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Joke time
- Thread starter rtslinger
- Start date
I heard it was tossing an accordion in a dumpster & having it land on the banjo.
We don't waste squeeze boxes down here by throwing them away. We chop them up for kindling. Someone asked why we didn't chop up banjos...well duh, we may be hicks, but we DO have some standards. No self respecting individual would be caught with banjo splinters in their wood box, much less a whole banjo.
A Drummer decides he is going to ditch his band and start his own project.
He Goes into his local music store and walks around the shop trying different instruments to see what he likes best.
First he finds a red saxophone and starts playing it and he thinks to himself "I sound great!!"
Next he sees a beautiful silver accordion and starts playing that and realizes how amazing he is at playing that.
He runs to the front counter and says "I'll take the Red Saxophone and the Silver Accordion!!!!"
The clerk looks at him for a moment and says, "I'll sell you the fire extinguisher, but the radiator has to stay here."
He Goes into his local music store and walks around the shop trying different instruments to see what he likes best.
First he finds a red saxophone and starts playing it and he thinks to himself "I sound great!!"
Next he sees a beautiful silver accordion and starts playing that and realizes how amazing he is at playing that.
He runs to the front counter and says "I'll take the Red Saxophone and the Silver Accordion!!!!"
The clerk looks at him for a moment and says, "I'll sell you the fire extinguisher, but the radiator has to stay here."
What’s the difference between a Lead Guitarist and a terrorist?
You can negotiate with a terrorist.
How does a bass player count 7/8 time?
1-2-3-4-5-6-sev-en
It's just some joke I find online.
You can negotiate with a terrorist.
How does a bass player count 7/8 time?
1-2-3-4-5-6-sev-en
It's just some joke I find online.
A New York drummer by the name of Joe was out of work and desperately searching for a gig. He went to the union office where they told him about plentiful jobs in Greece. "Greece?, the drummer said. The union representative replied, "Hey, do you want to work or don't you?".
So the man packed his bags and headed off to Greece. He was to meet up with an old guy by the name of Tarek at a small pub near the town of Perin. Upon his arrival, he located the pub but Tarek was nowhere to be found.
He tracked Tarek down later by phone. He said he needed him for a last minute wedding gig tonight at the Oasis hotel. There would be over 400 guests but unfortunately there wouldn't be time for a rehearsal. Tarek said, "Just show up with your Invalid Link Removed and be ready to play." Well, the NY drummer wasn't that nervous. He had played hundreds of wedding gigs back in New York and he was just happy to have some work.
Joe arrived at the hotel on time. The whole band was there except the band leader, Tarek. He set up his drums and patiently awaited for the old guy. Tarek finally arrived 5 minutes before they were supposed to go on. He frantically set up his music stand and raised his arm to lead the band. "Wait!, shouted the NY drummer, what are we playing?" Tarek looked at him calmly (knowing he was a professional drummer) and stated, "Just relax and give me strong backbeats on 7 and 13."
So the man packed his bags and headed off to Greece. He was to meet up with an old guy by the name of Tarek at a small pub near the town of Perin. Upon his arrival, he located the pub but Tarek was nowhere to be found.
He tracked Tarek down later by phone. He said he needed him for a last minute wedding gig tonight at the Oasis hotel. There would be over 400 guests but unfortunately there wouldn't be time for a rehearsal. Tarek said, "Just show up with your Invalid Link Removed and be ready to play." Well, the NY drummer wasn't that nervous. He had played hundreds of wedding gigs back in New York and he was just happy to have some work.
Joe arrived at the hotel on time. The whole band was there except the band leader, Tarek. He set up his drums and patiently awaited for the old guy. Tarek finally arrived 5 minutes before they were supposed to go on. He frantically set up his music stand and raised his arm to lead the band. "Wait!, shouted the NY drummer, what are we playing?" Tarek looked at him calmly (knowing he was a professional drummer) and stated, "Just relax and give me strong backbeats on 7 and 13."
Guy walks into a bar with an octopus, the bartender looks up from cleaning and says "No animals allowed in the bar."
The guy walks up to the bar and says, "This is no animal, this is the most accomplished musician that will ever come into this bar. He can play ANYTHING."
Bartender says, "Well there is a piano around the corner, if he can actually play it, you both can stay, if he can play it well, I'll buy you a drink."
Guy walks around the corner, there is a beat up old standup sitting against the wall. He pulls out the bench, sets the octopus on it and steps back. The octopus, after a few seconds reaches up the keyboard and plays Moonlight Sonata perfectly. The bartender, knowing he's beat, pours the guy a drink, but after a few minutes he remembers he saw a harmonica in the lost and found box in the office. He rushes back, grabs the harmonica, slaps it down on the bar in front of the guy and says "Double or nothing that octopus can't play that harmonica!" The guy sets the octopus by the harmonica, the octopus picks the harmonica up and proceeds to play The Battle Hymn of the Republic. The bartender, beaten again, serves the guy a fresh drink.
A little while later the bartender has a flash of inspiration, he runs upstairs to his apartment above the bar, and comes down carrying a set of bagpipes, which he thumps down on the bar in front of the guy saying, "OK, enough small change, $50 says your octopus can't play these!"
The guy drops the octopus in front of the bagpipes, the octopus then crawls all over the bagpipes, crawls under them, then climbs back on top, then under again. After a couple minutes the bartender says "Told you, he can't play them, pay up."
The guys looks at the bartender and says "Just wait a minute, as soon as he figures out he can't make love to them, he'll play them..."
The guy walks up to the bar and says, "This is no animal, this is the most accomplished musician that will ever come into this bar. He can play ANYTHING."
Bartender says, "Well there is a piano around the corner, if he can actually play it, you both can stay, if he can play it well, I'll buy you a drink."
Guy walks around the corner, there is a beat up old standup sitting against the wall. He pulls out the bench, sets the octopus on it and steps back. The octopus, after a few seconds reaches up the keyboard and plays Moonlight Sonata perfectly. The bartender, knowing he's beat, pours the guy a drink, but after a few minutes he remembers he saw a harmonica in the lost and found box in the office. He rushes back, grabs the harmonica, slaps it down on the bar in front of the guy and says "Double or nothing that octopus can't play that harmonica!" The guy sets the octopus by the harmonica, the octopus picks the harmonica up and proceeds to play The Battle Hymn of the Republic. The bartender, beaten again, serves the guy a fresh drink.
A little while later the bartender has a flash of inspiration, he runs upstairs to his apartment above the bar, and comes down carrying a set of bagpipes, which he thumps down on the bar in front of the guy saying, "OK, enough small change, $50 says your octopus can't play these!"
The guy drops the octopus in front of the bagpipes, the octopus then crawls all over the bagpipes, crawls under them, then climbs back on top, then under again. After a couple minutes the bartender says "Told you, he can't play them, pay up."
The guys looks at the bartender and says "Just wait a minute, as soon as he figures out he can't make love to them, he'll play them..."
When Benoit B. Mandelbrot used to be asked what the "B" in his name stood for, he would reply:
The B? It stands for Benoit B. Mandelbrot!
The B? It stands for Benoit B. Mandelbrot!
Cocktail. An unusual genetic abnormality.
Diktat. Low quality genital piercing.
Flapjack. How a bird masturbates whilst flying.
Feckless. Celibate in Ireland
Ineffable. Celibate.
Aroma. Someone who wanders around aimlessly.
Millipede. Very slightly incontinent.
Diktat. Low quality genital piercing.
Flapjack. How a bird masturbates whilst flying.
Feckless. Celibate in Ireland
Ineffable. Celibate.
Aroma. Someone who wanders around aimlessly.
Millipede. Very slightly incontinent.
What do guitarists and philosophers have in common?
Both view time as an abstract concept.
Both view time as an abstract concept.
A keyboard player has a young son who's about to turn 14...He want's to introduce him to music so he decides to buy him a bass. Inside the case is a coupon for 4 free lesson's. The day after his birthday the boy come's downstairs carrying the bass and disappears out the door, returning an hour later. His father ask's " How was the lesson son?". He replies " Great dad!...today I learned the first 3 notes on the E string. His dad is pleased at the boy"s enthusiasm. Next day, same thing....boy leaves with the bass and returns in an hour. " How was the bass lesson today son?". Great dad!...today I learned the first 3 notes on the A string"." Great son!". Third day boy leaves with the bass....An hour passes...then another hour...and another. Finally the boy shows up at 3 in the morning,...stinking of whiskey and cigarrettes.
"Well son" sneers the keyboadist sarcasticly...."How was the bass lesson?!!"
"Uhh...sorry dad...No lesson today.........I had a gig."
"Well son" sneers the keyboadist sarcasticly...."How was the bass lesson?!!"
"Uhh...sorry dad...No lesson today.........I had a gig."
