Quitting / Firing via Text Message Acceptable Now?

[707GK]

If I were to quit a band, I would like to do it face to face. But you know, text messaging is a modern way of communicating that just wasn’t readily available until about 30 years ago. Mix that in with Social Media’s addiction (which the social media companies study via your clicks in order to get to to stay) and then the addiction to the smart phone…it logically makes sense why people will likely use this method to quit a band more and more regularly. It’s just evolution.

 

[sean_on_bass]

I wouldn't have an issue being fired via text, but it depends on the project in question. If it is a project i have poured years into and formed meaningful relationships, and phone call would be much nicer to at least have a conversation about it. If it's a project that is fresher or that i haven't really formed a bond with the other members, then text is actually preferable for me.

As for quitting, i have done it via text, phone call, email, and in person meeting. I gauge the method on a case by case basis, and it is not an event that happens all that often. Only a small handful of times over the past 10 years.

 

[LBS-bass]

I learned the hard way years ago that holding onto hate just poisons you. It’s not worth it.

Truth! I have had to learn that I need time to process my stuff when I'm disappointed in people, but ultimately you can't hold onto that stuff without doing yourself more harm than good. There's a big world out there and there are people in it who are not toxic. Better to just be on the lookout for those folks than to worry about the one guy who ruined your day.

 

[jmattbassplaya]

Honestly, as busy as things are now for me with work, commuting to work, lessons, etc...If someone asked me to meet them to discuss me getting fired, I'd ask them why they wasted my time like this and didn't just text.

Yep. I mentioned that I’ve only quit once via text due to folks not answering the phone. Like it or not, I find that a majority of folks don’t like phone calls anymore. It sucks, but it is what it is. The one thing I’ll add as another negative about quitting in person is the guilt trip you have to go through.

“Oh, I can’t imagine finding another bassist.”
“Oh, but the hang is so good.”
“Oh, but you are great finding gigs.”
“Are you sure you want to leave?”

That’s not professional, and yet that’s commonly how those things go. I think folks confuse what’s the “right thing to do” with “what’s going to allow me to get my closure.” Unfortunately, life doesn’t always allow that or warrant it depending on the circumstances.

 

[Yellow Bang66]

I'm an old man.

I remember when Rush's Moving Pictures was their "new" record. I remember waiting to make phone calls in the evening becasue "the rates went down."

So... I've always assumed quitting the band, and/or firing members is something that should ALWAYS be done face-to-face: schedule a meeting for beers and drop the news, or drop the news at the beginning of a rehearsal.

But now that we all carry nano-super-computers on our pockets, etc... I've QUIT one band via SMS, and also had members give notice and quit via SMS.

Is this acceptable now?

I think quitting is probabaly a little more acceptable than firing via text-message?

I tried quitting face to face, but I had such a deep imbeded dislike for the Drummer, especially after we had a heated argument over Gig conditions he agreed to ( pay, length&# of sets!) he knew the headliner. drummer became very stubborn & power hungry, So I couldn't tolerate his stupidity any longer! I was afraid if we faced each other, it would end physically( a fist fight) so I decided to Quit over the phone, not text. Although, he did summon more courage over the phone to insult me! I called each member, except the new singer as she was close to the drummer. I did it over the phone to avoid any ugly confrontations! The band continued to aim lower & lower each gig,and musically compromised & started to sink to the drummers poor abilities!So Good Riddance! I sill have the bad taste in my mouth of that last conversation!The guitarist later informed me the band disentegrated shortly after, under the drummers lead.
I think quitting over Text is okay, Not firing, Firing needs explaining or a discussion. at least some constructive criticism. Quitting is more of "im done"And usually needs no explaination!

 

[OOD]

I’d rather be fired by text. Quick, to the point, and doesn’t waste anymore of my time than has already been wasted. If you want to be personal call instead of text. If I drive to a rehearsal to be told I’m fired I’ll be more than annoyed that my time and gas were wasted. Just like a day job, fire me at the end of my shift so I can get paid after driving there. Come to think of it firing in person or quitting right after a gig would be alright too.

As for quitting. Let them know as soon as possible so they can plan the next rehearsal without you. Make it a phone call. They will assume your tone in a text based on their mood and how blunt the text is. A phone call is going to provide the emotional context needed for big news like that.

Here’s where I would always quit in person: There are gigs on the books. In that case I would let them know at rehearsal that I won’t be booking anything new. They can decide if they want me at the gigs I’ve already committed to. OR it’s just for fun, few or no paying gigs, and we can still jam after I tell them.

 

[wilberthenry]

Whether it is "acceptable" or not doesn't matter. In the real world it happens often. While I don't think it is the ideal way to quit or get fired, my opinion isn't going to change the world. I have to accept the everchanging world and reality as they are, not how I think they should be.

 

[tbz]

Nah fam. Way more acceptable to have the conversation face to face.

So you can directly expose yourself to whatever dysfunction or toxicity, that you’re trying to avoid by quitting, directly and while it’s practitioners are under duress.

That’s clearly the smarter/more professional way to do it.

/s


If there’s actual, “support yourself” style money involved, then sure. Give verbal notice. Provide a sub. Offer to fill in, at full pay, until they find a replacement.

But really. 90%+ of the projects that get discussed here make, at best, drinking money. At worst they are a time, money, and emotional sink.

If you’re quitting a project in that 90% category, a text is the best option. 0 drama, with limited exposure to whatever dysfunction said project exhibits.

 

[Palomar4130]

I’d say it depends on your relationship with the members and how long you’ve been playing with them. I’ve quit and been let go via text. I think it’s fine for projects that are newer or if you aren’t close with the people. If it was close friends, I would be upset, but for most projects I don’t see what a face to face conversation would add to the situation. Once things have run their course, just get it over with like a bandaid

 

[Drang22]

Acceptable to whom? And who are you/we to judge? Is it acceptable to get pissed off if someone quits, or you get fired by text? Is it acceptable to hold a grudge over something as small as this? Everyone gets to choose what is acceptable to them, and what they decide to let themselves be pissed off about. Who cares? There are more important things to think about.

 

[punchdrunk]

It’s certainly a weak/cowardly approach.

 

[kmon]

It depends.

 

[milesdavisblue]

When our band replaced a drummer a few months back we face to face told the past drummer he was being replaced. Just thought it was the right way to handle the situation, the previous drummer still remains friends to this day.

 

[JRA]

i'm with the group suggesting that different situations/relationships might dictate the most thoughtful way to handle bottom-line business issues. i don't think it's one-size-fits-all.

IMO: this thread has at least demonstrated "different strokes for different folks." if you thought that you could be respectful of all parties concerned: the medium may not be as important as the message and the messenger.

 

[JazznFunk]

Nope. Texting has become an unfortunate passive-aggressive way of dealing with things for many people - it also does NOT communicate 'tone' well - as we all have learned about having any sort of 'text based' debate or conversation via social media as well. A band is a relationship as much as it may be a business. If you're going to have a serious conversation about a separation, texting isn't the way to do it. At the bare minimum, a group/conference phone call or perhaps a FaceTime conference.

 

[bolophonic]

I would only consider those to be acceptable if you are dealing with truly irredeemable characters. Not everyone deserves the courtesy of a conversation, but it’s better for your own reputation to at least attempt to do things the right way.

 

[TexasHeat]

"Dear John" letters have been around since the first John went off to war and his girl back home found someone else. It's an easy way to confront a difficult situation. Texting to fire someone from the band is basically the same thing. Non face to face confrontational exchange. (I made that term up, myself!!)

I look at my kids, 21 and 15, and what us old-effs might call a virtual world is their real world. They socialize through their phone. So it's not even a stone's throw from normal to text someone that they are no longer needed, whether it be a band or a boyfriend. It's the new world with new standards of acceptance.

What was that movie where the GI was reading a Dear John letter and he stops and says, "My name's not even John."? lol

 

[lermgalieu]

Acceptable to whom? And who are you/we to judge? Is it acceptable to get pissed off if someone quits, or you get fired by text? Is it acceptable to hold a grudge over something as small as this? Everyone gets to choose what is acceptable to them, and what they decide to let themselves be pissed off about. Who cares? There are more important things to think about.

Thank you.

 

[selowitch]

Does the etiquette depend somewhat on how long someone has been with this particular band? If someone auditions and doesn’t get the job, it seems to me that letting them know by text is acceptable. It would be different if the bandmate in question had been with the group for two years.

 

[vvvmmm]

Quitting, I'd try to have at least one phone conversation, and might not do more than that. Call the BL, or the closest person to a friend and let them relay the message.

Firing, honestly, I've never done that. I'm usually the BL or co-BL and figure that I can handle 'em - the one time there was a bad drug problem (co-BL) I broke up the band, re-formed it a week later.

But my bands are not a business ...