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Musician Jokes

Discussion in 'Bass Humor & Gig Stories [BG]' started by johnny rg, Mar 21, 2009.

  1. johnny rg

    johnny rg

    Nov 24, 2008
    Dublin, Ireland
    Title says it all, let's hear your best jokes about musicians (any kind). Here's one to start off.

    What do you call some one who likes to hang around with bands?
    A drummer
  2. Q. How do you when a drummer's knocking at your door?
    A. He speeds up!
  3. DaveF


    Dec 22, 2007
    New Westminster, BC
    Q: How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?

    A: None, they have a machine to do that now
  4. brachal


    Jan 7, 2006
    New Orleans, La
    What's the difference between a frog hopping down the street and a banjo player walking down the street?

    The frog might be on his way to a gig.
  5. wizay


    Mar 5, 2008
    Q - Why are so many drummer jokes one liners?

    A - So the guitarplayin' lurkers can understand them.
  6. How does a bassist walk past a bar?

    No seriously, how?
  7. DaveF


    Dec 22, 2007
    New Westminster, BC
    Q: What's the difference betwen a trampoline and a banjo?

    A: You take off your shoes to jump on a trampoline
  8. Q: who has the most annoying guitar tone in history

    A: Your drummer
  9. brivello


    Jun 27, 2008
    How do you tell a trombone players kids at a playground?

    They have trouble with the slide and they can't swing.
  10. brett7276

    brett7276 Supporting Member

    Jan 14, 2009
    whats the difference between a drummer and a savings bond?
    the savings bond eventually matures and is worth something

    A guy goes on a trip to India..when he arrives he hear's this incessent drumming....and asks " what is the deal with this drumming?" the reply is "very very bad when drumming stops" (in Indian accent) so for the next 3 days he is not able to sleep and everytime he inquires he gets the same answer..."very bad when drumming stops"...so finally after being sleep deprived the man loses his cool with the front desk worker at the hotel and says " I want to know why its so bad when the drumming stops"...the hotel clerk replies, "becasue when drumming stops, then- bass solo" (or guitar solo if you prefer!)
  11. anonymous_111514

    anonymous_111514 Guest

    Oct 24, 2006
    whats the difference between a drum machine and a drummer?

    you only have to punch the information into the drum machine once.
  12. Dan Knowlton

    Dan Knowlton Sarcasm: Just ONE of the many services I offer! Supporting Member

    Aug 12, 2002
    Palm Coast, FL
    My favorite:

    Q: What's the difference between a chick singer and a piranaha?

    A: Lipstick!

    And since I'm a recovering drummer:

    Q: What did the drummer get on his IQ test?


    Dan K.
  13. Roland777


    Jun 1, 2006
    What's the range of a tuba?
    - Depends on your throwing arm.
  14. low-endz


    Dec 18, 2007
    Miami, FL.
    Q- How do you get a guitarist to raise his volume?

    A- Ask him to lower it.

    Q-How do you get My guitarist to Lower his volume?

  15. BassyBill

    BassyBill The smooth moderator... Gold Supporting Member

    Mar 12, 2005
    West Midlands UK
    Excellent. :D
  16. Stumbo

    Stumbo Wherever you go, there you are. Supporting Member Commercial User

    Feb 11, 2008
    the Cali Intergalctic Mind Space
    Song Surgeon slow downer software- full 4 hour demo
    What's the difference between a bass player and a garbage collector?
    There is no difference. They both take a lot of crap from everyone.
  17. Handreas


    Nov 16, 2007
    What happened when the bass player locked his keys in the car?

    He spent an hour trying to get the drummer out.
  18. MarcusPocus


    Aug 28, 2008
    Allen, Tx
    What is the difference between a Jazz Musician and a Large Pizza?

    The large Pizza can feed a family of four.
  19. ErebusBass


    Feb 20, 2008
    Madison, WI
    A man is walking down the street. As he goes past a bar, he sees someone mercilessly beating a small child.

    The man asks, "Sir, why are you beating that child?"
    He explains, "Well I'm a bass player. I was about to play a show in this bar, but this little kid turned one of my tuning keys. Now I'm out of tune and I can't play the show."
    The man says, "Well certainly that's no reason to beat the poor child."
    To which the bass player retorts, "But the little **** won't tell me which one he ****ed with!!!!"
  20. Q: How do you get a guitar player to turn down?

    A: Put a chart in front of him.

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