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Return or keep it
- Thread starter StringMan50
- Start date
Your wife bought you a bass?! Wow, what a gal. Try and see it from her point of view.
Imagine you spent weeks planning to buy her something she'd love. Maybe she plays tennis and her tennis exercise gear is starting to look faded and unworthy of such a beautiful woman. So you check her dress size, sneak glances over at her tennis magazines while she's reading them to see which apparel catches her eye, and go to several sports shops to investigate. You ask the salespeople what the latest fashion is, and end up buying a cute outfit. She'll love it, they say.
The wrapped parcel makes its way under the Christmas tree, and on Christmas day you watch as she opens the present you found for her. Immediately, you can see it's not quite what she had in mind. Now picture these two scenarios:
SCENARIO ONE
Since she doesn't like it, she returns the present for store credit and buys herself some new balls instead.
SCENARIO TWO
Even though it's not her preference, she wears the outfit to her next tennis friendly, tells all the girls how lucky she is that her fella took that kind of trouble (and they all go mad with envy), and years later, she still wears the well-worn, unpresentable shirt around the house when you're away because it reminds her of you.
To me, the choice is obvious. I'd be getting a custom pickguard made with a picture of her on it and both your names inlayed on the back inside an abalone heart. Ok, maybe not, but you'd get major brownie points if you did.
At the very least... I'd make sure that she sees me playing it around the house, and that I let her constantly know how much I value it.
Imagine you spent weeks planning to buy her something she'd love. Maybe she plays tennis and her tennis exercise gear is starting to look faded and unworthy of such a beautiful woman. So you check her dress size, sneak glances over at her tennis magazines while she's reading them to see which apparel catches her eye, and go to several sports shops to investigate. You ask the salespeople what the latest fashion is, and end up buying a cute outfit. She'll love it, they say.
The wrapped parcel makes its way under the Christmas tree, and on Christmas day you watch as she opens the present you found for her. Immediately, you can see it's not quite what she had in mind. Now picture these two scenarios:
SCENARIO ONE
Since she doesn't like it, she returns the present for store credit and buys herself some new balls instead.
SCENARIO TWO
Even though it's not her preference, she wears the outfit to her next tennis friendly, tells all the girls how lucky she is that her fella took that kind of trouble (and they all go mad with envy), and years later, she still wears the well-worn, unpresentable shirt around the house when you're away because it reminds her of you.
To me, the choice is obvious. I'd be getting a custom pickguard made with a picture of her on it and both your names inlayed on the back inside an abalone heart. Ok, maybe not, but you'd get major brownie points if you did.
At the very least... I'd make sure that she sees me playing it around the house, and that I let her constantly know how much I value it.
- Oct 7, 2000
- 18,619
- 38,939
- Disclosures
- Endorsing artist: Musicman basses
Hmmm... someone buys you a gift, something you will hopefully use the rest of your life, you don't entirely like it, you're honest about it, and they get upset? I don't get it?
If my girl bought me something and she found I'd be happier with something else, she would be happier if I got something else. Same if I bought something for her.
People pleasing to me is a form of dishonesty where nobody wins. If I liked the bass, I'd keep it, if I didn't I'd be really grateful for the gift -and get another.
If my girl bought me something and she found I'd be happier with something else, she would be happier if I got something else. Same if I bought something for her.
People pleasing to me is a form of dishonesty where nobody wins. If I liked the bass, I'd keep it, if I didn't I'd be really grateful for the gift -and get another.
Listen to the 95% of the guys out here & keep the bass... AND LOVE IT!! The other 5% are probably single & clueless anyway. Your wife is going the extra mile to support you, plus, you might just like the bass once you get your hands on it?!?!
I was in a similar situation, and I actually liked the bass a lot, but the neck was just too thick for me. I just explained it to the GF, and she said, Oh I didn't even think of that, return and find something that fits you better. I have such small hands, bugs the hell out of me!
keep the bass it will never go to waste! and i dont think that would be a wise choice health wise if you did that
Don't let the hopelessly unromantic bunch sway you. The benefits of keeping it, and the positive effect it will have on your relationship, will far outweigh the short term gratification of exchanging it. Keep the bass, add some upgrades in the future, and cherish such a thoughtful lady. They are few and far between. (Married 26 years to a thoughtful lady!) 
I say keep it, my wife bought me a bass last year for xmas, it's a good bass but not great (washburn xb102) but i'll always keep that bass no matter how many i buy in the future since it was a gift from her.
+1
If my wife were to give me a bass, I would treasure it. Even a chinese Excel (which is crap).
It may stay on the wall 'til the kids get curious, but the sheer appreciation of my music...wow!
If my wife were to give me a bass, I would treasure it. Even a chinese Excel (which is crap).
It may stay on the wall 'til the kids get curious, but the sheer appreciation of my music...wow!
My fiance would never buy me a bass that I had not asked for. If she did, she'd totally understand if I traded it or sold it. She's totally supportive and very understanding, and knows that I'm picky when it comes to gear.
My mother is another person like that. She just says "What do you want for Christmas" and I tell her and she says "Okay, get it" or if it's expensive, she says "ok, I'll put x amount in your account to help"
A couple years ago she bought me a Fender MIJ 60s Re-issue Precision (which, looking back I should have kept) that had been in a collection (still had the plastic on the pickguard, and had never been out of its case for any length of time) for $325! I sold it for $500 and bought my first Warwick. If you can get something you really want by trading/selling that bass, your wife should be understanding. Let her know that it's a great thought and that it's awesome that she bought you a bass, but let her know that it's just not your cup o' tea.
If she's as cool as she seems by buying you a bass in the first place, she's probably cool enough to understand.
My mother is another person like that. She just says "What do you want for Christmas" and I tell her and she says "Okay, get it" or if it's expensive, she says "ok, I'll put x amount in your account to help"
A couple years ago she bought me a Fender MIJ 60s Re-issue Precision (which, looking back I should have kept) that had been in a collection (still had the plastic on the pickguard, and had never been out of its case for any length of time) for $325! I sold it for $500 and bought my first Warwick. If you can get something you really want by trading/selling that bass, your wife should be understanding. Let her know that it's a great thought and that it's awesome that she bought you a bass, but let her know that it's just not your cup o' tea.
If she's as cool as she seems by buying you a bass in the first place, she's probably cool enough to understand.
- Oct 7, 2000
- 18,619
- 38,939
- Disclosures
- Endorsing artist: Musicman basses
I'm glad to see there are others who share my opinion. I'm pretty shocked actually that the concensus here seems to be to keep it and shut up. I'm actually grateful I don't have that kind of relationship with my girl. But whatever works I guess.
I'd like to also double what Smash said. Bottom line has more to do with the poster's relationship with his wife than anything else. If she'll resent him forever for returning it, then he may be better off learning to love it, or letting it rot in a case. I still can't seem to understand that kind of thinking though.
I'd like to also double what Smash said. Bottom line has more to do with the poster's relationship with his wife than anything else. If she'll resent him forever for returning it, then he may be better off learning to love it, or letting it rot in a case. I still can't seem to understand that kind of thinking though.
This reminds me of an 'Everybody Loves Raymond' episode...
Keep the bass. If it doesn't make you happy, then talk to your wife before returning it. Make sure she understands everything - AND I MEAN EVERYTHING before you take/send it back.
Good luck with whatever you decide.
Keep the bass. If it doesn't make you happy, then talk to your wife before returning it. Make sure she understands everything - AND I MEAN EVERYTHING before you take/send it back.
Good luck with whatever you decide.
Joe Nerve: spoken like a true single man. j/k
I got a Fender guitar amp
Last year for Christmas. When I went back to playing bass I wanted to trade it in for a new bass amp. I wanted a smaller bass amp because i was getting tired of lugging mine to band practice.
I said, I think im going to trade my fender amp in for a smaller one.
The wife said: the one I got you for Christmans. The tone in her voice( and married men know what im talking about)
Convenced me to say: Yeah, but i don't think i'd get much for it so it really wouldn't be worth it.
j/k I got a Fender guitar amp
Last year for Christmas. When I went back to playing bass I wanted to trade it in for a new bass amp. I wanted a smaller bass amp because i was getting tired of lugging mine to band practice. I said, I think im going to trade my fender amp in for a smaller one.
The wife said: the one I got you for Christmans. The tone in her voice( and married men know what im talking about)
Convenced me to say: Yeah, but i don't think i'd get much for it so it really wouldn't be worth it.
- Oct 7, 2000
- 18,619
- 38,939
- Disclosures
- Endorsing artist: Musicman basses
Ahhh yes, but I've been with the same beautiful woman for over 8 years now and have managed to remain HAPPILY unmarried. When you can pull that off, then come back at me with the sarcasm.FenderHotRod said:Joe Nerve: spoken like a true single man.
I know you're just kidding, but that's spoken like someone who's never had a relationship with someone who REALLY cares about him. Anyone in a relationship who is afraid of returning a gift he doesn't like because his significant other will be mad is simply cheating himself out of true happiness. Doing things (in this case, keeping something you don't want) for the sole purpose of avoiding disappointing someone else is a horrible way to live. If your wife buys you a shirt and you gain a few pounds and it doesn't fit any more, you still gonna wear it? You guys are walking on eggshells, and personally I would go nuts enduring such an experience.FenderHotRod said:Joe Nerve: spoken like a true single man.
I lucked out and found an awesome person to spend my life with, and after five years with her, I know I made the right decision. When she asks, I can tell her when her jeans are a little snug. I can tell her how I feel about her family. And for God's sake, I can let her know how I feel about gifts she buys me.
White lies are still lies, fellas. I'm with Nerve on this one. It's dishonest, cowardly, and counter-productive to a healthy relationship to keep a gift you don't want just because you can't bring yourself to explain that it's not for you. You guys are acting like your relationships would be so much better off because you'd be a stand-up guy and keep the gift. But how strong can your relationship be when it can't even survive an opinion?
..Man you write a lot.. Even tho! I agree with you guys up to a point. And what you guys are saying is true.
Just some women have diffrent feelings about stuff. Some can handle it while others just freak out. My wife knows how picky I am, so she wouldn't buy me a bass without asking me a hundred ?'s. She whould just say witch one do ya want.
Anyway, the best thing he can do is talk it over with her, and see where it goes from there.
