Private party gigs and meals

[TreySonagras]

<<<<I’ve even played country club gigs where the band didn’t eat the same food as the guests, spend breaks among the guests, or use the same restrooms.>>>

I once played in a jazz trio for a very high profile wedding reception held in an old historic mansion. On break I went to one of the small restrooms and the old man right before me had SEVERELY violated the place. Green vapor, wall paper peeling, awful…. I hurriedly finished and when I opened the door to leave, there stood the mother of the bride waiting to use it. I tried to hide the rest of the evening.

 

[el murdoque]

IMO, that is for the host to decide.

As a musician, you're there because you get paid to perform a specific task and the food is for the guests.
You are not a guest.
Those events that I played always had the topic covered beforehand. I've eaten four course meals in golf clubs at a table that was a little off to the side where I'd estimate that the host paid about half my wages per head to be fed by that caterer.
I've played gigs where I was told that the band does not get food.
There were weddings where the band was fed, but while the guests were participating in fine dining, we were served sausages and potatoes - but there also were weddings where we were told (encouraged) to dig in with the guests, order drinks at the bar and all.

The host is having that event and I see it as my job to provide what is asked of me.
I think it is important to discuss that when you're hired.

If they want me to come play music and then quickly leave through the back door, no food no drinks, that's fine.
If they want me to participate in the event and be treated like the guests, that's fine, too.

We usually charge double for weddings and very white collar events because those often have very particular ideas of what they want and when they want it (Band starts at 8:30 but soundcheck must be finished before 2:00 or anything like that).

 

[ChrisB2]

I have a motto for playing weddings: I eat their food, drink their beer, and make their women dance. Then I get paid. It's great!



What?!?

 

[friskinator]

Just don't eat the electric brownies (Yeah it is a western states thing nowadays).

Musicians do get fed and if not that's what Larabars and Cliff bars are for so you have enough energy to pack and drive home. If offered, be gracious, don't overload plates and eat like a fashion model.

With my previous wedding band, getting fed became so unreliable that I used to pack an entire dinner in a cooler to bring to the gig. I'd usually do some sort of pasta salad that could be eaten cold and still taste good while being filling. I tried doing the protein bar thing but it wasn't enough to get me through the night.

Years back I played a high class wedding at an art museum, which at the time had catering provided by a very big name in the restaurant business. I remember being told by the bandleader "Yup, we're getting fed. During the speeches section of the reception, we'll have a 30 minute break for dinner". So we played during the cocktail hour and the first part of the meal, watching folks snack on appetizers and then some amazing looking filet mignon and salmon. We were then led off during our break to what I assumed was going to be a smaller green room/dining room space and... nope. Coat closet. Where our box lunches were waiting for us. To be fair, it was a fairly decent ham sandwich.

This has happened to me a million times. I don't mind the box lunch, but I don't like changing into my suit in the janitor's closet. And it sucks having nowhere to hang out between sets.

 

[lbbc]

Generally speaking, if the host/organizer/bride/groom/whomever invites us to eat....we do. But provide background music for the meal (no 2nds, no S.O.). We thank the host, tell them how much we enjoyed the meal and continue doing our job. There are times we are asked in advance what we'd like to eat (for weddings) and we choose the least expensive dish. There's nothing wrong if invited. I'd discuss it with the band. But it's really up to you to partake, or not!

 

[bassinflorida]

Having a bit of a discussion in our band re. Playing private parties and eating with and at the same time as the guests. We played an outdoor barbecue last summer and as soon as they announced burgers and sausages were done, we were on break, our drummer booted it right almost to front of line. The rest of us didn’t eat then. The singer waited until after next set and myself and guitarist didn’t eat at all. I personally never eat the food for guests at a gig, and decline if the hosts ask, even if we are out of sight. Just my way, I don’t think they are responsible for my gastric needs. I just wanna keep it as a job, not a social event. I don’t think it is wrong to be fed, away from the party, I will decline still, but I think the drummer was a bit out of line. His response to me was “ you obviously never worked as a hired hand on a farm, the help always gets fed”.

Well finally a drummer that knows his sh--t! Keep him.

 

[steve_rolfeca]

I grew up playing mostly Anglo-Canadian weddings and parties. This was the early '70's and before DJ's, so we were often playing quietly as the dinner music. If not, those of us who didn't smoke (mostly me) would hang around the kitchen door, hoping that the help might pass us a chicken leg or a sandwich. Most gigs had a cash bar.

One time, one of the staff saw me standing around looking bored during dinner, and handed me a raffle ticket. I was 17 at the time, and not smart enough to know that I shouldn't make the long walk up to the stage after winning the door prize!

It didn't cost me the gig, but I got a huge talking-to from the bandleader on the ride home.

Years later, I moved to the big city and landed a gig playing huge, high-end weddings with a popular Italian show band.

Totally different environment and culture:

• The parents paupered themselves to put on a big spread, and family and friends would honor their sacrifice by furnishing the bride and groom's first home. It wasn't unusual for the gifts to include full sets of appliances, designer furniture, etc.
• The band was always seated at tables with the old men who didn't have dinner dates, and expected to show our appreciation by downing everything that was offered.
  
• That last part wasn't hard- I've never enjoyed steaks as much as the ones I grew to expect from those big banquet halls.

The food was amazing, but the first set was always tough after pounding back a seven-course meal. The crowd was pumped, and wanting to dance the night away. All I wanted to do was take a nap!

It was even harder to go up for the second set, after being sent back to our tables for more drinks and dessert.

 

[rtslinger]

Rarely eat during a show unless offered and just to be nice and show respect

 

[SteveHeissner]

Never decline food. Load up as much as possible.

 

[Savage_Dreams]

Some jobs feed their employees, some dont. it seems like an odd thing to decline the food just as a rule.

 

[Slevage]

Work out details about meals WHEN THE GIG IS BOOKED.

Don't get in line until asked.

This reverts back to: "90% of what you need to get through life is learned in kindergaden"

 

[HardNHeavy]

playing for an audience, getting paid, plus food?.

that's a triple win,win,win....that being known, we are the entertainment and i keep it professional, and i wouldn't be running to front of the line like a starved homeless person (insert typical drummer joke there). If they called us right then and there to eat, sure keep the host happy, otherwise we'd wait till after show. For leftover melba toast and spam.

 

[2thAche]

I've always thought it's weird for the band to eat with guests, like stand in the line or stand in the crowd, unless it's people we know well. If someone from the event brings us food on break, or at the end of the gig, I'll eat it. Generally I don't really want to eat during a gig TBH, I'll wait till after and get my own if they don't bring it to us.

 

[Hot Rats]

When the band is offered food, generally I've found the host wants us to be served and eat first. Then we can get up and do a dinner set. I've never been a band leader and don't know all the ins and outs of this stuff.

 

[Bar Band Bassman]

If I'm performing at a function the requires us to be set up and ready to go and then perform through what I reasonably consider to be a meal time then, yes, I expect food to be provided. In what manner that is addressed varies. Help yourself, sit with us, food will be provided backstage, wait until the guests have been served, we'll notify you when you can get in the buffet line, all have been acceptable ways to handle it. Very important to know the ground rules prior to the gig. No food is rude! Not that I haven't learned the hard way how not to be a dumbass about how I conduct myself at functions. I also try to have one or more protein bars in the glove box just in case.

 

[Kevorargh]

Usually I have been on private party gigs where we are invited to eat. I prefer to eat, and don't mind playing on a full stomach. It's never been an issue, but of course, bumping to the front of the line is a bit excessive, unless you are invited to, so you can eat, and get back to playing dinner music for the crowd. We did have an issue where a drummer brought his GF to a wedding uninvited, and that was the last gig I played with him (it didn't help that he indulged resulting in variable tempos and backing vocals where he forgot the words).

 

[thetaxmiser]

I was a guest at a wedding and someone at my table was objecting to the band, eating at their own table (off in a corner, near the kitchen door). They got pretty ugly.

My date and I found another table at which to sit.

Out of curiosity, what was their problem? Why would a guest at an event be bothered if the hosts fed the band?

 

[Michael Stanley 2112]

Out of curiosity, what was their problem? Why would a guest at an event be bothered if the hosts fed the band?

It's been a long time. So, I can't give you exact words, but it had to do with the guests, having to "eat with the help".

I'll admit, it was a weird wedding. The bride and groom included "recommended" gifts in the invitations. We're not talking about them being "registered" somewhere. These were dollar amounts.

So ... not a traditional wedding.

 

[Giraffe]

A lot of the rules and protocols for some jobs seem weird or draconian to less experienced folks, but there is usually a prior event that triggered each one of the rules.

When I signed on with a corporate band, I was told I would not speak to or otherwise interact with the guests. As an adult who knows how to act most of time, I had to ask what the story was behind that one.

Seems at some point in the past, a musician in one of these bands fell into conversation with the president of General Motors or some big buck client, as they stood in the buffet line. I never found out if they were arguing about religion, politics, or why there were only Three Stooges, but Momo The Drummer pissed off the boss, who in turn lit up the booking agency, and next thing you know there was a bright red line between the musicians and the guests.

These people paid top dollar and they expected fully professional performance. I wish I still had The Manifesto Of Rules That Must Be Obeyed, because that single-spaced four-page document was worth its own thread. Grooming, clothing, being out of sight except during the sets, I think there was no alcohol, I'm sure there was no drugs.

Band ran like clockwork, though! I didn't last long because I hated the music and they had a huge book which I was never going to learn, and they wanted more than a bass player, they wanted a performer! I got them through a period between real bass players, I made some friends, and moved off to a better fit. But the rules were not a big deal to me, if they were playing music I cared about I would have learned to dance!

 

[Gravedigger Dav]

Hilarious! I grew up with two Jewish grandmothers, first thing they asked when you walk in the door (note that they're already preparing something) is "are you hungry?" No is not an acceptable answer. I do miss them both dearly though.....

Reminds me of a great aunt I had as a kid. If you went to her house you were obligated to eat. I threw an early morning paper route. She was a customer, but I was expected to stop every morning and have breakfast.