• TalkBass has been independent since 1998. Add your voice.
    Create a free account to reply to discussions, view embedded media, and browse with fewer display ads.
    Join free Log in
    Want zero display ads or expanded classifieds tools? Compare plans.

Looking for Love Advice

#81
guitar ed said:
If you don't ask, they can't say yes. This is the salesman's creed. Getting a date is all about sales, except that you are selling yourself. And be polite. If you are going to be real direct, use euphemisms for sex, don't just ask if they want to ****.
Click to expand...

ed's advice is all good, I'm going to expand on this one (and I bet Thor can do even more, he's the king of salesgeeks on TB).

Don't just ASK for the sale, "Do you want to go out sometime/home with me tonight/to the parking lot?". Assume the sale, "So, when I finish packing up, are we going to your place or mine?". Be positive, not arrogant, is a key issue with this, nothing will run a girl off faster than being arrogant, but in the right situation, being confident/positive will be the best asset you have.

If you get a negative vibe, go slower and work up to the "sale", but don't ask until you can ASSUME the sale. If you don't get to that point, don't try to close it halfway ("Do you want to go out sometime...?"), better to leave it open ended if you don't think you can close it outright that night. Get the digits EVERY TIME, even if you don't get the impression you are going to close the deal, because in sales "no" just means they haven't been convinced to say "yes" yet.

:)
 
#83
Sir Edward V said:
I'm definitely a push over

I need to practice, lol.

For me it will probably be more about working up the courage to talk to random girls. It's a problem.
Click to expand...

Dude, grow a pair - courage to talk to random girls?

:hmm:

The first one is nerve wracking, the second one will be less so, and by the third one you'll be fine.

Also, don't start out trying to close every "sale", just TALK. If you act TOO INTERESTED, they won't be interested, if you just talk to them, then move on, on the other hand, it will drive them crazy: "Why didn't he stay longer...why didn't he buy me a drink...why didn't he ask for my number...". Get back to her LATER for the digits (getting the digits is key, watch any salesman in a major retail purchase situation, they ALWAYS try to get the phone number to "follow up" with the potential customer, ALWAYS).

Cast you net wide, and you WILL catch a fish. If you try and just pick one "target", your chances of failure rise astronomically. It's a numbers game, every time. Matter of fact, the more women/girls/ladies/chicks/whatever-you-wanna-call-'em you talk to, the more interesting you will become to ALL of them.

Maybe just start out by making it a project: instead of trying to hit it on the first try, make it a point to say hello to every single female at your next gig, get in at least a 5 minute conversation, get each one's name, introduce yourself to her, and so on - EVERY female that isn't obviously with someone, even if you have less than no interest in her in any way, yes, the fatties and the uglies, every single one. Make it like a survey even, "Hi, I'm Sir Edward V, and I'm just trying to get the opinions of all the ladies that have come out to see the band tonight. So, what's your name? Hi *****, thanks for coming out to see us, so, what do you think of the band? Do you like the songs we're playing? Is there anything that you'd like to hear that we haven't played? Are we too loud? Not loud enough?"

Get over the nerves thing.

I bet you get at least one VERY POSITIVE response to that, and there is a better than 50% chance you could tag it right out of the box, but don't go into the project with that as your goal, just go into the project thinking that you need to make contact with, and have a short conversation with each unaccompanied female in the club.

HAVE FUN!
 
#85
My friend said girls in their 20's don't want to date ********, they're just really selfish. Considering she is a girl in her 20`s, I think she might know a thing or to. Then she asked why I was talking about love and I said I didn`t want love just someone to bake me cookies and spend saturday night with........I`ve never felt more emo :`(
 
#86
James_B said:
My friend said girls in their 20's don't want to date ********, they're just really selfish. Considering she is a girl in her 20`s, I think she might know a thing or to. Then she asked why I was talking about love and I said I didn`t want love just someone to bake me cookies and spend saturday night with........I`ve never felt more emo :`(
Click to expand...

rofl


So I finally broke down and talked to the ex. I don't know what it is... I wanted to hate her for a while, because I thought it would be easier, but honestly talking to her made me feel better. I feel good right now. I wrote her a "letter" over the last 2-3 days, and sent it to her via facebook message... because, you know, that's just how things work now-a-days. She was online at the time, and I sent the message, took a shower and came back... then about 5-10 minutes later she responded with an equally long letter. Then we talked via IMs for 2 hours.
...
She's not being a bitch about it. At all. So I don't hate her. She explained herself very well. Pretty much what it came down to is that she was happy with me, and loved me, but she is looking for her perfect fit, and she just didn't think that it was me anymore.

And she did tell me she is informally seeing someone.

The best thing that she did was to be completely honest with me. We clarified hang ups from our relationship a lot of other things.

I'd have to say that I am still in love with her though, but surprisingly... I am ok with the situation we are in. As discussed already, I want to get balls deep in some other women while I am young and have access to lots of beautiful ladies. And I want to find out what exactly I want in a girl.

Call me a sap... whatever, but at this point I think I will wind up with my ex in the end. We just need to wait until we are ready for each other.

Either way, I am feeling tremendously better. Thank you all for your part in this.

I will still take advice in meeting women. hahaha

I have one lead already. Its a pretty weak one though.
 
#88
To the OP,

I've been in your shoes once or twice. If you really want her to come back just let the reigns go. I know you think you can be her friend, but I bet it'll bubble over at some point. Don't answer her calls,texts,emails...nothing. If you see her out and end up talking don't be a sad sack. Be animated, but don't act excited to see her. Even though you will be. Now...

TheGrizz presents: Getting over her
1.Cease Communication
2. Get back in with the friends you ditched for her(if applicable)
3.Get a haircut.Buy some new threads if you can afford it. Clean yourself up a little bit. It makes all the difference.
4. Go out as often as you can. Meet some new faces.
5.Get out there and find some girls (her friends?:ninja:.)
 

Latest posts

Top Bottom
Back