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Really need to blow some steam

bassike

bassike

Apr 24, 2008
865
421
Montreal
#1
Ok so this might be long; but I just have to let it out. I started playing with this band about 3years ago. We started the band from scratch, 2guitars players and I.

After finding an drummer who used to play in 2 other bands that were sharing the practice space, we became the third band in the same room.
Everything was going well till the drummer lost his job. We were all paying a bit more but since we were like 15 people, it didn't make a big difference.
Not long after that 1 of the bands decided to fire the drummer cause of his lack of motivation, so the band left and it was 2 bands paying for the apace.
A few months go by and the other band kicks the drummer out tue to lack of motivation, they found another drummer and they still share the space with us, but now is just my band paying for the drummer part and it's been 2 years cause apparently he doesn't find a job.
I know you must be thinking, why don't you guys kick him out. And the reason is that he is more than amazing so we have been putting out with this.Another thing is that for some reason the band decided to not do any shows until we have an album, so even if I think is wrong I have been Patient about it.
During this 2 years I've been stood up many times, didn't see one guitar player for 2 months, and I forgot to mention that this place is a freaking pigsty. You might wonder why I didn't quit long time ago, the reason is that I think the music and band have potential, so I've been patient.
Right now we are in the process of recording the album but patience has a limit and some times I feel like quitting but there is a voice telling me that I've gone too far so I should finish the album so I can have at least that for me, for all this time invested.
At this point I do not expect much from the band cause irresponsible people will be always irresponsible. I'm not sure if anyone has been in a situation like this but at this point I just don't know what to do. My wife told me that I should think of the band as a hobby and a place to change my mind every friday after work. Thanks for reading this in case if you guys made it the whole way.
 
#2
Unless it is your main source of income, your wife is right. Think of it as a hobby, especially as you seem to have a few flakes in the band.

Also, in my opinion, it doesn't matter how amazing someone is. If they aren't pulling their weight, or if they are being flakey, it spoils the fun.

Hasn't been able to find a job in two years and has been kicked out of two other bands (due to lack of motivation), it doesn't matter how good a drummer he is if he's that much of a flake. IMO etc etc.
 
#5
bassike said:
Another thing is that for some reason the band decided to not do any shows until we have an album
Click to expand...

This is one of the funniest things I've read here at TB. I wonder if Da Vinci bothered to buy a paint brush before he met Mona Lisa?

I've encountered this slaveish devotion to recording in some of the kids I work with. You can practice in a vacuum until the cows come home but your chops won't be near their top, as a group or indivdually, until you've spent a few hundred hours on the stand. With your plan, the first night you walk on stage, after months and months (years?) of polishing your album your natural stage presence will be? ZERO!

As soon as you have a big enough book to find stage time anywhere they'll take you, go out there and tear it up or stink it up, but play out live in front of real, disinterested (how nice we got 10 friends to hear us practice!) general public. You will learn so much that you cannot now imagine that you'll toss whatever you now have in the can and start from scratch, and the outcome will be ten times better than it is now.

iJazz
 
#6
i_got_a_mohawk said:
Unless it is your main source of income, your wife is right. Think of it as a hobby, especially as you seem to have a few flakes in the band.

Also, in my opinion, it doesn't matter how amazing someone is. If they aren't pulling their weight, or if they are being flakey, it spoils the fun.

Hasn't been able to find a job in two years and has been kicked out of two other bands (due to lack of motivation), it doesn't matter how good a drummer he is if he's that much of a flake. IMO etc etc.
Click to expand...

You are absolutely right

I should take it as a hobby, and may be I should tell the other members that something has to be done about it.
I actually sent an e mail to one guitar player and I told him that I’m fed up of this.
But knowing the attitude of this guys they are just gonna say (yeah I know it sucks)
And nothing will be done about it.
 
#7
iJazz said:
As soon as you have a big enough book to find stage time anywhere they'll take you, go out there and tear it up or stink it up, but play out live in front of real, disinterested (how nice we got 10 friends to hear us practice!) general public. You will learn so much that you cannot now imagine that you'll toss whatever you now have in the can and start from scratch, and the outcome will be ten times better than it is now.

iJazz
Click to expand...

Not to mention that there isn't much point in doing any serious recording when nobody knows who you are.

The last band that I was in had a crudly recorded 4-track demo after a couple of gigs, just as something to stick online and give away at gigs. Certainly wasn't much point in doing any 'real' recording straight off the bat.



bassike said:
You are absolutely right

I should take it as a hobby, and may be I should tell the other members that something has to be done about it.
I actually sent an e mail to one guitar player and I told him that I’m fed up of this.
But knowing the attitude of this guys they are just gonna say (yeah I know it sucks)
And nothing will be done about it.
Click to expand...

I know it won't be the same for everyone, but when you take that bit of pressure off and just kick back and have fun, playing becomes much more enjoyable, again IMO/IME.
 
#8
I wouldn't invest any more importance in it than it deserves tbh. Seems like you want it to work but the other guys are 'whatever' about it.

The only peeps that have been allowed a little flaky edge in some of the situations I've worked in are singers. But even that is a narrow margin, if it affects the gig performances, the cogs start moving and their days are numbered.
 
#10
I agree I know it is very stupid to want to record a real album and invest all kind of money before people even knows you.
And I ‘ve told them that of course we like the music cause it’s our band but who is to say that people will like it.

It just makes me mad that I was not smart enough to leave years ago.
That is the reason why I’m trying to stick around till the album is completed cause if I quit now it’ll be the waist of time and nothing out of it, except the learning experience to not deal with this kind of people; and if I make it till the album is finished, I’d have the album and I could at least somehow justify all this time invested.
 
#11
fhm555 said:
I've often mulled over this question...

How good does one need to be in order to be forgiven for being a flaming A-hole?
Click to expand...
That's an interesting question. For me, I don't think there is such a level.

Suppose someone is a great player, great composer, great arranger, and has such incredible stage presence that people will come out to our shows just because of him. Would I work for someone like that in spite of them being an azzole? Like, would I be in Prince's band even if he was a total jerk? Probably. But if I was good enough myself to be in Prince's band, I could probably find another gig that was just as good with people I actually like.

Getting back to my local scene, I know a lot of drummers with great chops and great time, and all of them are nice guys. There's just no reason for me to work with someone who's a pain in the butt. They're too easy to replace.
 
#12
Would it be a good move to tell the rest of the guys my concern and explain that I won’t be paying anything for the drummer as of now.

And also be clear that I do not wanna hear the typical (yes I understand it sucks but it’s the way it is), and do nothing about it. Cause I want something to be done; either he starts paying or they can pay for him if they want or someone leaves the band either him or me.

But make extremely clear that no matter what the decision is, I want something DONE and no excuses?
 
#13
bassike said:
I agree I know it is very stupid to want to record a real album and invest all kind of money before people even knows you.
And I ‘ve told them that of course we like the music cause it’s our band but who is to say that people will like it.

It just makes me mad that I was not smart enough to leave years ago.
That is the reason why I’m trying to stick around till the album is completed cause if I quit now it’ll be the waist of time and nothing out of it, except the learning experience to not deal with this kind of people; and if I make it till the album is finished, I’d have the album and I could at least somehow justify all this time invested.
Click to expand...

You won't be the first nor will you be the last dude. It's part of learning how to read how the situation will go from a person perspective, which at the end of the day the musical perspective is at the mercy of.

I see what you mean about getting it down and recorded for something to show, but what would be the time scale on that, and will it become a bit of a pita in itself with the attitude there?
 
#14
Depends how much you value your sanity.

My personal opinion is that life's too short, to begin with. To waste time in a situation like this would only disappoint me more. Somebody already mentioned another point I was going to make, which is that this is supposed to be FUN! If you're not having any and you don't see this changing, there's no point in staying, no matter what.

It doesn't sound as if the album will be completed any time soon or else you probably would've opted to stick to it and wouldn't have posted about this situation here.

It's up to you to decide how to act. I don't personally believe that things will change drastically and that you'll miraculously begin to enjoy your time, while in this band. Too much politics, and all that.

Either way, good luck to you, but it sure should be a distraction from the BS that you put up with on your day-to-day life (including your job). It shouldn't be an additional set of pressures making you stressed and miserable.
 
#15
Jim Nazium said:
...That's an interesting question. For me, I don't think there is such a level....There's just no reason for me to work with someone who's a pain in the butt. They're too easy to replace...
Click to expand...

While I do visit that particular question from time to time, it usually turns out to be wishful thinking.

Being basically lazy at heart, I always hate to face the reality that what started as a really fun thing with real potential has degenerated to a little head bumping ego fest among a couple hacks with way more bad attitude than good ability.

When it's good I never want the music to end so I make these little stabs at rationalizing why I'm hanging on even when I know the train wreck is just around the bend.
 
#16
I will say that my take is different coming from a working angle, it's a lot more mercenary. I like something to have definite direction though, not full-on but at least enough to instill some confidence.
 
#19
bassike said:
It just makes me mad that I was not smart enough to leave years ago.
That is the reason why I’m trying to stick around till the album is completed cause if I quit now it’ll be the waist of time and nothing out of it, except the learning experience to not deal with this kind of people; and if I make it till the album is finished, I’d have the album and I could at least somehow justify all this time invested.
Click to expand...

Sunk costs - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

How much is actually done on the album?
 
#20
People rarely change their habits. If this is the norm now it will continue to be the norm even if, despite all the odds, you "make it". In my experience the most aggravating personality type to deal with on a professional level is a flake. You can never trust them with anything except to let you down. There are plenty of talented "insert instrument type here" players who are more than willing to put in the time. You just need to invest the time to find them.

IMHO.

Have fun with it, enjoy the experience, and don't give up if this is your dream. Sometimes starting over is just what you need. Something to think about.

:bassist:
 

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