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Let's spread some musical misinformation
- Thread starter pklima
- Start date
If you're in the groove,in the pocket and got your mojo working...and it still doesn't sound right.....then you need to quit playing in a classical music band.
If you're jamming along and your fellow musicians simultaneously stop playing while you jam on, you can be quite sure they lost track.
You do not get better practising bass......you get worse. It's a known fact.
This is why alcoholism amongst bass players is so high. They have failed at every other instrument and now as they practise bass they just get worse and worse.
At some point they put the bass down and go on despair-fueled binges that last for days at a time.....
Many of the homeless people you see are in fact bass-players that are out on extended binges....
This is why alcoholism amongst bass players is so high. They have failed at every other instrument and now as they practise bass they just get worse and worse.
At some point they put the bass down and go on despair-fueled binges that last for days at a time.....
Many of the homeless people you see are in fact bass-players that are out on extended binges....
Lemmy and Geddy are one and the same person. If Lemmy goes on helium, he becomes Geddy. Booze restores him to the Lemmy state.
It is now understood that the bagpipes may actually have been an ancient version of the colostomy bag - engineered, so historians say, by a hitherto unknown druid plumber affectionately nicknamed Leo Tard the Brown.
Although it's conjectural, experts suggest the bag was most likely worn under kilt-like raiment, with pipes heading in every direction and serving a very practical purpose.
They now believe it's very likely that the leakage of certain foul gases would immediately produce a distinct, ear-piercing, caterwauling which, in turn, alerted the client and those unlucky enough to be in the vicinity, of an oncoming evacuation.
If only we rediscovered this before the bagpipes became a fashionable musical instrument, we would have stuck with the good ol' fife and drum and respected the privacy, and the sensitive medical backgrounds, of incontinence sufferers.
Although it's conjectural, experts suggest the bag was most likely worn under kilt-like raiment, with pipes heading in every direction and serving a very practical purpose.
They now believe it's very likely that the leakage of certain foul gases would immediately produce a distinct, ear-piercing, caterwauling which, in turn, alerted the client and those unlucky enough to be in the vicinity, of an oncoming evacuation.
If only we rediscovered this before the bagpipes became a fashionable musical instrument, we would have stuck with the good ol' fife and drum and respected the privacy, and the sensitive medical backgrounds, of incontinence sufferers.
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The best music is that which packs the most different pitches into the least amount of time.
In many cases, "Lead" singer should be pronounced "Leed" and not "Led."
Country Polka Metal Cajon Rap is the latest craze in both Bulgaria and Slap Happy, Mississippi. You heard it here first.
The G clef is called the Trouble Clef for a good reason, bassically.
The problem with today's music is too many male singers that don't sound like it. Wait, that one's true.
During the Viet Nam War, Peter, Paul and Mary's song "Puff the Magic Dragon" referred to an aircraft that was used things other than warfare. At least that's the rumor. No one really remembers.
I was very careful in selecting my new bass over at Guitar Center. I chose one that was already in tune. That saves me tons of time on stage later. I learned this trick from Shoeless Blind Willie Jones, the famous accountant for the law firm of Sieuem & Howe, who is teaching himself the banjo.
In many cases, "Lead" singer should be pronounced "Leed" and not "Led."
Country Polka Metal Cajon Rap is the latest craze in both Bulgaria and Slap Happy, Mississippi. You heard it here first.
The G clef is called the Trouble Clef for a good reason, bassically.
The problem with today's music is too many male singers that don't sound like it. Wait, that one's true.
During the Viet Nam War, Peter, Paul and Mary's song "Puff the Magic Dragon" referred to an aircraft that was used things other than warfare. At least that's the rumor. No one really remembers.
I was very careful in selecting my new bass over at Guitar Center. I chose one that was already in tune. That saves me tons of time on stage later. I learned this trick from Shoeless Blind Willie Jones, the famous accountant for the law firm of Sieuem & Howe, who is teaching himself the banjo.
A Dance Band is a dunce band that can't stand still in the corner.
A Punk Band is a pink band gone off-color because it refuses to take a bath.
A Polka Band is a dyslexic band on a vodka bender.
An Army Band is a sweaty band employed to mop up fluids so soldiers don't entirely lose their grip.
A Big Band loves fried food and sweeties just a little too much.
A Jazz Band once enjoyed polka on the rocks but now prefers anything that's wheat and bobbling.
A Rock Band always gets stoned and prefers to be led. But rock is less poisonous and almost as heavy so a compromise has been made.
A House Band serves as an alternative house cat and will sit on your lap between sets in the cold winter months and purr if you regularly provide some kippers and a saucer of milk.
A Hardcore Band is very stiff, for obvious reasons.
A Punk Band is a pink band gone off-color because it refuses to take a bath.
A Polka Band is a dyslexic band on a vodka bender.
An Army Band is a sweaty band employed to mop up fluids so soldiers don't entirely lose their grip.
A Big Band loves fried food and sweeties just a little too much.
A Jazz Band once enjoyed polka on the rocks but now prefers anything that's wheat and bobbling.
A Rock Band always gets stoned and prefers to be led. But rock is less poisonous and almost as heavy so a compromise has been made.
A House Band serves as an alternative house cat and will sit on your lap between sets in the cold winter months and purr if you regularly provide some kippers and a saucer of milk.
A Hardcore Band is very stiff, for obvious reasons.
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There are dozens of famous bass players.....but there are no famous rhythm guitarists.
When you think of your top ten favorite bands...you can remember who the bass player,drummer , lead guitarist or vocalist is......but you can never remember the rhythm guitarist.
Rhythm guitarists are sworn to secrecy about their identity..and use every trick in the book to remain anonymous....including wearing rubber face masks and clothing that is designed to be totally non-descript.
They often have other jobs...and never discuss their work.
Many of them work at convenience stores...or are flag people for highway construction crews. You will never know they are professional rhythm guitarists.
Because of their historic compliance to secrecy you will never hear a rhythm guitarist complain about being underappreciated.
They are totally comfortable with bass players doing all the whining......because it takes the heat and attention off them and that's how they want it.
Unlike bass players, rhythm guitarists have fulfilling satisfied lives and never lack for relations with the opposite sex. They richly enjoy life and everything it has to offer.
Bass players were often jealous of the rhythm guitarist....and attempted to create public feuds with them as far back as 800 A.D.......but the rhythm guitarists never took the bait.
In an attempt to quash the skirmishes and appease the bass players, the church came up with "The Rhythm Method"......a treatise on how to play bass in a band without friction and dissent.
Every rhythm guitarist throughout history has been linked to the Freemasons and secret religious enclaves.........to this day most of the relevant information has never been exposed....and never will be.
Rhythm guitarists can spot a bass player anywhere......but they will never acknowledge your presence publicly in a crowd.
If one appears in your band...you need to be careful about what you say.........these people are also spies and will report everything they hear to their secret governing body, amassing as much information as they can about you.
When you think of your top ten favorite bands...you can remember who the bass player,drummer , lead guitarist or vocalist is......but you can never remember the rhythm guitarist.
Rhythm guitarists are sworn to secrecy about their identity..and use every trick in the book to remain anonymous....including wearing rubber face masks and clothing that is designed to be totally non-descript.
They often have other jobs...and never discuss their work.
Many of them work at convenience stores...or are flag people for highway construction crews. You will never know they are professional rhythm guitarists.
Because of their historic compliance to secrecy you will never hear a rhythm guitarist complain about being underappreciated.
They are totally comfortable with bass players doing all the whining......because it takes the heat and attention off them and that's how they want it.
Unlike bass players, rhythm guitarists have fulfilling satisfied lives and never lack for relations with the opposite sex. They richly enjoy life and everything it has to offer.
Bass players were often jealous of the rhythm guitarist....and attempted to create public feuds with them as far back as 800 A.D.......but the rhythm guitarists never took the bait.
In an attempt to quash the skirmishes and appease the bass players, the church came up with "The Rhythm Method"......a treatise on how to play bass in a band without friction and dissent.
Every rhythm guitarist throughout history has been linked to the Freemasons and secret religious enclaves.........to this day most of the relevant information has never been exposed....and never will be.
Rhythm guitarists can spot a bass player anywhere......but they will never acknowledge your presence publicly in a crowd.
If one appears in your band...you need to be careful about what you say.........these people are also spies and will report everything they hear to their secret governing body, amassing as much information as they can about you.
I would like this but I'm a rhythm guitarist… trying to keep a low profile, nudge nudge wink wink, know what I mean? Say no more.
The Inflatable Dolls actually were an early seventies hardcore punk rock band. They performed at small venues until their bass player discovered helium...
