My bands always had GF's around and we never had any issues. Today, my ayers kids come to some rehearsals...also no issues whatsoever. Maybe we just all had cool GF's?
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Policy on girlfriends at practice
- Thread starter Comrade Momenta
- Start date
it's unprofessional.
thats either okay or not okay, depending on who you are, what kind of music you want to make, who you want to play music for, and how you want to be compensated for your performances.
no top-dollar wedding band is likely to have hang out-style rehearsals. if you want to treat your group as a business, that should be the deciding factor on what your rehearsal atmosphere is. i've never had a beer during an orchestral rehearsal, and i've also never not had a drink during a jamband rehearsal/hangout.
theres nothing wrong with hangout/jam/rehearsal sessions, but they lead to more fun and less work getting done.
thats either okay or not okay, depending on who you are, what kind of music you want to make, who you want to play music for, and how you want to be compensated for your performances.
no top-dollar wedding band is likely to have hang out-style rehearsals. if you want to treat your group as a business, that should be the deciding factor on what your rehearsal atmosphere is. i've never had a beer during an orchestral rehearsal, and i've also never not had a drink during a jamband rehearsal/hangout.
theres nothing wrong with hangout/jam/rehearsal sessions, but they lead to more fun and less work getting done.
Even though a couple of girlfriends/wives have shown up in rehearsals it took them approx. 5 minutes to get bored.
The whole Yoko Ono thing is a huge myth. It was Lennon who was insecure and was dragging her along. That said, if someone wants to bring a girlfriend/wife/any other of outsider, tell them to bring earplugs. This should be enough.
Also in the case they show up, make it pretty clear that this is work, and YOUR work at that, which means they have no right to express opinions unless they are asked to. They are not to distract anyone in any way and they'd better bring snacks. NO BOOZE, NO DRUGS, NO SMOKING, NO RECORDINGS AND NO TALKING ALLOWED.
Distractions are distractions. It can be a girl showing her baby feeders, or some drunk falling into the band while trying to dance, or a cell going off during rehearsal, etc.
The point is to not allow distractions to throw you off your game, so in the end, short of a fire in the building or need to duck bullets, what does it matter what the distraction is or when it occurs?
If a mouthy GF slags the band at rehearsal, how is that different than a drunk heckler in a bar, or some group of debs at stage center squealing/screaming nonstop while they blow up their BFFL's world with selfies of them at the concert?
I've been in all kinds of situations where distractions occurred while playing, everything from girlfriend of guitarist at rehearsal jumping up and trying to claw his eyes out over a long simmering feud she could no longer wait to settle, to seeing a guy get his head split by a pool cue and being yelled at by the bartender to keep playing, and most anything you can imagine in between. One of the many benefits of a public musical life spent largely in gut bucket bars and hillbilly honkytonks.
Point being, distractions are part of life and trying to make them somehow different because of the situation is a waste of time and effort.
Adapt, overcome, continue to plow, etc., it's not the distraction, it's the way you roll with it that matters.
Fat Steve
The poodle bites, the poodle chews it.
Whoa buddy, that makes ENTIRELY too much sense. Someone will be around to shout you down shortly I'm sure.
If everyone in the band gets that and practices that kind of focus, cool.
But that's extremely rare in my experience and the experiences of the vast majority of musicians I've talked with about this subject.
A lot of the extreme scenarios you outlined in a bar gig would distract someone in all the bands I've played in. Why introduce that kind of nonsense intentionally, or fail to quell it, when you have the opportunity, as in a controlled rehearsal environment? It makes no sense to me to say, "distractions and drama are part of life, let's intentionally introduce them into our rehearsals."
You learn to deal with distractions and drama by dealing with distractions and drama.
Why do football teams practice with high volume rock music playing over the stadium PA? Because distractions are part and parcel of the game, and if you can learn to deal with them in practice instead of the game - you're ahead of the game.
Fair enough.
If your gigs routinely feature people cracking each other's skulls with pool cues, I guess a little girlfriend drama at rehearsal can't hurt.
Glad I'm not in that situation.
I was in a band back in the '80s where the two guitarists brought their girlfriends to a practice. We went down to the basement to practice while they stayed upstairs. We took a break a couple of hours later and came upstairs to find the two of them naked and "involved" with each other. They were so into it that they didn't notice we had stopped playing.
Practice never resumed.
Practice never resumed.
Fat Steve
The poodle bites, the poodle chews it.
This is a very general question and it boils down to "How do I negotiate with someone who is emotionally invested in the subject and may perceive me as either trying to assert dominance over them or taking away something they highly value? Or both?"
Do some reading about negotiation techniques. I like the book Crucial Conversations too. It has lots of good advice for exactly this type of situation.
for me it was pretty much this. My GF came to a practice when we first started dating to me the people in the band and see what I do. I think that is all she needed. 3 hours of writing and tearing apart old school thrash was enough for her.
We will have other musician friends in to check us out or hang, but it happens very rarely. They are all usually practicing with their bands etc anyway.
Sometimes in the summer we do have practices that will have an intentionally scheduled "hang" afterwards, and then SO's do come....kids as well. Nothing like a little metal, then a cookout and hang with friends on a summer evening!
I wouldn't say "routinely" - but I have absolutely been in some of those situations in the past.
I used to occasionally play a punk club in my hometown called the Ice Pick. It was kind of like "Bob's Country Bunker" in the Blues Brothers - except punk, and no chicken wire.
...just as many bottles thrown at the band though.
I've been in a few bands with open rehearsals before. I never really had many problems, with friends/girlfriends. The people that have shown up were either totally into the music and loved listening to us or they would go into the other room and smoke or something.
They never really distracted us, they all seemed to know that practice was serious.
Maybe I'm just lucky.
They never really distracted us, they all seemed to know that practice was serious.
Maybe I'm just lucky.
My wife has a class near our practice space so we usually carpool, drops me off and then she returns about an hour or two before we are done .
She just sits quietly doing homework or surfing the net. When we are done she helps pack my stuff and sometimes the drummers stuff too up the stairs out to the car.
She doesn't dress provocatively, doesnt say a whole lot and since weve been married 13 years theres no sickening lovey dovey antics going on between us.
Oddly enough no one in the band seems to mind. But I guess if some of you were there there would be drama and pointed fingers and cries of OH NO YOKO!
She just sits quietly doing homework or surfing the net. When we are done she helps pack my stuff and sometimes the drummers stuff too up the stairs out to the car.
She doesn't dress provocatively, doesnt say a whole lot and since weve been married 13 years theres no sickening lovey dovey antics going on between us.
Oddly enough no one in the band seems to mind. But I guess if some of you were there there would be drama and pointed fingers and cries of OH NO YOKO!
