Quitting / Firing via Text Message Acceptable Now?

[DirtDog]

It does have the advantage of not wasting someones time - I'd be really annoyed to load up drive an hour to Rehersal, just to be told to drive home and unload.

This.

I’ll add that it depends a lot on how your band communicates in the first place. Do you always use the phone? Did you use the phone when you were auditioning and/or recruited?

Of course, there’s a lot more to it than that.

Technology changes culture; culture changes technology. Has been the case since a hominid first picked up a rock to use as a tool a couple of million years ago.

I suppose some aspects of culture have not yet caught up with today’s tech.

 

[bassicmike]

Phone call is OK.

I've been canned, and have quit via phone call.

I'd be pissed if I went to rehearsal only to be fired, but I suppose one has to collect ones gear sometime.

 

[OptimalOptimus]

You have 5 gogs lined up with $25,000 of revenue on the line in the next 2 week and you telling me it’s acceptable to send a text the day before to say “I quit”?

Sure I can be replaced. What about the guys you just jobbed? Sorry, it’s a business to me. One should act like it.

It’s a business but you are an employee. It isn’t your problem once you quit. You don’t owe them anything.
Give a two weeks notice and be done.
You are the one quitting before getting 25000$.
It is cover band music … someone else knows the songs and will replace you.

 

[john_g]

Firing by text is a punk move. I’m not saying it has to be in person, especially if the situation could lead to blows, but at least pick up the phone. I’d say the same thing with quitting. At least call someone to tell the band.

I don’t see the point in dragging the whole band to rehearsal though. I’ve been in bands where members had a 45 minute drive. I’d be pissed if I drive 45 minutes just for someone to quit.

This. If Im getting fired, I surely dont want to schlep all my gear to the practice spot (a 30 min drive) just to get canned. I would rather have a text to be honest. If Im firing someone, I would at least do it on the phone.

 

[LBS-bass]

It does have the advantage of not wasting someones time - I'd be really annoyed to load up drive an hour to Rehersal, just to be told to drive home and unload.

This right here is the main reason. A lot of it depends on how you normally communicate with that person and whether getting together in person to do it is a major inconvenience.

We fired our guitar player in person. We wanted to do it as a group at a rehearsal (which I now think would have been in bad form; see above quote) but he cancelled that week (gee, why were we firing him again?) so our LS decided to go out to his place and deliver the news. He set up a meeting, etc. etc. Would have been better in this case if we'd all been there because it felt like the rest of us were avoiding the discomfort. But no one wanted to wait another week.

Post Covid hiatus it was decided that we wouldn't be inviting our drummer back to resume work with us. We hadn't seen one another in months; the drummer was a good friend of mine and almost all of our communication for several months had been text only. Since we are close I volunteered to be the one to tell him that they all wanted to "move in a different direction." I texted him, because he lives 35 minutes away and there was no reason to turn it into a big, dramatic moment where one or the other of us had to make a long trip for bad news. He understood our reasons and it was not unexpected. We're still friends and there's been no damage to our relationship.

So, it depends.

 

[Baa]

Last time i got canned BL called me and said "We have to talk".
He could have just told me over the phone, since i, of course, knew what was going on.
(He'd had a personal problem with me over a completely non-musical matter for a while.)

Last time i quit a band i just ghosted the BL.
I found him to be an insensitive jerk and no gigs in the future.
But ten years later I still wished I had done it differently.

 

[Jack Butler]

You have 5 gogs lined up with $25,000 of revenue on the line in the next 2 week and you telling me it’s acceptable to send a text the day before to say “I quit”?

Sure I can be replaced. What about the guys you just jobbed? Sorry, it’s a business to me. One should act like it.

In your example, saying "I quit" the day before is the actual problem, not the method of communication. Even if you drove to the BL's house the day before to tell them, the problem they now have to solve is the same.

 

[Jack Butler]

This. If Im getting fired, I surely dont want to schlep all my gear to the practice spot (a 30 min drive) just to get canned. I would rather have a text to be honest. If Im firing someone, I would at least do it on the phone.

Yeah I'd probably prefer getting a text or phone call in most cases if I were getting the boot. The awkwardness of standing there in person to get fired seems kind of unnecessary. Now if they just needed me to get my $h!7 together but needed to have a serious conversation to talk to me about it, that is definitely in person. But if the decision has been made, text or phone humiliation is enough for me thanks lol

 

[LBS-bass]

Last time i quit a band i just ghosted the BL.
I found him to be an insensitive jerk and no gigs in the future.
But ten years later I still wished I had done it differently.

Texting is always better than ghosting. Ghosting sets up an uncomfortable dynamic should the ghoster and ghostee ever encounter each other again. Plus, it's a bit cowardly, which is probably why you wish you'd done it differently. Lots of people don't like confrontation, or sometimes they are afraid of hurting someone's feelings. But really, conversations of some sort should be had before you go off on your merry way.

 

[MultiScaleMale]

Like most things on TB that we argue about ad nauseam - "It depends". Communication is key, the means is less important. Been with a band for five years and both parties are reasonable, a face to face at a bar is in order. Two practices in and it's just not working out on either end, a text or a phone call would be fine.

 

[jmattbassplaya]

This right here is the main reason. A lot of it depends on how you normally communicate with that person and whether getting together in person to do it is a major inconvenience.

We fired our guitar player in person. We wanted to do it as a group at a rehearsal (which I now think would have been in bad form; see above quote) but he cancelled that week (gee, why were we firing him again?) so our LS decided to go out to his place and deliver the news. He set up a meeting, etc. etc. Would have been better in this case if we'd all been there because it felt like the rest of us were avoiding the discomfort. But no one wanted to wait another week.

Post Covid hiatus it was decided that we wouldn't be inviting our drummer back to resume work with us. We hadn't seen one another in months; the drummer was a good friend of mine and almost all of our communication for several months had been text only. Since we are close I volunteered to be the one to tell him that they all wanted to "move in a different direction." I texted him, because he lives 35 minutes away and there was no reason to turn it into a big, dramatic moment where one or the other of us had to make a long trip for bad news. He understood our reasons and it was not unexpected. We're still friends and there's been no damage to our relationship.

So, it depends.

I think the “it depends” mindset is the correct one.

Depending on the relationships, expectations, and current “goings on” it could be best to do it in person, on the phone, or via text.

 

[morgansterne]

If any of my bandmates wanted to quit, I hope they don't waste my time with a face to face meeting, or worse, a fake rehearsal. If any of my bandmates call me to hang out, I'd assume they were quitting or firing me, and I'd ask them which it was.
Last band I quit, I called each of my 5 bandmates right in a row and told them I was quitting in a phone conversation. Took about 40 minutes as we got into some long conversations, but better than through a text I think.

Calling all your bandmates together to quit the band is the height of pretense. Like LeBron James putting on a tv special to announce he was "taking his talents to South Beach." In Cleveland people burned his jerseys for that kind of self-importance.

 

[Hounddog409]

I'm 50 and rather introverted. I find it acceptable but in poor taste.

Any big news or communications ought to be delivered via phone or face to face.
Vocal inflections and tone carries a lot of information that is lost over text.

So doing things "In bad taste" is acceptable??

I do not agree with this.

 

[lfmn16]

True, but a face to face with the BL would work. They get paid to deal with those sort of things.

I wouldn’t totally disagree, but as a former band leader I don’t need a face to face if you’re leaving and a face to face can just escalate things if you’re getting fired. I’ve had people get really snotty about that, even when they know they deserve it.

I fired a drummer once, had to go to his house to get my equipment. His drunk girlfriend starts ranting like a loon. Not fun.

 

[Stevorebob]

I see no problem whatsoever with firing or quitting bands by text. It’s how peeps communicate today. And I think it’s an great improvement over the days of in-person separations.

And yes, I come from an era when the only telephones were connected by wires to homes, businesses and booths, and computers were room-size, not desktop, laptop or handheld. Imagine that.

 

[MultiScaleMale]

At least send a text, a smoke signal, a messenger pigeon or whatever. My last band broke up and they didn't feel the need to tell me or the drummer. We were the "new guys", but I had been with them for about a year. So, instead of parting on good terms, those people are dead to me and I wouldn't play with them if they were opening for The Rolling Stones.

 

[arbiterusa]

Yes to both. New norm.

 

[Hummergeist]

Text is fine by me. I'm a writer so I feel more comfortable communicating that way. A well written thoughtful text is better than a mumbled or awkward conversation. Also text or email is recallable so if there's any dispute about what was said by who, it can be proven. But emphasis on the 'well written', take your time to lay it out, don't just sent 'I quit' and expect that to go down well. Oh yeah and timing is part of that. No kind of quitting is cool the day before a gig.

 

[3Liter]

And as long as we're talking tech...one of the things that drives me nuts is the "send us video and/or recordings of you playing, your bio" stuff regarding auditions. I think that's a lazy and cowardly way to filter people out due to looks, body type or age. You can even look up people to see if they align with a bands political views.

I'm in a new start up. We were all assembled without any audition or clips. From the first meeting I could tell the singer/acoustic guitar wasn't going to work out. Bad phrasing, odd dynamic working together etc. After first meet the BL asked me my opinion via email. I said let's just see...

Next time,.more friction between BL and singer in person. Mostly on interpersonal stemming from the vocals. Gets worse over email .."listen to this, sounds great but the vocals..."

BL found someone with a video of a guy he wants to bring in. Vets it past a couple of us. Sends a note to everyone...."hey this is our new singer". Old singer still seems to be on board.

Then we get an email that old singer might be bowing out.

We have never met or played one note with new singer. He has a good voice but one of the biggest issues with the last guy was he didn't know how to work in a band format. Will this guy singing to a karaoke track have the same issue? Who knows.

Wild times.

 

[JeezyMcNuggles]

I'm an old man.

I remember when Rush's Moving Pictures was their "new" record. I remember waiting to make phone calls in the evening becasue "the rates went down."

So... I've always assumed quitting the band, and/or firing members is something that should ALWAYS be done face-to-face: schedule a meeting for beers and drop the news, or drop the news at the beginning of a rehearsal.

But now that we all carry nano-super-computers on our pockets, etc... I've QUIT one band via SMS, and also had members give notice and quit via SMS.

Is this acceptable now?

I think quitting is probabaly a little more acceptable than firing via text-message?

It's gonna be face to face eventually anyway. They have to get their stuff