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I've never been so mad or hurt...
- Thread starter NateS
- Start date
I feel like I need to chime in here.
+1000 on quantity over quality. A girl who I was intensely stuck on during the last school year graduated, and even through the summer I wasn't completely over her. Hell, I'm still not. But over the summer I had several opportunities to hook up with several different girls (mostly at camp) and I didn't take any of them because I was to emotionally stuck on the first girl. The sad part? I was never 'with' her. I liked her a lot (and in retrospect I now see that she liked me back) and I was to scared to make a move.
So I learned the quantity over quality lesson the hard way. I'm still in highschool. I've got time to worry about 'love' later. Nows the time when I should be sowing my wild oats and going overboard with the 'banging'. OP, you'll get over it. It'll take time, but you'll get there.
Also, I like the sound of this Asian girl idea. I should try to find one of those.
+1000 on quantity over quality. A girl who I was intensely stuck on during the last school year graduated, and even through the summer I wasn't completely over her. Hell, I'm still not. But over the summer I had several opportunities to hook up with several different girls (mostly at camp) and I didn't take any of them because I was to emotionally stuck on the first girl. The sad part? I was never 'with' her. I liked her a lot (and in retrospect I now see that she liked me back) and I was to scared to make a move.
So I learned the quantity over quality lesson the hard way. I'm still in highschool. I've got time to worry about 'love' later. Nows the time when I should be sowing my wild oats and going overboard with the 'banging'. OP, you'll get over it. It'll take time, but you'll get there.
Also, I like the sound of this Asian girl idea. I should try to find one of those.
After my first serious break up, a wise old sage (Grandma) told me, "If you love something, let it go. If it comes back, it is yours. If not, it never was."
This doesn't always work though. She did come back a few years later, we dated, had some fun, and broke up again. Oh well. Guess it just wasn't meant to be.
Couple of years later I met my wife of 26 years.
This doesn't always work though. She did come back a few years later, we dated, had some fun, and broke up again. Oh well. Guess it just wasn't meant to be.
Couple of years later I met my wife of 26 years.
Thanks for all of the advice. Im torn on whether I should tell more of my story or not, I don't know whether its worth it/if I should tell the world about it. Basically, we had a wonderful summer relationship, and when school started, everything that she told me ended up being a lie, from her loving me to even wanting to still have sex with me - I was perfectly content to just be friends with benefits, but even that was a lie from her mouth.
I know that its idiotic to think that we actually loved each other, we're both college aged kids. I'm not in college, but I have my own apartment and I work 2 jobs and pay all of my bills and own my car, even though it is a piece of ****. All through the summer she was fine with that fact. She respected me for working so much.
And also for the record as far as I know of she never cheated on me.
I know that its idiotic to think that we actually loved each other, we're both college aged kids. I'm not in college, but I have my own apartment and I work 2 jobs and pay all of my bills and own my car, even though it is a piece of ****. All through the summer she was fine with that fact. She respected me for working so much.
And also for the record as far as I know of she never cheated on me.
I don't know dude, but maybe just a summer relationship was all she had in mind really. Maybe she could sense you were a bit smitten and didn't want to hurt your feelings or spoil the time out together by being exactly straight-up. I wouldn't read too much into it rather just remember it for what it was, and let the rest go, put it down to experience for as sure as rain there will be more to come. Take your time.
Bleh. All women are nuts.
I've managed to keep most my of exes on a steady rotation for physical gratification though.
I've managed to keep most my of exes on a steady rotation for physical gratification though.
This exact same thing just happened to me, except in my case she told me she wants to stay single while she's trying to work it out with an ex of hers. Either way, it's a lost cause. I'm going with everyone else's advice, take what I can get.
@NateS
From a woman's perspective..mine..this girl is simply not worth it. I know you like her, you even think you love her, but the fact is that what you knew of her has now been shown to not be the only dimensions to her and probably not the most important ones or the ones that ought to have concerned you.
1) I don't know how old she is but if she's over 18 even she should know better than to tell a guy she's breaking up cause she want's to be 'single'. What this really means to my mind is that she likes you, but is waiting for something better or doesn't want to ruin her chances of finding something 'better'.
2. The problem with women/men like that is that this thinking reveals a materialistic, exploitative, shallow nature that I should venture to say probably will not fully leave with maturity. These characters are the ones that will leave you when you lose your job, or some catastrophe hits the relationship. They are immature and not worth wasting your time over. Be glad you just dodged a bullet.
The fact that she tells you this now...has Nothing to do with you....understand? It's not YOU that is the problem here. It's not that your not loveable, or anything else..it is completely 100% the fact that she is shallow that is the problem. You have been approaching her with an open heart, she on the other hand has been camping out with an alternative plan.
Don't think for a moment that women cannot be just as shallow as some men. They can be and moreover, if their attractive that's often enough of a distraction for men not to see the whole picture immediately.
I don't recommend degrading yourself by becoming some kind of 'player', or in turn using people, because when you finally meet a woman, a quality one, when she finds out your history she is going to walk away. Lick your wounds, and move on. Seems hard now but it will get easier. Everyone gets their heartbroken at some time.
From a woman's perspective..mine..this girl is simply not worth it. I know you like her, you even think you love her, but the fact is that what you knew of her has now been shown to not be the only dimensions to her and probably not the most important ones or the ones that ought to have concerned you.
1) I don't know how old she is but if she's over 18 even she should know better than to tell a guy she's breaking up cause she want's to be 'single'. What this really means to my mind is that she likes you, but is waiting for something better or doesn't want to ruin her chances of finding something 'better'.
2. The problem with women/men like that is that this thinking reveals a materialistic, exploitative, shallow nature that I should venture to say probably will not fully leave with maturity. These characters are the ones that will leave you when you lose your job, or some catastrophe hits the relationship. They are immature and not worth wasting your time over. Be glad you just dodged a bullet.
The fact that she tells you this now...has Nothing to do with you....understand? It's not YOU that is the problem here. It's not that your not loveable, or anything else..it is completely 100% the fact that she is shallow that is the problem. You have been approaching her with an open heart, she on the other hand has been camping out with an alternative plan.
Don't think for a moment that women cannot be just as shallow as some men. They can be and moreover, if their attractive that's often enough of a distraction for men not to see the whole picture immediately.
I don't recommend degrading yourself by becoming some kind of 'player', or in turn using people, because when you finally meet a woman, a quality one, when she finds out your history she is going to walk away. Lick your wounds, and move on. Seems hard now but it will get easier. Everyone gets their heartbroken at some time.
Tat2dHeart
Only two strings away from an attitude problem.
From my perspective, FWB rarely (if ever) works. Someone ALWAYS gets feelings and feelings get hurt. If she wanted to be single during school, that leaves you having feelings that get hurt.
Okay, I know I'm selling out my gender for this little tidbit (sorry, ladies), and it doesn't apply to all women, but a great many, I think (IMHO). We have weird little habits. One of them is being "supportive" by telling you that we respect the the fact that you bury yourself in your work (or some other thing that you spend a lot of time doing), when what we are really thinking is "Why doesn't he understand how much I want him to just stay home and be with me for a little while?" We aren't always as great with emotions as we'd like to be either. That's why we say, "nothing" when you ask us what's wrong.
This is something I did in my first marriage and it was a lesson I had to learn the hard way. I was young, naive, and thought that if I said I wanted him to stay home and spend time with me, he'd see me as clingy and needy, so I tried to play it tough. Epic fail.
I'm not saying it's right or it's wrong. IME, it's hard, it sometimes sucks, and it isn't at all like t-ball. We don't all get a trophy just for showing up. Keep your chin up, though. At your age, there are plenty of women to pick from, and one of them will be the right one for you.
@Tat
Honestly, men and women both do that. Although men are usually the first to also say, "Back off for an hour and give me some room. I need to go drink some beer and hammer up some dry-wall with my boys." (because that's what all men do in their free time
)
Honestly, men and women both do that. Although men are usually the first to also say, "Back off for an hour and give me some room. I need to go drink some beer and hammer up some dry-wall with my boys." (because that's what all men do in their free time
)
At least she didn't leave you for some guy in Saudi Arabia. That's all I'm gonna say.
Chrissae said:
Thank you, all of the posts have been great, but this one particularly just...thank you.
So for you, it's the polar opposite.
...which proves my point regardless. I want an equal partnership which I'm happy to say I have.
Not everybody wants that and my experience with Asian women has always been that they're very very willing to please which is great in the sack, but personality-wise, it never clicked for me due to the primary reason I mentioned above.
Strat-Mangler said:
Everybody wants something different, and what everybody considers equal is different, and there are many different types of equal.
I don't know what I want anymore, I thought I knew. But I'm 20, I got plenty of time to figure out I guess
MJ5150 said:
If I remember correctly, are you the swinger? I lurk a lot.
If the answer's yes, where do you live?
On a serious note, I always was more attached and affectionate, even through the breakup she consistantly said that shed never met a more caring person. Guess it doesn't matter in the end.
