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lost a room over stupid stuff (rant)

#21
DwaynieAD said:
OP clearly stats that simply banning the SO will not work because the guitarist will not go for it, i believe "attached at the hip" was the phrase used.

which kind of makes firing of guitarist the only option.
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Doesn't matter. I don't think that's for the band to decide. It's for the guitarist. My opinion. But I'm right on this one. :)
 
#23
Joe Nerve said:
I disagree w firing the guitarist. I would ban his SO, and then let it be his decision whether to stay, go, dump the girl, or whatever. He didn't do anything wrong. She did.
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I agree in principle, but in the end, firing the guitar player would probably save the most drama. If the guitarist is joined at the hip with this girlfriend, then there's going to be tension between him and the band on his girlfriend, or tension between him and his girlfriend regarding the band if he continues playing with the band. If he breaks up with this girl and he has any regrets about breaking the relationship, the band will probably get some of the blame. If he breaks up and doesn't have regrets, there's still a chance there's going to be some blowback because it sounds like she's nuts, and she'll probably blame the band for her failed relationship.

Even though the guitard didn't do anything wrong, the band will probably save itself a lot of drama by cutting ties with him. It would be nice if the band could just ban the SO, the SO and guitard accepts it, and they continue on their merry way. But, I've never seen a situation involving a band member's crazy SO work out like that either.
 
#24
Band musicians and their SO's.---- Jeez, it's always the same.. How to make an SO see that a band is not a bunch of people getting together for a fun time...


The bottom line is this - being in a band is a business. Ask yourself this question: say you work at a bank. Would you bring your SO to work with you and let her wander around behind the tellers? Of course not. You'd get fired for that. So why would you let your SO pull stuff like that? You go to a bar to work. Your SO should not go, if he or she will not conduct him or herself in a manner that will not negatively affect the band. It's just good business sense. Leave the personalities and "personal relationships" out of it. She is not a member of the band. If your guitar player cannot see that, then he is getting himself fired, and further is letting himself get held back by a nutty SO. If it were me, I'd tell the guy that he can reel in his SO and keep her out of the band, or he can leave.
 
#26
jive1 said:
I agree in principle, but in the end, firing the guitar player would probably save the most drama. If the guitarist is joined at the hip with this girlfriend, then there's going to be tension between him and the band on his girlfriend, or tension between him and his girlfriend regarding the band if he continues playing with the band. If he breaks up with this girl and he has any regrets about breaking the relationship, the band will probably get some of the blame. If he breaks up and doesn't have regrets, there's still a chance there's going to be some blowback because it sounds like she's nuts, and she'll probably blame the band for her failed relationship.

Even though the guitard didn't do anything wrong, the band will probably save itself a lot of drama by cutting ties with him. It would be nice if the band could just ban the SO, the SO and guitard accepts it, and they continue on their merry way. But, I've never seen a situation involving a band member's crazy SO work out like that either.
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Some would label that codepenent behavior. Making decisons for others in an effort to control or predict the outcome of something. There can be an equal amount of drama on the flip side of things. I won't paint the whole scenario, but basically... guy gets pissed at girl for getting him kicked out of band, guy loses both, hates everybody. Yeah, the band might (or might not) be free of most of that drama, but if they somehow remain friends it could get real messy, and regardless, all involved can say that the right thing wasn't done. Lots of drama potential there. Guitarist didn't do anything to warrant being kicked out of the band. GF did. To me it would be clear that either she doesn't come to gigs any more, and if they disagree to that, then he can't be in the band.

I believe that's taking the high road, and there's no room for argument or complaint.

Ya know... after thinking about this and writing what I just wrote, I actually think the high road would be to talk to the girl, make sure it never happens again, and move on. People do stupid things. If they repeat them, then there's an issue. If it's a 1 time deal there's nothing to be gained by getting rid of anybody. Unless you have other reasons you're not disclosing.
 
#27
Joe Nerve said:
Some would label that codepenent behavior. Making decisons for others in an effort to control or predict the outcome of something. There can be an equal amount of drama on the flip side of things. I won't paint the whole scenario, but basically... guy gets pissed at girl for getting him kicked out of band, guy loses both, hates everybody. Yeah, the band might (or might not) be free of most of that drama, but if they somehow remain friends it could get real messy, and regardless, all involved can say that the right thing wasn't done. Lots of drama potential there. Guitarist didn't do anything to warrant being kicked out of the band. GF did. To me it would be clear that either she doesn't come to gigs any more, and if they disagree to that, then he can't be in the band.

I believe that's taking the high road, and there's no room for argument or complaint.

Ya know... after thinking about this and writing what I just wrote, I actually think the high road would be to talk to the girl, make sure it never happens again, and move on. People do stupid things. If they repeat them, then there's an issue. If it's a 1 time deal there's nothing to be gained by getting rid of anybody. Unless you have other reasons you're not disclosing.
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When people do stupid things that impact my ability to earn money in addition to souring professional contacts for the future, there's no second chance. As an adult we learn that actions have consequences, and this one is a big deal. The S.O. should rightfully be banned, and the guitarist should be put on notice that if anything remotely close to that scenario happens again that he's done. So yeah, agreed on the high road approach.
 
#28
Freddels said:
In NH, it's also illegal for the band to have drinks on the stage with them. I don't know why but when we play in NH, we are reminded of this by the staff so that there are no offenders. We always comply.
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In New Hampshire it should be illegal to be on the earth for 50 years and still be so clueless. Very tacky move to bring in your own food and beverage. As far as firing the guitarist, I am reading between the lines that the SO has been a problem in the past.
 
#31
jive1 said:
I agree in principle, but in the end, firing the guitar player would probably save the most drama. If the guitarist is joined at the hip with Yoko, then there's going to be tension between him and the band on Yoko, or tension between him and Yoko regarding the band if he continues playing with the band. If he breaks up with Yoko and he has any regrets about breaking the relationship, the band will probably get some of the blame. If he breaks up and doesn't have regrets, there's still a chance there's going to be some blowback because it sounds like Yoko's nuts, and she'll probably blame the band for her failed relationship.

Even though the guitard didn't do anything wrong, the band will probably save itself a lot of drama by cutting ties with him. It would be nice if the band could just ban Yoko and guitard accepts it, and they continue on their merry way. But, I've never seen a situation involving a band member's crazy Yoko work out like that either.
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This sounds more like it.

Freddels said:
In NH, it's also illegal for the band to have drinks on the stage with them. I don't know why but when we play in NH, we are reminded of this by the staff so that there are no offenders. We always comply.
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So the solution is not to cross the border, it would appear. I have family up there, my sister and her husband - my brother - are up there. I don't visit too often. :)
 
#32
Dumb enought to bring food and drink into a food and drink selling establishment.

Jerk enough to fight with the staff about something piddly and easy to just back out of. Some people don't know what fights are not worth persuing, so they are always fighting something.

These are personality traits that continue into other parts of life.

How long do you think she will remain the S.O.?

The guitarist may be available without this attached-at-the-hip-liability in a few months. 'cause ya know, at home, she's chewing him out for loading the toilet paper such that it feeds off the bottom instead of the top.
 
#33
Let the SOG go apologize, admit to being out of line and that she is actually remorseful... If not, guitard is toast... Actually joined at the hip with an idiot is pretty much doom already... Only sleeping with people that have and use a brain is a good general principal for any of the unattached out there... If they are cute so much the better...
 
#36
Joe Nerve said:
I disagree w firing the guitarist. I would ban his SO, and then let it be his decision whether to stay, go, dump the girl, or whatever. He didn't do anything wrong. She did.
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I've known the guitarist for 8-10 years now I can probably count on both hands the times I've not seen them together. The suggestion would make sense except what would happen is after a gig or 2 I'd start getting E... would like to come to the show with us OK? After a couple noes (assuming he showed up) she would show up with him and he'd announce that E... is coming with us. As I mentioned in my original post I want to stay out of the middle of things as much as possible. The problem is as much she will speak her mind....without any thought to any consequences. I've watched her do it on a number of occasions. So anything set her off and she'll go ripping. So I'm taking the safe road.
 
#38
Man, back around 1980 we'd bring in a band cooler and had underage band members and were never hassled.

Nowadays when I'm doing sound I usually bring in a two liter bottle of soda and a Subway sandwich. I just don't have time to stand in line at the bar every time I want something to drink, especially during load-in, setup and load-out when I need to stay hydrated. And if they do serve food I'm too busy to order it and sit and eat it - and the kitchen often closes before I have time to eat anyways. Nobody has ever hassled me. Of course, nobody in their right mind EVER hassles the sound guy LOL.
 

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