Oh man, what have I done?

[logdrum]

I met my friend Bernie (not his real name ) first on a jam where he was so drunk. I stuck around because he gave me some moonshine and really tasty New Mexico gin which has Pinon. I think when I saw how he got a tone out of a POS crate guitar amp and the few moments where he would be doing clever runs - maybe I know deep inside that he knew something if sober.

When he cleaned up - he called me up to be a part of a Brazilian music gig. I learned later that as a child he actually won classical guitar competitions. Before he totally cleaned up. He managed to organized 2 -3 wedding gigs but I think his wife reeled him in not to be drunk at those gigs. Yeah during the drunken period , he bugged me too. If I totally dumped him, I would not have learned flamenco properly and Brazilian music voicings

 

[darwin-bass]

If you don't say NO now, it will only get harder and harder to do so. I'd just tell him "hey, sorry if there was any misunderstanding, but I'm overcommitted and can't take this on. Best of luck."

Yes but that answer implies he would be interested when his schedule lightens.

 

[RocknRollNeverForgets]

“He set up his kit and then made noises like a man falling down a flight of stairs with his drums.”

This made me laugh so hard my Makers Mark came out of my nose!

On the original posters question. Firm negative answer and to the point. Keep it professional and short.

Have had to do this several times.

 

[DJ Bebop]

It sucks when you Care.

 

[ladybug]

I'm going a different route.... Tell him you need $400 a gig. Your wife won't let you leave the house for a penny less.

 

[MustangWally]

This made me laugh so hard my Makers Mark came out of my nose!

Yeah, sorry about that!

 

[PhatBottomBass1]

Did it this morning...

Was able to review some "show tapes" and it was my first tribute thing ever...I wasn't getting the energy, vibe or feel of the original tracks. It was "rough impressions" of stuff. I've been doing it long enough to know it's not a finished product I want myself associated with.

This doesn't make the players in some way due less than my best respect. But I could not see the goal of working their show as something I could make the sacrifices for while dealing with other commitments. I thanked them in a respectful manner and gracefully let it go by the wayside.

Just be as cool as possible to everyone who will let you.

 

[QORC]

Run, Forrest, run

 

[QORC]

I also turned down bands who simply wanted me to show up and "just jam".

I don't jam. Either I know the songs, or I don't. and jamming is no way for them or me to figure out if this is a good fit, and in fact is a real red flag that this band does not have their poopy together.

 

[Bullitt5135]

OP update. I wanted to thank everybody for their kind words of commiseration and support. I'm glad to know it "wasn't just me." A few minutes ago, a sent a short email to the guy saying "I'm just not interested in taking on another project...sorry if I gave you the wrong impression...best of luck, etc." I'm going into ghost mode now.

As others pointed out, I did not want to give any reasons or excuses at all, as those are just an opening to get sucked back in. I did not want to imply that I can't do it "right now" and give false hope that I might be available sometime down the road. C'est la vie.

On a positive note, I hooked up with a band a few weeks ago that is a much better fit. Talented and experienced players, no agenda, no egos...just good music and good vibes. I'll have my hands full learning a bunch of new and challenging songs. I also have a standing offer to run sound for my friend's wedding & events band, which is something I've been interested in doing for some time.

 

[Bullitt5135]

Update to the update. Email sent. All is cool with the other dude...he took it well and left the door open. Crisis averted. Never underestimate the power of being honest and straightforward.