Married gear addicts: How do you do it?

[millertx]

That's problem, my wife wants nothing as far as major purchases go. She is what you would call, a financial nazi. A fiscal conservative if you will. She has done me the favor of keeping us completely debt free. By debt free, I really mean debt free. We have no loans, no credit cards, nothing. We pay cash for everything, we save about $1500 a month, invest $600 a month, $100 a month into my daughters college fund.... The rest goes to bills and living expenses. The money is there, but no touching. Pure torture.

I just want to encourage and congratulate you and your wife for being financial adults, for doing the things you need to do to ensure your future. In 20 years when your daughter has gone to the college of her choice debt-free, and you and your wife are retired millionaires from your investments, you will be thankful for the hard choices now.

With that said, I think talking to your wife about some kind of gear fund should be doable. As you said, you get paid for your gigs, some mutually agreeable portion of that gig money should be set aside for the gear you need to continue this part-time job, for repairs, strings and replacements as needed if nothing else. This too is planning for the future. You don't want your amp to blow at a gig and then not have money already set aside to replace or fix it. If you don't have the money set aside and can't pull it out of your budget, if you can't gig you would then have lost the income you bring in by gigging, which would have impact your budget long-term.

And, as everyone has pointed out, find ways to pull in that extra gear money you need, sell some things, pick up an odd job or two somewhere specifically for gear money.

Also, its OK to be frustrated sometimes when you and your wife have chosen to make those hard decisions. At least on TB you have a lot of other players that can understand your pain and sympathize. We all like stuff too!

Rich

 

[Jazz Ad]

The way I do it is pretty simple.
We each have our account, plus a joint account.
We agree based on each salary what we have to put into the joint account to make the household work.
The money I have left is none of her business and I do whatever I want with it.
I wouldn't accept it any other way.

 

[Kenner]

lean your purchases against something in the garage for at least 48 hours.....when you bring it in and she asks....you say, "This old thing?"

 

[jdthebassman]

my spouse would give me grief any time i bought a bass. why do you need an other one stuff like that. she changed her mind when i would show her what i payed for it and how the value had gone up over the years, now she looks up deals for me on ebay, craigslist etc.

 

[handofseven]

The way I do it is pretty simple.
We each have our account, plus a joint account.
We agree based on each salary what we have to put into the joint account to make the household work.
The money I have left is none of her business and I do whatever I want with it.
I wouldn't accept it any other way.

This is kind of how it works at our house, only I pay all the hard bills (mortgage, cable, internet, telephone, insurance etc... we share food bills).. My wife works part time to pay bills from her "previous life" and so that she can have some mad money to do with as she pleases... I don't give her a hard time when she buys more shoes (I tell her how great they look!), and she tries to keep a lid on it when a new bass shows up (she likes to poke a little though, in good fun...)

Wife: "You only have 2 hands, how many basses do you need?"
Me: "Last I checked, you only have 2 feet... How many pairs of shoes do you have?"

I believe people need to have "some" money independent of their significant others jurisdiction... I think it is bad for your self esteem to have to "ask" to buy something with money that is yours. In all things, marriage should be about love, support and companionship, not about control, judgement and subservience. There is always a "better use for the money you would spend on a bass", but you gotta live your dreams and be happy as well.

 

[Killspringer]

keep your gear at your girlfriends house?

 

[Kenner]

keep your gear at your girlfriends house?

+1

 

[Roy Vogt]

That's problem, my wife wants nothing as far as major purchases go. She is what you would call, a financial nazi. A fiscal conservative if you will. She has done me the favor of keeping us completely debt free. By debt free, I really mean debt free. We have no loans, no credit cards, nothing. We pay cash for everything, we save about $1500 a month, invest $600 a month, $100 a month into my daughters college fund.... The rest goes to bills and living expenses. The money is there, but no touching. Pure torture.

I would recommend Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University. The main event of that is that you both have to talk to each other and agree on what's important before you (or she) buy anything. You can have your goals, she can have her goals, and you can have family goals (vacations, remodeling, replacement vehicles, etc.). The main event is that you both agree-it's not a benevolent dictatorship by you since you make the money or by her since she's the manager up to this point. The Dave Ramsey material is very clear on the fact that you two must talk to each other and agree on your goals.
Dave Ramsey Homepage - daveramsey.com
She'll dig it because of the Debt-free aspect and you'll dig it because after you've put together your emergency fund you can put together an equipment fund. With no payments, you could probably buy a sweet bass every couple of months, but you probably won't want to.....
Best of luck!

 

[Roy Vogt]

I would have to ask my wife. It's through my bank.....can't remember the certain fund. Of course that's the average over the past three years. It fluctuates, but continues to make nice gains.

That sounds like an aggressive growth Mutual Fund. You'll probably want to move it to something less volatile about 5 years from your daughter graduating from High School to something really safe.
Another approach is to balance your investments over 4 types of funds (growth, growth and income, foreign, etc.). That's what we're doing with our Mutual Funds.
If you need some insight into all of this David Chilton's The Wealthy Barber is a great book. It's kept me from freaking out and pulling our money from the stock market right after Oct. 2007 and we're back and then some.
Amazon.com: The Wealthy Barber, Updated 3rd Edition: Everyone's Commonsense Guide to Becoming Financially Independent (9780761513117): David Chilton: Books

 

[micahturner]

I would recommend Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University. The main event of that is that you both have to talk to each other and agree on what's important before you (or she) buy anything. You can have your goals, she can have her goals, and you can have family goals (vacations, remodeling, replacement vehicles, etc.). The main event is that you both agree-it's not a benevolent dictatorship by you since you make the money or by her since she's the manager up to this point. The Dave Ramsey material is very clear on the fact that you two must talk to each other and agree on your goals.
Dave Ramsey Homepage - daveramsey.com
She'll dig it because of the Debt-free aspect and you'll dig it because after you've put together your emergency fund you can put together an equipment fund. With no payments, you could probably buy a sweet bass every couple of months, but you probably won't want to.....
Best of luck!

Brother, Dave Ramsey is a house hold name here. My wife has both books, a paid membership to his organization, the junior financial peace for my three year old, has been to and worked at his live financial peace seminar in Oklahoma City, and is an avid listener. I too love Dave's program. It has been both a blessing and a curse. I drive a piece of $hit car(paid for)......in short we comfortably live well below our means. My profession pays me very well, which is why surviving on a single income is so easy.
Honestly, I don't want my wife to work. She has a Bachelor's Degree and will be home schooling our daughter in a couple of years. I have heard horror stories about the day cares and public school systems(especially in military towns) that I prefer my wife to stay at home and raise our daughter. This was her choice too. So,using the "you don't work so I can do whatever I want to with my money" tactic will not work here. I don't think I even have the nerve to say such a thing.

 

[hrodbert696]

Sorry guys, but all the "you earn the money, you spend it" responses are completely asinine. Just because a person has a job that makes the money does NOT make that person the smartest manager of that money. And it absolutely does not absolve a person of the responsibility to treat their spouse as a partner - a woman who stays at home for the kids rather than taking a paying job does not then become slave labor or something like that. Welcome to the 20th century.

Your wife was watching you write this, wasn't she? If shes not contributing income, shes not making the decisions. Welcome to the 21st century.

After all, you wouldn't put up with that crap from a room mate.

Nothing makes me feel more right than responses like this, trying to make me look wrong.

Micah, I think you've had a pretty good dose of good advice from a variety of perspectives as well as a good chance to hear all the BS from those who have no clue how to make a marriage work. You seem like a sensible guy -- you'll figure out what to do.

 

[micahturner]

That sounds like an aggressive growth Mutual Fund. You'll probably want to move it to something less volatile about 5 years from your daughter graduating from High School to something really safe.

That's the plan.

 

[micahturner]

I just want to encourage and congratulate you and your wife for being financial adults, for doing the things you need to do to ensure your future. In 20 years when your daughter has gone to the college of her choice debt-free, and you and your wife are retired millionaires from your investments, you will be thankful for the hard choices now.

With that said, I think talking to your wife about some kind of gear fund should be doable. As you said, you get paid for your gigs, some mutually agreeable portion of that gig money should be set aside for the gear you need to continue this part-time job, for repairs, strings and replacements as needed if nothing else. This too is planning for the future. You don't want your amp to blow at a gig and then not have money already set aside to replace or fix it. If you don't have the money set aside and can't pull it out of your budget, if you can't gig you would then have lost the income you bring in by gigging, which would have impact your budget long-term.

And, as everyone has pointed out, find ways to pull in that extra gear money you need, sell some things, pick up an odd job or two somewhere specifically for gear money.

Also, its OK to be frustrated sometimes when you and your wife have chosen to make those hard decisions. At least on TB you have a lot of other players that can understand your pain and sympathize. We all like stuff too!

Rich

Thanks for the encouragement. I'm originally from Marble Falls, TX. Small world.

 

[micahturner]

I think I've got a good idea.

 

[Roy Vogt]

Brother, Dave Ramsey is a house hold name here. My wife has both books, a paid membership to his organization, the junior financial peace for my three year old, has been to and worked at his live financial peace seminar in Oklahoma City, and is an avid listener. I too love Dave's program. It has been both a blessing and a curse. I drive a piece of $hit car(paid for)......in short we comfortably live well below our means. My profession pays me very well, which is why surviving on a single income is so easy.
Honestly, I don't want my wife to work. She has a Bachelor's Degree and will be home schooling our daughter in a couple of years. I have heard horror stories about the day cares and public school systems(especially in military towns) that I prefer my wife to stay at home and raise our daughter. This was her choice too. So,using the "you don't work so I can do whatever I want to with my money" tactic will not work here. I don't think I even have the nerve to say such a thing.

I drive a paid-for car, too. Not the nicest, but it's really cool not having to pony up that car payment. I'm having to replace it due to an auto accident and the main event is "what can I get with the Insurance settlement that will guarantee me NO payments?"
Your wife sounds like a jewel to me. I think if you want a B-15 you two will figure out something.....
FWIW, I've been doing studio work in Nashville since 1980 and very rarely use an amp-just running into a studio preamp and into the computer. They've got some cool SVT and Ampeg plug-ins out there for that sort of thing.

 

[dcr]

I only spend gig money on equipment, it takes a while to save up sometimes.

THIS!



dcr

 

[p-time bass guy]

Honesty on everything. Buy good deals, used. Sell stuff now and than at a profit to verify it works as good as 'having money in the bank'. Dont have too many hobbies. My wife is ... in the band. She understands. And, i finally get to score at the end of a job

 

[tbrannon]

Brother, Dave Ramsey is a house hold name here. My wife has both books, a paid membership to his organization, the junior financial peace for my three year old, has been to and worked at his live financial peace seminar in Oklahoma City, and is an avid listener. I too love Dave's program. It has been both a blessing and a curse. I drive a piece of $hit car(paid for)......in short we comfortably live well below our means. My profession pays me very well, which is why surviving on a single income is so easy.
Honestly, I don't want my wife to work. She has a Bachelor's Degree and will be home schooling our daughter in a couple of years. I have heard horror stories about the day cares and public school systems(especially in military towns) that I prefer my wife to stay at home and raise our daughter. This was her choice too. So,using the "you don't work so I can do whatever I want to with my money" tactic will not work here. I don't think I even have the nerve to say such a thing.

Another Dave Ramsey success story here- being on the same page financially has changed our lives and our marriage for the better. Communication and a plan are the key and are so simple to achieve, but my wife and I somehow couldn't get it right on our own. 18 months later, we have a very manageable mortgage payment, no student loans, no car payments and no other debt. We're socking money away into savings and retirement/college funds.

 

[micahturner]

Another Dave Ramsey success story here- being on the same page financially has changed our lives and our marriage for the better. Communication and a plan are the key and are so simple to achieve, but my wife and I somehow couldn't get it right on our own. 18 months later, we have a very manageable mortgage payment, no student loans, no car payments and no other debt. We're socking money away into savings and retirement/college funds.

It's a tough plan, but I'm glad my wife forced me to do it. We probably paid off over $60,000 in debt in about 1 1/2 years. It was hard, didn't buy anything new, ate at home ALOT, you know the deal. It has been worth the effort to have the "man" off my back though. I think owing people money would keep me awake at night. We just sold our house for an upcoming move so now I can say that I am completely out of debt. It's all renting from here till I retire in 11 years.
At 26 years old I look back at some of the boneheaded financial mistakes my wife and I have made in our 8 years of being married. I have sworn to myself that I'll never make them again.

Cheers.

 

[Tom Howland]

I give my wife half my gig money.
That way she can never bitch about my gear.