What's the difference between a set of bagpipes and a sack of onions?
Nobody cries when you cut up bagpipes.
Nobody cries when you cut up bagpipes.
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Joke time
- Thread starter rtslinger
- Start date
A musician who once worked with Buddy Rich, comes off the road. He calls Buddy's house. Buddy's wife answers.
"Hey, can I speak to Buddy?"
His wife replies, "I'm so sorry, but Buddy's dead."
"Okay, thanks!" he says, and hangs up.
A few weeks later he calls again. "Hey, can I speak to Buddy?"
Again his wife replies, "I'm sorry, but Buddy's dead."
"Okay, thanks!" he says and hangs up.
A few more weeks pass, and he calls the number again. "Hey, can I speak to Buddy?"
Buddy's wife replies, "You've called several times now. I don't know if you understand, but Buddy's dead!"
The musician say, "Yeah I know. I just love hearing it!"
"Hey, can I speak to Buddy?"
His wife replies, "I'm so sorry, but Buddy's dead."
"Okay, thanks!" he says, and hangs up.
A few weeks later he calls again. "Hey, can I speak to Buddy?"
Again his wife replies, "I'm sorry, but Buddy's dead."
"Okay, thanks!" he says and hangs up.
A few more weeks pass, and he calls the number again. "Hey, can I speak to Buddy?"
Buddy's wife replies, "You've called several times now. I don't know if you understand, but Buddy's dead!"
The musician say, "Yeah I know. I just love hearing it!"
Two nuns walk into a bar.
You'd think the second one would have noticed it.
You'd think the second one would have noticed it.
A boy decides he wants to play the bass so his family paid for lessons. On the first day, the teacher taught him the E string. On the second, he taught him the A string. On the third day, the boy didn't go to practice, and when his parents asked him why, he said, "I already got a gig."
How do you make a trombone sound like a French horn?
Stick your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.
Stick your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.
Why do drummers always have red eyes after sex?
Pepper spray.
Pepper spray.
Or on a similar note:
What has 2 teeth and 49 arms?
The front row of a Toby Keith concert.
Credits to Darby O'Gill
There was a poor dirt farming family in Ireland. All they had was this one milk cow. The cow gave real high quality milk which They would turn the milk to cheese and sell at the market to buy food. SO the only think that was keeping them going was this milk cow.
Well, one morning, the father wakes up and sees the milk cow dead. So he hangs himself in the barn.
The mother wakes up, sees the milk cow dead and her husband dead so she throws herself into the river and drowns and washes up on the shore.
The oldest son wakes up, sees the milk cow dead, his father dead and, by his mother who has washed up on the shore, a leprechaun - a female leprechaun.
She says " Looks like you're having a bad day". He says "I should say so." She says "I'll make you a deal. if you make love to me 10 times in a row, without stopping, I'll bring your mom and dad back, and even the milk cow".
He says "why not?". He almost makes it but fails, so she kills him.
The next son wakes up, sees the milk cow dead, his father dead and his mother and brother dead on the shore and there is this female leprechaun.
She says " Looks like you're having a bad day". He says "I should say so." She says "I'll make you a deal. if you make love to me 10 times in a row, without stopping, I'll bring everybody back, including the milk cow".
He agrees. He doesn't make it either, so the leprechaun kills him.
The youngest son wakes up, sees the milk cow dead, the father dead, and his mother and two brothers dead by the shore, and the female leprechaun.
She says " Looks like you're having a bad day". He says "I should say so." She says "I'll make you a deal. if you make love to me 10 times in a row, without stopping, I'll bring everybody back, including the milk cow".
He says "Well, look at you and look at me, I'm young and virile, you're good looking let's try it. BUT, before we get started let me ask you what if I make love to you 15 times in a row?"
She says, "In that case, I'll bring your father, mother and brothers back, even the milk cow and give you nice mansion where your hovel is".
He says "That's fine and all, but what if I make love to you 20 times in a row?"
She says "If you make love to me 20 times in a row, I'll bring your entire family back, even the milk cow, give you mansion where your hovel is and give you a big pot of gold that will last you your entire life".
He says "alright let's get started in a minute, but first, if I make love to you 20 times in a row, what's to stop YOU from dying from it?
The milk cow did."
There was a poor dirt farming family in Ireland. All they had was this one milk cow. The cow gave real high quality milk which They would turn the milk to cheese and sell at the market to buy food. SO the only think that was keeping them going was this milk cow.
Well, one morning, the father wakes up and sees the milk cow dead. So he hangs himself in the barn.
The mother wakes up, sees the milk cow dead and her husband dead so she throws herself into the river and drowns and washes up on the shore.
The oldest son wakes up, sees the milk cow dead, his father dead and, by his mother who has washed up on the shore, a leprechaun - a female leprechaun.
She says " Looks like you're having a bad day". He says "I should say so." She says "I'll make you a deal. if you make love to me 10 times in a row, without stopping, I'll bring your mom and dad back, and even the milk cow".
He says "why not?". He almost makes it but fails, so she kills him.
The next son wakes up, sees the milk cow dead, his father dead and his mother and brother dead on the shore and there is this female leprechaun.
She says " Looks like you're having a bad day". He says "I should say so." She says "I'll make you a deal. if you make love to me 10 times in a row, without stopping, I'll bring everybody back, including the milk cow".
He agrees. He doesn't make it either, so the leprechaun kills him.
The youngest son wakes up, sees the milk cow dead, the father dead, and his mother and two brothers dead by the shore, and the female leprechaun.
She says " Looks like you're having a bad day". He says "I should say so." She says "I'll make you a deal. if you make love to me 10 times in a row, without stopping, I'll bring everybody back, including the milk cow".
He says "Well, look at you and look at me, I'm young and virile, you're good looking let's try it. BUT, before we get started let me ask you what if I make love to you 15 times in a row?"
She says, "In that case, I'll bring your father, mother and brothers back, even the milk cow and give you nice mansion where your hovel is".
He says "That's fine and all, but what if I make love to you 20 times in a row?"
She says "If you make love to me 20 times in a row, I'll bring your entire family back, even the milk cow, give you mansion where your hovel is and give you a big pot of gold that will last you your entire life".
He says "alright let's get started in a minute, but first, if I make love to you 20 times in a row, what's to stop YOU from dying from it?
The milk cow did."
The teacher is covering arithmetic fundamentals in her 2nd-grade classroom. " Suppose there's three crows sitting on a phone wire. You shoot one the birds off the wire. How many are left?" Little Johnny's hand pops up. The teacher points to him. "None!" Says little Johnny, confidently. The teacher says "how did you arrive with that answer?" "Well, the first bird is shot, and the rest get spooked and fly away!" explains Johnny.
"That's really not the answer I was looking for.. the correct answer is TWO." She winks and says "But I like like the way you're thinking!"
Little Johnny says "ok, I have one for you." "Theres three women sitting on a park bench; each has an ice cream cone. One is biting the cone, one is licking the cone, and one sucking the cone. How do you tell which of the three is married?"
The teacher blushes and says "Well, I suppose its the one sucking her cone"..
Johnny smiles and says "Actually, the correct answer is the one who's wearing a wedding ring." He winks and adds "But I like the way you're thinking!"
"That's really not the answer I was looking for.. the correct answer is TWO." She winks and says "But I like like the way you're thinking!"
Little Johnny says "ok, I have one for you." "Theres three women sitting on a park bench; each has an ice cream cone. One is biting the cone, one is licking the cone, and one sucking the cone. How do you tell which of the three is married?"
The teacher blushes and says "Well, I suppose its the one sucking her cone"..
Johnny smiles and says "Actually, the correct answer is the one who's wearing a wedding ring." He winks and adds "But I like the way you're thinking!"
Q: what's the difference between a drummer and a foot spa?
A: a foot spa bucks up the feet.!
A: a foot spa bucks up the feet.!
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Future Impact now available!! WAS: deep impact reissue!!! interested?- Latest: Andras Szalay
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