Seeing through eBay descriptions

[dlloyd]

Selling for a friend = it's stolen.

 

[JansenW]

Plays itself = because you sure can't
Never played = too stinky to touch
Hardly touched the bass = once is enough ... I couldn't wash the smell off with Boraxo
They don’t make it like this anymore = praise god
Ridiculous quality = even Wish can't make 'em suck like this
No dead spots = no live spots to compare against
Unreal finish = put on with a four-coat brush
Plays like butter = sounds like a stick of it hitting the floor
Killer bass = bridge not grounded
Full instructions to be sent to the winner = 1. Bend over. 2. See #1.

Good ones...

They don’t make it like this anymore = I’ve found out why they discontinued it.

 

[dlloyd]

Rare finish = Sold only to the colour-blind, so it was withdrawn.

 

[JansenW]

Rare finish = Sold only to the colour-blind, so it was withdrawn.

Rare finish = They couldn't sell much with this finish.

 

[jeff_bass28]

I didn't read your reply before I wrote mine.

+1

 

[JansenW]

Vintage = will own you
Nothing bad that affects tone = tone is that bad
I reserve the right to end auction = Will look for an easier mark…
Would take X months if you order one new = Can’t sell you on the product, can I sell you on the time you’ll save?
Never refinished = never worth refinishing
Needs a home = I don’t want it in my home
Read carefully before bidding = I hope you can’t understand this


How about definitions for the following…

Best bass I ever played = ?
Prototype = ?
No serial number = ?
Never gigged = ?

 

[spudmaster34]

Prototype = its such crap it never made it to production
Never gigged = because it sucks to much
Best bass I ever played = cause i gave up bass after seeing this thing

 

[steve21]

Vintage = will own you
Nothing bad that affects tone = tone is that bad
I reserve the right to end auction = Will look for an easier mark…
Would take X months if you order one new = Can’t sell you on the product, can I sell you on the time you’ll save?
Never refinished = never worth refinishing
Needs a home = I don’t want it in my home
Read carefully before bidding = I hope you can’t understand this


How about definitions for the following…

Best bass I ever played = ?
Prototype = ?
No serial number = ?
Never gigged = ?

Best bass = I haven't played any basses
Prototype = They gave up after they saw this
No serial number = Stolen
Never gigged = No input jack to plug into an amp

 

[verbass]

Here we go

Best bass I ever played = It's the only bass I ahve ever played
Prototype = I made it myself and can't remember how it got put together.

No serial number = I had to scratch it off after I pulled it out the dude's window
Never gigged = My Wife won't let me gig .

 

[verbass]

here's the others
Vintage = Old Piece of Crap
Never abused = Only dropped once
Amazing = Amazed I can play it at all
Work of art = Yeah Modern Art
Plays unbelievably = Plays like a cow patty
Congratulations = assume the position
Hand made = Hand made by children in Malaysia
A steal = grossly over priced

How about
Very rare= More common than a P-bass but I don't know anything about Rythym Guitar

 

[Bottom Feeder]

Vintage = Yeah, a 1976 AMC Pacer would be considered of "Vintage" age. Got one of those to sell ya also.
Never abused = Pete Townsend imitations not withstanding
Amazing = I'll be amazed if it sells
Work of art = Yeah, my 5 year old drew a picture of a dog and some clouds on the back in indelible Sharpie markers
Plays unbelievably = It plays. Unbelievable, but it actually plays!
Congratulations = Glad that old p.o.s. is off my hands.
Hand made = Get real! By whom?
A steal = Heh. I'll be stealing any money you will send me for this thing. Please use the "Buy It Now" option.

 

[Hyde]

Killer bass = bridge not grounded

 

[JansenW]

Unbelievable = I want you to believe this
Fender-like = not Fender; (bass company)-like = not (bass company)

How about meanings behind these phrases?

50s tone = ?
60s tone = ?
70s tone = ?
80s tone = ?

No issues = ?
Very little use over the past XX years = ?
Kept in its case for the past XX years = ?
Never made one like this before = ?
Will only ship to the USA = ?
Drop dead gorgeous = ?

 

[jeff_bass28]

Very little use over the past xx years/Kept in its case for the past xx years == I firggin' HATE this monstrosity!
Drop dead gorgeous = if you're Stevie Wonder
Wil ship only to USA = I'm a cheap SOB -or- I never got paid for the last thing I sold to Nigeria

 

[Higgie]

Kept in its case for the past XX years = It's too ugly to gig
Never made one like this before = Never made one like it afterwards either.
Drop dead gorgeous = yeah...with your beer goggles on.

 

[Hyde]

No issues = It's supposed to sound like that, really!
Very little use over the past XX years = Because it sucks
Kept in its case for the past XX years = See above
Never made one like this before = And boy does it show
Will only ship to the USA = This thing is so ugly it would violate international trade laws

 

[JansenW]

Good ones...

Here are some more:

Re-listing at a lower price = It was and may still be overpriced
Anniversary edition = perhaps you will also fall for this marketing hype like I did
Priced to sell = priced to make money
With extra neck= couldn’t find a neck that makes it work
Treated with kid gloves = used by kids wearing gloves
Professionally packed = I’m too lazy to do it, so I’m charging you more to have someone else pack it
with Fender picks = these picks are better than the bass

How about…

No reserve = ?
Low serial number = ?
Real deal = ?
Look!!! = ?

 

[Synplicity]

No reserve = I just wanna get rid of it! PLEASE!
Low serial number = On a make you never heard of
Real deal = Raw wood
Look!!! = at how crappy it is



[edited for spelling]

 

[dlloyd]

...not Fender/Warwick/Musicman = look how annoying I am. Maybe someone who thinks they want a Stingray really wants this Daisy Rock Heartbreaker?

 

[Lord Henry]

Fender Original = This off-cut was used as a door stop in a Fender factory.

Cheers