending the message that appearance is what's important to you.

I've been on dates with guys that ended with me feeling like a million bucks despite the fact that I was obese and I've been on dates with guys who left me feeling like I didn't deserve to live because my fingernail polish was smudged. Neither of these experiences had a thing to do with what the guy looked like. It was all about what he said, how he said it, and the look on his face when he said it.

It would appear you're one of the only women on TB these days. Fassa must be cleaning sick off a Shergold again.

Do you consider your mindset normal among your colleagues? It could have been the reason that certain locals at the time were single, but shallow was a very fitting description. A few women who friend zoned me would sometimes wish I were taller so we could date. Naturally, this was after more than a little booze.

This was during the Myspace era, so occasionally, I'd see who "won". Some of the dudes seemed a little on the gross and douchy side....but they were tall.

Up until recently, I didn't really have any sort of diet. Perhaps it was a little annoying how much a guy my size could eat. When I'm in the full swing of things, I can generally eat what I want.

To certain extents, I wasn't considered athletic because running and cycling really considered sports. One time someone asked how many miles I'd ride and my answer was 30-70 miles, to which her response was "gross!"

The odd thing was that after something like a messy divorce, I wasn't so bad. I'm wouldn't knock that had I not remembered that that their standards were set quite higher prior to that. LOL, one of the downsides to an extremely good memory.

 

[pat5150]

How about this: Since your wife says she doesn't find you attractive, go back to shaving your head if it makes you happy. Also, grow a beard. A big, gnarly one. Nothing goes with a shaved head like a manly beard, and it'll make you look more virile and...manly. Maybe start doing some strength training and try to put on a bunch of muscle if possible? Think Kerry King. Your looks are about more than just your height and face.

 

[DerHoggz]

He may have you beat on height, but I would say you are better looking than Twiggo, FWIW.

 

[champbassist]

I'm pretty sure that tons of guys here on TB who, by the acknowledgement of various beautiful girls, are certifiably good looking, will tell you by experience that looks are definitely not the top thing on girls' list.

At the risk of sounding like I'm going on an exercise to fascinate myself with my intellect, I'll go so far as to say that the average girl's PoV is probably even influenced by the social structure: where I come from, intelligence/cleverness seems to be at the top of the priority chart for the best looking girls, because this will presumably result in a person ending up being wealthy. Not to say that every girl here is a gold-digger, but, say, in a less cutthroat society or in a scenario where there is relative economic equality, I expect character traits of a guy to be much more important.

As with everything regarding matters of inter-gender interaction, this is sheer conjecture and my trait-prediction probably no better than a coin toss, but these are my honest observations.

Fassa must be cleaning sick off a Shergold again.

Fassa became a guy, actually. At least his profile says so.

 

[smperry]

S,

I think you look fine...but it's not weird to think of yourself as unattractive, especially when you've been shot down in the past (& present ).

As if dating weren't enough of a challenge, it's a little obvious that my wife isn't attracted to me, either. I suppose that's a different topic for another day.

This might've been covered in other replies, but just wanted to comment on this part.

Having a baby can change things for a LONG time depending on the individual woman. I'm not just talking a few months post-partum, I mean for several years...

Are you sure changes are connected with getting married, not pregnancy & parenthood?

 

[Kwesi]

I don't think it's bad or odd as long as it's not something that you let hold you back, which you clearly haven't. No idea what you look like but you don't owe it to anyone to be ****able, regardless of you being so or otherwise.

 

[jmattbassplaya]

If Honey Boo Boo's mom can find a partner then anyone can.

 

[MatticusMania]

Honestly, Ive never thought of myself as particularly attractive.
That, thankfully, has not stopped women from finding me so regardless.

 

[sloasdaylight]

Grow a goatee.

Everyone looks better with a goatee.