my guess is the departing members were the leaders of the group. now that they are gone, it seems like other band members are starting to take on that role and make band decisions. in this case that seems to be organizing things to get a drummer into the group and new singers up to speed. but i can't speculate why they would leave their bass player out of that process or even out of the overall communication. it does kind of sound like there was no agreement as to who is "in charge" of the band.
I think as to whether this is bad form or not depends on the overall band dynamic. if the dynamic is that you are all in this as a team to run and move the band forward, then you really should had been included IMO. if the dynamic is a bit more loose and less of a cohesive team mission, then i can see why you might not be included in all band activities.
That is really what has happened. With Carie and Albert stepping away (they were very much the band leaders), it has fallen to the keys player and his wife. I like everyone in the band and we have all talked about how close we all are and how we are like a family. A text between the original members that remain (keys, backup vocal (key's wife), guitarist and myself) acknowledged that we had something super special with Carie and Albert and now it feels like it is gone, and that what we had felt like family.
Yeah, and I didn't like it either. Bands are emotional things, like family. If I'm not at least told what's going on, it makes me feel like an outsider.
I have had a lot of times in my life where I was a part of something and then I was the one constantly being left out of things. So there is a history of that with me and while at some level I don't care, when I have worked hard to get where I am with this group, to be left out after this major blow to our group with losing Carie and Albert does make me feel like I'm not as much a part of the group as I thought I was.
lol... i hope for your sake your not, but i think your being niave to deny that since they originally asked you to join cause they couldn't find someone that theres no way they are looking elsewhere. If they asked you to jam or audition someone and you were busy.. or even if it was just 1 person who had a friend who just felt them out and other band members were missing id say think nothing of it.. not even asking you.. but getting the rest of the band to come out is not normal... they were intentionally excluding you.
As a few have mentioned my guess is:
1) The drummer has a bassist friend and they are a package deal (or he at least wants to be so they gave him a shot).
2) Them asking you to join cause they couldn't find anything in my mind isn't a check in the pro column... to me it could mean that they don't really get along with you and there is potentially a different option other than just last resort they are exploring.... I'm not saying your not a nice guy (i dont know you) and talented.. but its possible they aren't clicking with you and have kept you around because its either the default option of whats available or no gigs.
I know thats a poopy thought to put in your head but me being a cynical person thats where my head is going... especially if they are specifically renaming the band and looking for new members... it would be pretty convenient timing with ads being posted to look for another bass player at the same time in the restructure... especially since if your an official member shouldn't you have a say on who they are auditioning or inviting for membership either way?
Its poopy but we did this with our drummer.. hes very uncomitted and hes flakey as hell... but when we started looking for another drummer we didn't tell him because we weren't sure how hard it would be to find a replacement or if another drummer would be show ready in time... there was zero advantage to telling our Drummer that were unhappy with his commitment and were looking- We did 2 auditions, they didn't work out.. he still doesn't know they ever even happened.
1) he says screw you guys and we have no drummer - and if we cant find a replacement were shaged for our gigs.
2) he gets a fire lit under his butt(unlikely) and improves... but now hes always going to know we were almost going to kick him out and talk behind his back. Its like a relationship where they cheat... even if you forgive, its never the same.
Lastly my advice to you - which is against what other people are saying... i wouldn't bring it up. I would take a second and just reflect on your interactions with the members or disagreements youve had with them or if you think you may sometimes come off as pushy or difficult to collaborate with and perhaps change those attitudes and habits if possible. I say this because if they are looking and find someone thats a better fit your likely gone either way... if they have a problem with you and they are looking IMO, you telling them that your upset they practiced without you and all that will probbably make them more irritated or consider you high maintence or controlling if they already secretly have issues with that type of thing in their opinion of you.
Best of luck!
It's a long story of how I came into the group. I don't know how many other bassists they auditioned, but I know that there was one guy before me that was a lot younger than the rest of us and he left because he wanted to have more time with his family as he had young kids. I do know that they have never seemed to have an issue with me or my playing. I got the position after my audition, on the spot. There was no discussion amongst them, they all just kind of looked at me and said it was mine if I wanted it.
As I said above, I have a history of being left out of things and it always rankles with me. When I was 16 I made a conscious decision to not care what anyone thinks of me and that was one of the most liberating decisions of my life. I really don't care what they think of me. What I
DO care about is being strung along and toyed with. That really ticks me off, so if that is what is happening, I'm not above walking away, as I have done that before with a previous group.
I have always held that a band is a lot harder to maintain than a marriage. A good marriage has great communication between the two spouses, and to be honest, that is why my marriage is so freaking spectacular. We don't fight. We might have some discussions with a little heat, but no shouting, not knock down drag out fights. I pride myself on my communications skills, but as you know, it only works if both sides are committed to being that way.
We have a gig tonight and I do plan to ask what the future of this group is and whether or not they plan to keep me as a part of it. I plan to acknowledge that they know a lot of people in the music scene in this area and may know bassists that are technically 'better' than me, but that I am still fully committed to being a part of this group and taking it to the next incarnation, whatever that incarnation looks like. They've never, in the past, given me a reason to doubt them, but this whole thing of leaving me out has not exactly made me feel like I'm part of their plans for the future, and I plan to tell them that.
For those who have said something about how they'd be fine with not having to hash through breaking in new members, please understand that music is therapy for me. I wouldn't care if I had to play the verse of a song 50 times over just for one member to 'get' their part down. The music is how I destress from a crappy week at work (and there have been more and more of those here lately).
The being left out of the practices and the fact that there was a communication blackout since our last gig in February just makes me feel like I'm not as important as their words have said in the past. It may just be me. Maybe I'm just being neurotic and paranoid. I don't know. What I do know is that I love playing this music with THESE people.
Guess I will find out tonight.
