Lesson in respect!

[Philly Watts]

Have you ever had to stick up for yourself? Show others that you are to be respected?

Recently, I joined an existing pop rock project. I was very into it! They had the songs, which included backing tracks and backing vocals going to front of house. They just didn't have any idea how to run the sound to the front of house and play to a metronome using in ear monitors. Keep in mind that this is a non paying gig... All I was getting out of it was fun times and experience.

I was a natural fit for these guys (one guy drummer, one gal singer/guitar player). We get along very well! It's a bonus that I have a lot of live experience and have been loving to use the Behringer XR18 for running in ear monitors.

I go out and purchase a separate one for this project, get us up and running with an XLR splitter so we can share mic inputs with front of house (MS8000), and even bring a rack to enclose everything. I also bought her a new guitar pedal she needed and let her use my spare pair of in ear monitors... We seemed to be on our way to a good run of fun and awesome shows!

During the very first show, I'm setting up her guitar pedals for her, setting up the rack and board, making friends with the other bands, and talking with the sound guy as well as the stage manager. She's in her car putting makeup on and changing clothes...

We get on stage, the setup worked flawlessly. We are kicking ass out there! I'm very proud of our stage presence.

From there, something very weird happened. When introducing the members during our third song, she basically belittles me in front of everyone. It slipped out of her, seemingly by accident...

I get over it, but don't ever forget. We finish the show, clean up, and after a little while I'm out of there.

Later on I get a text saying "Hey, my mom told me you gave your phone number to the photographer that was there. I'd like to know what's going on with that? I want him to speak with me first."

First of all, this never happened... He liked our set, and so I got his business card with the intent to give it to her, as she was not socializing with the photographer herself. Secondly, I'm thirty one years old... Ain't nobody got time for that!

Now why would anyone in their right mind be so unprofessional, negative, and belittle the person who basically helped set up the entire stage, the in ear monitor setup, backing tracks, backing vocals, and socialized with all people involved?... All so that the said person can look and sound awesome?

Long story, I know, but this is where it ends... After the show, for about a week, I just couldn't motivate myself to even practice the material any longer. Even though she apologized I just couldn't allow someone to disrespect me so badly. I saw it as a red flag... A serious one, at that.

Next scheduled practice comes so I explained how I felt and even offered to play the next show before I bow out... She tells me to just leave and that there's no point. She blames her mom and her mom's friend for getting in her head about how I was trying to "take over" the band... Whatever... Thankfully, things ended with a respectful goodbye (she deserves credit for giving me that respect at least).

Summary:
All I did was give 100% and try to help to the best of my abilities. I took all my stuff and went back home.

They're left without a bass player and need to figure out how to run their own sound from now on. Needless to say, they were shocked!

This, very simply, was a lesson in respect. When you're not Beyoncé or Celine Dion and you're not paying a lot of money to your team, you need to actually respect those who are giving their all to you and your music... Period!

 

[buldog5151bass]

1. When your mom is influencing things, you are in trouble.

 

[Philly Watts]

1. When your mom is influencing things, you are in trouble.

Especially when you're an adult in your thirties... Aaaaaannnnddddd I'm out lol

 

[Killed_by_Death]

Wasn't Taylor Swift's mom her manager as well?

The world would turn so much better w/o egoes.

 

[FirewalZ]

For new gigs, I stay quiet...under the radar and slowly EARN respect..usually by the following approach.

• always prepared; I know my parts, your parts, and the arrangement....every tune.
• always on time or even early, with solid gear and a good tone that fits the gig.
• I have good ears and a strong singing voice...but I don't throw it in a lead singer's face(they hate that), but they eventually learn that i can sing as good or sometimes better.....and the band eventually starts to rely on my ears.
• Stay Humble, appreciative and thankful; I am not naturally the outgoing/friendly type, but I really try and work on it.
• Be friendly to patrons, other musicians and bar staff (tip them well, even with free drinks).

I basically become the one who is consistently solid, dependable, always in the pocket, always on point and in key.....and respect and appreciation usually follows.

 

[Philly Watts]

For new gigs, I stay quiet...under the radar and slowly EARN respect..usually by the following approach.

• always prepared; I know my parts, your parts, and the arrangement....every tune.
• always on time or even early, with solid gear and a good tone that fits the gig.
• I have good ears and a strong singing voice...but I don't throw it in a lead singer's face(they hate that), but they eventually learn that i can sing as good or sometimes better.....and the band eventually starts to rely on my ears.
• Stay Humble, appreciative and thankful; I am not naturally the outgoing/friendly type, but I really try and work on it.
• Be friendly to patrons, other musicians and bar staff (tip them well, even with free drinks).

I basically become the one who is consistently solid, dependable, always in the pocket, always on point and in key.....and respect and appreciation usually follows.

Great approach! I completely agree that your way is the way to go. This was a unique situation in that they needed me to do a lot more than just show up, be quiet, and play. That being said, I stayed within my zone, not trying to take over, just doing what I was there to do and helping out in every way possible.

 

[Steve]

Now why would anyone in their right mind be so unprofessional, negative, and belittle the person who basically helped set up the entire stage, the in ear monitor setup, backing tracks, backing vocals, and socialized with all people involved?... All so that the said person can look and sound awesome?

Hmm...a show dog so insecure and wracked with self doubt that they actually feel threatened by the competence of others around them...nope, never saw that before...

I've spent the bulk of my career in bands that backed show dogs more than bands that were bands. That's one of the more common red flags of death, frustrating to no end.

 

[FirewalZ]

Great approach! I completely agree that your way is the way to go. This was a unique situation in that they needed me to do a lot more than just show up, be quiet, and play. That being said, I stayed within my zone, not trying to take over, just doing what I was there to do and helping out in every way possible.

Yea...in this case it sounded like you were with someone who simply wasn't mature enough to handle a band yet. I agree it was a huge red flag, but I may have stuck it out at least a little bit longer if I felt the group had real potential and strongly aligned with my career goals. If this was not the case than I think you did the right thing. Being associated with a spoiled immature brat/deva could make you "guilty by association" as well, especially in closely knit music scene.

 

[JRA]

been there, done that: yep, it can be a tough one, for sure, working with egos --- or lack thereof.

good on you for stepping up to fulfill some of the band's needs. don't stop that just because of this episode: some you win, some you lose, but the wins are worth it, IMO.

good luck!

 

[Philly Watts]

been there, done that: yep, it can be a tough one, for sure, working with egos --- or lack thereof.

good on you for stepping up to fulfill some of the band's needs. don't stop that just because of this episode: some you win, some you lose, but the wins are worth it, IMO.

good luck!

Thanks bud! I'll never stop working towards my goals! I learned from this experience for sure.

 

[sean_on_bass]

Weird how you can put in so much effort only to be chastised. I suppose she considers herself the leader of the group, and your high value made her feel threatened. Plus potentially some other people fueling that fire in her head.

The only lesson i can think of here is too have a frank discussion about roles and responsibilities up front when getting into a project. This will help ensure you aren't helping TOO much(as if that was a problem normally, but in this case.. )

 

[PauFerro]

My impression when reading the Opening Post was that she thought you were taking right over. When there is an existing "old guard" in any situation, and you go in there motivated, with ideas, and making things happen, some people get territorial. I saw that punch line, about the Mom, and that confirmed my perception.

Against the backdrop of mistrust, the business card to the photographer thing also seems like you are taking over, when you weren't.

Drop these people like a hot potato. They don't deserve you. I have experienced them before too -- take your talent and apply it to your own thing. Put new wine in new bottles....

 

[Grumry]

Good for you. I bet she just learned a hard lesson, having her backline and monitor system walk out at the same time.

 

[Aberdumbie]

You handled that remarkably well and professionally. I commend you on that. I see it more and more these days with the whole social media phenomenon. Common courtesy often seems lost on people. You sir have put a solid cornerstone in place with your reputation among the working musicians in your area.

 

[City]

There is confusion these days. I just left a band. The confusion is. They ask you be in the band, but they just want a bass player. They didn't want a fellow band member. You thought. I have knowledge. I can help. They thought. Shut up and just play bass.

 

[Joe Nerve]

Sounds like you made a good choice.

I always choose to examine my own actions and motivations though when things don't work out as I hoped. Not saying it's always our fault, as it clearly isn't, but I think there's something to be learned in every situation. We'll never change the people around us, but we can better ourselves if we're able to look at all our encounters objectively. And we can be more effective the next time around.

I'm curious what the comment was that she made on stage?

 

[BadB]

Curious about the comment as well.

 

[guy n. cognito]

Honestly, it sounds like you grossly overstepped your bounds as the new guy.

What exactly did she say on stage to disrespect you??

 

[hermetic]

The world would turn so much better w/o egoes.

How true. And I must reflect that this is the main concept of the process of enlightenment.

 

[Philly Watts]

Sounds like you made a good choice.

I always choose to examine my own actions and motivations though when things don't work out as I hoped. Not saying it's always our fault, as it clearly isn't, but I think there's something to be learned in every situation. We'll never change the people around us, but we can better ourselves if we're able to look at all our encounters objectively. And we can be more effective the next time around.

I'm curious what the comment was that she made on stage?

She called me "Little... Big... Little Philly Watts"