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lost a room over stupid stuff (rant)

#44
Turock said:
It's silly to say "ban the girlfriend"; it's a free country, and she can go where she wants.
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Yes. But the penalty for her non compliance would be that the guitarist would then have to go.

Given the added details by the OP it seems losing the guitarist may be the best option. Although I myself would have a heavy duty talk with the both of them before doing that. Don't know how much this guitarist has put into the band (May have been mentioned but I don't remember), but if I had a few years time, money, and work invested in a band and they just axed me with out talking to me first, especially about something I didn't even do... I'd be beyond pissed. And rightly so.
 
#46
The OP clearly knows more than we do in terms of predicting how this girlfriend and guitarist will act. Personally, if my wife did something stupid and was asked to not come to shows anymore I would probably bail with her. Id way rather lose a band than have her think I bailed on her (even if she was in the wrong) but then again it's usually her that's pulling me back to people to apologize for flying off the handle.

Anyways, if this lady had made a mistake and fixed it with staff by tossing the food and drink I would have called that an honest mistake. Arguing about it is mistake number two so it's time to go.

Call the bar. Tell them you agree with their decision and that as a band you have mirrors their decision by removing the offending parties from the group. Ask them for another shot at half pay (if it's an important gig it will be worth it) as a sign of apology. Show up, rock out, pay for drinks at the bar.
 
#47
Been there, done that. Give the guitarist his walking papers. Go back to the venue, meet with management, allow them to vent, then....apologize, explain what corrective measures you've taken, etc. IOW, kiss butt and (hopefully) save the day. Behavior, as you described, is usually chronic in nature and not an isolated incident. It will, if left unchecked, permeate and poison your relationships with any number of performance venues. I've been through this a couple of times and, frankly, I've got better things to do than choreograph damage control.

Riis
 
#48
In many (if not all) states the club's liquor license is at risk if booze is brought in from outside. No owner/manager is going to jeopardize his livelihood because of some stunt by a band member or their SO.
 
#49
Zooberwerx said:
I've been through this a couple of times and, frankly, I've got better things to do than choreograph damage control.
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Like go through the drama of firing the guy, auditioning other guitarists, working them into the band, and learning to deal with whatever personality traits and dynamics they might bring? OK.

People are acting as though someone was murdered here. A girlfriend did something bone headed, and a couple of gigs were lost. I doubt they'll be recovered. While it sounds like the girlfriend is disliked by the OP, I wouldn't be so quick to start firing people over my emotions. If there were other issues with the guitarist it might be a different story... But hey... Not my band, not my decision. Not my place to argue it really, although it was posted I'm assuming to get feedback.
 
#51
To the OP:

Was this an isolated incident or pretty much demonstrative of the SO's past behavior and/or conduct? If she's pretty much a Pollyanna and normally a positive reflection of the band...even though she's not a member...I'll concede to those who are less pessimistic than I.

Riis
 
#54
Munjibunga said:
... but ... but ... they're joined at the HIP! ...
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Hmm, you're right - this does present a moral problem. Conjoined humans are rare and usually law-abiding citizens, but in cases where one commits a crime, the legal precedent has so far been that they don't go to jail. You can't force them to get surgically separated even if it is possible because mandatory surgery is a civil rights violation. And the innocent party cannot be locked up for a crime he/she did not commit.

The most extreme case of this is that of Lazarus Colloredo, but there's not much evidence of the story because it's from hundreds of years ago. I'd love to know because it's the opposite of the movie "Basket Case". According to a historian that was playing handball with them, Lazarus boasted that he had actually murdered a man and got away with it because they could not legally lock up his parasitic twin. I find this fascinating because the twin's existence seemed like a prison already while the dominant twin apparently was out on the town pulling babes while hiding his brother under a cloak!http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lazarus_and_Joannes_Baptista_Colloredo

Luckily, in band politics, you don't have to worry about legal ethics!
 
#60
Zooberwerx said:
To the OP:

Was this an isolated incident or pretty much demonstrative of the SO's past behavior and/or conduct? If she's pretty much a Pollyanna and normally a positive reflection of the band...even though she's not a member...I'll concede to those who are less pessimistic than I.

Riis
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Actually she is someone who will speak her mind with no concern over consequences. I've seen her do it in another project the guitarist was in and at a venue (Am Legion) that didn't have any food which she found unsatisfactory.

The more I think about it though The more the alcohol in the diet coke can sounds like the guitarist, she doesn't drink much. They were sitting together and he was setting up when the incident happened. Neither the BL nor I have heard from him since the gig, the BL has left a couple messages to call him. I suspect there is plenty of blame to go around.
 

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