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Musician Jokes

#61
*THE STAR SPANGLED BANNER FROM THE PERCUSSIONIST'S PERSPECTIVE*

Oh, say can you BOOM, CRASH
By the dawn's early BOOM, CRASH
What so proudly we BOOM, CRASH
At the twilight's last gleaming?
Whose broad stripes and bright BOOM,CRASH
Through the perilous BOOM, CRASH
O'er the ramparts we BOOM, CRASH
Were so gallantly streaming? 3 &
1...2...3...
2...2...3...
3...2...3...
4...2...3...
5...2...3...
6...2...3...
7...2...3...
8...2...Oh,
BOOM BOOM BOOM
BOOM BOOM BOOM
BOOM BOOM BOOM
BOOM BOOOOOMMMM; BOOM
BOOM BOOM BOOM
BOOM BOOOOOMMMM; BOOM
BOOM BOOM BOOM
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!
 
#62
Guys practising at band pracitse, the Keyboard player stops everyone in the middle of the song and shouts at the bass player that he's out of tune, bass player plucks all of his strings and replies "I'm definately in tune, all of the strings are equally tight.". The guitarist looks over with a frown and says "dumb*** it's not how tight they are, the tuning keys have to be parallel!".

Whats the definition of a Gentleman?
Someone who knows how to play a banjo, but doesn't!

Why is a viola better than a violin?
burns for longer.


Why is a drum solo like premature ejaculation?
Even if you know it's coming, there's nothing you can do to stop it.


There's nothing I like better than the sound of a banjo, unless of course it's the sound of a chicken being caught in a vacuum cleaner!
 
#63
MENSA, the high IQ society, were having a get-together at a posh hotel.

In the conference hall were several different tables where members were seated according to their IQ range.

On the very top table was a sign that read "IQ 190-200".

The members sat around it were the intellectual heavyweights - professors, great thinkers and scientists.

One of them piped up "Let's have a conversation about the Arab/Israeli conflict and how we can solve it. To make it a bit more stimulating, let's do it in an ancient language - 6th century Norse".

Next to them was a table that read "IQ 180-190".
These people decided to solve the world banking crisis, whilst simultaneously doing advanced calculus.


The other tables had people with gradually lower IQs - "140-150" were discussing politics, "120-130" talked about historical events and so on.


At the very last table, marked "IQ 50-60" were two skinny guys, one in a Motorhead T-Shirt, one wearing a Slayer T.

They sat staring into space for a few minutes, until eventually one of them turned to the other and said:

"What sort of kit do you play?"
 
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#64
A Drummer decides that he wants to play a harmonic instrument & so goes to the music store to check out what's available . After looking around the walls for a while he tells the guy at the service counter that he'd like to buy the
little red trumpet & the silver accordion.

To which the guy serving him says --- Well I guess we could sell you the air conditioning unit ,but we have to have a
fire extinguisher here by law.
 
#65
Manndreas said:
What happened when the bass player locked his keys in the car?

He spent an hour trying to get the drummer out.
Click to expand...

That's actually really bad. I had to break in to a suburban once to get a four year old girl out in the middle of summer (hot as sin here at that time) when I worked security for the DoD.

Poor girl ended up with heat stroke and I got a gash in my arm from when the side window finally gave and my tire iron went through. Momentum kept going, got caught to my forearm in the hole.
 
#66
shocked i didn't see this one yet...

Q: What's the difference between a blues musician and a jazz musician?

A: A blues musician plays 3 chords in front of thousands of people, a jazz musician plays thousands of chords in front of 3 people.

not casting dispersions upon either, but its kinda true...
 
#75
A kid walks into a music store to take bass lessons. The instructor sits him down and says, "okay, with your left hand on the first string go 1-2-3-4, 1-2-3-4"
The kid does as he's told and the instructor tells him to go home to practice and come back next week.

The kid comes back next week and the instructor teaches him:
"okay, now with your left hand on the second string, go 5-6-7-8, 5-6-7-8".
The kid does as he's told and the instructor tells him to go home to practice and come back next week.

Next week comes around, and the kid doesn't show up for lessons. A week later, kid still doesn't show. Finally, two months later the kid comes back into the store, the instructor asks, "Where'd were you!?"

The kid replies, "I was on tour" ;)
 
#78
Guy walks into a bar and nearly knocks over a rack of pool cues. He just barely catches them before they crash to the floor. The Bartender says, " Sorry about that. It's a bit tight in here. By the way, you can up your bass rig over there on the far wall." "Thanks," says the guy. "But how'd you know I was the bass player?" "Easy", says the bartender. " The drummer stumbled right into the bar, the guitarist missed the cues altogether, and you were lagging behind them both."
 
#79
Did you hear about the city band that had a gig way up in the mountains? Driving home afterwords on a snowy night the driver lost control of the van and it slid off the road and plummeted into a ravine.

Four musicians and a drummer were killed.
 

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