Stick_Player
Inactive
- Nov 13, 2009
- 4,149
- 937
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- Endorser: Plants vs. Zombies Pea Shooters
Okay, hold on to your hat then... that is a very high return.
If I was making 12% I'd certainly know the details.
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Married gear addicts: How do you do it?
- Thread starter micahturner
- Start date
Okay, hold on to your hat then... that is a very high return.
If I was making 12% I'd certainly know the details.
I trade or sell stuff I don't use anymore. My hobbies have to be pretty self sustaining. My policy, not hers. If I want something expensive, I try find a way to pay for it without touching the checking account. This is what keeps me from "collecting" more than anything else. I've realized that it's cheaper in the long run to get a few nice pieces of gear that will do what I need than to buy lots of cheap gear just to get it because its affordable. My wife is pretty supportive, and when comparing gear, she will be the one saying "just get the more expensive one if it's the one you really want."
Bottom line, buying/selling/trading gear helps a lot. So does buying used. No way would I have this nice a setup if I paid retail.
Bottom line, buying/selling/trading gear helps a lot. So does buying used. No way would I have this nice a setup if I paid retail.
Seems that if you have your finances in order and--this part is the key--she believes that you have them in order and feels safe, it shouldn't be such and issue. If you have lots of debt, I guess I could see her concern.
My wife doesn't like when I buy ANY gear AT ALL. I can do it, but she's not comfortable with it. The crazy thing is that I pay all the bills (except for her student loan and her credit card) and she STILL gets bothered when I buy gear. I discovered--by accident--that by me paying all the bills and taking care of all that kinda stuff privately, she never SAW that I was handling it. We have never received late notices or collection letters or any of that (because I pay everything on time) so it was "out of sight out of mind". She wasn't involved in the bill paying so she didn't know what was happening. Unfortunately, she chose to expect the worst. Once I SHOWED her on the computer what bills were coming in and how/when I had been paying them, she felt more secure and stopped freaking out so much about purchases. In my defense, the vast majority of my gear is used stuff from pawnshops and eBay.
Maybe if you let your wife SEE that you're taking care of business, she won't freak out when you decide to buy a piece of gear.
Dude,
sounds like your wife needs a breakdown of the situation. This is totally acceptable IMO. Show her how much money you guys are saving each month. put it in excel if necessary. show her how your dedication and saving is paying off. meet with a financial planner and find out exactly where you stand financially...basically, the goal is to make her comfortable with you r financial situation AND the impact a Gear Purchase.
Good Luck, bro!
I love my wife and my gear
sounds like your wife needs a breakdown of the situation. This is totally acceptable IMO. Show her how much money you guys are saving each month. put it in excel if necessary. show her how your dedication and saving is paying off. meet with a financial planner and find out exactly where you stand financially...basically, the goal is to make her comfortable with you r financial situation AND the impact a Gear Purchase.
Good Luck, bro!
I love my wife and my gear
...or you can set up an ebay account and a paypal account and sell things to generate money to purchase gear with and have it shipped to your work? If she asks..."where did you get that?" you say..."this? oh, i've had this for a while"...maybe even show her how it works or what you like about it, then ask: "have you lost weight? Your hair looks great today, honey."
-sleazy secrets of a gear ninja
-sleazy secrets of a gear ninja
this may not be helpful, since my situation sounds like it is different from yours. But you asked the question so here goes.
we are a two-income couple and fortunate in that regard. My wife is actually very interested in the visual arts such as painting and photography and will invest from time to time (not a lot) in an original painting or photograph that she likes. I don't always agree, but I keep my mouth shut, for a pretty obvious reason.
That's her discretionary budget, I have mine. You know my agenda (bass gear primarily, other music gear secondarily). I've also given up buying business clothes that I could probably use career wise, but that was a couple thou a year and I'd rather look like the bum I am and get that extra bass or amp or effect.
we are a two-income couple and fortunate in that regard. My wife is actually very interested in the visual arts such as painting and photography and will invest from time to time (not a lot) in an original painting or photograph that she likes. I don't always agree, but I keep my mouth shut, for a pretty obvious reason.
That's her discretionary budget, I have mine. You know my agenda (bass gear primarily, other music gear secondarily). I've also given up buying business clothes that I could probably use career wise, but that was a couple thou a year and I'd rather look like the bum I am and get that extra bass or amp or effect.
Does she have a sister?
Amazing woman you have, at least in the financial realm. You should thank her for such skill. I know there are some here with the "it's my money" or "I get what I want" etc., BUT, there are probably just as many married to female financial terrorists who spend THEIR money like Congress.
Music gear in your situation?
Sounds to me like you need to determine a reason WHY you need the Ampeg for your gig and then work out a plan with her to afford it from your gig money.
Check your private mail.
I have a hunch a lot of these types of responses are coming from our Un-married TB'ers
themacinator
Always looking for the perfect gig
- Oct 8, 2009
- 1,511
- 138
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- Endorsing Artist: Babicz FCH Hardware
Yep, I made this mistake once. Musicman Stingray...really proud of it. Made a big deal about it. Took me a while to stop hearing about it. Keep the pride inside.
MY wife and I contribute equal percentages to all the expenses we have as a couple. The dollar amounts are different but the percent of take home pay is the same.
We do the same with our retirement, savings and other money for our future.
Whats left we split and spend however we want, I didn't seem very hard to get used to or set up. Once we got married, we became a couple, equally I don't really see where the her's a mine fits in. In my state it's equal property 50-50. It certainly is in our marriage whether the law defines it that way or not. I married a partner not a mommy.
The only time I've ever gotten "that look" is when I've let my GAS go ahead of our responsibilities. My life would be far poorer without her in every way, I don't find it hard at all to share and neither does she.
We do the same with our retirement, savings and other money for our future.
Whats left we split and spend however we want, I didn't seem very hard to get used to or set up. Once we got married, we became a couple, equally I don't really see where the her's a mine fits in. In my state it's equal property 50-50. It certainly is in our marriage whether the law defines it that way or not. I married a partner not a mommy.
The only time I've ever gotten "that look" is when I've let my GAS go ahead of our responsibilities. My life would be far poorer without her in every way, I don't find it hard at all to share and neither does she.
Wow, sounds like you´re describing my situation to a tee. How it works? Well, I have my mind set on a Fender American Standard Precision V, and I end up buying a Schecter Stiletto Extreme 5.string. End result? No one ends up satisfied, my wife is still pissed about another bass in the house, and I´m pissed trying to wriggle a decent tone out of a POS chinese made bass (I ended up sending it back tho).
This is what we do. Been married almost 12 years. The first ten we just shared our fun money. It was always a battle when a larger purchase was wanted on either side. Two years ago we started having separate spending money and all is good. You just have to budget for it appropriately. The only debt we have is one small student loan. Don't even own a credit card anymore.
To Beggar98: A "stay at home wife and mother" is worth over $200K per year......So this "if she had a job" and "zero contribution" quote is extremely insulting....by the way, a marriage is 50-50....this woman has your child (parent and mother), cooks (chef) and cleans (maid) for you, keeps her household debt free (in this economy) (accountant and secretary), takes care of you when you're sick (nurse and/or doctor) gives you some at the end of the day ($150/hr ?).....what you just said is a good reason for "your" wife to kick your butt out on the street....you ain't getting none tonight or any other night if she knew what you just wrote on TB....that's if you even have a wife or girlfriend, which is questionable considering what you think of women.....
just sayin'
To Miccahturner: Count yourself lucky to have such a wife.....you'll be happy many years from now when you retire in comfort and your daughter has a great education and can make it in the world.......but you also have a right to having a "hobby".....best to just sit with your wife and talk it out....if she loves you she'll want to make you happy......considering how she's handling everything else, I'm sure she'll see what it means to you and deal with it fairly and take her out for a dinner and movie "date" if she prefers that to jewelry or kitchen implements.....
just sayin'
To Miccahturner: Count yourself lucky to have such a wife.....you'll be happy many years from now when you retire in comfort and your daughter has a great education and can make it in the world.......but you also have a right to having a "hobby".....best to just sit with your wife and talk it out....if she loves you she'll want to make you happy......considering how she's handling everything else, I'm sure she'll see what it means to you and deal with it fairly and take her out for a dinner and movie "date" if she prefers that to jewelry or kitchen implements.....
One day you just might thank her for that. I'm single and fit the description of your wife...a financial nazi. But as a result of saving money I didn't miss a beat with my bills when I was laid off for 14 months. It was a good feeling going to bed back then with no money worries.
Now, my ex-wife? That woman wasn't happy unless she was spending money. Now THAT was torture. I was flat broke for two years after our divorce due to her spending.
You got a smart wife.
You bring the bacon. When does she have any say-so on what you do with the money you earn? If she's so controling that she governs how you spend the money you earn, then maybe you need to put the pants on. As long as you're providing for the family, then what's left over is yours. Rightfully earned. Not trying to be disrespectful, I just don't think it's fair if she gives you grief for spending your money.
That being said, I make sure all the bills are paid first. Then I discuss with my wife if there is anything we need as a family. If, IF, there is any left over, I spend it on me. In all fairness, we both work full time in moderately successful careers. So, she gets her own little slice of cheese from her income that she gets to spend just like I do. We have personal checking accounts and a joint account. We transfer a set amount each month into the joint for bills, savings, family expenses, etc. What's left in our personal checking, is personal. If I want something rather expensive, then I work overtime
To also help offset the cost of new gear, I make sure I sell off the old gear I'm replacing. Lastly, if you're in a gigging band that brings in a bit of cash flow, recycle that money exclusively on gear. Then you can use the analogy "Mechanics buy tools because they need them to do their job. My gear is what brings in the gig money, so I need to keep quality gear".
That being said, I make sure all the bills are paid first. Then I discuss with my wife if there is anything we need as a family. If, IF, there is any left over, I spend it on me. In all fairness, we both work full time in moderately successful careers. So, she gets her own little slice of cheese from her income that she gets to spend just like I do. We have personal checking accounts and a joint account. We transfer a set amount each month into the joint for bills, savings, family expenses, etc. What's left in our personal checking, is personal. If I want something rather expensive, then I work overtime
To also help offset the cost of new gear, I make sure I sell off the old gear I'm replacing. Lastly, if you're in a gigging band that brings in a bit of cash flow, recycle that money exclusively on gear. Then you can use the analogy "Mechanics buy tools because they need them to do their job. My gear is what brings in the gig money, so I need to keep quality gear".
My wife and I split shared expenses equally, but otherwise keep our finances separately. Since I'm not in the military I am able to gig as a "hobby" - or what it really is, a relatively low-paying but extremely satisfying part-time job. My gig money, plus gift money from relatives for holidays and birthdays, covers most of my gear expenses, plus I write gear off on my taxes on musical income. Nonetheless I still consult with my wife about gear purchases, we both consider how a new piece of gear will help with some aspect of gigging or playing and if possible what old gear can be sold. Still, it's not like I'm asking permission. And I only buy one or two things a year. Sometimes she does tease me about gear lust, and sometimes she does get stern with me about buying too much, but I remind her that music keeps me off of the golf course, and the money saved there alone pays for the gear, really. And I'm not one to buy new basses all the time, which I think really saves a lot of money overall.
I think OP may just have to wait until you retire from the military, when your finances will be excellent, and you can start gigging and really invest in some gear. Think how much better gear will be then! Or you could sell one of your two 810 fridges and buy something else with that money?
And I'm not one to buy new basses all the time, which I think really saves a lot of money overall.I think OP may just have to wait until you retire from the military, when your finances will be excellent, and you can start gigging and really invest in some gear. Think how much better gear will be then! Or you could sell one of your two 810 fridges and buy something else with that money?
