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Return or keep it

#41
Puarija said:
White lies are still lies, fellas. I'm with Nerve on this one. It's dishonest, cowardly, and counter-productive to a healthy relationship to keep a gift you don't want just because you can't bring yourself to explain that it's not for you. You guys are acting like your relationships would be so much better off because you'd be a stand-up guy and keep the gift. But how strong can your relationship be when it can't even survive an opinion?
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At this point I begin to take issue. I'll speak for myself and only myself. I believe the point is that you should want to keep the gift because of who gave it to you and why, not because of what it is. In my instance, there is no "white lie". I'm not being dishonest ...I love it, because it's from her. The fact that she delved into an area where she is not an expert means that much more.

It is a gift. That is, something you would not have had unless your significant other thought about you. Your returning it, IMHO (bolded to avoid putting words in someone's mouth), is like saying "nice thought, but not good enough for me". I've received dozens of gifts that I would not buy myself in my lifetime. This Christmas, should I take everything she gets me to a pawn shop and get another bass? Oh, wait. Have any children? Chances are, they will pick out something for you that they truly believe you want. Let's carefully explain to them that they really don't know your tastes, and return their gift. No point in being counter productive with the ones you love. Next time, that kid will get it right.

How strong is my relationship? I'll call you in 20 years and let you know.

And lastly....the term "cowardly"? Are you more of a man because you had the "courage" to tell someone you love that they got you the wrong gift? Voicing an opinion is not a sign of bravery. It can be a sign of other things.

Mike
 
#42
Wow, good to know that my relationship of 15+ years is a sham. :smug:

Then again, she's yet to buy me a bass. :smug:

I would have to agree with much of the sentiments from Mike_v_s. It's not a matter of walking on eggshells. I'm always straightforward with my Wife. But that being said, I'm also 100% appreciative of the things anyone does for me. Selfless acts are precious to me. I didn't say the guy should keep the bass forever. He can do whatever the hell he wants, you can too man. Everyone operates differently.

But to imply that this is an act of cowardice is ridiculous.

Happy Holidays!
 
#43
Fortunately I never had that dilema! For my 30th B/day my wife gave me a Spector NS5CR in Blueburst....just like the one I had been drooling over for the previous 5 years in a copy of Bassist magazine!


Never had to think about taking that one back.

Ironically, we separated 2 1/2 years ago.....and are nearly divorced....so I guess I kept the bass and changed the woman :hmm:
 
#45
Hey, if she really wanted to get you a bass she should have taken some time to actually find out what you like. My 'wife' knows not to buy anything like that without finding out first what I actually want. If she brought home am Ibanez she wouldn't even get her shoes off before we're out the door again to take that POS back. But then again, that would never happen, because she knows better.

The moral of the story is: Train her! If she thinks that she got you something you love, and you hate it, you can look forward to years of getting crap that you're not going to like, and she'll want praise for getting you all these great gifts and expect you to buy stuff for her, and you better believe that she'll tell YOU if she doesn't like anything you get her. Tell her straight up that you don't like it. You should go 'together' and get something that YOU like, not what the idiot salesman told her to get you.
 
#46
BassWhore said:
Hey, if she really wanted to get you a bass she should have taken some time to actually find out what you like. My 'wife' knows not to buy anything like that without finding out first what I actually want. If she brought home am Ibanez she wouldn't even get her shoes off before we're out the door again to take that POS back. But then again, that would never happen, because she knows better.
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How romantic.
 
#47
I'd return it too. It seems to me like she bought the bass because she wanted you to have something that makes you happy, and not because she felt like she needed to prove her love to you. So even though I'm all into the significance and symbolism of a gift like that, I wouldn't feel weird about trading it in for something else.

And make sure to tell her that all the guys at TB think you're a really lucky guy to have her!
 
#50
I love this thread.


Forgot to mention my girl kicked in for my Bongo. That's my x-mas gift from her.

Mike makes some good points, yet if it involves a bass - hmmm.... just can't go the route of learning to love it, or I'll do what makes THEM happy. Children's gifts, to me anyhow, are different. If I had kids and they gave me something, the fact that they gave it to me WOULD be where the value came from. Girlfriends, spouses, basses - whole nuther story. I do also believe it's being dishonest if someone gets an expensive gift and acts as though they like, if they don't.
 
#51
SMASH said:
In addition to Joe's comments about honesty, I'd like to suggest it's also immoral to keep an expensive gift you possibly don't need and plan to never use when there are cold and starving people in the world, likely not far from where you live.
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(not trying to start an argument...) It could be suggested that its equally immoral to return an expensive gift you possibly don't need and plan to never use for a different expensive gift that you possibly don't need, but plan on using, and still not bother to feed the starving people not far from where you live.


Mike
 
#52
I think it's interesting that all of these theories have been raised and the person that originally started this thread hasn't offered any more input on the subject.

BTW - my wife would have first made sure that she knew what bass I wanted. If she wasn't sure, she wouldn't mind if I exchanged it for what I wanted.
 
#53
Keep the bass, upgrade the pickups.

Have you ever seen a woman when she shops for gifts for someone?

They derive so much fun and pleasure from it...the whole thing, you know? Talking to the salesman, picking out the color, etc...it's not just the bass, but an act of kindness we are talking about here.

My girlfriend loves to buy gifts, even for people she barely knows, here at the office!
I would keep it, and do what I do:

I have many basses, so each day I pick a different one to practice on...

Maybe do something different with it..get flatwounds, put a MIDI-pickup on it..tune it different...I am sure you can use it for something!!
 
#54
SMASH said:
especiallly without knowing the guy or his wife, you just presume all wives are hotheads because yours must be?)

:eyebrow: easy now....read my signature

;)

But I'm just as guilty as anybody....I can't tell you how many times I told my wife "I JUST HAVE TO HAVE THIS (fill in the blank) only to return it or sell it or trade a month or two later. I'm suprised she just doesn't give me gift certificates anymore....she must love me or something :rolleyes:
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#55
When I posted before, I said he should keep the Ibanez. That is still my instinct. Most of us have more than one bass, many of us have basses that we are not crazy about. This bass does not have to be his number one gigging or jamming axe. It could serve as a backup or maybe a bass that he uses for alternate tunings. I think that there are ways a gift like that could be used. As for those who would return it, you have to know your relationship. Some would accept that some won't. I don't think either is necessarily a statement about sincerity or the depth of the relationship. People are just different in how the react to things.
 
#58
Kelly Lee said:
Stringman, how long have you been married? How long do you want to stay married?..... :D Seriously, you have to know your wife. Would she take great offense to you returning it? She knows your a musician so she probably put some thought into that purchase so you better be very, very careful. Your on your own really. We don't know you and your wifes relationship so only you can decide. Good luck! :eek:
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I forgot to add I would keep it as well. Luckily though my wife knows exactly what I like/want because I can't help but share my GAS! :D

I think the significance of a bass purchase as a gift is much greater than if she bought you a sweater, tie, or cologne. I would love it just because she did buy it for me. I don't think thats wimping out or lying to her. I actually would love it and find a way to fit it into my playing, even if it was a Spector or a Fender :hiding: ..................................................:D
 
#60
SMASH said:
Right. Some of us do have cool & levelheaded wives/girlfriends, including you it seems, so why presume his wife is unreasonable?

Girls are getting about as bum a rap in this thread as guitarists and drummers do on the rest of the site. I don't get it, and it doesn't jive with my experience is all I'm saying.
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I wasn't presuming his wife was anything other than she would likely be pissed. ANY human being (male, female, other) would likely get pissed if their obviously thoughtful Xmas present was cast aside. It goes beyond gender.

I don't want to beat a dead horse here, but maybe you mis-understood my effort at support for her? :hyper:

And I do somewhat agree with you on the bum rap issue too, by the way.
 

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