Not sure how to feel about this...

[SoCal80s]

I've had something similar happen to me and I left that band over it. You are right to be upset about it, but it's probably best to keep your cool. I would send a polite message to the others and tell them "thanks for doing the leg work to bring in a new drummer, but I was surprised and disappointed to be left out of the discussions about this. Please at least give me a heads up about discussions like this in the future." Then if it happens again I would walk.

 

[kbarboza4]

You sound like a great dude, and a solid bassist. Assume the best from them and act accordingly. Let it go and just request for them to let you know whenever they rehearse so that you can be there and stay sharp. If you learn that they're still not telling you, then there's an issue. But until, there is no issue that actually exists. Hope you continue to enjoy the band, glad to hear you're back at it and thumpin!

 

[MynameisMe]

You can only take them on face value until they show you something else.
Having been hurt in the music scene makes you paranoid and not trusting. I've been there.
However, my sister gave me the best advice when I was going through a situation.
She said, "Always take the high road, you will never regret it".
I try to follow that no matter what the situation.
For the most part it has worked out for me.

 

[bherman]

I've been around and in bands for a long time (I'm 68 and still very active), and have learned that airing things out is best for me. I'd sit down with them and not look backwards, but look forwards, and clear the air. I wouldn't dwell on what you were left out of, but seek to ensure that their commitment to the band (and to you as bass player) is the same as yours.

My line of dialogue would go something like this; "hey guys, I'm really glad that you brought XYZ on board as the drummer, he and I really locked in at the last gig. I was a little surprised by it since I didn't know it was happening, but all is good as he's such a good fit. I just wanted to touch base and make sure that we're all on the same page moving forward, since we're having to go through alot of changes. So I thought it was best to talk and make sure that we're all really committed to this and to each other as a band", or something like that.

Good luck, and keep us posted.

p.s. - IMHO, don't do it by text, in person might be a little harder but lleads to a more complete understanding at the end of the discussion.

 

[JRA]

per the OP, apparently:
- you do the right thing on the bass.
- there is some appreciation (implied) for your social-media-marketing skills.
- you are not seen as a music director (or BL!).
- the act needs to have positions filled (and brought up to speed) and someone else feels they are the one(s) to do it.

if these other bandmates have been dependably 'forthright' in the past, you may be erring on the side of 'reactive' or defensive.

"paranoid impulses" are for folks who aren't used to communicating openly and honestly with one another.

speak with your bandmates if you have issues with them. good luck!

 

[darwin-bass]

New singer probably doesn't need bass. Ever. New drummer would probably like bass but it is more important to just get time with the songs. Having one less person at rehearsal makes scheduling easier.

BUT to not communicate this sure does make a person wonder what the story really is.

 

[sean_on_bass]

my guess is the departing members were the leaders of the group. now that they are gone, it seems like other band members are starting to take on that role and make band decisions. in this case that seems to be organizing things to get a drummer into the group and new singers up to speed. but i can't speculate why they would leave their bass player out of that process or even out of the overall communication. it does kind of sound like there was no agreement as to who is "in charge" of the band.

I think as to whether this is bad form or not depends on the overall band dynamic. if the dynamic is that you are all in this as a team to run and move the band forward, then you really should had been included IMO. if the dynamic is a bit more loose and less of a cohesive team mission, then i can see why you might not be included in all band activities.

 

[dbsfgyd1]

Our band got started in August of 2022 and we had our first gig that November. In 2023 we hit our goal of at least one gig per month (13 total). In December, we took the whole month off for holidays and then at the end of the month, our lead vocalist got sick and was unable to do our shows in January and February (3 total). So we had two subs come in to do her lead parts.

Then the news dropped: she has stage 4 renal cancer. So her and her husband (our drummer) stepped out just before the 2nd show in February so that they could gear up for the fight ahead.

The 2nd show in February was kind of scary for me as we had a drummer come in that had not rehearsed with us and just sat down to play a kit that wasn't even his. It was actually a wonderfully pleasant surprise and he even complimented my playing and that I kept him where he was supposed to be.

After the show, the main members of the band discussed the future and agreed that we would continue on but would likely change the name of the band (current band name is Carie's Revenge...and Carie was our lead vocalist.)

We have two gigs this month and we are still going in as Carie's Revenge, but will change after that.

So here's where I'm at a loss. We haven't played together since the gig on February 23rd and we had a practice last night to run through stuff for our gig this Friday. However, when I showed up, it didn't take long to find out that the rest of the band has been meeting without me with a new drummer. They played it off like it was no big deal and that they were working to get the two vocalists up to where we need them and to learn the proper parts. (During a break, though, the lead guitarist praised me saying, "Man, you didn't lose ANYTHING during the extended time off!" I thanked him and said that even though I wasn't at any of their rehearsals, I was still practicing my parts at home.)

I am not a drama person. But I am kind of hurt that they left me out of those practices, especially since I am the one that has to lock in with the drummer. I will say, though, that this drummer (not the same one from the gig on 2/23) and I locked in pretty well all night last night, so I'm not worried about that, now. It just really bugs me deep down that they excluded me for those practices.

I feel like I'm completely left out on a lot of things going on right now with this group. I love the music we are doing and they continually act like they definitely want me to stick around, but I feel like I'm getting mixed messages.

Anyone else ever experienced anything like this?

I think I’d be a bit queasy as well. It would be very odd for them to bring in a drummer for (I’m assuming here) and audition without a bassist being there. So my guess it was a package deal, the drummer bringing his favorite bassist who he highly recommends. That is one thought.

Another thought, are the vocalists and the drummer have a prior relationship s influx is more of a merger?

 

[DirtDog]

Hard to gauge anyone’s intent. The only thing you can be certain about is your reaction.

Either you stay and make peace with whatever is happening or cut and run if you don’t like it.

 

[bdplaid]

Our band got started in August of 2022 and we had our first gig that November. In 2023 we hit our goal of at least one gig per month (13 total). In December, we took the whole month off for holidays and then at the end of the month, our lead vocalist got sick and was unable to do our shows in January and February (3 total). So we had two subs come in to do her lead parts.

Then the news dropped: she has stage 4 renal cancer. So her and her husband (our drummer) stepped out just before the 2nd show in February so that they could gear up for the fight ahead.

The 2nd show in February was kind of scary for me as we had a drummer come in that had not rehearsed with us and just sat down to play a kit that wasn't even his. It was actually a wonderfully pleasant surprise and he even complimented my playing and that I kept him where he was supposed to be.

After the show, the main members of the band discussed the future and agreed that we would continue on but would likely change the name of the band (current band name is Carie's Revenge...and Carie was our lead vocalist.)

We have two gigs this month and we are still going in as Carie's Revenge, but will change after that.

So here's where I'm at a loss. We haven't played together since the gig on February 23rd and we had a practice last night to run through stuff for our gig this Friday. However, when I showed up, it didn't take long to find out that the rest of the band has been meeting without me with a new drummer. They played it off like it was no big deal and that they were working to get the two vocalists up to where we need them and to learn the proper parts. (During a break, though, the lead guitarist praised me saying, "Man, you didn't lose ANYTHING during the extended time off!" I thanked him and said that even though I wasn't at any of their rehearsals, I was still practicing my parts at home.)

I am not a drama person. But I am kind of hurt that they left me out of those practices, especially since I am the one that has to lock in with the drummer. I will say, though, that this drummer (not the same one from the gig on 2/23) and I locked in pretty well all night last night, so I'm not worried about that, now. It just really bugs me deep down that they excluded me for those practices.

I feel like I'm completely left out on a lot of things going on right now with this group. I love the music we are doing and they continually act like they definitely want me to stick around, but I feel like I'm getting mixed messages.

Anyone else ever experienced anything like this?

Yeah, and I didn't like it either. Bands are emotional things, like family. If I'm not at least told what's going on, it makes me feel like an outsider.

My suggestion, and this is difficult, is to approach the band about it. Not by phone or text, but in person. Tell them what you think. It doesn't have to be a ballistic thing. If it were me, I'd tell them that they have created a situation that needs resolution. I'd ask them straight up if they are planning me in their future or not.

Like I said, it's very unpleasant, but if I didn't speak up, it would haunt me and keep me up at night.

 

[pepj]

Yes, I would be thinking the deal was new drummer who comes with a bass player but it didnt work out so you get to meet the new drummer...and it might work out

But this is a guess and depends how you interpret such actions...and also its not 100% confirmed anyway.
So try and relax until things become clearer.

 

[SDC1-ClickClack]

I was a guitarist in an all-originals band that was gigging around L.A. a few decades ago. We had to take an agreed-upon break of a few weeks while I underwent and recovered from surgery. Our bass player, with whom I had formed a very close friendship, dropped by the storage unit that we were collectively renting as our rehearsal & storage space, just to make sure it was still secure, dry, all equipment in good condition, etc. What he found there was the rest of the band playing our usual songs while auditioning a keyboard player, a 2nd vocalist, and a different bass player. He told me they looked like he'd caught them all with their pants down. They told him they were just exploring some options the lead singer had suggested, and the bass player simply came along with the keyboard player, yadda-yadda-yadda.... Yeah, right. It was clear to my bassist pal and me that they were planning on replacing him, adding the other two people, and just banking on my going along with it, even though they had done all this behind our backs. He and I walked. We were fellow band members, not hired players being paid to do as we were told.

As others have said, you should have an in-person conversation with the rest of your band to ask why they did not bother telling you they would be having other rehearsals to focus on the new people, for which your presence was optional. Perhaps they are telling the truth and merely failed to consider how you would feel; or perhaps not.

 

[Sparkl]

Our band got started in August of 2022 and we had our first gig that November. In 2023 we hit our goal of at least one gig per month (13 total). In December, we took the whole month off for holidays and then at the end of the month, our lead vocalist got sick and was unable to do our shows in January and February (3 total). So we had two subs come in to do her lead parts.

Then the news dropped: she has stage 4 renal cancer. So her and her husband (our drummer) stepped out just before the 2nd show in February so that they could gear up for the fight ahead.

The 2nd show in February was kind of scary for me as we had a drummer come in that had not rehearsed with us and just sat down to play a kit that wasn't even his. It was actually a wonderfully pleasant surprise and he even complimented my playing and that I kept him where he was supposed to be.

After the show, the main members of the band discussed the future and agreed that we would continue on but would likely change the name of the band (current band name is Carie's Revenge...and Carie was our lead vocalist.)

We have two gigs this month and we are still going in as Carie's Revenge, but will change after that.

So here's where I'm at a loss. We haven't played together since the gig on February 23rd and we had a practice last night to run through stuff for our gig this Friday. However, when I showed up, it didn't take long to find out that the rest of the band has been meeting without me with a new drummer. They played it off like it was no big deal and that they were working to get the two vocalists up to where we need them and to learn the proper parts. (During a break, though, the lead guitarist praised me saying, "Man, you didn't lose ANYTHING during the extended time off!" I thanked him and said that even though I wasn't at any of their rehearsals, I was still practicing my parts at home.)

I am not a drama person. But I am kind of hurt that they left me out of those practices, especially since I am the one that has to lock in with the drummer. I will say, though, that this drummer (not the same one from the gig on 2/23) and I locked in pretty well all night last night, so I'm not worried about that, now. It just really bugs me deep down that they excluded me for those practices.

I feel like I'm completely left out on a lot of things going on right now with this group. I love the music we are doing and they continually act like they definitely want me to stick around, but I feel like I'm getting mixed messages.

Anyone else ever experienced anything like this?

Hehe, usually it's the opposite in my case - they CAN'T for the love of god have rehearsals without a bass as if their life depends on it.

So once in 25 moons I get super excited when one of the band leaders lets me know it's ok for me to not come for the rehearsal because they will be meeting with a substitute for this and that.

Ahh the pain.

 

[mcrawfordmusic]

You're probably over thinking it. I would just mentioned that you're happy to be more involved with the decision making and move on.

 

[Carl Hillman]

Our band got started in August of 2022 and we had our first gig that November. In 2023 we hit our goal of at least one gig per month (13 total). In December, we took the whole month off for holidays and then at the end of the month, our lead vocalist got sick and was unable to do our shows in January and February (3 total). So we had two subs come in to do her lead parts.

Then the news dropped: she has stage 4 renal cancer. So her and her husband (our drummer) stepped out just before the 2nd show in February so that they could gear up for the fight ahead.

The 2nd show in February was kind of scary for me as we had a drummer come in that had not rehearsed with us and just sat down to play a kit that wasn't even his. It was actually a wonderfully pleasant surprise and he even complimented my playing and that I kept him where he was supposed to be.

After the show, the main members of the band discussed the future and agreed that we would continue on but would likely change the name of the band (current band name is Carie's Revenge...and Carie was our lead vocalist.)

We have two gigs this month and we are still going in as Carie's Revenge, but will change after that.

So here's where I'm at a loss. We haven't played together since the gig on February 23rd and we had a practice last night to run through stuff for our gig this Friday. However, when I showed up, it didn't take long to find out that the rest of the band has been meeting without me with a new drummer. They played it off like it was no big deal and that they were working to get the two vocalists up to where we need them and to learn the proper parts. (During a break, though, the lead guitarist praised me saying, "Man, you didn't lose ANYTHING during the extended time off!" I thanked him and said that even though I wasn't at any of their rehearsals, I was still practicing my parts at home.)

I am not a drama person. But I am kind of hurt that they left me out of those practices, especially since I am the one that has to lock in with the drummer. I will say, though, that this drummer (not the same one from the gig on 2/23) and I locked in pretty well all night last night, so I'm not worried about that, now. It just really bugs me deep down that they excluded me for those practices.

I feel like I'm completely left out on a lot of things going on right now with this group. I love the music we are doing and they continually act like they definitely want me to stick around, but I feel like I'm getting mixed messages.

Anyone else ever experienced anything like this?

Maybe it's just me, but I'd be relieved that I didn't have to hash through songs I already knew just to work in new members.

And, I think you should keep the name...as a tribute to your former singer, and for the mystique of "Who the heck is Carie?".

 

[salmon256]

I would agree that I am also on the paranoid side.

I dislike and hate that this kind of drama sadly happens if our lives past middle school. Being left out is never fun.
I would talk with them about and let them know you it made you feel and tried to make it clear.

To me, and not to make it sound scary I find it odd they wouldn't want a bassist around for a new drummer.

But at the same time I am a paranoid and anxiety full person so I am the worst person to be talking LOL...

Sorry to hear about your bandmates diagnoses, hoping they get through!

 

[40Hz]

You could always ask them what’s ip with that. Saves a lot of time, worry, and unnecessary drama.

FWIW t’were me I would have asked Carrie if it was cool with her for the band to soldier on as Carrie’s Revenge. I’ve dealt with family and friend who were diagnosed with cancer. It might haven’t made for a nice morale booster for her during what she’s about to go through. Kinda a message that you guys haven’t given up hope for her even if she’s no longer the singer and likely won’t be back.

 

[pie_man_25]

Honestly op, having dealt with this stuff the wrong way, a sane conversation about how that makes you feel would probably be smart.

Don't try to sound like you're pointing a finger, basically - word it in such a way that if they get pissed about it, it's on them.

E.g. "when I found out there was a practice and I didn't know about it, I felt kinda left out. Can you let me know there's a practice next time and then if I can't make it I can opt out if it's not necessary?"

 

[mrcbass]

I've been treated poorly enough in the past to be a bit paranoid. IMO, they should have let you know what was happening.

I can't believe a drummer would be comfortable getting up to speed without a bassist and as @51PRI mentioned, why you wouldn't have a major say in that choice?

Maybe they were in a smaller than usual space? Maybe they thought they were giving you a break? Maybe they rehearsed when they knew you had a conflict and didn't want to pressure you? Obviously, I don't have any idea.

Your description of things makes it out to be a thoughtless, bonehead move and not a calculated move designed to mess with you. I would probably try to talk to them about it just to get it out of my head.

 

[KenD]

The last band I was in had one rehearsal per week to run through one or two new songs added to the playlist. In addition, sometimes there were also separate vocal and horn section rehearsals (sometimes on the same day) but everyone knew about all of the rehearsals.

This one sounds disingenuous.