Private party gigs and meals

[dbsfgyd1]

Having a bit of a discussion in our band re. Playing private parties and eating with and at the same time as the guests. We played an outdoor barbecue last summer and as soon as they announced burgers and sausages were done, we were on break, our drummer booted it right almost to front of line. The rest of us didn’t eat then. The singer waited until after next set and myself and guitarist didn’t eat at all. I personally never eat the food for guests at a gig, and decline if the hosts ask, even if we are out of sight. Just my way, I don’t think they are responsible for my gastric needs. I just wanna keep it as a job, not a social event. I don’t think it is wrong to be fed, away from the party, I will decline still, but I think the drummer was a bit out of line. His response to me was “ you obviously never worked as a hired hand on a farm, the help always gets fed”.

If it’s in the contract, yes. Otherwise no. And if it is, is it a different meal and or served in a different location. If it is the same meal, guests alway eat first.

Most of these events are catered affairs where the organizer pays a fee per head. If you are not included in the head count, one (or more) of the guests may not get a full meal. Not a good thing, so make sure you know whether or not food and drinks are provided.

 

[silky smoove]

One of my groups plays weddings, corporate events, private parties, etc. exclusively. Meals are included in our rider. We require that we are served the same food as the guests, not a vendor meal, and that we have a location with chairs and a table that is visually separated from the guests in which to eat our meals. We also require that we are separately served prior to the guests as many events have a schedule where dinner, or whatever the meal is, concludes and then music starts immediately. On others we're playing jazz, acoustic, or other forms of cocktail music during dinner. Eating before the guests allows both of these to occur. If the planner won't agree to us getting the same meal as the guests, then our alternative is that we select meals from a local restaurant to be delivered and specify the same requirements of eating before the guests in a separate location. If those terms aren't met our third option is to charge a STEEP increase in our fee for the gig. Barring that multitude of options, we won't take the gig.

Obviously, the kinds of gigs I'm describing are not the type of backyard BBQ scenario described in the OP, but it's worth mentioning that on a paid, contracted, private gig of any variety you can't leave anything up to chance. Remove all ambiguity and spell out everything clearly in your contractual rider. If terms of your rider are not meant you need to also spell out the penalty, typically financial, that is incurred. In our case we simply hold back a portion of their deposit to guarantee that penalty is paid should it be needed, and thankfully we've never had to exercise that clause of our contract.

 

[Paul New]

I will have a bite or two of a bandwich but don’t eat much when I’m playing.

 

[Turnaround]

One of the best of the regular gigs we did was at a high-end G&C club. There we were invited to join with the guests for drinks before dinner, and to dine with the guests. They had a great chef who prepared really fine food. We declined the drinks before hand, saying that we weren't able to perform at our best if we drank, and they understood that. But we sure ate the fabulous food and were very thankful. Heck I would have played just for the meal - it was that fine. But they paid us VERY well.

 

[friskinator]

If you have an agent, have all these details worked out in the contract. And never, ever agree to a "dinner buyout." The client loves that option because they don't have to feed you. Chances are, you won't see that money, and even if you do, you're responsible for finding your own meal. This happened to my previous band more times than I can count. Going out for your own meal sounds great until you get to the venue and realize it's in the middle of nowhere, and even Domino's won't deliver.

 

[ashtray]

Depends on the circumstances. For formal or corporate events, that needs to be in the contract. I know a huge local company would have massive 2,000+ person parties each Summer and hire many bands on two stages across the campus. The entertainers were not allowed to eat the food. They were not allowed to “join the party”. Contract employees at the company were not invited. You needed a wristband to attend and get food. It was all gated off.

For a bbq type event, I’d probably ask if the band could get some food AFTER all the guests eat. Playing in a hired band is NOT the same as helping on a farm! For wedding gigs, we usually arranged for a meal - not with the guests, and it was not what the guests were eating. Most venues that cater weddings will have food they can prepare for the hired help - usually a sandwich. Not prime rib. That said, an open bar is an open bar…! (we always would refrain from more than 1 drink before/during any gig - though some bar gigs we had we let that slide toward the end of the night - though we still had to drive home, so nothing crazy)

 

[moon-bass]

At functions like this, band meals are expected, especially since there are often large gaps between the time the band shows up and is expected to play. I've played hundreds of weddings, private parties, and corporate events and I've never not been fed when food is served (and most times even when food isn't served arrangements are made). That being said, it is also ALWAYS discussed before hand. Sometimes they want you to grab something from the buffet, sometimes they have a separate table, sometimes you eat in the kitchen (I mastered eating/drinking at no table while standing up in high school) - but food and booze is always discussed beforehand, including logistics (how *does* the band get drinks while on stage?). I'm a firm believer in no surprises period.

I've also never played at a backyard BBQ/casual party where the host didn't INSIST that we eat, most of the time much less formal.

And ffs, show some manners. Someone jumping in line in front of the guests is just rude period. Part of the discussion should include the "how" and "when" to avoid situations like this. Think about how you would feel if it was your wedding.

On the rare occasion when it wasn't discussed before the gig, there should be plenty of opportunities to discuss during set up. No one plays well hungry, and we play even worse when hungry and staring at ppl eating yummy food right in front of us.

 

[Grizelda100]

I remember when I was very young, we played a corporate party. During break, I was in the food line, not thinking anything of it. Afterwards, the band manager lit me up and told me how unprofessional it was. Wouldn't even speak to me after that and I moved on.
I guess that kind of stuck with me and I stay out of the way in such a situations now.
YMMV.

 

[Spectre Gunner]

I'm a part time photographer and in the wedding photography world, it's common to include in the contract that the photographer and assistants be provided a meal during the dinner portion. We may be served last and have to sit in another room but I prefer that anyway.

 

[moon-bass]

One of my groups plays weddings, corporate events, private parties, etc. exclusively. Meals are included in our rider. We require that we are served the same food as the guests, not a vendor meal, and that we have a location with chairs and a table that is visually separated from the guests in which to eat our meals. We also require that we are separately served prior to the guests as many events have a schedule where dinner, or whatever the meal is, concludes and then music starts immediately. On others we're playing jazz, acoustic, or other forms of cocktail music during dinner. Eating before the guests allows both of these to occur. If the planner won't agree to us getting the same meal as the guests, then our alternative is that we select meals from a local restaurant to be delivered and specify the same requirements of eating before the guests in a separate location. If those terms aren't met our third option is to charge a STEEP increase in our fee for the gig. Barring that multitude of options, we won't take the gig.

Obviously, the kinds of gigs I'm describing are not the type of backyard BBQ scenario described in the OP, but it's worth mentioning that on a paid, contracted, private gig of any variety you can't leave anything up to chance. Remove all ambiguity and spell out everything clearly in your contractual rider. If terms of your rider are not meant you need to also spell out the penalty, typically financial, that is incurred. In our case we simply hold back a portion of their deposit to guarantee that penalty is paid should it be needed, and thankfully we've never had to exercise that clause of our contract.

100% right here. When I lived in Seattle, our management company was very effective in getting all of this hammered out. Zero surprises, and rarely had any issues.

 

[moon-bass]

One of the best of the regular gigs we did was at a high-end G&C club. There we were invited to join with the guests for drinks before dinner, and to dine with the guests. They had a great chef who prepared really fine food. We declined the drinks before hand, saying that we weren't able to perform at our best if we drank, and they understood that. But we sure ate the fabulous food and were very thankful. Heck I would have played just for the meal - it was that fine. But they paid us VERY well.

One of my old jazz bands did volunteer gigs at a few retire homes. One of the residents was a retired chef - he always prepared a meal for us and it was always fantastic. He was Italian and used to make this dish with bow-tie pasta, peas, and a slightly spicy red sauce that was just to die for. At another home one of the sweet ladies there would make this amazing ham pot pie and would send us home with tupperware containers full of it.

 

[N. Kentucky Bass]

I suspect some venues expect the musicians will also be serving the food.

 

[jnewmark]

With some pro wedding or special events bands, its usually written in as a rider in the contract that a meal is provided; some even specify what the meal choices should be, if possible. I played wedding, special events, etc., for 20 years, and, most times, it was offered. If not, the BL asked if we were permitted to eat. Not that big a deal, really, in my experience.

 

[JimmyM]

Some of my gigs I have to be there as much as 12 hours. You bet I’m eating if they offer!

 

[Wasnex]

It's not unusual for the band to get fed at this type of event. This should be worked out before gig day. If I am not getting fed, I like to setup and then go get something to eat before the gig.

The drummer rushing to the front of the line was uncool IMHO.

IMHO standard etiquette is guests go first and hired help goes last...or goes at a designated time.

If possible I prefer for the band to be fed behind the scenes rather than competing with and mixing with the guests. But whether this is possible or appropriate varies from event to event. For a backyard BBQ, you generally mix with the guests.

 

[elpancho]

I would've gotten a small plate, and hid behind by 8x10's

 

[IamGroot]

My grandmother, Maria Columbo DiMateo, was always offended when people declined food. She took it as almost a personal insult.

When I was gigging, we didn't do a lot events. So, most of my food experience was what we asked the facility to have backstage.

I was a guest at a wedding and someone at my table was objecting to the band, eating at their own table (off in a corner, near the kitchen door). They got pretty ugly.

My date and I found another table at which to sit.

 

[gln1955]

I should have added the drummer constantly invites his significant other even to private corporate events. Very awkward some times.

Your drummer is costing you repeat business and recommendations. Be sure of it.

 

[Giraffe]

I worked in a corporate band briefly. "The Rules" were printed up and handed to each new member when they were processed in, and the band leader was heavy-handed. No BS, no second chances. There was no drama in that band, just a lot of bright red lines that were not to be crossed!

The pay was spectacular, so it worked just fine! It was a unique experience to see pop musicians walking in lockstep, I wouldn't have thought it was possible. No one was ever late, no one argued, it was weird, in a good way.

Not only were we not allowed to eat at the gig, we were strictly prohibited from speaking or interacting with the guests! Set up before the guests arrive then go hide. Come out of hiding only to play your sets, and load out only after the guests leave. It was actually kind of peaceful.

I couldn't stand the corporate band repetoire, and they couldn't stand my lack of stage presence, so we parted ways, but I learned a lot and kept some of those habits, especially with the food. I learned to act like hired help, since that is what I was. The cooks and wait staff didn't sit down with the guests, so why would a musician think it was okay for her or him?!?!

During the pandemic, I did a lot of private parties, and I found that accepting the offers of food was always a good idea, including eating a tiny bit when I wasn't even hungry just to be polite. Some folks would get really aggressive if you said no! They wanted you to say yes and thank you, that made them happy.

There's one way to act when you are expensive hired help at a rich persons chi-chi extravaganza, and maybe another way to act when you are on a first name basis with the hosts and half of the guests.

 

[lildrgn]

I lived in Grand Junction for a little while. Great place!

My son goes to CMU, freshman year. @bherman was kind enough to have me to his crib impromptu when I visited last summer simply because I saw GJ in his info and asked about some gear he had. Cool ass place, GJ.