Reasons for cancelling Band Practice.

[two fingers]

I like band practice. I enjoy playing music, working on new songs, and refining parts.

So you don't give 100% unless the money is right?


Maybe that's the reason Mustang Sally is no longer working for us...no bridge. Where IS that confounded bridge?


Yes, I have, and I was pretty upset when she died.


When any and everything becomes a reason to cancel, yes.


Yes, as I said in post #1.


Seems that for some just about anything is a good reason not to practice.


At some time in the future you will think of your rabbit and smile instead of cry. At that point you will know that a corner has been turned in the grieving process.


Same here. Back in the day when bands played in the same bar 6 nights a week you got super tight and only needed to rehearse to learn new songs. It's not that way any more.


Like I said above, at some point you will think of him and smile instead of cry.


It's me, too. A dog getting killed is sufficient reason to cancel practice, but I hear a lot of other reasons, too, to the point that the question must be asked...is this band important to you?

It seems as though music is way up on your list of priorities. That's fine, of course. But some others (myself included) have it about hallway down the third page of priorities. There's a lot level of time commitment I'll be able t9 contribute right about now. Everyone knew that going in.

I'm the hardest to pin down on a rehearsal date, and turn down more gigs than anyone else in the band. They know I'll still love "em if they replace me. But I'm not adjusting my values because one or more members of the band puts music on the first page of their priorities list. If you "need" to play misoc with others every single week, you don't want me in your band.

But, again, I've been honest from day one.

 

[GreyBeard]

An occasional cancelation is no big deal but, when it becomes habitual then it will be time to move on from the person canceling.

 

[LBS-bass]

The one I keep getting in an argument about is kid stuff.

I understand parents have an added risk they will need to miss, and I've never given a parent a hard time about "my kid is sick I can't make it." But I have a singer right now who will text the morning of band practice and say she decided to take the kids to the lake and has to reschedule practice and thinks we all have to be fine with it because she said the magic word "kid."

Nope. If you don't have time to play because you want to spend more time with your kids that is a totally acceptable maybe even laudable choice, but you don't get to suddenly decide you are doing something else that day and just because your kids will be there you aren't a flake.

I'd say 15-20% of practices require some form of reschedule, often only an hour or so, because of her kids and it is almost never illness, lack of childcare, etc, it is always because she just decided to do something with them. Hey that's awesome, I'm sure you are a great mom, but you sure aren't much of a bandmate. I like the other band members and I really enjoy myself once we actually do get together, and the stakes are insanely low, otherwise it'd be a deal breaker.

This is the fine line that's hard to pin down. For some people, their kids are their whole life and doing enrichment activities with them is the most important thing they can do. I think that's fine; what isn't fine is not being able to admit that you are letting others down in various ways when you have other things planned and decide to do those things instead. In a perfect world, those people would bow out of other commitments that they can't realistically uphold until such time as their kids are grown and more independent. But it's certainly not my place to try to tell other people what they can juggle. I'd just prefer not to have my own schedule thrown into chaos on a regular basis because someone else is biting off more than they can handle.

 

[turf3]

So you don't give 100% unless the money is right?...

Damn straight. Neither do you, be honest. No one does.

If I tell you I want you to play a gig with material that's going to require you to put 200+ hours in preparation, and it pays $50, are you interested? How about if it pays $5000?

 

[Topkat13]

My penis fell off.

 

[Xjenrbcjsmsbfjw]

This is the fine line that's hard to pin down. For some people, their kids are their whole life and doing enrichment activities with them is the most important thing they can do. I think that's fine; what isn't fine is not being able to admit that you are letting others down in various ways when you have other things planned and decide to do those things instead. In a perfect world, those people would bow out of other commitments that they can't realistically uphold until such time as their kids are grown and more independent. But it's certainly not my place to try to tell other people what they can juggle. I'd just prefer not to have my own schedule thrown into chaos on a regular basis because someone else is biting off more than they can handle.

And that is my point. She can do whatever she wants. I regularly refuse jobs because I have things I'd rather be doing. The difference is, I don't take on the job then cancel on a whim.

It's not my place to tell her she can't juggle, but if the project were for anything other than goofing around and having a good time I'd be telling her "good news! you're not going to have to worry about juggling your schedule anymore "

 

[Ronzo]

I’m usually the guy who owns and sets up the PA. Before I retired, I was diligent about rehearsals. Since I’ve retired, I find I need more help to do what I used to do alone. So, if there’s no help with setup and teardown available, a full band rehearsal may not happen.

Most stuff now is a duo or trio, and we rehearse in my home with my electronic drum kit and my home studio PA system, at a lower volume level.

Regardless, the atmosphere is more casual than it was. More relaxed.

When I worked for the phone company in NYC, there was a good description of the absence control policy:
You can’t call in sick.
You CAN call in dead, but you can only do it once.

 

[LBS-bass]

And that is my point. She can do whatever she wants. I regularly refuse jobs because I have things I'd rather be doing. The difference is, I don't take on the job then cancel on a whim.

It's not my place to tell her she can't juggle, but if the project were for anything other than goofing around and having a good time I'd be telling her "good news! you're not going to have to worry about juggling your schedule anymore "

Same. To me it's the lack of consideration of others that becomes the real issue. When any bandmate becomes unreliable in a way that means they habitually aren't doing what's expected of them, whatever that is, then it's a problem. The parameters around what's expected will change from band to band, but I need the people around me to be reliable, at a minimum.

I was in a band with two moms once, and one of them seemed to always have a sick kid at home. I sympathized hard with that situation, but I couldn't stay in a band with them, because the lack of stability in that band was one of the things that had me juggling around four other bands every week trying to shift rehearsal days to accommodate their issues. It's no reflection on them from a personal standpoint, but it creates major inconvenience for some of us and it's up to those of us who are inconvenienced to recognize that certain situations aren't solvable, and to move on.

 

[Zooberwerx]

Navy base went to HPCON Charlie and drummer (CO) can’t leave.

Riis

 

[Frndmoretti]

If my dog got killed I'd be too busy on a relentless rampage of revenge to have a rehearsal.

But, for real: I only play on any serious project with people I trust and like, so we trust each other that, if someone can't make it to rehearsal, they have a good reason for it. Even "I don't feel good today, sorry" is a good enough excuse in my book. A pet dying is something really hurtful for most pet owners and I'd consider it an excuse to cancel ANYTHING, including any type of work.

 

[jerry]

What is this band practice/rehearsal you speak of?

 

[PennyroyalWe]

Has anyone in this thread or any other thread said anything like this, though? I'd like to see those quotes.

“If my dog died, I would be at band rehearsal and never shed a tear.”

“I'd give you "my dog died today" as a reason to miss rehearsal. But yesterday or earlier? C'mon, man.”

There’s more, but you get the point.

My point is pets are family members. To some of us, even more so than our blood relatives.

 

[LBS-bass]

“If my dog died, I would be at band rehearsal and never shed a tear.”

“I'd give you "my dog died today" as a reason to miss rehearsal. But yesterday or earlier? C'mon, man.”

There’s more, but you get the point.

My point is pets are family members. To some of us, even more so than our blood relatives.

Pets are family members to most of us, but the way it was stated was as if someone's MOM died and they were chastised for missing rehearsal.

You really can't say "family member" without qualifying that if you're including the dog, especially out here on the internet where people run everything into the extreme end of whatever. It's very hard to have a conversation with any nuance because people are constantly assuming extremes. But I get your point.

It's legitimate to ask whether a pet is considered a family member. Not so legitimate to ask that about someone's mom (assuming they're not estranged or something).

 

[gln1955]

My penis fell off.

Again?

 

[Spidey2112]

My penis fell off.

 

[chazolson]

This is the fine line that's hard to pin down. For some people, their kids are their whole life and doing enrichment activities with them is the most important thing they can do. I think that's fine; what isn't fine is not being able to admit that you are letting others down in various ways when you have other things planned and decide to do those things instead. In a perfect world, those people would bow out of other commitments that they can't realistically uphold until such time as their kids are grown and more independent. But it's certainly not my place to try to tell other people what they can juggle. I'd just prefer not to have my own schedule thrown into chaos on a regular basis because someone else is biting off more than they can handle.

I can certainly understand that other priorities, even last minute stuff, can happen and that you have to let people react accordingly. But there's a thin line between "priorities" and not being accountable to the others in the band (and to those you've agreed for play for). If someone constantly bails on me because "s**t happened", I won't be in a band with them for long.

 

[tbz]

Of course, but let's also use some perspective here. The "THE SHOW MUST GO ON NO MATTER WHAT EVEN IF ALL YOUR CHILDREN JUST DIED IN A HOUSE FIRE AND YOU'RE BUSY BLEEDING OUT FROM A RUPTURED CAROTID, YOU MUST BE HERE!!!!!!!" attitude (OK, I'm exaggerating, but only a little) isn't realistic. The alternative isn't "yeah, whatever, no one knows their parts, we suck but we don't care." That's a false duality. The alternative is to use common sense, judgement, and (amazingly!) compassion to work around occasional minor emergencies, always keeping the option to eject someone when their occasional minor emergencies become a constant drag on the success of the band.

If my day job, where I make a six figure income and am responsible for multi-million dollar projects, allows for missing work due to relatively minor emergencies, it seems reasonable that a rock and roll band could do so.

You have a valid career. I think a lot of the “must play while bleeding or ur a wimp” types don’t have actual careers.

There’s a pretty stark contrast between weekend warriors that have a real day job, vs those that are in dead end jobs. This is one of the big delimiters.

 

[wilberthenry]

This thread reminds me of this scene from Donny Darko.

 

[RVRSCO]

If I called off band practice because my dog was dead or injured in any way and one of my bandmates complained about it, I’d quit that band or fire that band member from the band depending on the dynamics.

 

[LBS-bass]

I think a lot of the “must play while bleeding or ur a wimp” types don’t have actual careers.

I'm actually pretty happy to not have a career in music these days. Back when I was playing full-time, everyone's ability to make a living depended on everyone else being there all the time. I played through all sorts of illnesses, etc., because to not do it meant two things - nobody got a paycheck that night (or maybe that week) and you'd never play that room again, so the loss wasn't limited to just one incident- it was one incident plus any future income from that venue. When music income is all you've got, that matters a lot.

That's actually a lot of pressure and it's not a lot of fun, nor does it involve any macho posturing, it's just the way the thing worked back then.

I cancelled one show at the last minute in ten years because I was too sick to stand up. Never saw another dime from that venue and that's exactly what I expected would happen.

Nowadays there are so many bands with so few gigs that it's easy to replace someone at the last minute, so the venues are much more forgiving. That's not the consideration it once was. I've been happy to be in some of those last-minute replacement bands, too.