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Joke time
- Thread starter rtslinger
- Start date
Two winos walk into a bar, which is pretty stupid; you figure after the first guy hit it, the second guy would have seen it coming!!!
Badum-Ching!!!
Badum-Ching!!!
Sarah Jessica Parker walks into a bar and the bartender asks "Why the long face?"
A mushroom walks into a bar. the bartender says "hey you can't come in here" the mushroom says "why not, I'm a fungi?"
An atom walks into a bar looking all sad.
The bartender says, "Hey buddy, why so sad?"
The atom says, "I lost an electron."
"Are you sure?" asks the bartender.
"I'm positive!"
The bartender says, "Hey buddy, why so sad?"
The atom says, "I lost an electron."
"Are you sure?" asks the bartender.
"I'm positive!"
Rene Descartes was hammered in a bar after pounding back many drinks. The bartender asked if he'd like another to which he responded "I think not" then instantly vanished into thin air.
Rotten Johnny is sitting on a park bench, stuffing candy bar after candy bar into his mouth. After about the sixth or seventh candy bar, and elderly gentleman sitting next to Rotten Johnny says,
"You know, little boy, eating candy bar after candy bar like that isn't good for you. It can ruin your appetite, make you fat, give you pimples, and really cause you to fall into poor health."
Rotten Johnny looks at the older gentleman and says,
"Oh Yeah? Well my great-grandfather lived to be ninety-five".
And the old man, puzzled, says,
"Did he eat candy bar after candy bar like that?"
And Johnny replies,
"No. He minded is own F***ing business."
"You know, little boy, eating candy bar after candy bar like that isn't good for you. It can ruin your appetite, make you fat, give you pimples, and really cause you to fall into poor health."
Rotten Johnny looks at the older gentleman and says,
"Oh Yeah? Well my great-grandfather lived to be ninety-five".
And the old man, puzzled, says,
"Did he eat candy bar after candy bar like that?"
And Johnny replies,
"No. He minded is own F***ing business."
Wow...this joke has been around a long time! In 1960 I was 7 yrs old and heard that joke. I thought it was so funny, (although I didn't get the 'jist' of it at that age), that I ran into my mom's beauty salon next door to our house, where she was busy fixing women's hair, and recited it loudly to everyone in the room. Their reaction wasn't what I expected but all those women looked at me wide eyed and chuckled. Some just went "hmmmph". I ran back outside to play thinking they didn't 'get it'. What's funny is that I was the one who didn't 'get it'.
A ham sandwich walks into a bar. Bartender says, "Sorry. We don't serve food here."
A lady went into a bar in Texas and saw a cowboy with his feet propped up on a table. He had the biggest boots she'd ever seen. The woman asked the cowboy if it's true what they say about men with big feet.
The cowboy grinned and said, "Shore is, little lady. Why don't you come on out to the bunkhouse and let me prove it to you?"
The woman wanted to find out for herself, so she spent the night with him. The next morning she handed him a $100 bill. Blushing, he said, "Well, thankee, ma'am. Ah'm real flattered. Ain't nobody ever paid me fer mah services before."
"Don't be flattered... take the money and buy yourself some boots that fit."
The cowboy grinned and said, "Shore is, little lady. Why don't you come on out to the bunkhouse and let me prove it to you?"
The woman wanted to find out for herself, so she spent the night with him. The next morning she handed him a $100 bill. Blushing, he said, "Well, thankee, ma'am. Ah'm real flattered. Ain't nobody ever paid me fer mah services before."
"Don't be flattered... take the money and buy yourself some boots that fit."
A guy was watching a porn video on the TV and was trying to keep it hidden from his wife. Just before she would walk into the room he would stop the video and return to a fishing program.
Eventually his wife caught on to him. She stopped and said, "why don't you stop the games and watch the porn? We both know you can fish."
Eventually his wife caught on to him. She stopped and said, "why don't you stop the games and watch the porn? We both know you can fish."
bassman314
I seem to be a verb, an evolutionary process...
How can you tell if the stage is level?
Drool is coming out of both sides of the drummer's mouth...
EuroDisney is no longer allowed to launch fireworks after a recent incident. Apparently, the noise was so loud that Frenchs soldiers from the local garrison immediately surrendered to a group of Czech toursits.
Why does the Champs-Elyees in Paris have so many trees?
Germans prefer to march in the shade...
Why do Scotsmen wear kilts?
Sheep can hear a zipper a mile away...
How was copper wire invented?
2 Scotsman found the same penny...
An Englishman, Irishman, and a Scotsman are drinking beer in a pub. There are flies buzzing throughout the establishment. One fly lands in each gentleman's beer.
The Englishman asks for a spoon and daintily removes the offending creature. He then continues to drink his ale in the normal manner.
The Irishman rolls up his sleeve, thrusts it into the glass, spilling beer all over. He grabs the fly and throws it on the ground. He then gulps down what remains of his beer, and orders another one.
The Scotsman takes the fly by its wings and says "Alright, you, spit it out!"
What does the Bass player say when he gets to his normal gig?
You want fries with that?
Drool is coming out of both sides of the drummer's mouth...
EuroDisney is no longer allowed to launch fireworks after a recent incident. Apparently, the noise was so loud that Frenchs soldiers from the local garrison immediately surrendered to a group of Czech toursits.
Why does the Champs-Elyees in Paris have so many trees?
Germans prefer to march in the shade...
Why do Scotsmen wear kilts?
Sheep can hear a zipper a mile away...
How was copper wire invented?
2 Scotsman found the same penny...
An Englishman, Irishman, and a Scotsman are drinking beer in a pub. There are flies buzzing throughout the establishment. One fly lands in each gentleman's beer.
The Englishman asks for a spoon and daintily removes the offending creature. He then continues to drink his ale in the normal manner.
The Irishman rolls up his sleeve, thrusts it into the glass, spilling beer all over. He grabs the fly and throws it on the ground. He then gulps down what remains of his beer, and orders another one.
The Scotsman takes the fly by its wings and says "Alright, you, spit it out!"
What does the Bass player say when he gets to his normal gig?
You want fries with that?
