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Looking for Love Advice
- Thread starter Sir Edward V
- Start date
I broke up with my girl of 3 years today.
We both knew it was for the best, things haven't been great lately. There were tears, giggles, serious talks and then we kissed (stupid of me, sorry TB).
No advice, no witty comments about tapping the next hottie (although that's exactly what I'll be doing), just wanting to show some empathy.
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TB, you're the first people I've told, and thats very sad!
We both knew it was for the best, things haven't been great lately. There were tears, giggles, serious talks and then we kissed (stupid of me, sorry TB).
No advice, no witty comments about tapping the next hottie (although that's exactly what I'll be doing), just wanting to show some empathy.
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TB, you're the first people I've told, and thats very sad!
It's definitely good to get takes on the situation from people that don't know me or her.
Thanks again for the advice... I don't know what I am going to do yet. But I will probably let you guys know.
At this point I think I will call her within a week... and probably tell her that I don't think I can ever be just friends with her.
I've been crushed before, but last time it was with a much less serious relationship. Judging from the past, I think the only way I get out of relationships is by thinking the girl is a bitch. ...and I'm starting to think that about this girl. ...and I'm starting to get bitter rather than sad.
This still sucks
Thanks again for the advice... I don't know what I am going to do yet. But I will probably let you guys know.
At this point I think I will call her within a week... and probably tell her that I don't think I can ever be just friends with her.
I've been crushed before, but last time it was with a much less serious relationship. Judging from the past, I think the only way I get out of relationships is by thinking the girl is a bitch. ...and I'm starting to think that about this girl. ...and I'm starting to get bitter rather than sad.
This still sucks
It does suck, but the "phases of grief" are a necessary path to walk. Bitterness is perfectly healthy. Don't give her any more control over how you feel than she already has, and let the bitterness chip away at what's left of that control...that's what it's there for.
Usually when a chick says she wants to see other people, she's already hooked up with someone, or has someone in mind. Either way you want no part of that anymore. It is time for you to remove yourself from her life. I mean literally vanish. You need to be mentally tough and start hitting on, and tapping everything around. Fatties, milfs, cougars, hotties, sexy Asian chicks, and the good from far far from good butter faces. Remove the very thing she craves the most, your attention. You'll be so busy with all these other chicks that you'll have absolutely no time for her. This will annoy the hell out of her. Don't respond to her texts, voicemail, facebook (in fact remove yourself from her friend list (after you've added all her hot friends of course), and when you see her be polite but distracted. Make her feel like all that magic you might have once had was nothing but her imagination. The beautiful thing about a quantity not quality approach to chicks, is it demoralized the chicks that might have once felt like quality into the realization that they were just one of many, and that special little prize might not be all that special afterall. Good luck and wear a jimmy.
Still, whatever you do, don't be a sap and always be available as a friend. Lame and pathetic. Be shameless but still preserve your dignity.
Still, whatever you do, don't be a sap and always be available as a friend. Lame and pathetic. Be shameless but still preserve your dignity.
I do not want to be mean here, but you need to be a freakin man about this, and not a puss about it.
Here, let me spell it out for you so you can get a clue...
IT IS OVER! SHE WANT'S TO LIVE THE SINGLE LIFE, AND/OR SHE HAS ALREADY MET SOMEONE SHE LIKES BETTER THAN YOU!!!!
Sometimes a chick can go out with her firends one night, and come back a single chick that morning. By this I mean that she goes out and takes a deep breath of freedom, and realizes that she would rather be free than be in a relashionship anymore. It may not even be your fault, but it proves that she never really knew what she wanted in the first place. It proves she was always a "Flake", and you were always holding onto something that you knew deep down would not last forever. It proves that she "Settled" for you temporarilly.
Chalk it up to experience, and move on!
There is no chance in hell you will be getting back together until she has pulled her head out of her butt in a few years, and realizes that she made a terrible mistake when she broke up with you! YEAH RIGHT! IF YOU BELIEVE THAT YOU ARE A FREAKIN MORON DOOMED TO BE SOME CHICK'S DOOR MATT FOR THE RESST OF YOUR SAD LIFE! I really hope your name is not really, Matt. Lol!
You need to completely ignor her from now on, and not try to be her friend. That is what chicks try to do, not guys! They only do it because they do not want you to hate them. They do not want anyone to hate them. Learn to hate her now so you can get over her ASAP, and start looking for the right chick for you. Life is too short to be somewhere you do not want to be!
Here is a hint, Bro... Try finding out who the girl actually is as a person before you ever even think about having sex with her. If you do this, you will be able to seperate the keepers from the twelve o'clock slop, and you will not be falling in love with the wrong girl ever again.
I am not going to tell you to treat them like crap because they will not respect you if you do not, because you will learn that on your own someday, or have chicks walking all over you for the rest of your life.
The game sucks, but if you do not play it you will fail miserably. To be honest with you though, it is much cheaper and a lot less stressful to just pay a ho for sex, or masturbate.
LIVE FREE OR DEATH!
Here, let me spell it out for you so you can get a clue...
IT IS OVER! SHE WANT'S TO LIVE THE SINGLE LIFE, AND/OR SHE HAS ALREADY MET SOMEONE SHE LIKES BETTER THAN YOU!!!!
Sometimes a chick can go out with her firends one night, and come back a single chick that morning. By this I mean that she goes out and takes a deep breath of freedom, and realizes that she would rather be free than be in a relashionship anymore. It may not even be your fault, but it proves that she never really knew what she wanted in the first place. It proves she was always a "Flake", and you were always holding onto something that you knew deep down would not last forever. It proves that she "Settled" for you temporarilly.
Chalk it up to experience, and move on!
There is no chance in hell you will be getting back together until she has pulled her head out of her butt in a few years, and realizes that she made a terrible mistake when she broke up with you! YEAH RIGHT! IF YOU BELIEVE THAT YOU ARE A FREAKIN MORON DOOMED TO BE SOME CHICK'S DOOR MATT FOR THE RESST OF YOUR SAD LIFE! I really hope your name is not really, Matt. Lol!
You need to completely ignor her from now on, and not try to be her friend. That is what chicks try to do, not guys! They only do it because they do not want you to hate them. They do not want anyone to hate them. Learn to hate her now so you can get over her ASAP, and start looking for the right chick for you. Life is too short to be somewhere you do not want to be!
Here is a hint, Bro... Try finding out who the girl actually is as a person before you ever even think about having sex with her. If you do this, you will be able to seperate the keepers from the twelve o'clock slop, and you will not be falling in love with the wrong girl ever again.
I am not going to tell you to treat them like crap because they will not respect you if you do not, because you will learn that on your own someday, or have chicks walking all over you for the rest of your life.
The game sucks, but if you do not play it you will fail miserably. To be honest with you though, it is much cheaper and a lot less stressful to just pay a ho for sex, or masturbate.
LIVE FREE OR DEATH!
Thanks Mike.
Nice to see some people here have their head on straight.On the other hand, sometimes it's nice to be reminded of how screwed up SOME of the people on TB are. And how this community does attract a certain type of person. Most of the time that's awesome, sometimes its not nice.
Ugh, the answer is so obvious and you all missed it. Maki hinted at it, but missed the obvious. You need to start tagging the friend that you've been talking to. Problem solved
Move on. Date other people, lay pipe.
She'll either come running back, or go running away. Either way, give it a few weeks and you'll be much happier for it.
Yeah it sounds insensitive but we all go through it at one time or another and come out the other side older and wiser.
She'll either come running back, or go running away. Either way, give it a few weeks and you'll be much happier for it.
Yeah it sounds insensitive but we all go through it at one time or another and come out the other side older and wiser.
Yeah I wouldn't recommend that. Live a life of a drifter and always park your truck in the get away position. If they get to close run away........
Holy crap, I had not read this prior to responding. This is gospel according to Maki my friend. Learn it, live it.
Seriously, this is all astonishingly true, accurate and (in my case) took years of trial and error to learn. This man just gave you in black and white what it can take you years of misery to learn. If that doesn't qualify for a "thank you" I don't know what does. Take what he wrote to heart, do it, and it WILL, 100%, no BS, no leg-pulling here, pay off in spades.
The Mak speaketh truth...
I have NEVER been able to remain friends with ex-wives or ex-girlfriends. Cordial if I encounter them, yes, but friends? No frickin' way. Unless you're into pain.
Listen to yourself-
"...don't know...
...yet...
At this point...
...I think...
...probably tell her...
...I don't think I can..."
Mister, #1 for you right now is to face the fact that she is gone. GONE. Poof. However you can wrap your mind around it- A horrible industrial accident. Flesh eating disease. Alien abduction. However or whatever will make it through your skull that she is G O N E with no possibility of return.
Oh, do you mean just like you saw this breakup coming? 'Cause you know her so well?
I don't mean to sound harsh but c'mon.Brother, you are on fire and burning up before our very eyes.
STOP- BSing yourself.
DROP-Her and everything about her.
ROLL-On with your life.
Read Maki's post again all the way through. It is good advice. Good luck, we're pullin' for ya!
Sir Eddie, I've got to say first and foremost, from one "nice guy" to another, you've got my condolences.
As has been stated above, you're a "nice guy". Well dude, I hate to tell you, but women in their 20's don't want a nice guy. They want a very specific kind of dude (I think you refered to them as "douchebags" in your post) that they can "fix" and "change" and make all their girlfriends jealous with. You and I are not that kind of guy! We've bestowed upon ourselves the dubious honour of being "nice". We're the guy that they shack up with for a while when they've been dicked around to the point where they feel so horribly low about themselves that they need that egocentric pick me up that comes in the form of our affection, consideration and "sensitivity to their needs". We're a tear-stained shoulder, a firm hug, and a rub on the back that says "Everything is going to be a-okay because you're a special, beautiful, wonderful person." That is our primary failure, as far as I'm concerned. Don't get me wrong, man. Being nice is fine. You just need to know where to draw the line. Women in their 20's get bored of that stuff though, dude. You'll compliment them, dote on them, make em feel like Queens. But, because you're nice, you'll give that up too easily, they'll get bored, and they'll start wanting more of a challenge. That challenge lies in the affections of scores of douchey, horrible dudes. They cut you loose, leave you feeling broken, sad and alone. And yes sir, it absolutely sucks, but that's the way that cookie crumbles. So it goes.
But for as hurt as you are right now, you're in a really, really great position. You're out of a stagnant relationship with an uninterested party, and now have the option to do something I don't think you've done for a while: Think exculsively about and act upon your own best interests. Granted, you can mope, and feel really terribly about losing someone who was special and close to you. Or, you can come to the realization that this person stopped wanting that closeness and willingly walked away from it. Now that this party is out of the picture, you've got yourself to get re-aquainted with. Do not call your ex. Do not speak to your ex. Do not honour your ex's memory with adolescent poetry and self-loathing. Don't try to be "the better person". Don't be the "nice guy who still values her friendship". That dude is a sap. The value of the two of you on friendly terms went out the window when she left you. Should you run into her, be civil. Definately be civil. But don't be nice.
As your sage-like, fellow TBers have offered above, there are many things that will fast-track you on the road to "what was her name again?" country. Hit the gym, lift some weights, start doing yourself the favour of engaging in activity that's gonna make you feel really good. Rediscover your pride, man. You've tried being a nice guy, and that blew up in your face. Now discover what it is that makes you a GOOD MAN. Find that, and pay it forward.
Hang out with your friends you've been neglecting, go bars, go to parties, take up some hobbies. Meet people. Hell, go out and meet interesting people. Meet funny people. Meet smart people. Meet sexy people. Surround yourself with interesting, funny, smart, sexy people, and make yourself available to them. I'm not talking soul-bearing, deep and meaningful, "I think we're connecting on a higher-level" type stuff, but just being cool, and being cordial, and being someone that people are gonna wanna be around.
Be a GOOD MAN, and take your pick from the cornucopia of ass that gets thrown your way.
And don't stop at just one. Get as much as you can. Be a gentleman. Be up front about your intentions. Be honest. But don't be subservient and cater to everyone's whims. Be good to yourself...
anyways, I forgot what I was talking about... I guess I just got a little too excited about the idea of a dude turning a rotten situation into an extremely advantageous one... either way, choice is yours. You wanna call her and be her friend, go ahead. I've got some Smiths records and a dark, moping room you can borrow... I just think that's a lame idea...
As has been stated above, you're a "nice guy". Well dude, I hate to tell you, but women in their 20's don't want a nice guy. They want a very specific kind of dude (I think you refered to them as "douchebags" in your post) that they can "fix" and "change" and make all their girlfriends jealous with. You and I are not that kind of guy! We've bestowed upon ourselves the dubious honour of being "nice". We're the guy that they shack up with for a while when they've been dicked around to the point where they feel so horribly low about themselves that they need that egocentric pick me up that comes in the form of our affection, consideration and "sensitivity to their needs". We're a tear-stained shoulder, a firm hug, and a rub on the back that says "Everything is going to be a-okay because you're a special, beautiful, wonderful person." That is our primary failure, as far as I'm concerned. Don't get me wrong, man. Being nice is fine. You just need to know where to draw the line. Women in their 20's get bored of that stuff though, dude. You'll compliment them, dote on them, make em feel like Queens. But, because you're nice, you'll give that up too easily, they'll get bored, and they'll start wanting more of a challenge. That challenge lies in the affections of scores of douchey, horrible dudes. They cut you loose, leave you feeling broken, sad and alone. And yes sir, it absolutely sucks, but that's the way that cookie crumbles. So it goes.
But for as hurt as you are right now, you're in a really, really great position. You're out of a stagnant relationship with an uninterested party, and now have the option to do something I don't think you've done for a while: Think exculsively about and act upon your own best interests. Granted, you can mope, and feel really terribly about losing someone who was special and close to you. Or, you can come to the realization that this person stopped wanting that closeness and willingly walked away from it. Now that this party is out of the picture, you've got yourself to get re-aquainted with. Do not call your ex. Do not speak to your ex. Do not honour your ex's memory with adolescent poetry and self-loathing. Don't try to be "the better person". Don't be the "nice guy who still values her friendship". That dude is a sap. The value of the two of you on friendly terms went out the window when she left you. Should you run into her, be civil. Definately be civil. But don't be nice.
As your sage-like, fellow TBers have offered above, there are many things that will fast-track you on the road to "what was her name again?" country. Hit the gym, lift some weights, start doing yourself the favour of engaging in activity that's gonna make you feel really good. Rediscover your pride, man. You've tried being a nice guy, and that blew up in your face. Now discover what it is that makes you a GOOD MAN. Find that, and pay it forward.
Hang out with your friends you've been neglecting, go bars, go to parties, take up some hobbies. Meet people. Hell, go out and meet interesting people. Meet funny people. Meet smart people. Meet sexy people. Surround yourself with interesting, funny, smart, sexy people, and make yourself available to them. I'm not talking soul-bearing, deep and meaningful, "I think we're connecting on a higher-level" type stuff, but just being cool, and being cordial, and being someone that people are gonna wanna be around.
Be a GOOD MAN, and take your pick from the cornucopia of ass that gets thrown your way.
And don't stop at just one. Get as much as you can. Be a gentleman. Be up front about your intentions. Be honest. But don't be subservient and cater to everyone's whims. Be good to yourself...
anyways, I forgot what I was talking about... I guess I just got a little too excited about the idea of a dude turning a rotten situation into an extremely advantageous one... either way, choice is yours. You wanna call her and be her friend, go ahead. I've got some Smiths records and a dark, moping room you can borrow... I just think that's a lame idea...
Once she's made up her mind to go elsewhere, there's nothing you can do. You can't affect the way she thinks/acts..... you gotta take care of yourself. I she wanted to take care of you she'd still be there. It hurts like hell... I know. You ARE better off, but it will take some time for you to see that.
