Making Female Singer Feel Safer

[Marc DLarosa]

You’re creating a problem where none exists. If she says something, accommodate any reasonable request, otherwise don’t go looking for problems.

OK People... ^^^^here is the PERFECT answer.^^^^

Thread over.

 

[bearfoot]

It's up to her.

But I think some web presence, or band social media, would help. The CL ad, if you have to use one, should direct the prospective vocalist(s) to your website/social media. They can go over your material that way, see pictures, and while that technically is no "safer", it's not the same as meeting someone from CL cold, to buy a toaster oven or something.

 

[bkbirge]

Offer to pick her up in your white panel windowless cargo van. Tell her all about the nice shag carpet and how it's much better than seats. Then tell her your favorite movie is American Psycho and ask if you can borrow $5. The ladies love that stuff.

 

[KevInDaBassment]

It's up to her.

But I think some web presence, or band social media, would help. The CL ad, if you have to use one, should direct the prospective vocalist(s) to your website/social media. They can go over your material that way, see pictures, and while that technically is no "safer", it's not the same as meeting someone from CL cold, to buy a toaster oven or something.

The BL suggested giving out (and they did this for me as well) their Facebook profile link so that people auditioning can put a face and such to the name. It's a startup band so we don't exactly have a lot of stuff out there on social media...we don't even have a band name yet. When things get to that point though, it is definitely a good idea to do so.

 

[Medicine Man]

If a female auditioner feels uncomfortable coming to my rehearsal space, she's never gonna feel good about some of these venues and their patrons. And club owners. And agents. And roadies. Let her bring a buddy, and if that isn't enough, maybe hanging out around musicians and their ilk isn't a great career choice?

 

[lfmn16]

OK People... ^^^^here is the PERFECT answer.^^^^

Thread over.

And yet people continue to post.

 

[GBBSbassist]

As long as you practice at a public rehearsal facility and not after hours in the basement of a slaughterhouse in the middle of nowhere, everything should be fine, assuming your band isn't a bunch of creepers.

 

[Joe Nerve]

You’re creating a problem where none exists. If she says something, accommodate any reasonable request, otherwise don’t go looking for problems.

I agree, and was going to say that too. I think the OP is overthinking this a tad, which is honorable - but not helpful. Most women I know aren't the least bit timid. They know how to take care of themselves, and trust their instincts.

 

[KevInDaBassment]

You’re creating a problem where none exists. If she says something, accommodate any reasonable request, otherwise don’t go looking for problems.

There is definitely a threshold for going overboard, but I'm talking about being professionally conscientious and seeking advice on how best to do that. I wouldn't even call it a "problem" but more of a "possible concern" the applicant would have and trying to be understanding on that. I find it odd that I'm getting criticism for attempting to be considerate

 

[KevInDaBassment]

...and trust their instincts.

OK I think this is the point I'm trying to make, I am wanting to assure applicants that there is nothing to worry about because it is a precarious situation to begin with for applicants of any sex, but I can understand females being more concerned than most guys are and trying to be considerate of that.

I know that there is nothing to worry about, but an applicant doesn't know that. I don't want to miss out on a fantastic band member for something that could easily be avoided with some forethought...and I asked TB for some best practices on that. I'm fine with suggestions, but I am lost on how asking the question is drawing ire from some people (not you, Joe)

 

[mapleglo]

I'm a female bass player, and have been to my share of auditions. Almost all of them were for a band with all men. A few of the bands had female vocalists.

First off, thanks to the OP for considering that an audition might be a little scary for a woman, meeting all men in an isolated situation.

You’re creating a problem where none exists. If she says something, accommodate any reasonable request, otherwise don’t go looking for problems.

I'm sorry, but you are wrong. It most definitely is a problem, whether or not the woman auditioning says something. I've not said anything on a few occasions because I didn't want to decrease my chances of "passing the audition" and getting the gig. But still felt some level of discomfort. You know, a woman has to do twice as well as a man in order to be considered equal. "Whining" about potential safe space at an audition would not typically go over well, especially in the past. These days, people are a bit more aware, as the OP's post indicates.

That said, I'm not sure auditioning in a public rehearsal facility is going to make much of a difference. It's still a situation where the woman is alone in a room with a bunch of guys she doesn't know, surround by loud rock music.

I agree, and was going to say that too. I think the OP is overthinking this a tad, which is honorable - but not helpful. Most women I know aren't the least bit timid. They know how to take care of themselves, and trust their instincts.

Again, I disagree, from the perspective of a woman. I don't think the OP is overthinking, and I do think he is helpful.

Not the first time men have agreed about what's right for a woman, and won't be the last.

There is definitely a threshold for going overboard, but I'm talking about being professionally conscientious and seeking advice on how best to do that. I wouldn't even call it a "problem" but more of a "possible concern" the applicant would have and trying to be understanding on that. I find it odd that I'm getting criticism for attempting to be considerate

Oh, believe me, it's not odd. It's typical. But again, thank you for your concern. You, sir, are a true gentleman.

Back to Joe's post, yeah, I like to think I know how to "take care of myself", but really, who knows? 3 guys could easily overpower me, rather quickly. But I also like to think that after a phone call with the BL, I can usually get a sense if it's a creepy situation or not. Of course, my intuition has been wrong in the past, and women *always* need to constantly assess their situation when among strangers (and even with people they know). It can be exhausting.

 

[Bassbeater]

I find it odd that I'm getting criticism for attempting to be considerate

It's because gender equality is a two way road. Equality is tied closely to personal responsibility and autonomy. Equality is a burden best carried by its benefactor. By taking on the responsibility of an other's safety, based on gender, you take away the equality by removing the responsibility from its rightful owner. Clearly your intentions are good, but they are outmoded, and frankly constitute a red flag in this day and age.

 

[Joe Nerve]

OK I think this is the point I'm trying to make, I am wanting to assure applicants that there is nothing to worry about because it is a precarious situation to begin with for applicants of any sex, but I can understand females being more concerned than most guys are and trying to be considerate of that.

I know that there is nothing to worry about, but an applicant doesn't know that. I don't want to miss out on a fantastic band member for something that could easily be avoided with some forethought...and I asked TB for some best practices on that. I'm fine with suggestions, but I am lost on how asking the question is drawing ire from some people (not you, Joe)

Because people here can sometimes be not so nice . I get it what you're saying and why asking. I'm pretty sure everyone else does. I think most are trying to assure you it's not as much of an issue as you might be thinking. If they feel uncomfortable, they'll say so. If not, they won't audition. I really think though that going out of your way to try and make anyone feel safe would have an opposite effect. A professional rehearal studio assures a level of safety that most are completely comfortable with. If they're not comfortable with that, you might have worse problems on your hands in the long run .

 

[Bassbeater]

It's still a situation where the woman is alone in a room with a bunch of guys she doesn't know

Implying that men cannot be trusted in general around women because they cannot control themselves? Or implying that women are weak and invite victimization? That's complicated, and the potential danger in a new situation like that is not gender specific.

 

[Muttleybass]

There is definitely a threshold for going overboard, but I'm talking about being professionally conscientious and seeking advice on how best to do that. I wouldn't even call it a "problem" but more of a "possible concern" the applicant would have and trying to be understanding on that. I find it odd that I'm getting criticism for attempting to be considerate

Criticism is a strong word. We're just sayin'...

Lfmn is correct... it's more how she feels and if she's uncomfortable. If she says something like "You guys aren't creeps are you??" just tell her she can bring a friend. I've had lots of female vocalists out without any issue. Only one brought a male friend and none of us had a problem with that. She was with us for over a year.

Just keep the locker room talk to yourself during the audition.

 

[KevInDaBassment]

It's because gender equality is a two way road. Equality is tied closely to personal responsibility and autonomy. Equality is a burden best carried by its benefactor. By taking on the responsibility of an other's safety, based on gender, you take away the equality by removing the responsibility from its rightful owner. Clearly your intentions are good, but they are outmoded, and frankly constitute a red flag in this day and age.

While I completely understand where you are coming from, and you do have a valid point, I will confess that my upbringing and personal values is to treat everyone with respect which includes not being dismissive of things that may be reasonably concerning for them. Being nervous about going into a room with 3 strange men is, I believe, a very reasonable concern.

Could it be construed that I am projecting this onto possible applicants? Yes, but as I stated that's not my intention, and as we heard from an actual female musician above, it is something that not everyone is going to be willing to voice up front. Without delving into the "gender equality" topic enough to derail this thread, let me just say that different people can possess concerns we may not be aware of and I don't find that trying to be considerate on that to be out of order.

 

[KevInDaBassment]

I'm a female bass player, and have been to my share of auditions. Almost all of them were for a band with all men. A few of the bands had female vocalists.

First off, thanks to the OP for considering that an audition might be a little scary for a woman, meeting all men in an isolated situation.



I'm sorry, but you are wrong. It most definitely is a problem, whether or not the woman auditioning says something. I've not said anything on a few occasions because I didn't want to decrease my chances of "passing the audition" and getting the gig. But still felt some level of discomfort. You know, a woman has to do twice as well as a man in order to be considered equal. "Whining" about potential safe space at an audition would not typically go over well, especially in the past. These days, people are a bit more aware, as the OP's post indicates.

That said, I'm not sure auditioning in a public rehearsal facility is going to make much of a difference. It's still a situation where the woman is alone in a room with a bunch of guys she doesn't know, surround by loud rock music.



Again, I disagree, from the perspective of a woman. I don't think the OP is overthinking, and I do think he is helpful.

Not the first time men have agreed about what's right for a woman, and won't be the last.



Oh, believe me, it's not odd. It's typical. But again, thank you for your concern. You, sir, are a true gentleman.

Back to Joe's post, yeah, I like to think I know how to "take care of myself", but really, who knows? 3 guys could easily overpower me, rather quickly. But I also like to think that after a phone call with the BL, I can usually get a sense if it's a creepy situation or not. Of course, my intuition has been wrong in the past, and women *always* need to constantly assess their situation when among strangers (and even with people they know). It can be exhausting.

Thank you very much for your thoughtful reply. It's good to hear from someone who can offer some insight on this outside of what I have experienced personally. Your advice is greatly appreciated

 

[nutdog]

Hire security.

 

[Joe Nerve]

Back to Joe's post, yeah, I like to think I know how to "take care of myself", but really, who knows? 3 guys could easily overpower me, rather quickly. But I also like to think that after a phone call with the BL, I can usually get a sense if it's a creepy situation or not.

That's pretty much what I was saying. Wasn't trying to speak for women, but rather state my experience with women I know.

 

[mapleglo]

Implying that men cannot be trusted in general around women because they cannot control themselves? Or implying that women are weak and invite victimization? That's complicated, and the potential danger in a new situation like that is not gender specific.

I'm not implying that men cannot be trusted in general around woman. I'm coming right out and saying it. I won't go into their reasons. I don't know, and their reasons are not as important as the results.