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Is there no greener grass?

#121
socialleper said:
Here's a etiquette question for y'all:
As I sort through the emails I am getting, I am wondering if I'm obligated to respond to each one. If someone sends me a clip of something I know I don't like, should I just let them eat static, or should I throw out some vague pleasantry and make up an excuse?
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If I'm not at all interested, I simply ignore. I see no reason to reveal my identity for no reason. I'd rather keep it vague as to who I am specifically (while giving plenty of information about me and what I'm looking for) and respond to the ones that seem like something I want to do.

Heck, half the time these bands/people don't even READ my ad but give me a canned response. I say specifically what I'm looking for and not looking for (eg, I don't want to do a start-up or an original band), but the start-ups and original bands respond anyway. or I ask for specific information -- eg, where do you rehearse? (eg, I am not going to go to a band that rehearses 60 miles or more away. yes, I get those requests) What are you looking for in a bassist (age, style, anything), and please include your website/FB page/videos so I can see what you're about. Most of the time, these are simply ignored. Its clear to me that haven't read my ad and are simply copying/pasting a canned response to ANY ad that says "bass player available" in it. So why bother responding?

BUT if I do respond to someone and/or, do a I try-out, yes, I send a note along that's polite - "While I enjoyed my tryout, and you seem like a good bunch of guys, I don't think this is the right project for me at this point, but I do wish you all the luck." that sorta thing
 
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#122
I'd agree with the simple reply of "Thanks, but that's not what I'm looking for just now" type of response. Purely to keep it civil, and show that you've taken "some" time to consider what they've sent you, and at least acknowledge that you've received something from them. Think of it as Karma. You never know when you might bump into these people, and they might even turn out to be decent human beings, so you don't want to be remembered as "that ignorant bass player", or worse. Good karma wins out every time.

We've all had tons of responses from Ad's that have been far from suitable, be it style, location or whatever. I certainly remember a few, some were memorable for the wrong reasons. I put an Ad up once for a Rock/Punk originals band, the majority of responses were from pop cover bands... ***? Polite response, move on.
 
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#123
socialleper said:
Here's a etiquette question for y'all:
As I sort through the emails I am getting, I am wondering if I'm obligated to respond to each one. If someone sends me a clip of something I know I don't like, should I just let them eat static, or should I throw out some vague pleasantry and make up an excuse?
Click to expand...

Any ad that I place on CL, runs through my Craiglist only email account. I have done it this was for years. The account doesn't have my name on it so it's really anonymous. If I got back and forth with someone for a while and get disinterested, they will never find me. I also only use it for that and have a reasonable memory. I have been contacted by a couple of guys that are also running ads (and one completely sucks) so I just never reply. If I get responses that are incoherent, I never reply. I have a mental list of all these folks I don't want to speak with or work with. At the same time, I will never meet them out, because they suck and don't get out!
 
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#125
socialleper said:
IThey, against my protests, decided to take Nov-Jan off, and we practiced twice in that time. Now they only want to practice once a month. It makes me feel like I'm not even in a band.
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My opinion: Your band is already dead. Someone just needs to close the lid and bury it, and noone has the guts to call it what it is. Find a live band.
 
#126
Seriously from an old fart who has had his share of ups and downs. Life has highs and lows and the lows are what builds character. It's good to never be content because that builds complacency. However you always need to have a clear goal of what you want to achieve. It's not good enough to just want to do things better, you need to have a clear vision of your steps. You need to know what your "end game is" and be able to articulate it. Create a series of mini goals to achieve along the way.

If you don't know your goal you will never get their...
Clear, realistic, achievable goals.

As usual I may be wrong but I always have an opinion.
 
#127
micguy said:
My opinion: Your band is already dead. Someone just needs to close the lid and bury it, and noone has the guts to call it what it is. Find a live band.
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Honestly, that's the vibe I'm getting. We did a CD last year, and despite it being our best effort, it just didn't catch on as much as the previous two. Then the label we had a distribution deal with offered us a deal we just couldn't take, so they dropped us. After that we couldn't get reviewed anywhere, which of course hurt sales. I was upset about getting screwed out of them mix, and I think everyone else feels like the air has been let out of our tires.
On one hand, we all know that we each have too many commitments to "make it", especially with as poorly as mid-level touring bands get paid these days. However, we wanted to push as far as we could, and I think there is still further we could go. Barring that, I just like playing, and playing in front of a crowd is one of the great joys of my life.
 
#128
One of the big "Is the grass greener" questions for me is "Am I kidding myself." If I join another band, I will be playing the clubs I've already played and feel pretty 'meh' about. If I've been playing around my area for 5 years, being on bills with 4 or 5 other bands, and not liking 99% of them, does that mean the music scene where I live is just shot? Is the grass already dead no matter where I go?
Then comes the frightening extensional question: If I'm not a musician any longer, what the hell am I. This is what I do. Music is what I think about all day; sound, songs, lyrics, playing, gear, etc. This is my "thing." If I don't have it I'm just some middle aged schlub in the suburbs with a job he hates and a house full of gear waiting to get stolen.
 
#129
Old P Bass Guy said:
Seriously from an old fart who has had his share of ups and downs. Life has highs and lows and the lows are what builds character. It's good to never be content because that builds complacency. However you always need to have a clear goal of what you want to achieve. It's not good enough to just want to do things better, you need to have a clear vision of your steps. You need to know what your "end game is" and be able to articulate it. Create a series of mini goals to achieve along the way.

If you don't know your goal you will never get their...
Clear, realistic, achievable goals.

As usual I may be wrong but I always have an opinion.
Click to expand...
Normally I'm like that; plan everything out. With this band, everything has been by the seat of my pants, and it has worked out pretty well. I've achieved more musically in 5 years then I had in the previous 20. I've been on three CDs that people actually bought, played in venues I saw bands play in when I was a kid, actually did a little mini three day "tour", and was on TV for 1 second. Honestly, its been a hell of a ride. When I got back in to music after a break I thought just one good show would be enough. It is never enough. I always want the next step, the bigger crowd, the better recording. It is pretty addicting, even though our success is paltry compared to some.
 
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#130
socialleper said:
Normally I'm like that; plan everything out. With this band, everything has been by the seat of my pants, and it has worked out pretty well. I've achieved more musically in 5 years then I had in the previous 20. I've been on three CDs that people actually bought, played in venues I saw bands play in when I was a kid, actually did a little mini three day "tour", and was on TV for 1 second. Honestly, its been a hell of a ride. When I got back in to music after a break I thought just one good show would be enough. It is never enough. I always want the next step, the bigger crowd, the better recording. It is pretty addicting, even though our success is paltry compared to some.
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You have chosen on of the toughest careers in the world to make a living with so don't get too hard on yourself. There are a lot of of different avenues to take in music. You, like many of us want / wanted to be that top line act that fills stadiums but we all need to be realistic in our expectations. One of my best buddies years ago left our little Ohio Town to seek his fame and fortune in NYC and got a gig with a group called the "Remains" who toured with the Beatles on their first tour. He went on to play with group called "Mountain" and spent many years with Todd Rundgren. This guy was a super good drummer. Now he lives in a old two bedroom cottage in the West coast FLA area. He is blind from diabetes. My point is it's a very small % at the top of the pirimid to be a rock star. I'm one of the guys that choose a field that was much easier to compete and be successful in. My medical insurance was in place to maintain my health, I saved enough money to buy any type of gear I want and I spend 2 hours a day relearning how to play my bass. I play with backing tracks and have set reasonable goals to get better and better. I will always love music and playing my bass but gave up long ago trying to be a RRG (rock & roll god). Are your chops good enough to audition for theme park gigs like Disney, can you read?

I wish you the best.
 
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#131
socialleper said:
People discuss the "greener grass" syndrome a lot when it comes to 9 - 5 day jobs; that you want to leave for something "better" yet all you hear from people you know is the same level of BS you experience at your current job. You want something else, but have found yourself jumping out of the frying pan into the fire.
I wonder if the same is true for bands.
I'm starting to feel like my current project has reached terminal velocity, and I think the other members are thinking the same thing. That has lead to a lack of enthusiasm for it, which means less practice and fewer shows. After all, that costs money, and we aren't making any of it back.
So I started pondering the idea of looking for a second project, or replacement if things go totally sideways. Then I had a frightening\startling notion: what if there is no greener grass? What if this is as good as it gets? Out of all of the dozens of bands I've played with over the last few years, I could probably count the number I'd want to hear again on one hand.
To use an unpleasant metaphor, is it better to stay in an unhappy musical marriage rather than dive into a uncertain dating pool and run the risk of ending up alone?
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I have a saying I live by. "The grass may look greener on the other side but still needs to be mowed."
 
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#132
socialleper said:
Barring that, I just like playing, and playing in front of a crowd is one of the great joys of my life.
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My advice: Find guys that are like you - where it's just about playing in front of a live crowd, and nothing more. I play in churches, and everyone (save the worship leader) is there for the same reason. Taking money out of music is one of the best ways to have fun with it - it takes away a lot of the hassles and arguments that occur when it's there.
 
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#133
Old P Bass Guy said:
You have chosen on of the toughest careers in the world to make a living with so don't get too hard on yourself. There are a lot of of different avenues to take in music. You, like many of us want / wanted to be that top line act that fills stadiums but we all need to be realistic in our expectations. One of my best buddies years ago left our little Ohio Town to seek his fame and fortune in NYC and got a gig with a group called the "Remains" who toured with the Beatles on their first tour. He went on to play with group called "Mountain" and spent many years with Todd Rundgren. This guy was a super good drummer. Now he lives in a old two bedroom cottage in the West coast FLA area. He is blind from diabetes. My point is it's a very small % at the top of the pirimid to be a rock star. I'm one of the guys that choose a field that was much easier to compete and be successful in. My medical insurance was in place to maintain my health, I saved enough money to buy any type of gear I want and I spend 2 hours a day relearning how to play my bass. I play with backing tracks and have set reasonable goals to get better and better. I will always love music and playing my bass but gave up long ago trying to be a RRG (rock & roll god). Are your chops good enough to audition for theme park gigs like Disney, can you read?

I wish you the best.
Click to expand...
That does bring up a good point: I've only ever played what I want to play. It has never been work, so I've never been burned out by it. If I had to play vanilla standards to audiences that view me as little more than a human muzak machine I might feel different about it.

I don't know if it is a "rock god" thing or the same desire people have to climb Mt Everest. Hundreds have already done it, but you want to experience it. The energy that comes back to you when a crowd in a bar is digging out is great, I can't image what a theater or festival audience would be like. I've never been booed by hundreds of people or had things thrown at me, so again, I may be only thinking about the positive stuff.
I guess what it means is that it gives me purpose, something to do. A job is just a hamster wheel you get on every day that transfers your life into someone else's pocket. The money is what allows me to do what I want. Without music, what else do I want? Stare at the TV all night and wait to die? Build models that someone will just have to throw away some day?
Playing along to recordings is OK, but it is a little like polishing your own bayonet, if you follow me. Its hard to not want the real thing.
 
#134
socialleper said:
That does bring up a good point: I've only ever played what I want to play. It has never been work, so I've never been burned out by it. If I had to play vanilla standards to audiences that view me as little more than a human muzak machine I might feel different about it.

I don't know if it is a "rock god" thing or the same desire people have to climb Mt Everest. Hundreds have already done it, but you want to experience it. The energy that comes back to you when a crowd in a bar is digging out is great, I can't image what a theater or festival audience would be like. I've never been booed by hundreds of people or had things thrown at me, so again, I may be only thinking about the positive stuff.
I guess what it means is that it gives me purpose, something to do. A job is just a hamster wheel you get on every day that transfers your life into someone else's pocket. The money is what allows me to do what I want. Without music, what else do I want? Stare at the TV all night and wait to die? Build models that someone will just have to throw away some day?
Playing along to recordings is OK, but it is a little like polishing your own bayonet, if you follow me. Its hard to not want the real thing.
Click to expand...

I totally understand where your coming from. If you love your work you will never work a day in your life. But reality is life in not a never-ending day of flowers and rainbows. The great old blues players could never express themselves through music without experiencing adversity. It's part of life and life's isn't perfect. Just about every entertainer in Holloywood waited on tables or poured drinks at a bar. You gotta be good, you gotta go where the opportunities are and you gotta pay your dues...and it won't always be fun along the the way.
 
#135
I graduated from college at the end of 2013 and immediately went to work for a large corporate. The job sucked. I stuck around long enough to learn what I needed to know and to get a promotion under my belt. After that, I went on to do similar work at a startup. Certain things about that job were better, but the company began to get a corporate mentality when the founders quit (were forced out by the board) and things quickly got worse.

I left that job for several reasons, but I partially left it to go back to school to get into web development. Long story short, I haven't found a job in development yet, and I've had to go back to work in my old field just to pay my bills. This time I'm working for a large private company, and, quite frankly, I love my new job. Had any of my previous jobs been this good I probably wouldn't have left them. There are certain things about the work that I still don't care for, but I cannot beat the culture or the people. Everyone is amazing, and the tenure at the company is incredible (many people have been around for 10+ years).

So IME, yes, the grass can be greener, but only if you really know what you need to be happy. For me, working with people who are direct, sincere, and genuinely care about others makes everything else palpable for me. And as long as the pay, the commute, and the hours are good then I'll be as happy as a pig in $417. I'd still like to move into a different field at some point, but right now I'm happier and less stressed out than I have ever been.

For once in a looooong time, I can genuinely say I'm happy :)
 
#137
I always think of a pyramid. The thick part at the base is where all of the amateurish wankers are. Up a little more towards the middle is where most weekend warrior/bar band members are. Past the midpoint, where the drop would hurt, are the guys you go to see because you want to play like them, or at least cop a few licks. Nearing the top are the people who don't have daytime jobs, and they have other people carry their cabs for them. Always. As we approach the peak, you notice how narrow it is compared to the base. That means there are fewer residents. At the top are the truly scary individuals who have amounts of talent that make the rest of us look like insects by comparison. They invented the "Do Not Call" list in order to get some privacy and not get buried in a mound of demos from lower down the pyramid. If you have any hope of climbing this pyramid, realize how many people you have to deal with on the way up, and since people are basically the same in many respects, just because they're at the top of the heap doesn't make them nice or good bandmates. Like any other activity, musicianship has a lot of turnover, so the identities of the people that comprise the pyramid changes from time to time. Good luck navigating this.
 
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#139
Luciferiad said:
I've worked in the same place for 15 years, and for much of that time I never really considered if the grass would be greener somewhere else. I've never cared about money; as long as I can support my music and motorcycle habits I'm fine. What's more important is being able to leave at the end of my shift and do the things I enjoy, and being appreciated and respected in the workplace. I have that now, but thanks to corporate shenanigans, I'm no longer being adequately compensated for my experience in my field relative to new hires with no experience. Grass seems greener everywhere to me right now.

In a band, I tend really only think about the band I'm in. I'm starting a recording project with a couple different guys, and this is the first time I've ever had more than one project running. I don't know yet it will be better, and I'm not thinking about that, I guess. Never been in my nature to worry about someone else's lawn, so to speak.

Not sure that rambling makes any sense, but there you go.
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I’m in a similar work situation. I’ve been with my company for 16 years and it’s a great company. I used to work in management, then went in a different direction years ago into a different position that relies more on creativity and when I go home, I turn my “work” brain off. Sounds great? Well, I’m in a position where there’s no where upwards to grow in this position, and I’m thinking about what I’m going to do for the last 20 years of work before retirement.
 

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