Making Female Singer Feel Safer

[KevInDaBassment]

Pretty thin skin for someone in the music business.

That comment paired with the statement "Please disagree without being disagreeable. No need for personal attacks." in your signature is hilarious to me. Apparently seeing something as an illogical reaction amounts to me being offended...or at least it does in your world. Since I can speak to social interaction never being a problem for me in the 13 years I've been a bassist, I'm going to assume I'm doing something right.

 

[Bassbeater]

I'm going to assume I'm doing something right.

I would guess you do most things right! Keep it up, but also keep up with the times!

 

[jwr]

Personally I wouldn't have even had the thought in my head that she might feel unsafe since it's for a band audition. You could be right though. I'd think that someone who is in that role obviously knows the risks (if there are any). As long as your band members are creepos, I don't see a cause for concern.

 

[Gravedigger Dav]

I'm not implying that men cannot be trusted in general around woman. I'm coming right out and saying it. I won't go into their reasons. I don't know, and their reasons are not as important as the results.

That is a sexist remark if ever I saw one. I find it offensive.

 

[KevInDaBassment]

What? As soon as REAL talk starts around this issue, the mods will shut it down? No-one so far is shouting, being disrespectful or cursing...

The point of this thread isn't to debate what the correct social worldview is, it's trying to be accommodating to a concern that may not be obvious to myself and the rest of the band or how to best handle it. Please take the social commentary elsewhere, the topic can be reasonably discussed without opening that truckload of worms.

 

[Bassbeater]

Social commentary, though sometimes inconvenient, is integral to this thread as a functional, productive conversation.

 

[Gravedigger Dav]

The point of this thread isn't to debate what the correct social worldview is, it's trying to be accommodating to a concern that may not be obvious to myself and the rest of the band or how to best handle it. Please take the social commentary elsewhere, the topic can be reasonably discussed without opening that truckload of worms.

I agree, and it is a salient point; however, regardless of your intent with a post, it is a safe bet that some dufus will come along and derail the the topic.
This is a two edged sword. Women have to protect themselves from predators. Men have to protect themselves from false allegations.
I had this happen to me. A female co-worker who doesn't like me went to HR and said I am aggressive and scary and she was uncomfortable working around me. There was no discussion. I am automatically assumed to be the bad guy and it has reflected on my personal profile at work. She made the whole thing up because we had a disagreement. Where, but the way, she made a fist and threatened to hit me. Per HR, she was doing so in self defense.

 

[StayLow]

Everyone Equal = Don't Trust Anyone. Not strangers that need a gig, anyway.

And everyone provides, maintains and carries their own gear.

For singers that means microphone and PA/etc. if necessary (presuming good health and unless others of you go through the PA of course, or *everyone* pitches in to move stuff of all weights and sizes).

 

[flojob]

Take a family pic of the band, including girlfriend's and wives. Put it in the cl ad. Tell the respondents that they can bring a friend, and/or tell them y'all SO's will be there too.

 

[lfmn16]

I'm not implying that men cannot be trusted in general around woman. I'm coming right out and saying it. I won't go into their reasons. I don't know, and their reasons are not as important as the results.

This is really insulting. As much as I'm sorry for whatever you went through that made feel this way, painting all men with the same brush is an insult to those of us that treat woman respectfully.

 

[holdfast]

The point of this thread isn't to debate what the correct social worldview is, it's trying to be accommodating to a concern that may not be obvious to myself and the rest of the band or how to best handle it. Please take the social commentary elsewhere, the topic can be reasonably discussed without opening that truckload of worms.

Please don't tell me to go away. That's not very nice. Like it or not, you brought up a larger societal issue and it got addressed as such. I don't see how it can be compartmentalized into just a band audition issue. My closing sentence about being in 1918 was a little cheeky, and could probably have been left out. But, does that really warrant you telling me to go away. I don't think so.

None of this has to be personal. It's just talking.

 

[lfmn16]

That comment paired with the statement "Please disagree without being disagreeable. No need for personal attacks." in your signature is hilarious to me. Apparently seeing something as an illogical reaction amounts to me being offended...or at least it does in your world. Since I can speak to social interaction never being a problem for me in the 13 years I've been a bassist, I'm going to assume I'm doing something right.

I guess you're just easily amused.

 

[mapleglo]

That is a sexist remark if ever I saw one. I find it offensive.

This is really insulting. As much as I'm sorry for whatever you went through that made feel this way, painting all men with the same brush is an insult to those of us that treat woman respectfully.

It's statistics. I apologize if you find it offensive.

 

[KevInDaBassment]

I agree, and it is a salient point; however, regardless of your intent with a post, it is a safe bet that some dufus will come along and derail the the topic.
This is a two edged sword. Women have to protect themselves from predators. Men have to protect themselves from false allegations.
I had this happen to me. A female co-worker who doesn't like me went to HR and said I am aggressive and scary and she was uncomfortable working around me. There was no discussion. I am automatically assumed to be the bad guy and it has reflected on my personal profile at work. She made the whole thing up because we had a disagreement. Where, but the way, she made a fist and threatened to hit me. Per HR, she was doing so in self defense.

Terribly sorry to hear that happened (no sarcasm), and yes it's sad that both sides need to be defensive in general. Yes, I think asking for mods to close this thread is going to be the best option at this juncture...

 

[lfmn16]

It's statistics. I apologize if you find it offensive.

Maybe you'd like to back that up with links to your studies. I call BS that MOST men can't be trusted around women in general.

 

[sean_on_bass]

If we are not equal, then we must subscribe to the concept of gentleman chivalry and the gracious lady paradigm with the underlying assumption being that all men have a responsibility to protect the innocent, weak, inherently good female (or female-identifying person) from the no-good, brutish, inherently bad male (or male-identifying people).

Exactly. My way of respecting women is treating them like the tough, independent beings that they are, and NOT coddling them or projecting weakness upon them.

 

[mapleglo]

Maybe you'd like to back that up with links to your studies. I call BS that MOST men can't be trusted around women in general.

Sexual Assault Statistics | National Sexual Violence Resource Center (NSVRC)

1 in 5 women will be raped at some point in their lives. And those are the ones that are reported.

 

[Bassbeater]

True equality is NOT easy.
If it was, it would have been in place since the stone ages.
Duh.
Threads like these bring up important issues. The typical level of intelligence, insight and civility is why I like this website so much.

 

[holdfast]

I agree, and it is a salient point; however, regardless of your intent with a post, it is a safe bet that some dufus will come along and derail the the topic.
This is a two edged sword. Women have to protect themselves from predators. Men have to protect themselves from false allegations.
I had this happen to me. A female co-worker who doesn't like me went to HR and said I am aggressive and scary and she was uncomfortable working around me. There was no discussion. I am automatically assumed to be the bad guy and it has reflected on my personal profile at work. She made the whole thing up because we had a disagreement. Where, but the way, she made a fist and threatened to hit me. Per HR, she was doing so in self defense.

Dufus? Really? Why the name calling? The example of your HR situation where a vindictive employee made up a story about you actually places the specific dynamics being talked about here into a larger societal context.

I'm curious as to what nerve I've touched here. In my whole time as a member of this forum I've never been called names, or told to go away. To say that I am surprised is an understatement.

 

[lfmn16]

Sexual Assault Statistics | National Sexual Violence Resource Center (NSVRC)

1 in 5 women will be raped at some point in their lives. And those are the ones that are reported.

I agree that it's almost certainly low. Where does it state that MOST men are doing the assaults? Most would be more that 50%. There isn't a single statistic in there that supports your assertion that MOST men can't be trusted around women.