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Music Hating Spouse

#41
Womber said:
This topic may very well have been discussed in past posts but would like to hear from any sympathetic brethren out there - my wife is a wonderful person in every way…except one. She absolutely has no tolerance for music and sees absolutely no purpose in listening to music let alone spending hours playing it. She has one CD, Jim Brickman, that she listens to once or twice a year as background noise at a volume that a White Tail Deer would have a hard time hearing.

She absolutely respects my passion for playing and has never ever put up any roadblocks to me playing. She just wants nothing to do with it. And if I am listening to music I can only really do it with headphones on which is not sissy’s practical.

Anybody else in this boat? How do you deal with it?
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Well, my wife booked our group into the club where I met her in 1972 and at the end of our 2-week engagement there, I convinced her to come on the road with me. So she's always known I was a musician and never interfered with anything involving music for me. She listens to different music than I do, but that's about it. She also has a very critical ear and will tell you when you or someone else is singing flat, but she evidently can't hear herself sing because she can't carry a tune. So she just doesn't sing.

I do however have to use headphones when practicing - not because my wife objects, but because our land-lady lives above us. We live in a 1-bedroom "in-law's apartment" in the bottom floor of her house. She's been my wife's best friend since high-school, but there's no hiding or ignoring the sound of my bass if I'm not using headphones.
 
#42
Womber said:
This topic may very well have been discussed in past posts but would like to hear from any sympathetic brethren out there - my wife is a wonderful person in every way…except one. She absolutely has no tolerance for music and sees absolutely no purpose in listening to music let alone spending hours playing it. She has one CD, Jim Brickman, that she listens to once or twice a year as background noise at a volume that a White Tail Deer would have a hard time hearing.

She absolutely respects my passion for playing and has never ever put up any roadblocks to me playing. She just wants nothing to do with it. And if I am listening to music I can only really do it with headphones on which is not sissy’s practical.

Anybody else in this boat? How do you deal with it?
Click to expand...

Her not liking music would have been a deal breaker from the start.
 
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#44
4SG said:
What you describe is musical anhedonia. Not a "hatred" or even a matter of preference at all. Rather it's a particular neurological condition. This article explains it in layman's terms.
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I've developed this over the past few months. I've been playing in two bands with guys who are so unreliable and so unmotivated that I've lost all enjoyment in playing and even listening to music.
 
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#45
I’m blessed. My wife and I met in the band in college. I played trombone and she played French horn and trumpet. She loved orchestra and concert band, I lived for jazz band, and we actually met in marching band. (I marched in front of her and she liked my best side.) That was 44 years ago.

Since then, I’ve always been involved in music somehow - gigging, rehearsals, practice, etc. - and she’s supported me all the way, even buying me multiple horns and my first nice bass and then following up with an upright a few years later. She understands GAS and doesn’t mind as long as it comes out of my gig money. The only time she’s ever objected has been when my avocation has started to interfere with being there for her or our kids.

For years, she’d often come to my gigs and hang out with us all night. Hell, she’s pretty scrappy in a bar fight. I watched her put a drunken ass on his aforementioned body part when he grabbed hers. In front of the bouncer. He smiled and dragged the guy outside and dumped him on the curb.

One of the important things in life is knowing when you’ve got it good…
 
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#46
My wife is very similar. Excellent woman, just not crazy about music. She still allows me my space for musical instruments, and encourages me to teach my children guitar and bass, but her idéa of music is something written prior to 1820 at an almost indistinguishable volume. I still love her more than life itself, but it can be a challenge sometimes.
 
#48
I am passionate about being outdoors. I would rather kayak, hike, or camp than just about anything. My wife has ZERO desire to be out in the woods. She doesn't even like hanging out in our yard all that much. I can get her to do a couple of hikes with me a year. And I can get all four of us (two daughters) on our kayaks a few times a year. Otherwise, my outdoor activities are mostly solo, or with a buddy.

Otherwise, we are perfect for each other. So I don't let it bother me. She doesn't try to stop me from getting outside. Infact, I received several camping items from them as Fathers Day gifts yesterday.

(An upside is that I REALLY enjoy going out to our farm about 70 miles away, having my father drop me off at the gate on Friday evening, and having him pick me up Sunday evening having survived with only what I have in a small backpack. Being alone in the woods for 48 hours is therapeutic, for sure.)

Point is, it's OK. Get yourself some very nice Bluetooth earbuds. Listen all you want whenever you want.
 
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#50
whero said:
Don't give up. It has taken the best part of 12 years, but I have finally turned my wife into a Radiohead fan. Anything is possible.
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I've just recently accepted that I don't like Radiohead and that that is ok. I have been told for so long how great they are that I have always just believed it, thinking there was something wrong with me. It's great to be free of the burden of revisiting their albums every once in a while trying to understand what I am missing. But congratulations to you and your wife, you both must have some deeper connection to universe than I can obtain.
 
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#51
Womber said:
This topic may very well have been discussed in past posts but would like to hear from any sympathetic brethren out there - my wife is a wonderful person in every way…except one. She absolutely has no tolerance for music and sees absolutely no purpose in listening to music let alone spending hours playing it. She has one CD, Jim Brickman, that she listens to once or twice a year as background noise at a volume that a White Tail Deer would have a hard time hearing.

She absolutely respects my passion for playing and has never ever put up any roadblocks to me playing. She just wants nothing to do with it. And if I am listening to music I can only really do it with headphones on which is not sissy’s practical.

Anybody else in this boat? How do you deal with it?
Click to expand...
My wife loves music, but in a way that is very much similar to the way I love food. I'm fine with interruptions and the food itself isn't the primary indulgence so much as the conversation is. I would consider it similarly challenging to your wife's love of music, maybe a little less-so. I have just learned to not take it personally when she reliably starts talking at the good part of whatever I'm trying to listen to. It's a struggle at times, but she's into things I couldn't possibly care less about, so I consider it a wash.

Good luck.

John
 
#52
When I was a little lad, I use to hate loud noises and everything loud. It most likely had to due with a young anxiety of going deaf. My parents would every year have a convention for their small company in Las Vegas. They got money off for my sisters and I to see Beatles Love. That change everything and loud noises meant nothing to me. Everyone is different, a life experience changed me but others nothing may change them. I use to also hate sports being the short super skinny guy but my view on sports changed a couple years ago after I watched videos of Kendo and swimming. I was moved by kendoka and swimmers stories. I guess my point is, some people have to experience, some won't change, I mostly dealt with friends who are simply just not into music as a deep listening, I have a friend who only listens to classic rock and refuses to give jazz or classical music I try. It is what it is I guess...!
 
#53
I've been with my partner for 15 years and the number of times I've seen her actively listen to music (i.e. pull out a specific album and sit down to listen to it) is zero. She will put on random Spotify from time to time as background noise if we have guests over but that's it. What is strange about that is that she used to play guitar before meeting me and a lot of her uncles and aunts on her side of the family are still playing music to this day. She just doesn't see the need to have music in her life, just like I don't see the need to have gardening in mine.
 
#55
sxaxsx said:
I've just recently accepted that I don't like Radiohead and that that is ok. I have been told for so long how great they are that I have always just believed it, thinking there was something wrong with me. It's great to be free of the burden of revisiting their albums every once in a while trying to understand what I am missing. But congratulations to you and your wife, you both must have some deeper connection to universe than I can obtain.
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You're not alone!
 
#56
It’s good to have separate interests. As long as you both respect and support your partners’ interests I think it can be very healthy. A marriage should be a willing bond between two distinct individuals, not a complete melding and blurring of personalities and interests. Separate interests, a few separate friends, all very healthy.

On the other hand I think no shared interests or friends can be problematic as well. It is not a bad thing if through respect you cultivate some interest, or at least familiarity, with your wife’s interests that you don’t necessarily share. But some “away” time is usually good.
 
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#57
Womber said:
She absolutely has no tolerance for music and sees absolutely no purpose in listening to music let alone spending hours playing it.
Click to expand...

Womber said:
She absolutely respects my passion for playing and has never ever put up any roadblocks to me playing. She just wants nothing to do with it.
Click to expand...

I have honestly never met a person that has no affinity for ANY music. But everyone is different. As long as she's ok with your hobby/passion than it's all good.

My wife likes music and plays it as much as I do. But she has very, very little interest in the whole band thing. She attends some gigs because she gets along well with our guitarist's wife but that's about it. She just can't understand all the effort that goes into a band just to go play gigs that can always be hit or miss on the success scale.
 
#58
I love ‘70s progressive rock. My wife likes some of it, but loathes some of it as well. I totally understand why some people don’t like it - it can be a challenge to listen to. One of my favorites is Gentle Giant. One day I am listening to GG, and she comes out and says, “I just can’t listen to it.” So I have to listen when she is not around, and I can’t listen on car trips with the family. But I totally get it. At least she isn’t completely averse to the music I like (and I like lots of different kinds of music), and she supports and encourage my playing music! I feel very lucky! We’ve been married for 21 years now.
PS - she can’t stand the sound of people chewing and swallowing! So I have learned not to slurp my coffee in front of her - lest I be throat-punched.
 
#60
Womber said:
She has one CD, Jim Brickman, that she listens to once or twice a year
Anybody else in this boat? How do you deal with it?
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I guess you need to learn some of Jim’s songs! Start playing keys!
I am lucky. My wife is a oldies queen. We were recently on a cruise, they had a oldies music trivia. They would play 3-5 seconds of a song you had to know name & artist. She won, got 27 out of 30 correct!
 
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