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Married gear addicts: How do you do it?
- Thread starter micahturner
- Start date
Her: "You deserve whatever you want."
So I just don't go crazy relative to the money I make. Financial responsibility goes a long way.
Also, if she asks for anything, she gets it.
Me: "You really want that stupid looking fake-antique hutch to put in the dining room? $200? Uh, sure, you can have that..."
If she is ever hesitant on a purchase I am considering, I just play her favorite songs and sing to her, looking directly in her eyes. WORKS EVERY SINGLE TIME.
So I just don't go crazy relative to the money I make. Financial responsibility goes a long way.
Also, if she asks for anything, she gets it.
Me: "You really want that stupid looking fake-antique hutch to put in the dining room? $200? Uh, sure, you can have that..."
If she is ever hesitant on a purchase I am considering, I just play her favorite songs and sing to her, looking directly in her eyes. WORKS EVERY SINGLE TIME.
At first it was difficult but as she sees I am not really making a loss (much less so than on some "investments") I'm OK... But I use all the tricks in the book sometimes.
$100 a month for college? Where are you planning on sending her? Clown college??
With compounding interest, if their daughter is young enough, $100 a month accumulating over time (10 or 15 years?) could at least make a good dent in tuition.
Her: "You deserve whatever you want."
So I just don't go crazy relative to the money I make. Financial responsibility goes a long way.
Also, if she asks for anything, she gets it.
Me: "You really want that stupid looking fake-antique hutch to put in the dining room? $200? Uh, sure, you can have that..."
If she is ever hesitant on a purchase I am considering, I just play her favorite songs and sing to her, looking directly in her eyes. WORKS EVERY SINGLE TIME.
+ over 9000.
Just to add an update, my loving wife brought me home this bass for my birthday. I was shocked. I posted a thread about it in the bass forum. http://www.talkbass.com/forum/f8/my-wife-cool-778537/
She knew I really wanted it so she secretly purchased it for me. She knows I want a bass every so many years and that's the way it is and always has been.
She knew I really wanted it so she secretly purchased it for me. She knows I want a bass every so many years and that's the way it is and always has been.
I'm guessing you're not married?
To the OP, my wife and I have developed a budgeting system that works well for us as well as many friends that have adopted it. Regardless of who earns it, IMO it should be treated as "ours", and as such you both should allocate a portion to each of you for individual spending; what she does with hers is of no concern to you, and whta you do with yours no concern to her. If you choose to save it and buy gear, so be it
Pretty similar to Jimmy's (wise) suggestion, but gives a small degree of independence within the partnership that many married folk enjoy and appreciate.
She is three, and has over $10,000 in her college fund. You are an idiot.
Just to update an old thread; I sold my SVT-CL and 810E to fund the purchase of a sweet B15R for me and a Nook Color for my wife's birthday. It'll make a sweet recording amp on it's own, and when I'm playing larger shows, I can run the head through my 1975 Ampeg 810 instead of the single 15. My wife and I are both very, very happy.
Thanks
I'm so glad none of you are marriage therapists - you're all talking about marriage being give and take, you get this, she gets that, fairness etc.
But marriage isn't about give and take. It's about give and give and then give a bit more. The only way you'll be at peace with each other's spending (or any other marital dispute for that matter) is clear communication about WHY buying gear is important for you and HOW it'll work out.
When I ask my wife if I can buy something she invariably says "sure - when hell freezes over", but when I sit her down and explain why I want a certain piece of gear, explain how we'll afford it and address any fears she may have, we always reach an agreement we're both happy with.
Scenario A: Can I buy a Fender P-bass off my friend, she's selling it cheap? - No, we can't afford it - sure we can - no, no we can't and you've already got 4 bass guitars.... etc etc....
Scenario B: My friend is selling a Fender P bass for much less than it's worth, and I'd like to buy it. I'd like to use it for session work, because while I'm happy with my non-fender P, a lot of people I work with just look at the logo. I'll pay for it from our savings, and then pay in an extra £50 a month to our savings until the price is paid off. What do you think?
-I think we don't have an extra £50 a month, and you don't need another bass.
-I've already explained why I need it, and as well as that, I also want to buy it. I spend a lot of time in a job I hate and I'd like to spend some of that cash on something I'll enjoy; it'll help me value my job a lot more. Also I'm happy to cut down on beer / fags / etc. until it's paid off.
-Hmmm... now I understand how important it is to you sure you can buy it but I'd like you to...
Bargaining never works- honest communication seldom fails.
But marriage isn't about give and take. It's about give and give and then give a bit more. The only way you'll be at peace with each other's spending (or any other marital dispute for that matter) is clear communication about WHY buying gear is important for you and HOW it'll work out.
When I ask my wife if I can buy something she invariably says "sure - when hell freezes over", but when I sit her down and explain why I want a certain piece of gear, explain how we'll afford it and address any fears she may have, we always reach an agreement we're both happy with.
Scenario A: Can I buy a Fender P-bass off my friend, she's selling it cheap? - No, we can't afford it - sure we can - no, no we can't and you've already got 4 bass guitars.... etc etc....
Scenario B: My friend is selling a Fender P bass for much less than it's worth, and I'd like to buy it. I'd like to use it for session work, because while I'm happy with my non-fender P, a lot of people I work with just look at the logo. I'll pay for it from our savings, and then pay in an extra £50 a month to our savings until the price is paid off. What do you think?
-I think we don't have an extra £50 a month, and you don't need another bass.
-I've already explained why I need it, and as well as that, I also want to buy it. I spend a lot of time in a job I hate and I'd like to spend some of that cash on something I'll enjoy; it'll help me value my job a lot more. Also I'm happy to cut down on beer / fags / etc. until it's paid off.
-Hmmm... now I understand how important it is to you sure you can buy it but I'd like you to...
Bargaining never works- honest communication seldom fails.
Well we're so glad the marriage expert finally graced our presence. Whatever makes each individual couple happy is what's most important. Hey guess what, every couple has a different way of meeting in the middle. News flash!
RaginRog
Last guy you want to see is Employee Relations guy
Just to add an update, my loving wife brought me home this bass for my birthday. I was shocked. I posted a thread about it in the bass forum. http://www.talkbass.com/forum/f8/my-wife-cool-778537/
She knew I really wanted it so she secretly purchased it for me. She knows I want a bass every so many years and that's the way it is and always has been.
Awesome post....and very nice bass you received for your 40th. I turn 40 in August, but no bass for me. Since we didn't go anywhere on our honeymoon when my wife and I got married last year, we've decided to go to Disneyworld for our 1 year Anniversary/our birthdays (mine in Aug, her's in Sept) in mid September.
RaginRog
Last guy you want to see is Employee Relations guy
My tip....make sure you tell her when you're considering a major purchase...you'd be surprised how understanding they are when you're honest and open about purchases. It also helps that I hunkered down and paid off her $4000 engagement ring in one year before I had to pay $1 of interest.
I'm not married and won't pretend to be an expert. However, I think that if your wife is managing your professional finances, and bills are being paid, and money is being set aside, then the money that comes in from gigs should contribute towards your gear purchases. If your gigs are cashflow positive, including current gear maintenance etc, and your savings account is flourishing, then why must your gig money (which is pretty small) be contributed towards your already bountiful savings?
If ALL money goes through her and you have ZERO to spend on personal leisure independently, then selling the 8x10 would not have impacted the B 15 purchase. I think what is missing is some sort of formal agreement that it is okey to spend a small portion of the money that would otherwise be set aside indefinitely. Given that you got the B 15 by selling the fridge, I think your wife is not the financial nazi presented to us, but rather she desires planning and preparation, which I think you should have a say in, not because you're the breadwinner, but because you are her husband.
If ALL money goes through her and you have ZERO to spend on personal leisure independently, then selling the 8x10 would not have impacted the B 15 purchase. I think what is missing is some sort of formal agreement that it is okey to spend a small portion of the money that would otherwise be set aside indefinitely. Given that you got the B 15 by selling the fridge, I think your wife is not the financial nazi presented to us, but rather she desires planning and preparation, which I think you should have a say in, not because you're the breadwinner, but because you are her husband.
