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Once again no Response to Band Text.

#41
Skip Chucker said:
So call him and ask him if he's okay, if everything in his life is okay....
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I tried calling him about something non band related. He didn't call back. The other guitar player has called him, too, with no success, and has even called his wife. He is completely ghosting us.
Pocket Dave said:
All the more reason to let it go. That kind of thing can really fester otherwise.

Sometimes it's good to look back and ask myself if there's anything *I* could've done differently from the short-list of things I've actually got any control over: mostly my own actions and attitudes, so I can help avoid these kinds of things in the future. Usually there is, though sometimes it's just a matter of early recognition of certain types of behavior in others, and knowing when it might be time to move on before investing too much time.
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Well, I was the primary songwriter so I couldn't help but have ideas about what some of the other instruments would play. The keyboard player, the drummer, and the other guitar player seemed okay with, and even wanted, those ideas. Maybe he didn't.

Ekulati said:
Are you sure he has a cell phone?
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We think he does. The other guitar player and I have both tried to call him.

Topkat13 said:
One of the many reasons texting is BS. If you want an answer do it live bro or hang it up.
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He won't answer us.

Tim Is Taken said:
Wait, wait - your responses are all wrong!
We're supposed to be raking OP over the coals to uncover how he's actually at fault for this situation. We need to figure out what REALLY happened.
Didn't anyone else get the Talkbass memo?
;)
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I appreciate the positive responses.

mcnach said:
...If some of the songs can be considered 'yours', by all means take them and develop them with a new project...
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Yeah, that's a possibility.

Thumpin6string said:
I don't get why the band would be over if just one member is not interested. Replace him and move on. Of course, this is IMHO.
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Well, it's an original band that has played few gigs. He wanted to be in this band back when I was putting it together...petitioned for it really.

KidAmnesia said:
Does the project continuity depend on that members presence? I mean, is he the author of all/most songs or is he somehow irreplaceable? Can you call him or talk to him outside the "official band channels"?
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I've tried calling him about other things but he doesn't answer and his mailbox is full and, if he even sees he has a missed call from me, he doesn't call me back. I suppose anyone is replaceable.
 
#42
51PRI said:
Well, I was the primary songwriter so I couldn't help but have ideas about what some of the other instruments would play. The keyboard player, the drummer, and the other guitar player seemed okay with, and even wanted, those ideas. Maybe he didn't.
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It looks like you still have a band that could start rehearsing stright away. Or do you reeeeealy need two guitars and a keyboard player? Talk to the other members, set a date and start playing again.
 
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#44
51PRI said:
I tried calling him about something non band related. He didn't call back. The other guitar player has called him, too, with no success, and has even called his wife. He is completely ghosting us.
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Agree, definitely sounds like ghosting. Try not to take it personally, because it's possible that he is dealing with a critical family or personal problem that he wishes to remain private. But even if he's simply done with the band: OK, it's rude of him not to take a minute to say "sorry guys, it was fun but I can't be in the band anymore, best of luck to you all" (even if he wasn't really having fun)... but hey, stuff happens, people's opinions change, and not many are willing to be completely honest about saying why.

Semi-relevant example: long time ago I was in a band that decided to fire the keyboardist for not learning songs well enough. Turns out that the BL just stopped telling him about our gigs, then ghosted him after the KB player saw the gigs on our schedule and called him to ask what's up. I didn't realize those details until the KB player contacted me and asked for an explanation, so I was surprised (and disappointed) by the BL's non-response. All I could think of to say was "hey man, I don't know what's going on with the BL, but our gig pay has been going down so we went back to a four man band to cover expenses". The KB player thanked me, but even though what I told him was the truth, I still felt conflicted because it wasn't the whole truth.
 
#46
51PRI said:
I tried calling him about something non band related. He didn't call back. The other guitar player has called him, too, with no success, and has even called his wife. He is completely ghosting us.

Well, I was the primary songwriter so I couldn't help but have ideas about what some of the other instruments would play. The keyboard player, the drummer, and the other guitar player seemed okay with, and even wanted, those ideas. Maybe he didn't.


We think he does. The other guitar player and I have both tried to call him.


He won't answer us.


I appreciate the positive responses.


Yeah, that's a possibility.


Well, it's an original band that has played few gigs. He wanted to be in this band back when I was putting it together...petitioned for it really.


I've tried calling him about other things but he doesn't answer and his mailbox is full and, if he even sees he has a missed call from me, he doesn't call me back. I suppose anyone is replaceable.
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Are you sure he isn't dead?
 
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#47
sometimes things just go haywire. I have a pretty successful originals band that gets an amazing crowd and we always get great feedback on our songs. well recently our guitar player said he didn't want to do a gig and we should do a regular bar gig and Americana/country covers. we are a progressive funk/rock band and do mostly clubs/theatres and ALL original music. we have no clue what is going on in his head and can't get a straight answer out of him. we've been together for like 9 years and has never expressed anything like this before. sometimes people just change their interests and desires and there isnt anything you can do about it
 
#49
Fuzzbass said:
Agree, definitely sounds like ghosting. Try not to take it personally, because it's possible that he is dealing with a critical family or personal problem that he wishes to remain private......
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Maybe, but even if so, why couldn't he just send a simple text telling us that?

gln1955 said:
Are you sure he isn't dead?
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I personally can't prove that he isn't dead, but the other guitar player talked to his wife, or texted her, I forget, and she relayed the message that he is okay, as well as relaying the message to him that we're trying to get in touch with him. So who knows?!?

I guess the bottom line is that he is showing us his (lack of) interest in the band by his inactions. If actions speak louder than words, then how loud do inactions speak?
 
#51
51PRI said:
Maybe, but even if so, why couldn't he just send a simple text telling us that?
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I hope we all agree that he should have replied in some way, but he hasn't. Assuming he's alive and healthy, then he just chooses not to respond. Speculating, here are just a few possible explanations:
  • He's harboring some resentment and just wants to be rid of you all
  • He's embarrassed/uncomfortable with leaving: perhaps his wife has ordered him to do so, but who knows
  • He fears how the rest of you will react: angry/hostile, giving him a hard time, or hurt/resentful, relentlessly begging him to stay, etc
Bottom line: he's gone, doesn't want to say why. I get that it can be difficult, but as others have said, you and your band should try to shrug it off and go on without him.
 
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#54
If I percieve people can't be bothered, then don't be bothered either.
If I've read this right, this person has ruled themselves out of a music project and dont waste anymore time.
But, as before in these threads there is too much drama over a simple decision, imv.
 
#57
pepj said:
If I percieve people can't be bothered, then don't be bothered either.
If I've read this right, this person has ruled themselves out of a music project and dont waste anymore time.
But, as before in these threads there is too much drama over a simple decision, imv.
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Well, yes, drama, I guess, but a simple answer yes or no would have prevented that.

I saw something on Facebook, one of those sayings that went something like:

"If someone has done you wrong you will have a hard time contacting them"

I had never thought of that, and I don't think or know of anything he would have done to "wrong" us, but it's a different possible look at the situation.
 
#58
They must know there will be comms and hasnt bothered to contact.. and he typically doesnt respond anyway.
I'd just file under 'lacks basic communications skills and courtesy' and get someone else in.
Wouldn't chase to tell him either he has been replaced.
 
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#60
I always started a new group with the folks who replied and kept moving forward,,,, good thing about someone ghosting is its easy later down the road saying. " you never replied" its pretty much all on them so now you dont have to worry about telling someone to leave.. ghost me once shame on you,,, ghost me twice shame on me!!!
 

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