Aliens are among us!
One of the as yet seldom discussed revelations gleaned from the government’s recent declassification of UFO-related files is incontrovertible evidence that aliens are actually living among us. These individuals arrived on earth when their ship crashed into the New Mexico desert in the early 40’s. These beings appeared human but studies revealed that they possessed a number of superhuman characteristics. In particular, a pronounced ability to perceive rhythms in the world around them, a heightened capacity to understand and predict change and progression in auditory stimuli, an affinity for low-frequency sounds, an ability to thrive in loud environments, and heightened manual dexterity. Their communication abilities were also noted to be different, utilizing a range of gestures and body movements that seemed to an expression of these other characteristics. Finally, they appeared to share a common spiritual belief in an undefinable power they referred to as “The Groove”. This spiritual belief structure posits that “The Groove” is a fundamental power, and is basic to existence. Hence they refer to the faithful as “bassists”.
After years of study, government scientists determined that these individuals presented no real threat to human civilization and released them into society, noting that they had the potential to find ready employment in either the food services or housekeeping industries. One of the senior members of this group of extraterrestrials, known as “Leo”, created a device intended to facilitate their precise expression of “The Groove” and it subsequently spread across society. One unintended consequence of this has been the spread of a disease known among the affected as “GAS”, which can cause irrational desires to spend irresponsible amounts of money to secure talismans thought to facilitate pursuit of “The Groove. While little is actually known about the diaspora of these alien ambassadors, evidence suggests that they have continued to visit Earth, gaining converts from among human society committed to achieving “The Groove”, apparently led by a being known as “Bootzilla”, who refers to his acolytes as “boppers”.
Further study remains warranted and secretly funded work is rumored to be ongoing.