Policy on girlfriends at practice

[tmdazed]

What is your policy with girlfriends at practice? Had our guitarist's girlfriend over at the last practice. It was okay but guitarist spent a little too much time being lovey duvey and the drummer kept egging the two on. I don't mind the occasional lax practice so I'm wondering if I am being too critical here.

persona non grata on my end, I dont mind people comiing out to watch us practice , but I find guys get distracted by their GF, and unsolicited advice from a non player girlfriend is wholey unproductive, we even had one dude want his tone deaf girl to sing at an upcoming gig, that was kaiboshed right quickly

 

[Stewie26]

We even had one dude want his tone deaf girl to sing at an upcoming gig,

Yea....that did not work out too well for the Beatles either.

 

[thunderbird66]

Bad, bad, idea. Closed rehearsals.

 

[duff beer]

One of my bands rehearses in the guitar player's garage. His wife pops in on occasion for a few minutes every now and then. She doesn't bother anyone, never stays long, and doesn't comment.

Then we found that she is almost 100% accurate in predicting whether people will dance to a song or not. So now, if she pops in and we're working on a new song, we ask her if it's "danceable".

 

[NeverIsNow]

Anyone who visits practice, whether they be significant others, parents, etc., must abide with "visitors rules" - be quiet, don't distract members from doing their job, don't attract attention, etc. It's up to you guys to make up those rules and stick to them. If you know that your visitor cannot live up to those rules don't invite them - it doesn't matter if he/she is someone close to you. What ticks me off is when band members bring outsiders to practice who act like pricks and said member expects the rest of the band to show the visitor respect because the visitor is close to the inviting member

Agreed, they can stay as long as they don't hinder progress

 

[Tennesseemick]

Drunk @$$ neighbors are worse.

 

[Nephilymbass]

Wether they are a distraction or not is totally an individual thing. Right now 3 out of 4 members in my band are married. the 4th has a girlfriend and it's not an issue it's actually a bonus. They help sell Merch at shows. They watch the kids when we practice. It may be a better situation for us that the two members who don't have kids live the farthest away from the practice spot so their woman don't usually travel to hang out at practice and my wife and my singers wife are usually taking care of our kids so they aren't an issue.

We have had major issues with an ex members woman. Basically he had several girlfriends that weren't as much of a distraction at practice as they were at shows. We have a 2 drink policy which we started specifically because of that person. Meaning the band members can only have 2 drinks before we play but then they can drink whatever they want afterwards as long as they aren't driving. We started that because we all want to have fun and we like to have a few drinks, but when it gets to the point where singers sound out of breathe and other members showmanship suffers a line has to be drawn. The ex member was/still is as far as i know still an alcoholic and his girlfriends would actually try to hide his drinks so we didn't see them. He'd be on his 4th or 5th beer and we'd confront him and he'd try to say it wasn't his beer, he was just holding it for his girl. She would say he was telling the truth When we saw him drinking the beer before confronting him about it in The first place. It was a shame, guy was super talented when he was sober. If his girlfriends would've helped him wait till after the shows to drink so much he might still Be in the band today.

 

[ChrisB2]

Ha! I can barely get my wife to come out to gigs, let alone a rehearsal >yawn<

The band I'm in now, there were two visitors at my audition! I took it in stride and never missed a beat. The band also threw several songs at me that weren't previously agreed upon, which worked out great. I later found out the visitors were a married couple, Fans #1.A and 1.B. Those two have never attended another rehearsal and that was three years ago, so I guess I was being evaluated by the band AND those fans. They liked me then, they love me now. The singer's sister has stopped by once or twice, no big deal, we all know her as she's at most shows.

This is like so many other topics in TB/BM-- whatever works for you, no right or wrong.

 

[Stewie26]

One thing I noticed over the years. If we have someone stop by a rehearsal, like GF's, wife's or friends, the rehearsal would get stepped up a notch and be more like a performance. That's ok once in a while but would not want that every week. Just sayin.

 

[madman4string]

I'm about a 50/50 split here.

I think allowing people to sit and listen at rehearsals can be of benefit. Gets the band used to people being around for performances. Can perhaps get some good feedback on your songs also.

I've also seen the flip side. GF's who feel it's ok to have input, when they clearly do not. Band members who feel the need to show off for them. It all just causes train wrecks.

 

[Doctor Hugocat]

Love this thread! I have in the past taken a girlfriend to rehearsal. BUT I operate a strict policy. If the GF in question wants to come, first I check with the band that they're cool with her attending. If one person says no, then she doesn't get the invite, no offense taken and no questions asked. If she DOES come, then I make it clear that we're working and it's a listening thing only......she can give her opinions to me in private. Nothing makes a band madder than a GF coming to a rehearsal and offering notes.....I know I've been there!

 

[GigJones]

Been doing this for a long time:

Wives and girlfriends at rehearsals = no.
Wives and girlfriends at gigs = yes.

 

[mboogiemanusa]

The solution is to have open and closed practices. Say you practice during a week night...designate it a closed practice....no guests. Then if you schedule a practice on a weekend....open practice and guests are welcome....helps build the band following.

 

[Clouz]

Of course, I'd be in big trouble if I allowed my girlfriend to come to practice. We practice at my house, and my wife of 32 years would probably not be down with that scene.

i spit beer

 

[electracoyote]

first I check with the band that they're cool with her attending. If one person says no, then she doesn't get the invite, no offense taken and no questions asked. If she DOES come, then I make it clear that we're working and it's a listening thing only

Smart.

Our lead singer once sent an e-mail that read, "I'll be bringing my parents and a couple of friends to rehearsal."

To which I replied, "Did you mean to ask, 'Is it okay with you guys if I bring my parents and a couple of friends to rehearsal?'"

It's a sensitive topic, obviously. Tread lightly.

 

[rolandm]

Wait. There are bass players who have girlfriends? Does TB have a club for that?

 

[Jensby design]

Wait. There are bass players who have girlfriends?

Of course, here is a 7 second video that explains it well http://youtu.be/TV9fmYcZrz8 A video's worth a thousand words

 

[madman4string]

You should ask if he brought enough h
the whole class.

Sure, you can practice at home with your girlfriend all you want.

Start hitting on her.

I think it was Paul Gilbert who said that the minute you have any non band member at rehearsal it stops being a rehearsal and becomes a performance.
No outsiders.

;p

Thanks for the insight guys. Really helpful. I have another question now. I'm sure it won't be an issue but just in case ya know? If it does become an issue, how have you guys addressed it before? I feel like the guitarist and even our drummer would get defensive if I were to say she needs to stop coming to practices.

 

[DwaynieAD]

Drunk @$$ neighbors are the best.

+1

 

[godofthunder59]

Rehearsals should be closed as far as I am concerned. I left my band of 13 years partly because our guitarist found himself a train wreck of a girlfriend who sees the need to involve herself in band biz (often with disastrous results). Like what you ask? Last summer we were slated to do approx. six opening shows for major acts at a large outdoor venue. Within a half hour of or arrival at the first gig she had pissed off the owner and the head of security to the point that we as a band would never play there again. Ruined our whole summer season.